Pine-Wave Energy: A Guide to Conflict Resolution - Softcover

Norton, Robert J.

Softcover

ISBN 10: 1490740228 ISBN 13: 9781490740225

Publisher: Trafford, 2014

Synopsis

Pine-Wave Energy: A Guide to Conflict Resolution provides a simplistic yet realistic guide to understanding and resolving conflict in normal day-to-day life, both with ourselves and others. It is a tool to understanding perception within conflict, how emotions become the catalyst for conflict, communication styles, and personality types. It shares effective techniques regarding verbal and nonverbal communication. This is inclusive of the systematically developed QSC strategy for effective verbal communication that can be used in both personal and professional environments. It also introduces the basics of the dynamic technique known as the Fence. This technique has been developed over many years of studying human behavioral patterns by Shoto-Chi's founder. This technique integrates NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) to assist in the control of one's personal space. This takes a logical approach and is a proactive guide aimed at resolving conflict prior to physical engagement whenever possible.

About this title

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Pine-Wave Energy

A Guide to Conflict Resolution

By Robert James Norton

Trafford Publishing

Copyright © 2014 Robert James Norton Ph.D.
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-4907-4022-5

Contents

Foreword, ix, 
Introduction, xiii, 
What Is Pine-Wave Energy?, 1, 
Understanding Conflict, 7, 
Emotions within Conflict, 23, 
Perception, 33, 
Personalities within Conflict, 49, 
Verbal Communication (QSC), 55, 
Nonverbal Communication, 79, 
The Three Stages of Physical Conflict, 95, 
Negotiating, 121, 
About The Author, 129, 

CHAPTER 1

What Is Pine-Wave Energy?

Pine-Wave Energy is the English-sounding description of Shoto-Chi. Shoto-Chi is the art developed by founder Robert James Norton in 1990, an art that teaches the realistic approach to conflict resolution through the understanding of human behavior.

The art is uniquely dynamic and teaches how to resolve conflict through strategically developed techniques and philosophies. These techniques have been developed over many years of understanding human behavior within conflict, both physical and especially nonphysical. The art is extremely powerful by teaching the foundations of psychology in order to understand how to effectively read conflict, then manage a suitable resolution in the best interest of all involved parties.

Pine-Wave Energy is also a specifically developed program for focusing children with challenging behaviors. The program integrates the art of Shoto-Chi with additional means of focusing children. This helps to assist them in understanding how their perception of self and others is not getting them the desired results they are truly seeking. Appreciating the need for relaxation is also pivotal to reaching that calmer state.

You will find the relaxation video for Pine-Wave Energy available on YouTube. Here is written content of that video:

Let us begin by sitting in a comfortable position. Gently allow your eyes to close.

(Best not close your eyes if reading this. LOL!)

Take in a nice deep breath, allowing your stomach to rise. Now gently open your mouth and slowly breathe out.

As you begin to relax your breathing, start to take note of the muscles in your body doing the same. Allow yourself to release any tension. Allow your muscles to become soft and limp. Allow that tension to float away, leaving you with a sense of calmness and tranquility. Continue throughout the body bringing your entire being to the same relaxed state of calm. From your head to your toes you are now feeling relaxed. Your muscles are starting to feel heavier as they relax. Your mind is also starting to relax and calm down.

Now fully relaxed, join me on a little journey.

Imagine yourself walking along a trail surrounded by pine trees. While you're walking, you feel the fallen pines under your feet. You feel the gentle breeze of the morning air against your skin. You hear the whispering of the wind through the trees.

In the distance, you smell the ocean waves gently stroking the shore. You feel inspired to do great things and feel as one with the circulating life energy that surrounds you.

You are completely at peace.

As you continue walking, you come to an opening in the trees. The trail of pines has led you to the beach. You stand still for a moment. You take a nice deep breath in and smell the ocean waves. You remove your shoes and walk barefoot onto the beach. The warm sand under your feet helps you to relax a little more.

You are surrounded with beauty. You feel the life energy around you, and you are at peace with yourself. You feel love for all living things. You are truly inspired by the beauty of life.

Let us now lie down on that warm sand. The gentle breeze continues to brush against your skin. As I count from ten to one, you will slip into a deeper sense of relaxation. A deeper sense of peace. A little deeper with each descending number.

10-9: Your body starts to mould itself into the sand.

8-7: You release all tension from your brow.

6: You are becoming more relaxed.

5-4: The breeze becomes a little warmer as the sun continues to rise.

3, 2, and 1: You are now deeply relaxed and at peace.

Continue to feel this calmness. You are at peace with yourself. You are seeing things much clearer. Your world becomes clearer and calmer and more relaxed.

In a few moments I shall count to ten. As I do so, you will start to return to an awakened state of peaceful consciousness. You will find it easier to let go of conflict. You will find it easier to love. You will become more energized toward your life.

1, 2, 3: Starting to return.

4 5: Start to move your fingers and toes.

6, 7, 8: Eyes gently open. Eyes gently open!

9 10: You have completely returned; you are awake and aware.

A positive attitude works out of opportunity, not obligation. It looks for the best, not the worst, in circumstances. It is can-do, not must-do. It is hopeful, not pessimistic, and a positive attitude can create remarkable results. If you believe as I and many others do that the power of positive thought can change the world we live in, then with this message in your thoughts and heart—go forth and multiply!

CHAPTER 2

Understanding Conflict

Conflict is simply described as a disagreement whereby the involved parties perceive a threat to what is important to them. This could be their needs, interests, or concerns. Within the described definition, there are several methods of understanding conflict. Although conflicts may come in different forms from minor self-choices to major international events, conflicts exist in almost every area of life.

Through many years of understanding and teaching conflict resolution, there has been one question I have always asked: "To whom do we have the largest form of conflict?" The answer that most do not usually initially arrive at yet is the most truthful is our own selves. Indeed, the largest form of conflict is that with our own selves. Every day we may wrestle with a choice. This may be as simple and easy as what to choose for dinner or as hard as whether to remain in an abusive relationship. Life is about making choices. These choices determine our future. These choices are an internal conflict, an internal disagreement.

Our emotions play a huge factor in these conflicts. It is usually our emotional state at the time that dictates if a conflict will even become so. We are emotional beings, and it is the control of these emotions that become an essential

So let us look at disagreements. Disagreements are a result of a different perspective; therefore, conflict becomes the result. There is a saying that there are usually three sides to every story—mine, yours, and what lies in the middle. The fact is that perception is what makes this statement true. Conflicts are a significant difference in opinion. What may seem like a trivial thing to one is a huge thing to another. Take a type A personality, for example. Most things to them are huge, and it gets them even more irritated when someone with a more laid-back personality doesn't see things in the same way. So is the conflict simply a personality thing or a simple misunderstanding?

It is hard to say as every conflict is different, such as in the subject matter, the people involved, and the environment. There are simply way too many variables to say either way. If those within the conflict can take the time to understand the true nature of the conflict, then there is a possibility to resolve.

As briefly mentioned, we should take into consideration the personalities of those involved. We will go into more depth on personality types later on in this book. How many times have you found yourself in a conflict but seem to be the last person to know? As funny as this sounds, it is more common than you may realize. Quite often we are surprised to find out that someone has an issue with us personally. It may be something that was said, overheard, or seen or the fact that we may simply be guilty by association. The sad reality is that the human race can be extremely judgmental before even finding out the facts. We all have heard the saying "innocent until proven guilty. Unfortunately this is only reality in the legal system. In conflict, people have already made a judgment in their own mind. Therefore, the person is put on the defensive when the accuser brings something to their attention. An even worse situation is when one person within a conflict allows things to fester for a long period before addressing it. This allows the emotional connection to the conflict to deepen and harden, making resolution harder on one or all parties involved.

How a conflict continues is a result of the perceived threat at the time. We tend to respond or react using emotions. These emotions may not be painting the factual picture but rather a fictional one. In order to resolve conflict, we need to calm the perceived threat. Calmness allows us time to think and hopefully respond to that threat in a logical manner with the intention to resolve versus to escalate. Once you are able to reduce the threat to an understanding that there is a conflict, you create an environment of agreement. This can start to lay the groundwork to constructively resolve the conflict in the best interests of all involved.

Upon reaching this stage, we can now start to address their concerns. We need to discover what their concerns are and also what their vested interest is. This is an opportunity to define the conflict to put a name or title to it, so to speak.

Conflict is part of our everyday lives and exists in every relationship. I think it is safe to say that we can't agree upon everything all the time. One of the key skills to resolving conflict is the ability to learn from the conflict. In order to learn from the conflict, we must engage. We must learn how to effectively manage it. Avoidance of conflict will only add to the conflict. As indicated earlier, festering doesn't help in the resolution process. Poor handling of a conflict can cause great hardship to any particular relationship, but good, respectful handling places a positive approach to resolving the conflict. In fact, by learning effective skills to resolve conflict, we learn how to heal wounds and build bridges. These bridges strengthen the connection between the involved parties. Learning effective communication skills to resolve conflict assist us in our personal and professional relationships.

The important thing to remember is that everyone has needs and desires. In order to resolve, we need to get the involved parties to become motivated toward the resolution process. Once those within the conflict have a belief that they will accomplish something that is important to them, they become more open to finding that resolution.

People need to feel that they are being listened to and understood, that their needs are being nurtured, and most of all, that they feel that you can support them in recognizing their concerns. The challenge in all this is that everyone's needs and desires differ. Start by creating the ideal environment that puts those involved in the conflict on neutral ground. Find the common goal, and you have a point of reference to aim toward.

When developing that ideal environment, think of safety. This safety isn't just from possible physical harm but also from emotional. Take the child-versus-parent situation. A child may not have a point of reference of what is dangerous, but through life's experiences, the parent can see the danger way in advance. So as the child tries to experiment or explore, the parent tries to stop them knowing what lies ahead. The child then becomes frustrated, angry, or even possibly enraged when they don't get things their way. The parent achieves their goal of keeping the child safe, but the child doesn't understand that. All they get from the conflict is being told no. In order for that child to learn, they must participate. The child's perception is simple: Mommy or Daddy stopped me from having fun and that's not fair. As parents our job is to teach, to guide, and to love and support. By not allowing our children to experiment or explore can limit their abilities later on in life. The resolution to this is to help the child understand the dangers. Help them to experiment or explore as long as these areas of learning are not a danger to their permanent health. It is good to teach someone how to cross the road safely. It is not so good to teach a child how to get hit by a car!

For us to participate in conflict resolution, especially for the long term, then we must strive toward meeting the needs of all parties to ensure a lasting and equal relationship. Each person within a conflict deserves a respectful conclusion. Even though at times conflicts may seem extremely one-sided, we can make a choice to strive for resolution in the best interests of all parties rather than that of just ourselves. No matter what the relationship, be it with family, friends, or professionals, there is a personal connection. An inability to understand differences results in a disconnect. This disconnect creates conflict. Conflict creates disagreements, arguments, and sometimes physical connection. With all this hostility, you enter the realm of separation. Workplace or corporate structures often produce conflict as there are so many differences of opinions on how things should be done or what is deemed as a priority. It is all good for the president of a company to demand certain things, but if those expected to follow don't truly understand the importance and reasoning, it is hard from them to comprehend why. Better communication toward educating the common goal helps that understanding and team building. This results in better relationships, a happier environment, and most importantly, a compassionate understanding why those that follow are being asked to perform in certain ways. Dictation just adds fuel to an already burning fire.

Understanding the psychology of conflict is also extremely important. In the art of Shoto-Chi we teach by five guiding principal philosophies. They were written in a particular sequence and can take many years to master. Like most things, it is a choice to begin and continue the process. Here we cover the five principal philosophies that are taught within Shoto-Chi.

Principal Philosophy 1: Remember to keep calm and in control of your emotions.

The first and most difficult to master. Conflict is a result of heightened emotions. For the most part when one person is in a heightened emotional state, those emotions affect the others within the conflict; hence conflicts continue.

Calmness is paramount and one of the most usable skills in almost all aspects of life. It doesn't matter if you are entering conflict or climbing a mountain. Calmness helps us to focus. It allows us to digest information and objectively make a decision. When in conflict with another, calmness provides us structure. It provides us the key skill to attempt to resolve. It allows us to think and to evaluate the conflict, the environment, and the potential impact our actions will have on the conflict. As easy as this sounds, it is not. I'm sure that everyone reading this can think of multiple occasions when one has lost their cool. Multiple times when one has said or done things that they later regretted. Why? Because we allowed our emotions to guide the conflict versus taking a calm and logical approach. There are many methods of calming the mind, but the reality of it is that, within conflict, we quite often do not have the luxury of time to close our eyes and count to ten. Calmness needs to become similar to a light switch. We should be able to turn it on or off as needed. If only it was that simple ...

There is no doubt that many reading this will think, Okay then, how does one learn to switch calmness on like a light switch? Do not be in a hurry. The quicker you force such a dramatic change in your thought process, the least chance you have of learning calmness. It is proven that it takes approximately three months for the human brain to create a habit. This means it takes time of consistent behavior for the brain to start making things more instinctive. Remember, you are learning to resolve conflict. Like most things you learn, it takes time. To begin this process, we must look inside ourselves. Start to really take note of what or who pushes your buttons. What is it specifically that raises the blood pressure? If it is particular person, think what it is about this person. Narrow down the reasons, then start to analyze why you react in the way you do. My suggestion is this: Start a journal. Write down all your interactions not just with people but also with circumstances and environments. Write down the time of day it occurs and what led up to the conflict. As mentioned much earlier in this book, the largest form of conflict is that with our own selves. By keeping a journal, we start to see the patterns within our own behavior. Upon doing so, we can then start to ask that open-ended question of why.

Why do we react in the way we do? Is it a particular time of day or after seeing a particular person? Is it whenever you look at yourself in the mirror or get home from work?

The questions of why helps us to evaluate. But we must be brutally honest with ourselves. It is far too easy to brush off the true reason why we react the way we do. It is far too easy to say "I don't know." If you really want to understand yourself, you must be able to ask yourself the hard questions. In understanding yourself, you can then start the process of effectively understanding others.

The question of why is like peeling the layers of an onion away until you finally reach the core. Every layer you peel away produces another question. It is the most common method used within psychology. Although we can ask the question of others in order to find answers, the most effective use of "why" is when we ask ourselves. It can certainly help to have someone close to you to help guide the process. You are not looking to ask why by itself, but as part of a bigger question.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Pine-Wave Energy by Robert James Norton. Copyright © 2014 Robert James Norton Ph.D.. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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Edition details

• Publisher: Trafford
• Publication date: 2014
• Language: English
• ISBN 10: 1490740228
• ISBN 13: 9781490740225
• Binding: Paperback
• Number of pages: 150