Kristy Kream

I love my readers. As my friends know, I am a habitual African hardwood collector. I just love the feeling of a thick, long African hardwood in my hands. It is so much stronger and more interesting than the much softer, smaller, American whitewood most people like in the USA.

I have been always considered to be a pioneer of the palette. I am a girl who loves to eat cock, clams, wieners, beaver, beefsteak, and more. I've wined, dined, sipped and sucked in some of the most demonstrable backwoods rooster ranches all over the world. I've eaten the strange-looking "Rocky Mountain Oysters", the "Exploding Cock", and even "Captain Jack Alfredo's Flat Cock".

In my youth, I was a professional upright organ player. I have played with many organs at many nightclubs, theaters and college dormitories throughout the midwest. I simply love it when I have a room full of people cheering me on as I play.

I fondly remember when I got my first cock, I thought it was pretty cool. It really wasn't as ugly and scary to touch as much as I had feared. He looked all so majestic and magnificent. I also thought it was really hilarious watching him as he was strutting his stuff all around, with his big head bobbing up and down. I knew I wanted it.

With a little help from the farmer, I was able to catch him and hold him. My very first cock! As I held him up to my cheek, I knew I was in love.

When I got him back home, I really did not want to pluck him because he was so loud and obnoxious. I was genuinely terrified he would wake up all the neighbors and they would see him. So I reached into my purse and grabbed my trusty taser. I held it up to his neck and BAM! I shocked the shit out of him. My poor cock went limp immediately. He dropped and made a mess all over my newly cleaned floor. I have never seen a cock go so soft so fast or a totally clean floor get so dirty so quickly.

I hope you enjoy the humor of my parody cock cooking cookbook. As Aunt Fred say's "If you don't like eating cock, go back to eating pussy."