This book charts the developing awareness that we are all spiritual beings. It is not just for the select few, it is part of everyone's birthright. We are born with a mind, body and spirit, and as we grow older we perceive that our spiritual connection lessens. Or so with think, it is there all the time it justs gets covered over.This journey is one to awareness, it is a personal everyday account, so that the reader can identify the links with their own life. It is realistic, humourous and very readible. There are also the unique aspects of Vanessa's life, her search for a guru and travelling to Argentina in search of enlightenment. But this balanced with her family life and her teaching. It is a journey of self discovery which is to be shared and to touch the reader's heart.
LIVING WITH UNCERTAINTY
How to start to write a book about my journey into meditation and beyond? Who would be interested? I thought perhaps I could create an alter ego who would illustrate my journey and make it into a quest, that would be more exciting and interesting but that would not be the truth. It has to be told just how it is, so that the reader will know it's true and has actually happened. Why would I want to write down my journey? Because it is a secret journey that very few people know about. I live with family and friends and they know I do yoga, meditate and go on retreats but very rarely am I questioned about what I do. So it is for those that I write this down, that my invisible life journey is made visible, that others may come to understand it. By charting my spiritual journey I would like to encourage others on the same path. That the reader can share the experiences in the light of their own lives and for spiritual recognition to occur.
We are born a spiritual being yet in today's busy world we somehow seem to lose that connection but it is always there awaiting for us to find it. Spirituality is not separate from life, it is life and we have come into existence at this time to develop our own spirituality. I can say those words in hindsight as I have come to a realisation of this. Through meditation I have been able to review my life in this light, this book will be a witness to that process. I have been able to understand the events in my life, have been for a reason and it was up to me to learn the lesson they were trying to teach me. You grow in spirituality (Consciousness) by experiencing difficult situations and learning from them. Experience and wisdom come at a cost of experiencing pain. But it can be viewed as a growing pains, something you have to go through in order to grow spiritually.
In writing the recent sequence of events down, I will be able to understand more fully their significance and bearing on my life. It has been a learning experience way outside the scope of my normal existence. For a long time I separated my `normal' life from my spiritual life - I kept them apart, I even formed a whole new group of friends and acquaintances with whom I could relate to spiritually. It was with these like minded people I could discuss the ancient scriptures and spiritual matters as easily as I could discuss what I had just bought in the supermarket or what I watched on TV the previous night, as I did with my other friends.
This fragmentation of my life came to a head, I had to stand up and declare that a spiritual path was the most important thing in my life. I was dedicating my life to it. Needless to say those around me thought it was the menopause, depression or a breakdown or all three. In fact I had just had enough of being two people at once. I have been a mother and wife, been part of an extended family and have many close and long standing friendships. I hope they will be the first to read this book and then they will have a greater understanding of what spirituality means to me.
Using the word spiritual means realising you are more than the mind and body. There is a presence that exists in every one of us, which is part of a universal presence, I shall call it consciousness (although it has many other names). There is no separation between our physical body and our spirit. A spiritual journey involves understanding you are part of the spiritual essence that pervades everything. It is a continual learning process whereby an open mind is the best mind to have. Throwing out all past ideas, beliefs, and preconceptions to leave space for the new to enter. This is where meditation helps, by clearing your mind and creating space, presence can reveal itself to you.
A misguided idea of meditation is to sit cross-legged and let your mind go blank. Anyone who has tried it can vouch that your legs get painful and your mind remains full of thoughts. It does not happen over night, it takes practice and diligence, then one day you enter a peaceful space for a few seconds which make you think `wow that was nice, I would like that again' and that experience can maintain your practice. When it was suggested I should teach meditation, I had this concept that I must know all the answers first. I don't, but I can be good enough. I would not set myself up to be an expert when I would be only a few steps ahead of those I teach for meditation. When I teach I stress meditation is more than just techniques for quietening the mind and body, it is a way of life and this book will show how it has been for me.
When I decided to write the book I wanted it to be an organic process. I did not just want to write it down, I wanted to show how my life unfolds and continues to unfold, even as I actually write. Emails, books, conversations can all act as triggers to write and I wanted to include these. It can be the unexpected that reveals so much. Chance encounters can influence ones life, they can be signposts that point the way. I was listening to a swami speak and he told a story of the wind blowing a newspaper towards his legs and it became stuck to his ankles, no matter how much he tried to shake it off it would not budge. Eventually he bent down to pick it off, his eyes were caught by a short paragraph of words and those very words were the ones he needed to hear. They made a great impact on his life and they were the focus of his talk to us that day, saying be open to the messages that are sent daily to you to help you on your spiritual path but you have to be able to see them when they arrive and listen to what is being said.
I am always amazed at the unusual route these messages take to get to me and I have included some of them as I write. Life evolves, it is not set in stone, it is being open to the unexpected and to be ready to learn from life's messengers. Be it a book falling into ones hand, a piece of paper turning up out of the blue, tripping over a stone or any silly thing that happens which can get easily overlooked. Sometimes I silently ask for help and it's as if by a miracle it occurs, I am not talking about big things like health but smaller things. I asked for triggers to enable me to actually start writing and lo and behold they are falling like raindrops from the sky. Not a downpour more of a steady drip.
Through meditation and yoga I have started to get the feeling that I am working with the universe whereas previously I always thought it was working against me. This feeling has developed into more, as if the universe is expressing itself through me, I am part and parcel of the whole scene not just a separate entity. All the ancient Vedic teachings point to wholeness and unity. An existence of non duality which has provided my background knowledge just as they have done to those before me for thousands of years.
In this book I want to show that meditation is a living, breathing practice. It is organic and evolves with time, often when you are least expecting it. It is life changing in ways that you would never have expected. My life has totally opened up, I meet and mix with people and swamis I would never imagined previously. I have travelled to Greece, Spain and Argentina to increase my experience and knowledge. It has given me the courage to be more creative in art and writing. I am no longer ruled by the limited ego, I have changed to allow life's energies to be expressed through me. I no longer want to be in charge of my life, I am happier to go with the flow and see where it takes me. But there is an underlying current in my life a quest for personal growth and reaching my own potential. I want to find out the reason for my existence, I do not want to just sit back and let my life pass me by. I want to develop spiritually, to gain first hand experience and knowledge. I am open to change and the unknown. This book is the journey of where I have travelled so far.
