Matthew Kelleher

Matthew Kelleher presently works in the healthcare industry, and currently lives in England, Great Britain.

'Surviving' and dealing with the fall-out from the end of a romantic relationship with someone who was suspected of having 'Borderline Personality Disorder', or 'BPD' is one of the hardest things I have done, if not THE hardest.

Whilst in my two-year relationship, I had to endure emotional outbursts, devaluation and emotional abuse. But after the relationship was over, these were replaced with self-doubt, shame and toxic-guilt. Was I right to leave? Have I 'failed' again? Was it as bad as I thought it was? My 'reality' was skewed. And recovery isn't easy. I can tell you that from personal experience, and that's an understatement. But it was those feelings that prompted me to write my book. It was cathartic, and writing it has helped me heal.

And I hope if you read it, it will help you either understand the 'Borderline' relationship you find yourself in at the moment, or understand the feelings you have since you left your relationship.

In 'recovery' from possible 'addiction' to a Borderline relationship, you need to be emotionally strong. Some people use their 'faith' to help, and others use support groups such as 'Co-dependants Anonymous'. These are all important. But in my experience, it takes a profound deal of self-analysis and introspection to fully achieve 'closure' from such a dysfunctional relationship. As a 'non-BP' it is very easy to 'blame' the 'BPD' for all the chaos that probably ravaged your relationship, but in my opinion, you also have to look at yourself.

Why did I 'choose' to stay in such an abusive relationship? Why did I 'choose' to get into such a relationship in the first place? And what is it about ME that the 'BPD' was so attracted to in the first-place?

All these are extremely difficult questions, and instead of focussing on the characteristics of your (ex-)partner and their 'Borderline Personality Disorder', I found the path to self-healing to be self-analysis and self-discovery. In examining yourself, you may realise that you are 'co-dependant', and possibly even narcissistic yourself. These are important realisations to make, and 'own-up' to, if you are to move beyond the self-doubt and shame associated with the end of such a relationship.

In my opinion, self-analysis and self-discovery is ESSENTIAL in order to be able to do this, and from my own experience I would recommend reading other books by Alice Miller and Melody Beattie. Yes, it is going to be hard, probably the hardest thing you have ever done in your life, but you ARE NOT ALONE. I'm still here, and you will be too.

I am now a 'survivor' of the abuse and trauma I experienced in such a destructive relationship, and I am no longer a 'victim'. And you can be too. Just listen to, and believe in YOURSELF. The very best of luck in your own journey of self-discovery, and my thoughts and compassion are with you.