Lardyard Hampoon

Lardyard Hampoon is a layabout who has done nothing useful his entire life. He is too lazy to even attend a photo op at a homeless shelter. (On the plus side, he is also too lazy to masturbate.) We have given up trying to create any sort of positive image for this blob of vile hilarity.

Until 2011, Hampoon existed on a stipend from his uppity alma mater (granted for agreeing to never reveal where his degree is from). However, in 2012 he found a foolish soul willing to collaborate on writing projects and type his dictation. He now augments his gag-deal stipend with publishing royalties.

In his spare time, of which there is plenty, Lardyard enjoys lying on the couch and watching TV (if the remote is working). He has aspirations to someday shower on a regular basis and marry a girl willing to make sandwiches for him.

Though slovenly and irritable, Lardyard is kind to children and the elderly (as long as they don't bother him). If you can overlook his multiple chins, he is quite handsome.