Nina Krebs

Welcome to my Author Central page. If you have a loved one experiencing dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease, whether it be your spouse, a family member, or a friend. This is for you. I will talk about aging, gerontology and the disease process. I will share my tips for wellness, stress management, self-care and mindfulness.

“My hope is that knowing you are not alone will offer solace as you read.”

Moving the Spotlight

Dr. Nina Krebs

One of the first things you can do for yourself is work at clarifying your feelings

if you see your partner’s behavior changing in ways you don’t understand.

Long before I became clear about what was happening with my husband Dave’s decline into dementia, I found myself becoming impatient with him, pulling away and not looking forward to spending time with him. I thought it was just because we were both getting older and no longer had our work in common – too much time around the house with nothing new to talk about. Aging can impact short-term memory, and as we move into our 70’s, we might not be as sharp as in our younger years.

What surprised me, knowing this, was my impatience and my lack of empathy when Dave asked me a question for the third time or didn’t track our plans for a little trip, or even for supper or grocery shopping. Since he had done the majority of the cooking, housework and grocery shopping for most of our time together, it took me a long time to comprehend that he was actually having a hard time with these tasks. He wasn’t expressing any concern; things would just be left undone or done poorly.

In fact, I was unaware of the shift that had occurred in my own behavior until my son-in-law tactfully asked me what was going on that I was angry all the time. Who me? I denied it at first. And, then I realized he was absolutely right. I was edgy and impatient, especially with Dave. To me, it felt like he wasn’t paying attention or was somehow being lazy or inefficient – never his style in the past.

My first reaction was to feel guilty about treating my partner badly. He certainly didn’t deserve that. But I began reflecting on how I felt much of the time: impatient, a little resentful, snappy, avoidant, and bored. Why? Nothing had really changed. Or had it?

My partner was changing. He was still kind and generous with a quick smile and a helping hand. But his memory was foggy. His reaction time while driving was slow. He didn’t cue into subtleties in conversation. He didn’t get my jokes more often than not. Meanwhile, although I noted these things, I was unconsciously expecting our relationship to continue in the way it always had. He was changing. I wasn’t.

Because my responses to him didn’t fit the way I saw myself as a loving, empathic partner, I was able to step back and ask the question. Was he different than he had been five years ago? Very. My lens cleared up, and I began to comprehend the big changes in our lives. It helped to take a good look at myself!

Do you know someone who might find this book useful? Check it out further at https://ninabkrebs.com/reflections/