Xenophobe's Guide to the Swiss
Book 11 of 26: Xenophobe's GuidesPaul Bilton
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Quantity: 3 available
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Mountain mentality
Swiss farmers are tough, independent, hard-working, resilient, well-prepared for every kind of natural disaster, and above all staunchly conservative. These characteristics have been passed on to Swiss town-dwellers, who go about their day as if they too were farming a lonely mountain cliff.
We can do better
The Swiss stubbornly refuse to believe they are doing well and will even dispute the figures that prove it. So, like the poor donkey chasing the carrot, they pull their collective cart along ever faster, chasing the goal they passed years ago.
Peak performers
The perceptions of the Swiss being dull, staid, and boring while at the same time displaying a talent for ruthless efficiency and a limitless capacity for hard work are uncomfortably close to the truth. Likewise the clichéd impressions of high mountains, watches, cheese, chocolate bars, and gold bars are genuine.
Degrees of unease
The diversity of the Swiss is apparent in the degree to which they worry. The German-speakers do little else. The French-speaking Swiss are great visionaries and philosophers with noble thoughts and global dreams. They worry that their Swiss-German compatriots do not share these dreams. The Italian-speaking Swiss are less interested in the solid values of work and have a terrible tendency not to worry nearly enough.
Title Page,
Nationalism & Identity,
Character,
Beliefs & Values,
Behaviour & Manners,
Obsessions,
Systems,
Leisure & Pleasure,
Eating & Drinking,
Health,
Customs & Traditions,
Government & Bureaucracy,
Business,
Crime & Punishment,
Language,
About the Author,
Copyright,
Nationalism & Identity
The physics of fear
The laws of physics decree that the bumble bee cannot fly. Similarly, by the laws of economics, the Swiss should not be doing so sickeningly well. A land-locked nation, with a home market smaller than London, speaking four different languages, no natural resources other than hydroelectric power, a little salt and even less fish, no secured markets for their products through colonies or being part of a trading block, they should have come to earth with a bump long ago. Instead of which, the Swiss are the only nation to make the Germans appear inefficient, the French undiplomatic and the Texans poor. The Swiss franc is a better bet than gold and the Swiss economy more solid than the granite face of the Matterhorn.
The Swiss rank amongst the top three highest per capita incomes in the world. But take consolation, they don't enjoy it one bit. The Swiss claim, as they have done since the formation of the original three-cantonal alliance in 1291, that their success is only a temporary state of affairs and it will all shortly end in tears. They stubbornly refuse to believe they are doing well and will even dispute the figures that prove it. So, like the poor donkey chasing the carrot, the Swiss pull their collective cart along ever faster, chasing the goal they passed years ago.
Perhaps it is blissful ignorance that keeps the bumble bee airborne. For the Swiss it is anything but ignorance that keeps them flying so high – it is the fear that they will one day lose everything they have worked for.
A federal case
Switzerland is a federation of 26 cantons, three of which are divided into half cantons. (Half a canton is better than none.) These cantons are like miniature countries: self-financing, raising their own taxes and spending them as they want – from their own courts and police forces to education and even driving tests. Historically some were once sovereign states and many still believe they are.
The cantons comprise nearly 3,000 totally independent communities, each making its own decisions about such things as their welfare systems, gas, electricity, water, local roads and even public holidays.
Who controls this recipe for disaster? On the one side the federal government, and on the other the Swiss public with their unique and powerful direct voting system. By being balloted on every conceivable issue every three months, the Swiss dog actually appears to wag its own tail.
Only after digesting the diverse and independent nature of the Swiss federal system and the differences in language, culture and tradition of the country can one begin to understand the often bandied expression 'the Swiss don't really exist'. However, here they are, hidden in the centre of Western Europe, in a land which bears an assortment of names – Schweiz, Suisse, Svizzera and even Switzerland. The folk who live here try very hard to persuade you that they are not 'the Swiss', but rather Zurcher, Berner, Vaudois, Luganesi, Genevois – the list
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