Rules provide structure. Structure backed by love and respect gives us what we need. After years of doing talks about negative interactive family dynamics based on inherited, pervasive but unacknowledged rules, I'm convinced it's time to shine a broader light on them. Experiences as a daughter, mother, elementary teacher, school programs consultant for a national agency concerned with the many facets of substance abuse, counselor educator, consultant in adoption and foster care, attachment-oriented therapist, and my personal shame experiences have helped me learn to make choices about what is true, what to change and how to go about it. Change the rules, change the outcomes.