Chris Carlock

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free. — Ralph Ellison

First and foremost, I consider myself a dad and husband. My amazing wife, Melissa and I have two kids, and we’re lucky enough to live in Santa Cruz, California. Dad and husband are my two most important roles, but they are only a part of who I am and what I do.

When you meet someone for the first time, you often fall back on the most comfortable of ice breakers, which is to ask that person, “What do you do?” I don’t like asking this question, probably because I don’t like this question being asked to me. It’s a tough question to answer.

In 2009 I was laid off from my job. This was a great job working for the City of Santa Cruz running all of the sports leagues. This job was the reason why I moved to Santa Cruz. This job allowed me to answer the “What do you do?” question with a response that made me feel good about myself.

But when you don’t have a job, or you don’t have a job that you feel good about, that “What do you do?” question can really mess you up. It messed me up!

When I got laid off, I thought I would find another job right away. I had a Master’s degree. I had a World Series ring from working with the Arizona Diamondbacks for several years. I had sales experience. I had a Broadcasting degree from the Walter Cronkite School of Journalism at Arizona State. I had a pretty impressive resume, and yet, I couldn’t answer the simple question, “What do you do?”

For the first time in my adult life, my identity wasn’t tied to my profession. What I “did” was now in the past tense. Sure, I had done some really cool things in my first 33 years on this planet, but I wasn’t doing anything cool at the moment. Hell, I wasn’t doing anything at the moment because I couldn’t find a job!

My confidence level decreased. I began to question my self-worth. I felt sorry for myself. I was beginning to get jaded, cynical, and worst of all, I was having a hard time seeing the positive in every situation, which up until that point, had been one of my strongest characteristics.

I’d like to tell you that I had an epiphany one morning that changed my life. Or that “God” came down and hand-delivered me an opportunity. But that didn’t happen. And I’m glad it didn’t. Because you wouldn’t be reading this right now. And we wouldn’t be making this connection that is going to help move both of us forward!

You see, over time, I eventually realized that what I do and who I am are concepts that can’t really be described in words. In order to know who I am, you have to spend time with me. And what I came to realize is that in order to know who I am, I have to spend time with me!

A few years ago, I began a daily routine called The Miracle Morning after reading a book of the same title from a guy named Hal Elrod. In the same way that I don’t remember what life was like before I had kids, I don’t remember what life was like before I implemented this daily practice.

Every morning, I try to incorporate these five things: silence, “visualmations”, reading, writing, and exercise. These tools have added so much value to my life over the years that I wrote a book about it. But most importantly, this daily practice allowed me to find this path that I am on. This path is a never-ending path to personal development, or self-actualization.

What I have learned about the “What do you do?” question is this: Everything takes care of itself if I focus on getting a little bit better every day. My daily goal is to take one step forward in as many areas of my life as possible. If I can take one step forward every day, that’s 365 steps over the course of the year. That’s a lot of ground covered if I think about it in terms of learning something new, or deepening my connection with my wife and my kids.

So, what do I do? I try to get a little bit better every day.

I try not to answer that question with my vocation (high school English teacher), or my many side hustles (life coach, author, blogger, podcaster). I try not to ask, “What do you do?” to people I meet anymore either. Instead, I like to ask, “What are you working on?” Or, “What have you been thinking about lately?” These questions give us a better chance to truly get to know each other.

I hope that we can make a connection that will get both of us to think about something we haven’t thought about before. I hope that we can hold each other accountable to never again asking someone the question, “What do you do?”

Please check out www.ChrisCarlock.com and let me know what you have been thinking about lately.

Have a great day, and I’ll talk to you soon.