INTRODUCTION
This book is about healing relationships, all kinds of relationships. The principles we describe here apply to our relationships with our parents, children, spouses, lovers, relatives, friends, business associates, coworkers, and bosses. They are applicable in healing our relationships with ex-husbands and wives, teachers, students, the politicians whose decisions affect our lives, lawyers, physicians, and other professional people, as well as with anyone else whose lives we touch.
This book is also about healing our relationship with our planet Earth, with God, our Source, Nature, or whatever name you might give to that Force in the Universe that gives us all life. Equally important, this book is about healing our relationships with ourselves so that we can experience deep inner peace.
When we stop to look more closely at our lives and at the many serious challenges we face in our world today, it is not always easy to see that the number-one problem we face has to do with our relationships. We forget that relationship problems are not just isolated events, limited to difficulties we may be having in communicating with one another. Beyond this we are involved in “a relationship” with our whole environment, including plants, water, air, and all that nurtures and supports life on this planet.
Today, as a result of an increase in stress and fear in the world, we are seeing an alarming increase in drug abuse and addiction, physical and emotional abuse, incest, adolescent suicide, divorce, and one-parent families. There is increased concern and fear about acid rain, and the disappearing rain forests and ozone layer. Additionally, the AIDS crisis has created an epidemic of fear and hysteria that has increased feelings of separation and isolation.
Our relationships with each other, with our planet, and with the universe have never been more important. We have the wisdom to understand and control the impact of our actions on the Earth, yet we are doing so many things that threaten our environment and the health of future generations. We have the ability to join in peace and friendship in so many areas of our lives, yet the possibility for nuclear warfare still looms over all our heads. There are many who believe that the world is suffering from a critical illness, crying out for our help and our love, which can bring about its healing.
What is the illness that is causing so much suffering for our world, and what is the meaning of its cry for help? Mother Teresa has stated that the most significant ailment in the world today is “spiritual deprivation.” It is a feeling of being unworthy of love, of feeling unlovable, of not having the capacity to give or to receive love, and of feeling that there is a wall separating us from ourselves, others, and that which created us.
Spiritual deprivation is a state of mind where we feel a sense of emptiness inside, and separated from the spiritual being that each of us truly is. It is a state of forgetfulness, of not remembering that who and what we are is love.
This book is based on the belief that we all have the capacity to retrain our minds to recognize that love is the most powerful healing force there is. As we recognize this, our interactions with the planet and its inhabitants will reflect that love.
This book is about hope, faith, trust, love, and forgiveness. It emphasizes that the good news is that the bad news is not true. It is about looking at all of our beliefs and asking ourselves if they are bringing us inner peace and happiness or if they are bringing us conflict, pain, and misery.
More and more people are beginning to feel that there must be another way of thinking, perceiving, and acting. And perhaps the beginning of another way of looking at the world is to reevaluate all of our beliefs. It is, after all, our beliefs that determine what we see, experience, and expect. When we are willing to take a new look at our own beliefs, we then have an opportunity to begin rediscovering who and what we are and to redetermine our true purpose on Earth.
When we have unhealed relationships in our lives, we take our feelings about them out on the world. If ever there was a time to ask our own hearts for help in finding another way of communicating with each other and for having loving relationships that last, it is now.
Although the world has made amazing advances in the fields of science, medicine, education, and electronic media, we still have a long way to go when it comes to having loving and harmonious communications in all of our relationships. We have made spectacular strides in exploring the moon and outer space; yet many of us are out of touch with, or have not substantially begun to explore, the inner spaces of the heart and mind.
In this book, we open doors for exploring the inner spaces of our minds, in order to bring light into the darkness of past hurts. We explore the mechanisms of the mind and the defenses we have created against love and peace. We look at ways of resolving unfinished business from the past. We find the value of letting go of guilt and fear, and the boundless benefits that come when we recognize that forgiveness is the key to happiness and that love is only experienced when we give it.
The Challenge Is That It Is Our Choice
This is a book about love and forgiveness. It is about learning to listen to the voice of love within our hearts, and it emphasizes that at any given moment, no matter what is happening in our lives, we can always choose love instead of fear.
In our personal lives it is not always easy to apply these concepts; but when we do apply them, they can have significant, often dramatic, positive effects on our relationships. Yet we still struggle, finding that each day presents us with new challenges and opportunities. The temptation to criticize ourselves and others is still there—we are not always successful in letting go of that temptation.
Every day gives us new opportunities which teach us that we alone are responsible for what we experience; that we can always choose to see ourselves not as victims but as people doing our best to love and let go, no longer judging others or condemning ourselves.
From deep in our hearts, we welcome you on this journey, hoping that through it we might all realize the boundless power of love that we each have within us, uniting us all as One, while recognizing together that no matter what the question, love is the answer.
PART
1
ATTITUDINAL
HEALING
ATTITUDINAL HEALING
Most of us experience tension in relationships that we know could be better. There is an inner part of our being that really does want to achieve peace with the people and problems getting us down. Fortunately, creating positive relationships begins with ourselves. What we believe, what we see, and what we experience depends directly on the thoughts we have in our minds.
We believe that all relationships can be healed, allowing us to feel the peace of mind we all seek. This can be achieved through a “psychological-spiritual” approach based on the principles of Attitudinal Healing. Attitudinal Healing is the process of letting go of the fearful, guilty, angry, negative thoughts that so many of us carry in our minds. It is based on the premise that it is not other people or circumstances that cause us to be upset, but rather our own thoughts and attitudes about those people and circumstances that cause us distress.
In Attitudinal Healing, health is defined as “inner peace” and healing as “letting go of fear.” It is a way of correcting our own misperceptions. Perhaps the most valuable gift given to us by the universe is the freedom to choose and to decide upon our thoughts.
By using the principles of Attitudinal Healing presented in this book, we can learn to use free will to choose our thoughts. By exercising our ability to choose, we can let go of all illusions that create separation, such as the illusion that we can achieve happiness by getting other people to change in order to fit our own molds, so that we might feel “in control and safe.” We can let go of fearful, negative, and guilty thoughts that limit our relationships and cause us to feel separate.
In this book, we will talk about two ways of looking at the world. One is through the eyes of the ego, and the other is through the eyes of love. We can always choose whether we are going to listen to the voice of the ego or to the voice of love. We create positive relationships only when we listen to the voice of love.
Each of us was born with the power and capacity to accept love, to love unconditionally, and to bring love into all of our relationships. It is our investment in the ego that blocks our awareness of love’s presence. In this book we will describe how it is possible to let go of our attachment to the voice of the ego and start listening to the voice of love.
