The Well-Balanced Leader: Interactive Learning Techniques to Help You Master the 9 Simple Behaviors of Outstanding Leadership (BUSINESS BOOKS) - Hardcover

Roberts, Ron

Hardcover

ISBN 10: 0071772448 ISBN 13: 9780071772440

Publisher: McGraw Hill, 2012

Synopsis

Empower your people, your company―and yourself―with leadership egolibrium

egolibrium: the ability to toggle between egocentric and “other-centric” attitudes, values, and behaviors for organizational success

There’s no doubt about it: the very best leaders are deeply in tune with their behavior and understand the impact it has on others. As one of the world’s top trainers in the field of accelerated experiential learning, Ron Roberts understands this more keenly than anyone, and in The Well-Balanced Leader, he helps you re-envision your own behavior to become the best leader you can be.

Roberts makes the process of finding the perfect leadership balance―what he calls egolibrium―personally enriching and easy to achieve. He begins by identifying the nine human behavioral dichotomies that most affect the quality of leadership:

• Nonjudgmental / Judgmental
• Nondefensive / Defensive
• Relinquishing Control / Controlling
• Openness to learning / Know it all
• Doing the right thing / Doing whatever you want
• Patience / Impatience
• Letting go / Holding on
• Acceptance / Resistance
• Other-centric / Egocentric

Everyone’s behaviors fall somewhere between each dichotomy. Using the activities, action steps, games, and thought exercises included for each pair, you’ll figure out exactly where your behaviors land, and then learn how to move that position in one direction or the other to find the right balance or your specific needs.When you transcend your personal needs and focus on the needs of others and of the organization, everyone benefits―including you. The result is not only greater job satisfaction for people at all levels, but greater productivity― regardless of the organization’s field, product, or service.

The Well-Balanced Leader gives you the tools for making the small, incremental changes in behavior that lead to big changes in awareness―and huge changes in your leadership effectiveness.

About this title

About the Author

McGraw-Hill authors represent the leading experts in their fields and are dedicated to improving the lives, careers, and interests of readers worldwide

From the Back Cover

In The Well-Balanced Leader, top experiential, accelerated-learning trainer Ron Roberts shows you how to identify your strengths and weaknesses in the nine most critical behavioral areas. He helps you “unstick” yourself from behavioral patterns that damage your influence as a leader, your relationships with those you lead, and the effectiveness of your organization.

The Well-Balanced Leader provides valuable insight into the inner workings of great leadership, along with activities, games, and exercises to determine where you excel—and where you fall short. It empowers you to:

• Strike a balance among the needs of the people you lead, your own needs, and the needs of the organization
• Become more conscious of what motivates you, drives your behavior, and determines how you relate to others
• Think before you speak and respond to every situation with measured behavior

With The Well-Balanced Leader, you’ll learn how to alter your behavior in ways that benefit your people, contribute value to your organization, and launch yourself to the highest level of success.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

The Well-Balanced Leader

INTERACTIVE LEARNING TECHNIQUES TO HELP YOU MASTER THE 9 SIMPLE BEHAVIORS OF OUTSTANDING LEADERSHIP

By RON ROBERTS

The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Copyright © 2012 Ron Roberts
All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-0-07-177244-0

Contents

Acknowledgments
Introduction
CHAPTER 1 Who's in Charge Here Anyway, You or Your Ego?
CHAPTER 2 FACE 1. Nonjudgmental versus Judgmental
CHAPTER 3 FACE 2. Nondefensive versus Defensive
CHAPTER 4 FACE 3. Relinquishing Control versus Controlling
CHAPTER 5 FACE 4. Open to Learning versus Know-It-All
CHAPTER 6 FACE 5. Doing the Right Thing versus Doing Whatever You Want
CHAPTER 7 FACE 6. Patient versus Impatient
CHAPTER 8 FACE 7. Letting Go versus Holding On
CHAPTER 9 FACE 8. Acceptance versus Resistance
CHAPTER 10 FACE 9. Other-Centric versus Ego-Centric
Guiding Principles
Index

Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Who's in Charge Here Anyway, You or Your Ego?

Lisa, a director at a major government agency, got things done and made sure herhighly talented staff did too. But few people felt comfortable talking toher—or even approaching her. This became such a problem that her bosssuggested that she and her staff take a team building and communications course.The class included trust building games, energizers, and interpersonalcommunication exercises. After the last session, everyone was basking in theenergy created by three days of positive, respectfulinteractions—laughing, joking, clowning around—until Lisa suddenlysnapped:

"Time to get back to work!"

She then proceeded to rip into her staff, collectively and individually,sarcastically detailing recent failures and making demeaning comments. Within 10minutes, she had wiped out three days of training.

Lisa was stuck:

* In her short-sighted ego-driven management mode which focused on herown needs to the exclusion of others

* In a state of near unconsciousness regarding her own supercriticalnature and her extremely demotivating, negative impact on others

* In a constant state of imbalance, with the pendulum swinging towardmanipulating others to get what she needed regardless of the outcome, and worstof all, not having any inkling of the extended effects on her team, unit, or theorganization as a whole

Lisa's reaction is pretty typical of many ego-driven executives. Sometimesthey're told to change; sometimes they themselves know they need to change. Buteven when their careers or departments are at stake, most find it difficult tochange—even when the new, desired behaviors are spelled out to them bybosses in their annual reviews or during team building courses. The Well-BalancedLeader provides a proven methodology for achieving lasting change.It can help leaders change their behavior in a way that sticks.

Most leaders and even their subordinates resist change—because they'reafraid of it, because it's difficult, and because their egos find itthreatening. Ego-driven leaders are in downward spirals or never-ending loopsthat keep them and their subordinates stuck in situations that are not working.Organizations often resist change too by keeping outdated structures andprocesses in place and locking people into their existing roles, makingindividual change even more difficult.

Leaders' Natural Tendency Toward Imbalance

The Well-Balanced Leader helps leaders to manage and master the 10 mostcommon unconscious tendencies (and traps) that those driven by their egos fallinto:

1. Being continuously self-inflating

2. Being absorbed with their own needs and self-importance

3. Trying to gain unlimited power and control

4. Proving their amazing, unquestionable, natural intelligence

5. Demonstrating their total self-reliance (needing no one or anything)

6. Searching for absolute security and certainty

7. Avoiding pain and discomfort and seeking positive results only

8. Attempting to accumulate a maximum amount of material things,objects, and "toys"

9. Desperately seeking perpetual personal affirmation at all levels

10. Unrealistically comparing themselves to others

Ego (and seeking self-fulfillment) is often the true motivating force for manyleaders and managers. The main issue again: Most leaders are not aware orconscious that they even have an ego problem because many of the above processesoccur subliminally, without their knowledge. When average managers demonstratethe subtle ego-driven characteristics listed above, they are seldom aware ofthem (and often hire people just like themselves). On the other hand, whenleaders practice the art of Egolibrium, they begin to observe themselves and canbecome highly aware of the ego's insidious subtle power. Great leaders humblyadmit their flaws and dig them up as they would dig up weeds about to take root.They take counterbalancing measures to change immediately.

GUIDING PRINCIPLE It is not that which is seen but that which is unseenthat causes leadership difficulties.

Analogy: Driving a Car

When driving, some people overidentify with their cars, especially on longtrips. Is this you? In your mind, you the driver become the vehicle itself. Ifpeople cut you off or drive erratically or ding your vehicle in the parking lot,you feel they have done it to YOU. When drivers overidentify with their cars,horrible scenes—swearing, distasteful digital symbols, even physicalblows—often ensue. How did this happen? The boundaries between the driversand their cars became temporarily blurred.

The same things happen when we identify with our externally conditioned sense ofself, which Freud called simply "the ego." The ego is how we mediate with theworld. It's influenced by our environment, how we want people to think of us(and how we want to think of ourselves!), our work, our status, our education,income, and all our external achievements. We all have a higher, more authenticself that transcends the ego. This true authentic self is the person we reallyare at our best, when we are in tune with our universe and independentof others' judgments and external rewards. When we overidentify with our egosand let them direct our perceptions of who we are, we get in as much trouble asdrivers who overidentify with their cars.

Getting Unstuck: Egolibrium

Egolibrium helps you get unstuck from the disabling power of the ego in anorderly systematic manner that empowers you by giving you three strengths:

1. Other-Centric perspectives: Paradoxically, remembering who you reallyare and thinking of others more often than yourself will allow you to be more intouch with your true authentic self. Other-Centric means realizing thatyou are not the center of the universe. Having a clear perspective about yourimportance (or lack thereof) in the bigger picture and larger scheme of thingswithin your workplace is the sign of a great leader.

Great leaders are like astronauts circling the earth in a state ofweightlessness, exposed to a rare perspective that reminds them how small theyreally are in the large scheme of the Universe, which in turn gives themincredible levels of objectivity and detachment.

2. Conscious awareness: Great leaders strive to become moreconscious of what motivates and drives them and what determines how theyrelate to others. Such leaders are constantly moving from unconscious (totallack of awareness and controlled by ego) to fully conscious (in touch with theinner authentic self) in their thinking and their impact on others.

Some leaders are as unconscious of their egos as fish are of the water thatsurrounds them. Great leaders work to remain conscious of the influence of theinvisible unseen ego.

3. Balance: Being in balance means thinking about the entire repertoireof responses available in any situation and being free to act on them as needed.It means not going to extremes (without careful consideration) and not actingeither compulsively or automatically. Balanced leaders think about the resultsof their behavior before acting or speaking.

Striving to balance on a minute-by-minute basis helps leaders to toggle betweenbeing Ego-Centric and Other-Centric extremes in words, behaviors, and actions.

Great leaders are like acrobats on a trapeze. They always know where their owncenter is, and they're always conscious of their circumstances and surroundings.No matter how much things seem to be spinning out of control, they remainbalanced, poised, nimble, prepared for change, and they always land on theirfeet.

These three components of Egolibrium have a significant impact on yourperformance as a leader and the performance of the larger team, unit, andoverall organization.

Achieving Balance

In the previous case study, what would you do in Ted's situation? The answerreveals who is really in charge: your authentic self or your ego. In everysituation, interaction with people, and even the smallest strategic or tacticaldecision at work, leaders tip the scales one way or the other—toward beingOther-Centric, conscious, and balanced or toward being Ego-Centric, unconscious,and rigidly limited in your response! Which ways do your scales tip?

Egolibrium is about the choices leaders make day by day (and sometimes minute byminute) and their cumulative effects on people, processes, and the organization.Leaders can make decisions and take actions that reinforce their own egos, whichinevitably weaken other people and the organization as a whole. Or leaders canmake decisions and take actions that reinforce and empower colleagues andsubordinates and strengthen the organization as a whole.

Practicing Egolibrium will help leaders to know themselves better and developgreater conscious awareness, which in turn illuminates and clarifies everydecision they make. Practicing Egolibrium helps leaders become more Other-Centric over time. The Other-Centric leader is aware of long-term consequencesof strategic plans and constantly strives to increase the level of alignmentbetween people and the organization. Leaders who have attained the higher levelsof Egolibrium constantly strive for balance between trying to control everythingthemselves versus letting go so that subordinates can assist in achievingorganizational success.

Putting it another way, balance requires accepting some degree of entropy andchaos while striving to create order and alignment. Leaders who have Egolibriumcontinually readjust their "normal" point to enable the organization, theirpeople, and their mission to achieve the higher and higher levels of sustainedsuccess that they never thought possible. To achieve this lofty goal, leaderswill need to inculcate a new way of thinking: Other-Centric thinking.

GUIDING PRINCIPLE To be a great leader, you must develop your ability tothink in an Other-Centric manner which constantly balances your needs with thoseof others.

GUIDING PRINCIPLE Mastering the art of Egolibrium allows leaders tobecome conscious of ego and take control of it before ego takes control of themand their organization.

Being an Other-Centric Thinker

Other-centricity is invisible: you can't really see it, touch it, observe it, ormeasure it. But you can tell if someone has it.

Other-Centric leaders are generally considered unpretentious and modest, peoplewho do not think that they are better or more important than others. Thesepeople are the most secure and confident internally. Because they are at peacewithin themselves and feel that their own needs have been met, they are free tofocus on others, listen to subordinates with great attentiveness, and try to dowhatever they can to meet the needs of those within their scope of influence.Ted demonstrated other-centricity over and over again.

Other-Centric leaders are driven by their own inner strengths, feelings ofconfidence, and inner values rather than by others' opinions or external eventsand circumstances. These leaders try to influence others through positiveactions—they model behaviors and use words that are congruent with theirbeliefs. They use positive reinforcement, rewarding others' best actions, words,and deeds with praise because they are secure in themselves. They empowerothers.

The Circle of Consciousness

Ego and your true self sit on the opposite sides of the giant scale. The goal ofEgolibrium is to achieve a higher state of authentic selfhood and gain controlof ego, using the nine behavior pairs you see in Figure 1.1, the ninefacets of Egolibrium.

Ego is not a bad thing. Some ego is absolutely necessary. It provides a sense ofconfidence and empowerment. It lets you feel OK about yourself as a leader andgives you the strength you need to overcome adversity, conflict, and the naturaldiscord that occurs in day-to-day business management. But too much ego isdetrimental. It warps and expands self-identity beyond what is real andreasonable.

Consider these facts about managing streams and rivers from the Army Corps ofEngineers:

1. When a stream or river is very slow moving, the ability to observechange becomes almost imperceptible.

2. It is very difficult (and nearly impossible) to change the flow of ariver.

3. The corps can redirect the river if they have the time, equipment,and alternate routes for the water.

Managing your ego is very similar. Its movement is often imperceptible. It has anatural resistance to change. However, you CAN change your ego if you giveyourself alternative ways to find value and a sense of importance. Egolibriumgives you those ways, and it helps you find the perfect balance between beingEgo-Centric and Other-Centric.

Every day, every minute, leaders and managers make decisions to serve themselvesor serve others. Whether they're facing good or bad situations, making wise orfoolish decisions, succeeding or failing, the greatest leaders continuallymanage their ego and reactions.

The Facets of Egolibrium

Egolibrium shows people how to change, starting with any one of the behaviorpairs. The nine behavior pairs of Egolibrium are like the facets of aperfect diamond—all facets form part of the whole. Asleaders change any one of these nine components, the change affects thegem's overall ability to transmit light and shine morebrightly—that is, it changes the leaders' ability to think and actconsciously for the good of their people and the organization. Ultimately,practicing the art of Egolibrium helps you to shift between all the states ofmind and adaptations you need to make in order to lead effectively.

Change starts on the inside, with a change in consciousness, and this createslasting permanent change for the leaders themselves and their organizations.

GUIDING PRINCIPLE Real change happens and sticks only when preceded by achange in consciousness.

Changes are made gradually, in small increments. When you get weighed at thedoctor's office, you don't have to pull and tug on the scale with all yourmight—you lightly slide the small weights on top a minuscule distance, andthe law of leverage compensates for the weight of your body. Egolibrium worksthe same way: move any one scale (any one of the nine behavior pairs) just alittle bit, and it affects your entire consciousness. All nine of the behaviorsare interactive and interdependent.

KEY: As you grow and as you change any one facet or behavior ofEgolibrium, you will have a significant change in your consciousness, yourrelationships, and your ability to become a better leader.

A System's Analogy

When you drive a car, sometimes you have to accelerate, and other times you haveto hit the brakes. Most of the time, you must look out for others and carefullythink about the potential impact of any one of your actions on the other driversand their vehicles. Sometimes, though, you have to think about and protectyourself. A driver in any car is subject to the larger system of all drivers andall cars on the road at a given time including but not limited to thecomputerized systems of stop lights, weather-related issues, and unexpectedcollisions. Due to the high degree of interdependence, as drivers move towardachieving their unique objectives, there is a constant high-level need forself-readjustment and redirection of effort.

Great leaders, like wise drivers, self-correct when they get off balance or offtrack; they consciously toggle between their own needs and those of others andbetween task and process in order to achieve and maintain homeostasis. The mainobjective: discover and stick with your best tactical and strategic plan toachieve maximum return on investment (ROI) and best performance.

Task and Process

Success is not as much about outward performance and tasks as about powerfulcaring relationships that increase motivation and initiative. True sustainablepower comes more from interpersonal mastery and constant process management(ascribed authority due to buy-in and commitment) than from positional ordelegated authority. In the case study, Chuck's interpersonal talents were thecompany's greatest assets.

If managers push for task and performance at the expense of human relationships,they get things done but often at catastrophic long-term costs. If managers maketoo many concessions to keep people happy, they don't get enough done. Managersat both extremes often pay a high price in the form of employee morale andmotivation. Managers who are ineffective also pay dearly in terms of personalhealth—strokes and heart attacks for the task oriented (the term TypeA personality was coined by a doctor who treated executives who'd had heartattacks) and ulcers and emotional suffering for the people pleasers.

GUIDING PRINCIPLE Every leader can manage, and every manager who iswilling to put the work in can lead!

Management is task oriented while leadership is process driven and aware.Managers, especially middle- or lower-level managers, must often beultra–task oriented to meet specific quotas and production goals. Manyoperate under the great pressures of the overarching system and corporatestructure. And many aspire to become leaders, not managers.

The following is a list of the traits and characteristics that differentiatemanagers and leaders. By the way, I'm not saying here that leaders are "better"than managers. Leaders and managers both have important, but very different,jobs.

(Continues...)

(Continues...)

Excerpted from The Well-Balanced Leader by RON ROBERTS. Copyright © 2012 by Ron Roberts. Excerpted by permission of The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Edition details

• Publisher: McGraw Hill
• Publication date: 2012
• ISBN 10: 0071772448
• ISBN 13: 9780071772440
• Binding: Hardcover
• Language: English
• Number of pages: 272