CHAPTER 1
A Life Going to be Christian-Lived
At the end of one's life, how does a well-lived life matter? How and to what degree can the human condition of those exposed to such a life be affected? Can a story like the one to follow change people and even the world to become a better place — a place that matters and is worth living? Will it be a place where a mass of people can see the benefits of goodness and the repercussions from badness with no confusion about what is good and what is bad? How does one determine truth in such a story? Questions to ponder followed by a search for their answers should we have the desire to matter. Regardless of by whom and why such a journey is undertaken, it is the journey that matters more than the outcome. It is because there is no pure or last outcome as the circular movement of life is perpetual. We are born, we grow up, and we die; and through this process, we live, we learn, and we teach, whether we actively choose to engage in the process or not. The impact of lives upon one another is never linear; it never finishes. There are no end results; it is a forever movement. My friend knew this. This is his story — the story of Theodore Tobias Greenwood and the cast of characters that surrounded his life.
I still don't fully understand it all, but the impact from being exposed to Tobias is often not easily described but always felt. When we were young, I found him strange, but I always wanted to be around him. As I got a bit older, I found many of the things he did and didn't do oddly interesting, and I still wanted to always be around him. When I got even older, I became fascinated by what he was able to do; and older still, I was amazed and never stopped wanting to be around him. I began to realize the gift of this friendship over the years and now I am deeply touched, grateful, and inspired by the impact Tobias's life had on me and our little community in Kannot, Pennsylvania. I chose to believe it was all related to a higher power — one of love, one of free will, and one who I believe we will all answer to one day. Tobias knew the Bible and went to church every Sunday, though he would rarely mention an organized religion. I believe he had a very close relationship with God.
For those who don't subscribe to God, or any higher power, I think they can look at Tobias and still be in awe of the manner in which he lived his life. On this earth, I think I have been as close to what God wishes me to represent as anyone ever. I believe I grew up being exposed to his love and grace through Tobias. I would try to have such discussions with Tobias, but he would only say I was being weird. I think that was just something he was programmed to say to provide cover for his heavenly motives. He simply lived by example; he did not have to preach one word about a religion or his spirituality. He was a beautiful child who remained a beautiful man.
Tobias usually brought out the best in people and, oddly at times, the worst as well. Lessons would be learned from Tobias and from events that took place throughout his life. He would say that we learn goodness from each other or not (there was always an "or not") yet we would learn something. He rarely bantered about things. His communication, whether it be verbal or nonverbal, always seemed to have a direct point. Only the love of his earthly life could alter this communication style. The essence of Tobias manifested in all his relationships — with caregivers, elders, teachers, children, clergies, employers, classmates, everyone.
Nearing Tobias's final year, he began to relay much confidence in me — his friend since childhood. Most thought my mind was as quiet as my hesitancy of speaking sometimes which suggested so, but on the contrary, my mind was always working and taking in things. I now realize that Tobias knew this about me. He knew that no matter what he shared with me, I would have some reference to what he spoke. He would tell me things as if in chapter form. The mystery of himself has now aligned with the mystery experienced by so many others. It began to hit him too. When he began sharing how he remembered these stories, he would say,
"When I tell you my last story, it will all come together, and you will know."
He would say this as if I were a part of his puzzle, while all along, I thought Tobias was a piece to mine and everyone else's puzzle. In reflection, there was no way we could not be pieces to each other's puzzles and no one being the primary. I learned to not question Tobias's insights and words; I was humbled by the invitation into his world. Nonetheless, I still had to ask, "Know what, Tobias?"
"I'm not sure, but you and I will know together," he said.
The day he contacted me to share his final chapter, I came to his bedside. He seemed so much at peace. He had been in so much physical pain for so long — two months for this latest period of burn/grafting and infection. But this was his day. He owned it, and he ordered a pain-free day — a day with his friend. He somehow received the answers he sought. They seemed to bring him joy and peace, and he wanted to share these with me. Still, his hand lay there in that position again, and he admitted to me he knew it, reminding me again that he was not alone and never was. I did not have to ask for any clarification.
He began to speak of his mother and father and what he remembered of them. My goodness, he was only two and a half when they left this world, yet he had things stored in memory and could put language to them. I wasn't sure if this was possible, but with Tobias, I had to believe it was. He stated how much he loved his aunt and uncle — his adoptive parents. "They saved me," he would say. He told me of a recent conversation he had with his aunt with such a profound yet comfortable look on his scarred and beautiful face — the comfort and peace that seemed to wash away the scars. His aunt, apparently understanding Tobias's need for truth as he always requested, confessed to him the addictions of his mother and father and that their substance abuse was the reason for the accident. Though it was not the truth for his sake that he was seeking, he knew by unburdening his aunt and uncle of such a secret would bring them more peace when he was gone.
At the time, they questioned themselves and the professionals what was best: raising this young life with the open acknowledgment of this fact or, raising the child who had positive roots minus the idea of his parents' vices? They opted for the latter, and when the professionals stated the appropriate time to have such a discussion, ongoing hesitation/discomfort simply moved time past them. Tobias spoke about this with such love for his aunt and uncle. It was not the animosity typically heard when such truths are unearthed in one's later life. He truly knew their decision was based on love, and that was all he required. When he discussed this with his aunt, she confessed it all. In his later conversation with her, Tobias smiled and simply said, "Thank you for doing that for me." With glistening, sparkling eyes, he continued, "I love you both so much."
Tobias remembered some events of his life with his mother and father. He stated remembering his parents being surrounded by bad people at times, but they always tried to protect him. He took great pride in this memory, yet he said, "The Father always had one of my hands." Tobias said that his mom and dad had experienced very tough lives and were very young. They were touched by the evils of this world and moved away from family and friends. He talked about the impact of bad things that happen to people and children and would then say such things do not always have to end badly. It is not a given that anger, resentment, and hatred will take over the heart of those mistreated, even the very young. And then there was Raymond — a question to which so many needed an answer, and when it came, it came hard.
But now he wants to share his peace with his friend who never heard him utter, infer, or allude to anything about his roots. The only time this friend and many others saw him lose his sense of peace and grace was at that football game on that night in 1976. Even though this event shocked so many, most came to the understanding it was probably necessary and worked out for the best, but I am still not sure if Tobias felt the same way. When I asked him about this, he was not able to provide another way of handling such a situation. He could only say, other feelings overtook his heart on that day. I could only posit this might sometimes happen. He said this with uncertainty, as if this was the one question he would not have to answer on this earth, but still, he did not seem to mind. He did not seem to have a need to know this. Throughout his years of intermittent healing and relapse and so much pain, I've not witnessed the calmness I see before me now. Yet the ongoing familiarity of his grace has always sustained.
The doctors had long stated the terminal nature of Tobias's wounds. His timeline for passing appeared to be approaching with certainty. His wife, children, relatives, and friends were as prepared as anyone could be, especially with the help of Tobias. He would remind everyone, "No place in the Bible does it say we will live a pain, or grief-free life." Then he would go on to say, "The gifts and graces will far exceed such pains — if you learn." His last words to me were that I should tell his story and emcee the next Person of the Decade event in the year 1993 — a Kannot, Pennsylvania, thing. They started this with Tobias after his heroics in 1982. He had such a prideful look on his face when he made this request. He smiled and stated this would also help me make more sense of all this. It was my pain and loss he was now caring about. Tobias was at peace and had all the answers he required to move on. He knew my mind processed information on a constant basis, so much so that a sleep disorder manifested over the years.
Trying some comic relief, I said, "Thanks. Now I'll have this to ponder for nine more years and during the middle of the night too. I think things are supposed to start making more sense to me now."
He could only smile. He knew I'd make it, and he knew I needed a lot of time. And with that, I needed to leave the room as his wife and children and some others sat in waiting outside. Tobias had words and messages for them all, and one by one, they entered and departed. They later told me their experiences at Tobias's request. And finally, his children, with pj's packed, were ready for a nighttime story with their daddy and mommy. It would not be long now. This would be the last time I would see Tobias in this world as he would pass the next morning. Let us all not forget he was so right all along about Ramona, and to remind us all about those times, he would say,
"Faith, hope, and love, my friends, and the greatest of these is love." Along with that was the precious and most sincere smile one could ever see.
Oh, there are things most of us just cannot see when we are young. Tobias was right all along about so many things. He offered his grace and love for all, and I especially noticed that during our school years. He would say, "No bullying of anyone because they are different! It doesn't matter what their color, religion, sexual orientation, etc. Jesus simply wanted us to love our neighbors. He didn't tell us to pick and choose. Faith, hope, and love and the greatest of these is love." He was saying these things at a time when the rest of us didn't understand ourselves. I was just so blessed.
On the night of October 1, 1993, I am in this auditorium renovated since our high school days with more seating and comfort. The much-carved wood professing the love of this one to that one with occasional profanities professing the disdain of this one to that one long gone. I was asked to do this a couple years ago. Since then, I had felt this would be one of the most important moments in my life. I had so many thoughts and feelings about it. I had been preparing for this speech for many years and not always on a conscious level. I had tried to share so much with my family over the years. They eventually seemed to know what I was going through and provided even more love and comfort, especially during the last year — the time I became actively engaged in the planning of this event and my speech's development. It felt very right tonight to honor the spirit of Tobias and to celebrate the recipient of this award. And the secret committee knew who was in the running, but until the sealed letter was to be broken on stage, only the ballot counters knew for sure, and they swore a vow of secrecy.
As for the planning of this event, most pointedly, I was asked to seek those in high places who would consider attending. High-dollar plates were requested to raise funds for several charities the new recipient wished to champion. This was a kind of media event. Knowing how to accomplish this while sharing such an event with the local community was a tall order. Money for the charities was most important, so we decided upon a free community event the following weekend where the community would take joy in this celebration and would learn of the amounts raised for the charities. With this in mind, the community backed such an event and tried to help connect with any celebrity, politician, or well-to-do person who would pay the $1,000 seat. It was a great photo op for them. Since the inception of this award was for Tobias, the exposure of his life and accolades on at least a regional level, this event would receive much media attention, — for charity — one could not look better. The eight-hundred-seat auditorium would bring about a nice dollar amount, and rumor had it again that there were several donors ready to match whatever sum raised. When Tobias received the award, it was reported to be the largest amount donated to charities per capita in the country. There were now articles stating the concept of this award ceremony was beginning to take hold in other areas of the country. Some thought Tobias's event was just a passing moment in history, but nothing associated with Tobias was ever just a passing event. Despite the limelight, motives would not be questioned tonight as love long sustained for, and through Tobias, would be in this house. The artists, musicians, and writers touched by Tobias's life would return along with local, state, and other political leaders. And per the spirit of Tobias's life, tonight's award winner would come to share many of the qualities one would expect of the one to take this center stage.
For many years, I was an observer of Tobias, a listener of stories told by and about Tobias, and was directly impacted on many occasions as a friend of Tobias. This story will speak to you, and it may answer some questions you have about living life as a Christian if you choose to let yourself imagine and consider the possibilities. Through Tobias's Christian life, his ongoing friendship with Jesus will continue and his love and compassion for others will be shared. It is a story about the faith and wisdom of a child and what we can learn from such children, and it's a story about how our lives impact one another. I've heard there may be others out there like Tobias: some call them old souls or wisdom children. Most people don't make the faith connection until they are older. I wonder why it is so hard to see such faith and the Christian possibilities in these children.
That evening, I reflected upon Tobias's life as I sat with my family and friends in the Kannot High School auditorium, recognizing the Person of the Decade. Tobias being the last and first recipient, a more fitting tribute could not be made. I have a need to tell you how we get to this place today. I offer this story of a special person's journey, a task I began many years ago, for everyone. But it cannot be just Tobias's story. The lives of those around him, and their decisions made, impact upon one another, for better or worse, and to varying degrees.
What would happen if we truly understand this? Just a little hint — when musical selections present themselves, if you have the music, play it along with the scenes. This boy knew how to have fun and live!
