Neil J. Lavender

Biography:

Neil J. Lavender, PhD

Dr. Lavender is a seasoned and dedicated psychologist with a passion for helping individuals navigate their journeys of relationships and marriage. Since 1975, he has empowered countless couples through his expertise in relationships and personality disorders. His research, workshops and seminars for international corporations, universities and churches have inspired growth and understanding in marriage and relationships. As a court-appointed mental health expert, he provided critical support to families facing challenges such as divorce, custody, parenting, and abuse, while guiding them toward healing through court-mandated family psychotherapy. His widely-read blog on "Psychology Today" has served as a beacon of hope, helping thousands find clarity and strength in their relationships.

He is also Professor Emeritus of Psychology at Ocean County College.

Dr. Lavender has a Ph.D. in Personality and Social Psychology from the New School for Social Research in Personality and Social Psychology.

He has authored four books:

Lavender, N. (December,2025) Tiny Keys Open Large Doors: Unlocking the Joy in Your Marriage. Meadville, PA. Christian Faith Publishing.

Lavender, N., and Cavaiola, A. (November 2012) Impossible to Please: How to Deal with Perfectionistic Coworkers, Controlling Spouses, and Other Incredibly Critical People. Oakland: New Harbinger Press. Currently published in three different languages.

Lavender, N. and Cavaiola, A. (January 2011) The One-Way Relationship: Step-by-Step Help for Coping with Narcissists, Egotistical Lovers, Toxic Coworkers, and Others Who Are Incredibly Self-Absorbed. Oakland: New Harbinger Press.

Cavaiola, A. and Lavender, N. (November 2000) Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job. Oakland: New Harbinger Press. Presently published in 6 different languages.

“Toxic Coworkers” rose in rankings to number one on three Amazon lists and led to appearances on Fox 5 News, NPR, satellite radio, as well as 40 or more radio and TV shows. “Toxic Coworkers” was also featured in a variety of media outlets such as The Huffington Post, Fortune and Cosmopolitan magazines.

The author has been described as a "Lover of Love and Marriages " and has enjoyed a remarkably successful and loving partnership for over 53 years with his wife and best friend, Maureen. Intricately detailed throughout this book, their love story highlights their own personal struggles -which all but vanished by applying the “Tiny Keys”- and fosters an intimate narrative that embodies a true love story.

Presently, they live a faith, love, and family-centered life with their nine grandchildren and -four great-grandchildren!- who fill their lives with joy daily.