Mark Hour

Growing up I had 4 brothers and one sister. My parents raised us with their mid-western values. I grew up in a Central NJ suburb of NYC. I remember our home being the happy center of fun for our family, neighbors and friends. Kick-ball, volley ball, jungle gym, tether-ball, cats, dogs, chickens, crows, homing pigeons, and raccoons were all part of our family, too. Weekends consisted of multiple overnight guests and end-less fun.

School was always a source of torture compared to my home-life. Beginning in first grade my teacher took it upon herself to ensure I was not going to turn out like my older brother. I begged my mom to remove me from Catholic School and she did, after I confessed the daily brutality foisted upon me. In the public school system, I remember being picked on regularly with classmates abusing my last name. Friends close to me, I could endure, but others caused me a lot of anxiety compounded by memories of the nuns in my first grade class striking me with chalk-board pointers while belittling me.

When I was 12, my dad had purchased a company without my mother's knowledge. My older brother and I worked weekends away from friends and family in dad's machine shop as a result. Dad had made decisions in a vacuum impacting our family severely. After I turned 15 we lost it all; our home, possessions and family unit were broken up and captured by creditors. We endured horrible financial loss. A forced move further splintered our family. My life was a living nightmare. From this time forward, I used people, places, substances and status to fill the void created by pain, abandonment and loss.

After surrogates failed to fill the void of loneliness and hurt I could not escape; I was utterly and completely alone, separated from society. Therapy, introspection and deep meditation on God's word was my source of solace, comfort and companionship. My time away brought about deep healing, as well as, a pathway to pay it forward.

God's Kingdom 1313 The Secret Pain is a very potent read that will take any reader from the shock of trauma and loss to a place of understanding how pain exists in God's Kingdom, as well as, God being THE love we all starve for. Publishing this work answers my deep seeded childhood desire to help others overcome fear, depression, suicidal ideation and self-loathing as a solution to whatever secret pain the reader feels is insurmountable in their life.