The information in this book is just another way of looking at situations in marriages and relationships; how a woman chooses a man; the dangers that lead to committing suicide; Biblical guidance for believers and non-believers; this book can be used to help women from becoming a victim of abuse; or being murdered or stuck in a cage or being a prisoner in their own homes. The information in this book will also help women not to wallow in their past mistakes; and be able to see warning signs so they won't overlook them; this book will serve as guidance to women that when they communicate it keeps them from procrastination and from suffering many painful regrets.
Women Looking for a Man God couldn't Find
"Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established!" Proverbs 16:3By Vester L. DockAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2012 Vester L. Dock
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4772-1638-5Chapter One
My niece's death alone with many other young and old beautiful women that I've known who have been in and out of bad relationships and marriages, and some still are; inspire me to write this book. My hope is that I may be able to save a few women like my niece from setting themselves up for a man to treat them as anything less than a woman. A woman with a low self-esteem is a woman who is a target for a man who doesn't want to do right. She may not have a body with measurements of 36-24-36; but she must always tell herself that she is somebody and should never let a man treat her any less.
My niece always wanted to please her man, even if it meant displeasing herself. She dug a hole for herself going overboard at any cost to please her man, not knowing he could leave her any day. I am a man and I tell you looks can be deceiving, and a man's actions don't always mean that there isn't a hidden agenda. In other words, what I'm saying is this; when it comes to a man what you see and hear is not always what you are getting. Whenever my niece told me about a suitor; I always asked her if she questioned him about his background; did she investigate his beliefs. She would just say to me "Brother I know him from back in the day" My reply to her would be, "you knew him then, but how well do you know him now?" Ladies, stop looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect he doesn't exist, look for the right man for you, not the one that your girlfriends will tell you is cute or the one that has a shiny new car; how many children does he have, does he believe in God? Is he a provider, is he a protector, what does he want to do with his life. That's what this book is about, "Women Looking for the Man God Could Not Find."
I chose this title from the Book of Jeremiah; 5:1-2 KJV, the verse goes like this "Run ye to and fro through the streets of Jerusalem, and see now, and know, and seek in the broad places there if ye can find a man, if there be any that executed judgment, that seeketh the truth; and I will pardon it, and though they say, the LORD, liveth; Surely they swear falsely "O-LORD, are not thine eyes upon theTruth. After Jeremiah launched his investigation, he discovered a sad "Tragic Fact." After going up and down every street in Jerusalem; and every square, looking high and low to find a man who was living a righteous life; one man who was honest or one man who seeketh the Truth. Ladies the report came back that Jeremiah could not find one that seeketh the Truth. This verse reminds me of the Reign of King Josiah, he was made King at a very young age and being in charge of a mighty nation was a big challenge for him and as a result; his nations were in chaos. Our Lord and Savior was not satisfied with how many people had little faith and forgotten Him. And so were the days of Jeremiah in Jerusalem. There were acts of adultery, and idolatry; possessing things became all important, and any means to possessing them seemed justified so he sent Jeremiah out to find one man who was honest and seeking of the truth; so that he would forgive the city, but that one man could not be found. This is what Jerusalem was like in Jeremiah's days, and those days aren't any different from the days we are living now.
Now before Jeremiah's day and time in Genesis 18:24 KJV tells us that God agreed with Abraham to spare the life of Sodom and Gomorrah if he could find 50 Righteous Men within the city; even God said to Abraham that if he find 10 Righteous men he will not destroy the city. But the record shows that Abraham could not find 10; this shows how bad things were. My niece Gail's greatest mistake, as many other women, is that instead of letting the man love her for her; she dug a hole for herself going out of her way trying to please him. What I'm trying to tell you ladies, is that she lost sight of God's words.
Chapter Two
Now because Gail knew my life story and how I struggled to come up from Mississippi; she thought Brother could work out any situation she got herself into. This is partially my fault because I raised Gail along with my own children. She stayed in my house until she became a young lady and moved out on her own. When she took a fall with drugs; I was there for her; and by the Grace of God, she over came the drugs. She was amazed that she never heard me complain. Sometimes I was so broke that I didn't know how I was going to take care of everybody; my family, her family and other families too. During that time I felt like I had the world on my shoulders; and by the Grace of God, I was balancing it. Gail saw this and she would always say "Brother Gonna Work it Out." I didn't like to let Gail down; she was more like a daughter to me than a niece. I knew she needed my help; and she knew I would always do what I could to help her; and because of that she always thought that Brother was going to work it out. I often told her that there are some things that Brother will not be able to work out.
My friend, my niece, my educator, my daughter; and my great supporter, Gail's health began to fail from the hole she had dug for herself. Gail was in and out of the hospital since November 2009. She had started taking various kinds of pills. I was worried so I asked her if she were trying to take her own life. Her answer startled me and I knew at that point that I "Brother" was losing my Gail; Fat Gail, part of the joy of the family.
Gail was a very educated and skillful reader who became well versed in the Bible. Her downfall was trying to please men and always live above her means. I was always there for Gail; spiritually, physically, financially no matter what. I never stopped going to see her even before her health began to fail her. I tried to warn her that she was digging a hole for herself; I told her Brother won't be able to work it out and that is when communication between Gail and I just wasn't the same anymore.
Gail had a boyfriend whom she allowed to use her car on several occasions. But she started to see the other side of this man when her car broke down. When she asked him if she could use his car, he said no. He told her that he had found another girlfriend. This tore Gail apart. She started to go deeper and deeper into a hole; and her cage became smaller. She was in over her head. Gail started into a deep depression; she stayed away from the family, she started not caring about her appearance and was down on her job and most importantly she stopped coming to church and her faith in God waivered. I watched Gail's health get worse after her faith in God waivered.
I didn't know it at first; but Gail had a very low self-esteem. She believed what her man told her and all she wanted to do was please him. She didn't understand that before you start doing things for a man, that you have to check him out first. A woman should take her time to find out if a man is worthy of being with her. Just because a man looks good or drives a nice car doesn't say that he is the man for you. When you are out in the club and see a nice looking man; wait for him to ask you to dance or wait for his lead. I know this is the new millennium; but it is not exactly proper for a woman to just invite a man into her space, giving her phone number, inviting him to dinner, without him even asking. Ladies, if you do that, you will be setting yourself up to become a victim in a bad relationship. The message to the man is that you are showing signs of weakness or you need a man. Oh he will be nice to you and talk nice to you but in his mind he just wants to have you, any way that you allow.
There were many things I needed to say to Gail concerning her last relationship and her new friends; and in specific about her relationship with her man because she thought he was Mr. Right. Gail knew how I felt about her new man and this caused the communication between her and I to go sour. For example, when I called her, she would answer and say that she was going to call me back but she didn't return my call. After a week of calling her I went to see her because I wanted to talk to her so that she would understand that no man is perfect man. I said Gail, how do you know if this is the right man for you; did you question him? Did you question his ability of being a stand up man; his ability to take on responsibility; his ability to ask about your needs and desires; did you question him concerning his last relationship? She said no; but Brother he does nice things for me, he is a nice man. I asked her if she questioned him about his future goals, her answer was no, she didn't question him she wanted a man Jeremiah 5:26, 27 KJV. For among my people are found wicked men "they lay wait, as he that setteth snares; they set a trap, they catch men; as a cage is full of birds" so are their houses full of deceit: therefore they are become great, and waxen rich. Ladies Gail found that she was in what I call a "Caged Relationship" Gail stayed in this relationship because of her weakness for a man. Ladies if you think you will lose a man by questioning him, then you are setting yourselves up to become a "Caged Bird." Listen to your intuition because a man's words will expose his true character, good or bad. If you feel something in your gut isn't right, and you don't know why then most likely something isn't right.
Gail loved me like a Dad; and I loved Gail like a daughter, that is why this book is in memory of her. Sometimes I feel bad because I feel like there was so much more I could have done for her. But I know that she always wanted me to write a book to talk about my life's experiences so my hopes are that you all can read this and it may help with some of your situations; I believe that this will help a lot of ladies, young and old understand that to really find a man that is right for you; that you have to be happy with yourselves first and most importantly find someone who is willing to be a partner who shares with you, and I mean someone who shares your same goals, someone who is going to protect you and respect you and be concerned about your desires and needs.
Chapter Three
Ladies, I am not an expert on relationships nor am I an expert on marriages even though I have been married for 50 years. I'm not saying that I am a Casanova, a Lover Boy, or a Romeo but there was a time when I called myself a Ladies Man. During that time I was a womanizer, and a skirt-chaser, now I'm telling my age because I'm not sure if that's what you all say today. Most of my friends were women; and most of this book concerning women is based on my own experiences and interactions with various women. 40% of this book concerning women is my own experiences; 15% is what I know about God, and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and 20% is what I believe in Jesus Christ, and the other 25% is from my counsel. Ladies and gentlemen, now I did not say I knew all about God, but from my personal experience with God, I know God, and by me knowing a little about God I believe in His holy written word. I don't believe that anyone fully knows all about God; "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts"
Isaiah 55:8, 9 KJV. Ladies and gentlemen all of this causes me to say this to you. You never know what Joy means to the family until it is gone. Gail was the Joy in our family, especially on holidays. As I begin to talk about relationships, marriage, and shacking, or living with someone out of wedlock the whole nine. I want you know that when joy leaves, love becomes a little dull and happiness can change to sadness. Joy is the life of a family, joy is the life of a church. When you take joy away from love and away from happiness; it is only for a little while. My belief is that joy comes from the Holy Spirit of God. So when you are in a situation where you've lost joy; just remember to hang in there. "For his anger endured but a moment; in his favor is life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning" Psalms 30:5, KJV. Look at what the Bible says about Joy and the lack of it. "The vine is dried up, and the fig tree languisheth; the pomegranate tree, the palm tree also, and the apple tree, even all the trees of the field, is withered: because joy is withered away from the sons of men" Joel 1:12 KJV.
Now I'm not trying to tell you how to live your lives; but I am sure that I can enlighten you on a few things that will equip you for situations dealing with men and relationships. I want you to be wise and always think about the decisions you make. If you think about your decisions then you can avoid being a victim in a caged relationship or marriage. As the Bible says "Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves" Matthew 10:16 KJV also "Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves" Matthew 7:15 KJV. All of my women, sisters and daughters and wives I do not want to lose another Gail because of a bad relationship or marriage; whether it is with a man or a woman and whether you believe in God or not. Everybody believe in something; but again I tell you to "Beware of dogs, beware of evil workers, beware of concision" Philippians 3:2 KJV. Now let me explain to you what the word concision means. It means to cut off or leave out details. Now ladies, if a man is being dishonest with you about little things; then his intentions to be with you are not of God's intentions and you should run as quickly as you can into the opposite direction. This Bible quotation has the same message as "Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ "Colossians 2:8 KJV always beware of someone who isn't being straight-forward with you. There are never good results when you don't know the whole story. Let me keep it real here; how can anyone make a decision on something without first knowing all the facts. "Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the Lord pondereth the hearts" Proverbs 21:2 KJV and ; in other words be careful of people who tell you half-truths or be careful of someone who only says what they think you want to hear and what is going to benefit them. You see the difference is that the Lord is dealing with us through life in the spirit; man is dealing with life through the flesh. The flesh is vain and selfish and will do anything for what it wants. "I said in haste, All men are liars" Psalm 116:11 KJV
Now ladies I told you that Jeremiah searched up and down the streets of Jerusalem looking for a man that seeketh the truth so that the Lord would pardon the city. He found not one man, that was perfect or who seeketh the truth. Jeremiah's experience left on record that Mr. Right or Mr. Perfect does not exist. Jeremiah 5:1-31 KJV. The Bible is bombarded with men who God chose who were not perfect or "Mr. Right"; but who were the right men for God's purpose of them. Let us take a look at the men in the Bible before the days of Jeremiah. They had their strengths and weaknesses but God saw a purpose in them. Let me start with Solomon:
Solomon was a man of great pride and known for his wisdom. He actually had God speak to him; he was an anointed King, and he was a humble person of prayer but his weakness was greed, idolatry or wrong values and he allowed his wives to affect his loyalty to God. Although he is known in the bible for his wisdom; based on his actions he is also known as one of the greatest fools 1 Kings 4:29-34, 1 King 11:2 and 2 Chronicles 1:7-12.
Then there was David:
David, an "Anointed King" and mighty warrior committed adultery with another man's wife; he arranged the murder of her husband Uriah. 2 Samuel 12:11 and 2 Samuel 11:14, 15 KJV.
Then there was Noah:
Noah and his family were the only followers of God left on earth. Noah walked with God; however he had a weakness for wine. He got drunk and embarrassed himself in front of his sons. Genesis 9: 20-24 KJV
Then there was Adam:
Adam' weakness was that he avoided responsibility for his own action and blamed his wife Eve, his mistake was not to stand up as a man; he hid from God in shame rather than facing him when he ate from the forbidden fruit. Genesis 3:12 KJV
Then there was Abraham:
Abraham, under pressure and fear distorted the Truth. After the destruction of Sodom, instead of waiting on God Abraham packed up and moved his family to Egypt. He lied about his wife's identity saying that she was his sister. Genesis 20: 1-18 KJV
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Excerpted from Women Looking for a Man God couldn't Findby Vester L. Dock Copyright © 2012 by Vester L. Dock. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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