This book is written in the hopes of reaching other victims of traumatic events, whether they might be combat Veterans, first responders, or just average citizens, that are living and re-living acts of violence or painful, stressful moments in their lives.

Words of Gold ... Deep from my Soul Words of Pain ... Thoughts of Rain

By Melquiades "Mike" Ortiz

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Melquiades "Mike" Ortiz
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-1761-7

Contents

A Distant Song....................................................................1A Heavy Burden....................................................................3Angels ... On My Bed..............................................................4Another Vet ... Has Died Today....................................................5Bombs ... Made of Rain............................................................6Eyes Of Death.....................................................................7Forgive Me........................................................................8I Still Fight ....................................................................9I Was There ......................................................................10I Will Always be ... A Veteran....................................................15My Thoughts on PTSD ... After Therapy.............................................16Images............................................................................22In The Shadow Of Death............................................................23It's Good To Be Free..............................................................24Listen ... To The Music Of The Rain...............................................25March ... Of The Rain.............................................................26Million-Dollar Wound..............................................................27Minds And Hearts ... Split Apart..................................................28Music and Fear....................................................................29Music Of The Rain.................................................................30My Dream..........................................................................31My Vietnam Song...................................................................32Nightmares ... Of Yesterday.......................................................33Part Of History...................................................................34Patiently.........................................................................35Perilous Times....................................................................36Quicksand.........................................................................37Rainbows Are Born.................................................................38I Start To Fall...................................................................40Reflection Of The Stars...........................................................41Understanding Traumatic Events' Effect on Individuals.............................42Reflections ... In The Night......................................................45Remember .........................................................................46Ruffled Feathers .................................................................47The Look Of Love..................................................................49The Patrol........................................................................50The Spiral........................................................................51Time..............................................................................52To Walk In The Clouds.............................................................53Was I Right.......................................................................54What's The Answer?................................................................55You are your parents' dreams .....................................................57Who Am I?.........................................................................58Will You Be My Guide?.............................................................59Mortars Falling...................................................................60A Lover's Song....................................................................61A Shoulder To Cry On .............................................................62August 1965.......................................................................64Beautiful Day.....................................................................65How do you fight PTSD?............................................................66Constantly........................................................................67Death's Playground................................................................68I Never Lost My Faith.............................................................69I Still Hear My Dog Tags..........................................................70I Was Invisible...................................................................71I'll Carry My Flag................................................................72In Death .........................................................................73In Memory.........................................................................74In The Middle Of A Thought........................................................75In The Middle Of The Night........................................................76In The Playgrounds ...............................................................77Innocence ........................................................................78I've Had Enough...................................................................79Just A Friendship.................................................................80Keep My Country Free..............................................................81Knowledge.........................................................................82Life's Light......................................................................88My Avenues .......................................................................89My Fight For Freedom..............................................................90My Mind...........................................................................91My Mind Searches .................................................................92Nightmarish Battles...............................................................93Not An Option.....................................................................94Only The Good Things..............................................................95Our Blessings.....................................................................97Our Greatest Tools................................................................98Our Love .........................................................................99Our Only Guarantee................................................................100Pride ... In Young Eyes...........................................................101Rest in Peace.....................................................................102The Claymore .....................................................................103The Diagnoses.....................................................................104The Ocean ........................................................................105The Silent Might..................................................................106The Test..........................................................................107They Chose .......................................................................108True Liberty......................................................................109What Most Mattered To Me..........................................................110Where's The Knob?.................................................................111Yesterday.........................................................................112Youthful Dreams...................................................................113A Fourth of July Dream............................................................114A Veteran's Story.................................................................115After All ... This Time...........................................................117An Important Time ................................................................118At Its Whim.......................................................................120Dead Faces........................................................................121For All Your Years................................................................122Freedom's Might...................................................................123Heart ... Of Stone................................................................124Helmets ... Are Their Crowns......................................................125I Have Gained.....................................................................126I Remember ... Still..............................................................127In The Land Of Gore...............................................................128The Land Of The Sun...............................................................129Just Another Day..................................................................130Life Is Short.....................................................................131Like The Pebbles ... In The Sand..................................................132Rosie and Majalia.................................................................133My Bottle ... And Me..............................................................134My Final Gasp.....................................................................135My Ghosts.........................................................................136My Gift...........................................................................137My Journey To Peace...............................................................138My Path of Life...................................................................139My Pathway To Healing.............................................................140My Protectors.....................................................................141My To-Do List.....................................................................143My Volcano........................................................................144One Hell Of A Flight .............................................................145Puzzle of Life....................................................................148Respect For Honor.................................................................149Targets ..........................................................................151The Battle ... Is At Our Door.....................................................152The Battle Cry....................................................................153The Best .........................................................................154The "Cream of the Crop"...........................................................155The Dance.........................................................................156The Night Visit...................................................................158The Spark.........................................................................159There's Always Light..............................................................160Walking ... That Thin Red Line....................................................161This Moment ......................................................................162Vets ... Have Kept Us Free........................................................163Way Off Track.....................................................................164We Were Never ... Wrong...........................................................165What A Treasure...................................................................166Without Sin.......................................................................167Writing ... About PTSD............................................................169Forever Free......................................................................170Charlie Company 1-7 / 3rd Marine Division "Operation Indiana".....................171A Time Of Repent..................................................................180Aftermath of War..................................................................181Bad Memories......................................................................183Emotions..........................................................................185Face Your Memories................................................................187Fourth of July....................................................................189Independence......................................................................191My Enemy's Name...................................................................193My Faces..........................................................................195Why Do I Fear?....................................................................198The Path To My Youth..............................................................201Constant Memories of War..........................................................203Bugs..............................................................................206Camouflaged Nightmares............................................................208Did You Hear Your Name?...........................................................213Cycle of Birth....................................................................215Fear..............................................................................216Good Friday.......................................................................217Guilty............................................................................220Mark..............................................................................221My Journey........................................................................223My Mom............................................................................224My Place..........................................................................226My Post...........................................................................228No Parades........................................................................229Progress by the Sea...............................................................230The Healing Process...............................................................232The Key...........................................................................234The Transition....................................................................235Threads of Nightmare..............................................................237To My Grandchildren...............................................................238Uniforms Of Blood.................................................................239Weather Changes...................................................................240Who Am I?.........................................................................241Wings of Death....................................................................248A Mark In The Past................................................................250Another Day.......................................................................251Brothers..........................................................................252Cold Dark Rain....................................................................253Veteran's Faces...................................................................256Flashes of Red....................................................................257Freedom's Bell....................................................................258Memories..........................................................................259Souls.............................................................................260Be Steady ... Be Ready............................................................261By My Side........................................................................262"C-1-7" 3rd Marine Division Chu Lai, Vietnam 1965-1966............................263Clear Blue Sky....................................................................264Cold Memories.....................................................................265Have To Go .......................................................................266Juan..............................................................................267Lady In Black.....................................................................268My Mother's Day...................................................................269My Rainbow........................................................................270Shells And Pebbles................................................................271Still ... After All These Years...................................................272Such A Beautiful Night............................................................273Sunny Day.........................................................................281The Green Fly.....................................................................282The Pot Of Gold...................................................................283Walls ............................................................................284When The Killing Stops ...........................................................285A Country's Dream.................................................................287American Vets.....................................................................289Choices...........................................................................290Did Not Understand................................................................292To Elizabeth My Wife, My Valentine................................................293Hang On...........................................................................294Happier Times.....................................................................295Happy With My Memories............................................................296Have You Ever Caught A Mountain?..................................................297I Have Walked ....................................................................298I Will Always Hear Those Songs....................................................299I Will Never Stray................................................................300Just A Man And A Boy..............................................................302Life and Death....................................................................303Live Each Moment..................................................................304Our Tale..........................................................................305Madeline..........................................................................306Music on the Thatch...............................................................307My Father, My Hero My "A".........................................................308My Mental Treasures...............................................................312My Trip...........................................................................313Call of Nature....................................................................315No More...........................................................................317Only One..........................................................................318Paid The Price....................................................................319Rose..............................................................................320Survival..........................................................................321The Last Bell.....................................................................322The Lord's Work...................................................................323The Power of Prayer...............................................................324The Present.......................................................................326The Sentinels.....................................................................327Trees.............................................................................328Veterans..........................................................................329War and Freedom...................................................................330A Hug.............................................................................331A Picnic..........................................................................332A Place Like No Other.............................................................333Always Mad........................................................................334Am I Forgot.......................................................................335Believe...........................................................................336Daisy.............................................................................337Death Is Looming..................................................................338Diamond In The Rough..............................................................339Emotions ... In Motion............................................................342Foxes.............................................................................343From A Distance...................................................................344God's Church......................................................................345Going To Town.....................................................................346Groups of Three, My Family........................................................347Haunting Melodies.................................................................349Haven't Said Good-Bye.............................................................350I Am Still Awake..................................................................351The Innocence of Children.........................................................352Invisible Foe.....................................................................353Life Creates Death................................................................354Miracle Of Life...................................................................355My Full Blues.....................................................................356My Prayer.........................................................................357Problems..........................................................................358Out Of Place......................................................................359Over and Over.....................................................................360Soldiers Marching.................................................................361Sudden Rage.......................................................................362A Daughter's Love.................................................................364The Enemy.........................................................................365The Final Charge..................................................................366The Mountain High.................................................................367The Only Sanity...................................................................368They Are Us.......................................................................369They Give Me Strength.............................................................370Time Flies........................................................................371USS Los Angeles CA 135 1962-1963..................................................372Water to Water....................................................................373We Couldn't Stay..................................................................374We Need To Change Our Future......................................................375Who Was He?.......................................................................376A Brand New Day...................................................................377A Moment..........................................................................378A Prayer .........................................................................379A Secret Within Me ...............................................................380A Young Man's Dream...............................................................381Back To The Start.................................................................382Delicate..........................................................................383Forever ..........................................................................384Gloomy Day .......................................................................385I Gave Myself To God..............................................................386Memories ... I Have Shared........................................................387My Flight ...Into The Night.......................................................388My Path To Victory................................................................389My Pot Of Gold....................................................................390My Second Wind ...................................................................391Oh, Computer!.....................................................................392One Voice.........................................................................393Remembering.......................................................................394The Rain In My Eyes...............................................................395The Road To My Past...............................................................396The Strand .......................................................................397They Don't Get It.................................................................399Today.............................................................................400Vets ... Survive..................................................................401Water.............................................................................402We'll Be Stronger ................................................................403Wish I'd Said ....................................................................404Words ............................................................................405Your Vets.........................................................................408Your Word.........................................................................409My Nightmare Becomes a Dream......................................................410A Hero's Test.....................................................................412Dragonfly ........................................................................413Dreams and Rainbows...............................................................414Hostage...........................................................................415I Died A Thousand Times...........................................................416I Set My Demons Free..............................................................417Like Still Waters ................................................................418My Forgiveness....................................................................419My Great Fall ....................................................................420Life ... and Death Await..........................................................422The Pit...........................................................................423Lemon Meringue....................................................................425The Cost..........................................................................426Angels On The Scene...............................................................427Chu Lai, Vietnam 1965/1966 (In memory of Doc Hall 3/2010).........................428

Chapter One

A Distant Song

As I hear ... That distant song ... In the wind ... Of a heavy storm Somewhere ... Between destruction ... And war ... There's a place of peace That belongs to me Before ... PTSD Somewhere ... Between crying times ... There's sunshine ... In my mind A woman's love ... Waits ... For my loving touch ... Her kisses ... Meant so very much Only time ... Kept us apart ... Our broken hearts Cried to the stars above ... Nighttime ... Hurt so much In the moonlight ... I reached to the heavens ... To pledge my love For my woman ... My love ... Beautiful ... Creation of God Alas! Only fleeting shadows Greet me ... in the morn Elusive memories ... Reminds me ... Of my heart been torn My body worn ...

My mind ... forlorn My essence scorn My heart lovelorn My innocence mourns ... For my past ... Those nights ... In love we'd sworn ... We would wait ... For my return Only hope ... And memories ... strong Remain ... As I hear ... That distant ... Lover's song

A Heavy Burden

Young faces ... Youthful ... Smiling ... Innocent ... Mischievous ... Naughty ... Impish ... Looking for fun ... Enjoying freedoms of life ... Sunshine everyday ... Rainbows in the sky ... Rain was life ... Cold nights ... For cuddling Life full of dreams and hopes Adventures ... lay ahead This was ... Before war ... Before life ... Was full of death Young faces became old ... Grim before their time ... Leathery ... Sad eyed ... Mean ... hateful Rain meant fear ... Sun meant thirst ... Long patrols ... Snipers ... Fear in every step Life became serious ... Precious ... Death rode our shoulders ... Like the weight of the world Bullets carried no names ... No discrimination in casualties Fear ... made ... Death became an option ... Freedom ... a heavy burden

Angels ... On My Bed

Sweat ... Dripping from my head Soaking up my bed Dreaming of the dead Silent screams ... Only I could hear Floating ... in the room With those soundless booms Exploding ... In my mind Blowing up the tombs ... Make the night illume ... Ghosts of time exhumed And the bed ... Bled ... red ... Warm ... blood Silent ... I became entombed In a Mother's womb Opened up my eyes ... There was no surprise ... It was just a dream There were Angels ... On my bed Baby faces ... My babies ... With towels Soaking up my sweat ... My Angels ... Michael ... Rosie ... Paul ... Helping me relax Babies ... growing up so fast Scared ... To learn my past Angels ... On my bed

Another Vet ... Has Died Today

Another Vet ... Has died today I sit alone ... At home and pray ... I hope that Vet ... Has found his way ... To a better place ... Where he'll find ... A friendly face Where warriors live ... And warriors play At children's games Where wars will last ... A single day ... Where it's not a sin ... If both sides win ... To go away ... To fight and play ... Another day Where Warriors walk ... On fluffy clouds ... Where they can scream ... And they can shout And they can march ... Each day and night And always stand ... So tall and proud Where all are strong ... Nobody's wrong Each side is right Nobody hides ... From nightmares fright For all is right Both day and night Alone ... I pray Because another Vet ... Has died today

Bombs ... Made of Rain

I vaguely remember ... These feelings at night False hopes ... And elusive young dreams ... Clinging ... Tightly to fleeting ... Moonbeams ... As I witness ... Such horrible fights With fear of ... Such lonely ... And elusive ... Dark thoughts ... Brought on ... By invisible things ... That live in the darkness ... Hugging ... The walls of my mind ... Memories ... Of war ... And of terrible times Nightmares ... Of men falling ... Not yet in their prime They come in the night ... With the patter ... The crescendo of rain Those thousands of raindrops Like bombs ... Made of rain Bursting ... Open ... And oozing out pain These visions and feelings As captured ... Are parts of my brain ... They come in the night ... They come ... with the rain

Eyes Of Death

How do you console the dead? Staring out from eyes ... so sad? How can I forget ...? A debt? Owed to men ... Brave comrades We fought side by side ... They lost their lives ... They made ... The ultimate sacrifice ... Never to come back My heart is sad ... I have anger ... I am mad As I see ... Empty sockets ... Staring back ... As my mirror does reflect ... Eyes of death ... Held forever ... In my past?

Forgive Me

Forgive me my Father ... You won't see me grow Forgive me my Mother ...

No Grandchildren were bore. Good-bye, my Brothers. Good-bye, my Sisters.

No nephews or nieces ... My dreams are in pieces. A life made of teases.

I won't be back this way I only passed through I'll always love you

Yesterday ... I was Today ... I'm not I've turned to dust

My soul's at rest ... I did my best ... I don't regret ...

My life is past ... My memories of war ... I leave at last.

Good-bye, sweet rain ... Good-bye love's pain ... My peace I've gained.

In death ... I am ... Just a memory ... A second ... in History.

I Still Fight ...

I once fought for my flag ... So ... long ago ... Way back ... In my past It was ...

Forty-one years ago I was in a land of death ... An ancient land ... Of history A land ... that's become ... Part ... of my memories When I came back ... From my Vietnam trek Part of my country had turned ... It's ugly back ... On our Military ... And that's a fact ... I saw them ... Burn my flag ... This was wrong ... It hurt me ... deep My heart wept ... Even ... as I slept I fought my war ... In my memories ... The peaceful side of me ... Would always be ... Questioning ... My sanity ... As my fighting side ... Acquired a problem ... Diagnosed ... As PTSD I once ... Fought for my flag From this experience ... I've never ... Come back ... I still fight ... for my flag

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Words of Gold ... Deep from my Soul Words of Pain ... Thoughts of Rainby Melquiades "Mike" Ortiz Copyright © 2010 by Melquiades "Mike" Ortiz. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.