Capt Scotty Sparkles!

Captain Scotty Sparkles (also known on land as Scott Thomas, aka Sparkles, Beave, Lumpy, Deuce, or Sparty ‘Go Green!’) is a lifelong humorist, fluent in sarcasm, marginal entrepreneur, ‘glory days’ hockey player, and accidental cruise connoisseur who believes the best way to navigate life—or the Caribbean—is with reggae tunes, family and friends by your side, the smell of coconut sunscreen, and an ice cold cocktail. (always served ‘with a wiggle’).

A former Fortune 50 service operations executive turned floating storyteller, Scotty traded boardrooms and call centers for gangways and sea days. When he’s not writing about cruise chaos, he’s studying AI (his intelligence was artificial before it came into vogue), writing smartphone apps, pressure-washing Florida driveways, concocting his next BBQ masterpiece, playing ice hockey (with more enthusiasm than skill), or steering his company Zamboni Enterprises into uncharted waters.

‘I set out to write a serious cruise guide and accidentally wrote a comedy about human behavior at sea — where adults get lost on the same deck for three days, elevators become escape rooms, and everyone’s a stand-up comic after three piña coladas. Turns out the real adventure isn’t the Caribbean… it’s watching humanity on vacation, armed with sunscreen, sarcasm, and dance moves that would embarrass Elaine from Seinfeld.’

He lives in sunny Tampa Bay with his trusty Labrador Retriever ‘Senator’, where every Friday feels like embarkation day and every neighbor’s yard is proudly adorned with at least one plastic flamingo and a sign that reads ‘Drive Like Your Children Live Here!’. (BTW, their children are all now Baby Boomers.)