Mary J. Held

Mary J. Held’s life was almost totally shut down due to seizures for ten years. She didn’t know she had complex PTSD, mainly from sexual assaults. She was misdiagnosed with stress, epilepsy, and finally conversion disorder. The talk therapy for conversion disorder helped her some, and she went from five years of being unable to work to working nine hours a week, with a few additional forays out into the world. After five years of that half-life and 10 total years with seizures, she knew she wanted more than this mere existence. Someone suggested she try a therapy called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). After 16 EMDR sessions, she processed numerous traumas, and regained her joy in living. Her book,"Unfreezing Trauma: My Personal Journal of EMDR Recovery" tells the story of her journey out of the darkness.

Part of her therapy was keeping a journal. When she finished the therapy, she wanted to use her journal to tell the world about EMDR and ensure that others consumed with trauma would know there was a way out. Her therapist agreed, and contributed her comments on the sessions. But Mary was overwhelmed by the thought of publishing her private thoughts and the whole mechanics of getting published. She went on in her life, teaching math, upgrading her college degree, staying sober, and enjoying friends and family, but the book was still in the back of her mind. Then a dozen years later, she witnessed the heroic testimony of Christine Blasey Ford and the #MeToo movement. Inspired by the bravery of these women going public with their stories, she finally pushed herself to finished her book. She is publishing it to give hope to all the people who suffer from PTSD as well as their family members, friends, and therapists.