RJ Koehler

RJ Koehler is the author of books exploring trauma, resilience, healing, education, and the power of human connection. Drawing from both lived experience and years of educational leadership, she writes for survivors, parents, educators, school leaders, and anyone seeking to better understand the experiences that shape behavior, relationships, and recovery.

Her work spans deeply personal memoirs and practical resources for educators, united by a common belief: people change when they are understood, not simply judged.

RJ Koehler is the author of five books.

**The Kids We Misunderstand: How Connection Changes Behavior, Builds Trust, and Transforms Schools** explores how educators can move beyond managing behavior to understanding its root causes. Grounded in trauma-informed practices and relationship-centered leadership, the book offers practical strategies for building trust, strengthening school culture, and helping every student succeed.

**When Love Is Not Enough: Parenting a Child with Trauma, Reactive Attachment Disorder, and Borderline Traits** explores the realities of parenting a child with complex trauma, emotional dysregulation, and attachment challenges. The book offers insight into trauma-informed parenting, behavioral struggles, and the emotional impact on families.

**What He Didn't Break: A Survivor's Memoir of Narcissistic Abuse, Domestic Violence, and the Strength to Take My Life Back** examines the patterns of emotional abuse, gaslighting, and coercive control within an abusive relationship. It explores why leaving is difficult, what abuse can look like beneath the surface, and the process of rebuilding identity after trauma.

**Choosing Life After Loss** tells the story of losing her husband to suicide at the age of twenty-eight and raising two young sons through grief, resilience, and hope. It speaks to those navigating profound loss while learning to move forward.

**The Weight of Silence: A Memoir of Childhood Trauma, Survival, and Reclaiming Your Voice** explores the lasting effects of childhood trauma, the impact of unspoken experiences, and the ways survival patterns shape adulthood. It focuses on reclaiming identity, voice, and self-understanding.

Across her work, RJ Koehler writes about:

• Trauma-informed education and student behavior

• Building trust, connection, and belonging in schools

• Emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, and coercive control

• Gaslighting and trauma bonding

• Parenting children with trauma and behavioral disorders

• Grief after suicide loss

• Healing from childhood trauma

• Rebuilding identity after abuse and loss

Her writing combines personal experience with practical insight, making complex emotional and behavioral topics accessible, compassionate, and actionable. Whether writing for educators or survivors, her goal is the same: to help readers better understand themselves and others while offering hope that healing and growth are possible.

RJ Koehler lives in rural Pennsylvania with her family.

**Frequently Asked Questions**

**What topics does RJ Koehler write about?**

RJ Koehler writes about trauma-informed education, student behavior, emotional abuse, narcissistic abuse, domestic violence, childhood trauma, grief after suicide loss, resilience, and healing.

**Are RJ Koehler's books based on real experiences?**

Her memoirs are based on real-life experiences, including abuse, parenting trauma, loss, and recovery. Her education book draws on years of experience as an educational leader and practitioner.

**Who should read RJ Koehler's books?**

Her memoirs are written for survivors of abuse, parents, individuals navigating grief, and anyone seeking healing and self-understanding. *The Kids We Misunderstand* is written for educators, school leaders, counselors, parents, and anyone interested in understanding the connection between relationships and behavior.

**What makes RJ Koehler's work different?**

RJ Koehler combines lived experience with professional expertise to explain complex emotional and behavioral challenges in clear, relatable language. Her books emphasize understanding, connection, and practical hope, helping readers move beyond surviving toward meaningful growth.