Alexander Fufaev

I was born in 1992 in Samarkand, Uzbekistan, and lived there with my parents and my paternal grandparents until I was six years old. In 1998, I moved with my parents to Russia, near the Sea of Azov, to my maternal grandparents, where I spent my childhood until the age of twelve. My uncle was a great role model for me, and I wanted to become a farmer like him and plow the fields with a tractor. But fate had something else in store for me: my parents divorced, and shortly afterward my mother met a German man. And so, in 2005, I finally ended up in Germany …

Without any knowledge of German, with a slight culture shock, and with my first computer along with the game Gothic, I gradually began to turn into a computer nerd and disconnect from the outside world by losing myself more and more in the world of computer games. Over time, I became addicted to video games.

Despite this, thanks to a good homeroom teacher, I managed to move from the language support class to secondary school (with one repeated year) and earn the advanced secondary school diploma, which paved the way for me to enter the upper level of grammar school. I even passed the Abitur – despite some relapses. The video game addiction persisted.

In upper school, thanks to a good physics teacher, physics suddenly became my favorite subject. Eventually, I began my studies at Leibniz University Hannover …

After the first two failed semesters and a depressive episode caused by heartbreak and the death of my grandfather, I restarted my physics studies. During my studies, I met my first love, who supported me not only academically but also in my personal life. I learned a lot from my girlfriend and became a vegetarian – something I could never have imagined before.

I completed my bachelor’s degree in physics and began my master’s program. But something was wrong with me. Too much gaming? Relationship problems? I began having panic attacks and no longer wanted to live. With the help of my family and my girlfriend, however, I managed to climb out of that deep hole. Yet this inner emptiness only brought us closer for a short time. The relationship began to crumble.

I had anxiety about the future because I didn’t know what to do after studying physics. I developed severe, persistent stomach problems accompanied by excruciating abdominal pain that no doctor could solve. I had panic attacks again.

During my studies, I built a physics YouTube channel (“Universaldenker”) and a well-visited physics website with more than a hundred thousand visitors per month (both disappeared after my life transformation). I also wrote a theoretical physics textbook for students and published a physics formula collection, which provided me with passive income and freed me from the need to take a wage-earning job after graduation.

In 2022, my six-year relationship began to crumble and ultimately broke apart after a mutual affair. Our earlier plan to finally move in together fell through. So I decided to move into a shared apartment. While decluttering my room in preparation for the move, I discovered minimalism for the first time in my life, which accompanied me throughout the year in the form of small steps (micro-changes).

The move and the breakup—which had kept me tied to my old life—caused my video game addiction to disappear. Moving into a new environment and letting go of the broken relationship became my first liberation from my old life. Minimalism also became a progressive material detachment from the past and, at the same time, a simplification of life.

In 2023, I moved again mid-year into a four-person shared apartment that was much cheaper and fit better with my increasingly minimalist lifestyle. That year, my paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother passed away—leaving only my paternal grandmother. Writing my master’s thesis and practicing minimalism distracted me from prolonged grieving.

My desire to get rid of material things grew stronger. I gradually got rid of everything I owned. For example, over the course of the year, I reduced my dozens of T-shirts and underwear to just two pairs. By the end of my minimalist transformation, I wore only single-colored (black) clothing, owned only the bare essentials, and slept on a thin mattress on the floor.

But I had another problem … I was desperately single, with a strong desire for sex and affection. I approached women on the street almost compulsively and used dating apps to maximize my chances of success. During this time, I completed my master’s degree in physics, pushed minimalism to the extreme, and discovered barefoot walking in nature.

Regarding my physics project: after changing my website’s domain, the number of visitors dropped from 100,000 per month to practically nothing. Although this was very unfortunate for me, this collapse later contributed to me pursuing a new project instead of physics—namely writing a public diary.

Even in 2024, I continued approaching women in hopes of either finding sex or starting a polyamorous relationship (because I didn’t want to commit). For that, I went to clubs regularly, for example. However, I also realized that masturbation, porn, nightclubs with smoking and alcohol, and short-term sexual encounters weren’t good for me. The most traumatic short affair I had was with a bipolar woman, which exhausted me deeply.

I described all my experiences with women in detail in my public diary. But soon I received bans from various places, and posters were put up in Hildesheim stating that I publicly wrote about women and that women should be cautious when encountering me. I noticed the impact of this on the streets of Hildesheim and filed a police report. This also led to conflicts within my family, and I replaced all real first names and gradually deleted all critical details. I realized that I had gone too far with the public diary.

In 2024, I pushed minimalism even further in all areas—including in the area of my activities. Editing YouTube videos, web programming, and even explaining physics brought me less and less joy. I deleted all physics content, and my website became my public diary, where I wrote about my life every day. Getting rid of all my digital devices (except my smartphone) eventually led me to stop writing diary entries and instead record them as audio.

I moved into my first own apartment (no longer a shared flat) in Hildesheim’s Nordstadt district and tried new paths outside of physics. I became passionate about living in the present moment and barefoot walking. The first time I walked barefoot through downtown Hanover was a turning point that led me to walk barefoot everywhere. I deliberately dismantled many prejudices.

Animal ethics became an important part of my life, and I transformed my at least six years of vegetarian living—with some relapses—into a vegan lifestyle. Through these micro-changes, I healed my neurodermatitis and my chronic gastrointestinal issues.

At the end of 2024, I came up with the idea of living in my car, got my driver’s license, bought a spacious station wagon, and spent my first nights in the car. I terminated my apartment lease and decided to live without housing. But I soon realized that this had not been a good idea …

I was desperate because I didn’t know which path to take …, and arguments with my mother became a daily occurrence. At Christmas, I asked God:

“God, what should I do?”

The answer came in 2025.