When I Close My Eyes
By Julia Danielle MurphyTrafford Publishing
Copyright © 2012 Julia Danielle Murphy
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4669-3951-6Chapter One
Always Sky of Blue
No matter what you do,
I will always love you,
And the sky will always be blue,
As long as I'm with you.
My Broken Pieces
You broke my heart,
You tore it apart,
You took it away,
You chewed it up,
And flushed it down the drain,
It ended up in the dump,
You let it fly away,
And now I have to hear you say,
"With me it cannot play,
Do not let it stay,
Unless your heart is ready for another break."
Different
I'm not like "them." I do not laugh when something is funny. I do not smile when I am happy. I do not cry when I get hurt. I do not have to think before I put one foot in front of the other, I just do it. I do not see things in the same way "they" do, I see the world at a different angle. When I look at "them" I wonder why I am not the same as "them", why I'm different. I am different from the rest of "them."
The End
The time is running out, and the end is coming. Each second brings us closer to the end and when the end comes, all life will go. He will come, and save us, or he will not come, and we will all die. It all depends on him. It all depends on God. I know he will come and save us, I know this well, for he speaks to me in my dreams. I will find him, but I must hurry, for the end is coming soon.
The Strings of Life Puppet Master
For some reason, I have lost control. I do not know what is going on anymore. I have lost control of what is happening in my life. Emotions are boiling up inside of me and birds are flying around my head wildly. I'm having a nightmare that I can't wake up from, no matter how many times I pinch myself. But that is only because I am no longer in control of this dream. Someone else has taken over my dream, over my life. After a second or two the strings attached to my body start to come into view. I cannot believe I thought that I could control the strings; the strings of life. Because I am only a puppet and puppets cannot have their own dreams.
Never Ending Tears
Tears are streaming from my eyes, flowing down my cheeks. Each drop filled with emotions I have had locked up behind the metal bars of my heart. They never stop, they just keep coming and no matter how hard I try to keep them at bay, they just keep pouring out. I have not cried this much in a long time, as though I had forgotten how to cry.
Crying Rain
The best time to cry is when it is raining, so nobody can tell your really crying. When it is raining you can let your tears flow, until every single drop is out, so the rain can stop and you can go on with your life. The best time to cry is when it is raining.
Black Rose
The black rose forever immortal,
The black rose which never looses its petals,
The black rose; the saddest flower,
The black rose that only grows in the darkest hour,
The black rose which never dies,
The black rose which only grows from deception and lies,
The black rose forever immortal.
Feathers
Feathers, which fell from the sky,
Which could not be seen by human eyes,
Feathers which were torn off a bird's wing,
Which fell off when a girl started to sing,
Feathers which the wind blew all the way to the ocean,
And then got swallowed by a shark,
Feathers which fell from the sky.
Never Coming Rain
Rain which never came,
Clouds that could not be tamed,
Water drops that never fell,
Droughts that struck from hell,
Tears drops that were never loved,
Rain that never did come.
Just Another Bird
From what I've seen, from what I've heard, you are just another bird; flying high in the sky without a fear of dying. Is it true, are you just another bird? The look in your eyes says something else. Your eyes tell me that you are more than just another bird in the sky. Your wings fly higher than the wind can blow. The wind whispered in your ear and asked you, why you were always beside him, why you never left him and the sky. You were born with the wings of an angel and never stopped flying, for your wings never let you stop. And your feathers promised to always be with you; your wings promised to never stop working. This is the reason why you are not just another bird, because unlike the other birds, you will never die; never give up on your dream to fly with the wind. You are the bird I see in the sky when I look up at the clouds. From what I've seen, from what I've heard you are just another bird; flying high in the sky, without a fear of dying.
Will You ...?
If I hold my hand out, will you take it? If I cry, will you hold your hand out to me? If I fall, will you catch me? If I drown, will you fight the currents? No matter how much they want you to not be with me, will you stay by my side? If I go far, far away, will you run with me? If I run away, will you care enough to go after me? If I hold my hand out will you take it?
The Meadow
Warning: If you have no idea of what is living out there beyond the forest, I beg you to stop reading this and go home, and never come back to this place. Believe me there are things in this world you will never know and should never know about. There are things that the human eye can not see, some things humans can't even comprehend. If you have no idea what I am talking about, then stop reading. If you are still reading, you are very brave, but that is only because you don't know what is coming next.
The Wolf
The wolf with beautiful yellow eyes,
The wolf who once had cried,
The wolf that spent his winters in the woods hiding,
In the woods he watched the girl he love almost die,
Although she knew what was happening, she did not cry.
But instead, she laid there staring up into the wolf's yellow
eyes.
Without You
Without you I am empty inside,
Without you I am no longer alive,
Without you in spring the plants will not grow,
Without you in winter it will not snow,
Without you I will die,
Without you I will drown in lies,
Without you I have no home,
Without you I am alone.
Only One
A message is being sent, a message is being received. This is a very important message. It will change the path of many lives, it will save many souls and it will cause many people to die. But this message can only be read by one person: this message can only be read by him. He can be the only one to save us. He is the person who will free people from their torment. He will come to save the lost souls; he will come to save me from the darkness. This message will put many in danger. Many people will come, and try to take the message before he gets it. Many will risk their lives to get the message to him. He does not know who he is, and does not yet know what he must do. But I know that he will soon come for us. He is the one. He is Souless boy. He is the other half of me.
The Ending of a Nightmare
Today, when I woke up, I looked out the window. All I could see was a dark sky, filled with gray clouds that would not stop crying. I knew what was happening: I was dreaming; only the dream was turning into a nightmare. Usually pinching yourself works, well it did not work this time, but that is only because this was not a dream, it was reality. I would never be able to runaway, never be able to open my eyes. I would not be able to stop my dream from ending horribly. They were all lies, happily ever after's, and I knew that they were not real. They could never happen in a world like this one. I should have known the end was coming soon, known that it was going to end like this. It was the ending of a fairytale gone wrong, and no one was coming to save me.
My Pain
You may not know it, but you have caused me pain,
That's why I have lost my sane,
You have caused me pain,
And now you must pay.
You must feel the pain I feel inside,
You will be paying for the rest of your life,
You will always be alone,
Never to find your way back home.
Your door will always be locked,
You will soon loose all your time to the clock,
Never to be glad,
Always to be sad.
Never aloud to be with the one you love,
You will wish for death, but it will never come,
You run but you can not hide,
And now you know how I feel inside.
Cold Eyes
Those cold eyes, that look at me from behind; those cold eyes, that are never out of mind. Those cold eyes, that are always out of sight. Those cold eyes, that never seem to die. Those cold eyes that always start the fight; those cold eyes that are blocking the truth inside. Those cold eyes, that are truly kind and behind those cold eyes is a locked up heart, which has always been there from the start. Behind those cold eyes is a broken heart, torn up into icy chunks.
Ashes From the Sky
Ashes are falling from the sky. I do not know why, but ashes are falling from the sky. I just know that something has gone terribly wrong. The skies are raining fire and the dead are coming out of their graves. People are running around, screaming in panic. The rain is falling but it does not make the fires cease. Little kids are howling in fear as they see their families get eaten alive by the seas of black fire. The black fire is made with dark magic, which burns and tears at flesh and causes all who are near to burn like confetti. Those who get eaten by the black fire, are turned into ashes, become part of the fire, and are forever cursed to watch people suffer as they help eat them alive and because of the black fire; ashes will forever fall from the sky.
You Are the Reason
Everything you do and everything you say,
Are the reasons I have become this way,
You're the reason I do not sleep at night,
You're the reason I have lost my might,
You're the reason I have lost my way,
You're the reason why I will not stay,
You're the reason I am always sad,
You're the reason why I have become so mad,
I hate everything you do and I hate everything you say,
Because you are the reason I have become this way,
Your lies ring in my ears and your death has brought me to
tears.
The Castle of Souls
Hidden in the forest of shadows, surrounded by a silver pond that only two identical black swans are swimming in, is a castle. In this castle, on the top floor, last room to the right, is a huge bullet proof wall. Behind that wall, on the left side of the room, is a wall sized tank proof window, so you can see the night sky. Inside that room is exactly one hundred and fifty-three armed men all circled around a four layered cage, around the cage is six layers of chains and inside that cage is me.
Soon To Be Shattered Glass
These poems I'm writing are slowly flipping the pages of this book. The pencil of my dreams is writing in the ink of my imagination. I'm taking in the blood stains on the pages of a story come to life. I can hear the fluttering of the creamy-white wings of the angel as he readies for his break in. I can feel the weight of the heavy chains slow down my movement. I can see the bars of my cage start to shake and I can smell the fear rolling off the armed men surrounding me. I know that soon, Souless boy will come crashing straight through that tank proof window.
Do You ... Love Or Hate ...
Can you truly love someone, but hate them at the same time? Can you be drawn to them, but not want to be near them? Can you want to accept someone's love, but deep down inside, you know they are not the one? Can you be the one who breaks their heart, but also be the one to fix it? Can you make them feel both sad and happy inside? Can you feel as if you're lying, but know that inside you're truly being honest with yourself? Can you stay, and still go with them? Can you leave them behind, but still come back for them in the end? You think their close, when they are so far away ... Can you truly love someone, but hate them at the same time?
Goodbye ...
You are crying, but I do not know the reason for your tears. You are waving to me, but I do not know if you're trying to say goodbye or hello. You're walking away from me, but I do not know if you're staying or going. You say you're going somewhere, but I do not know if it is far or near. I think I know what's going on, but I do not want to acknowledge the truth. Is it possible ... could you be ... by any chance, leaving me? If so, there is only one thing I think you should know.
We may not have been around each other a lot, but it does not matter how close you may be to that person. The only thing that matters is how attached to that person you were, and how much you cared about them.
You were a good friend to me and now I have to watch you set off. And as I watch you go, the only thing I can do is cry, I can't even say goodbye. It hurts so much to see you go, and not being able to say goodbye will haunt me for the rest of my life. Goodbye ... forever....
I Will Not Let
You Runaway
I will not listen to what you say,
You fill me with so much hate,
You showed me the definition of pain,
You will not win this game,
I must make it to the gate,
I have to change our fate,
Before it is too late,
This can no longer wait,
I will not let you runaway,
I will never let it end this way.
Other Side of Love What is Love?
Love is a beautiful thing, but it can cause people pain. There are two different, equal parts of love. The two who fall in love and the one who can never be with the one they love. Love is a delicate thing; it can easily be broken, torn apart or shattered into pieces. Love can cause someone to feel happy and sad. It can make someone feel both curious and mad. The worst part about love is that someone is always left out; there is someone who is left all alone. Someone who was never cared about, whose existence could not be seen, just ignored. Someone who was never loved.
Love will not let you run or hide.
Why does love have to have a second side?
Leaving Me
I'm standing, you're going
I'm staying here
You're going there
You're going to a place where the stars do not shine at night.
You're going to a place where the birds won't fly in the sky.
You're going to a place without a sky. You're going to a place
where the sun does not shine.
You're going to a place were I will not be....
You are leaving me.
Tears of Mine
The tears that fell from the sky,
The tears that I cry,
The tears that I held deep down inside,
The tears that I tried to hide,
The tears that make me blind,
The tears that lie,
The tears that come from my eyes,
The tears I had to fight,
The tears that secretly whispered goodbye,
The tears of mine.
You Are My Fantasy
You're my fairytale, you're my dream,
To my heart, you are the key,
You're the flower blooming inside of me,
You are my living fantasy,
You are the stars in my sky,
You are the candle of my light,
You are the bird in the skies above,
You are the one I will always love,
You are the leaves blowing in my wind,
I hope this fairytale will never end.
You are my fairytale, you're my dream,
I hope that you will never leave.
Waiting
A bird stuck in a cage,
A boy who ran away to another day,
A sky turned eternally gray,
Clouds that never brought rain,
A toy that could not play,
A ballerina that could not do ballet,
A girl weighed down in chains,
A heart drowning in shame,
A spark that never turned into a flame,
A bird that never escaped,
A true love that never came.
Beautiful Dream
I am in a meadow. I am surrounded by hundreds of colorful flowers. I'm wearing a yellow spring dress, my reddish-brown hair is flowing down my back, and my feet are bare. A rush of wind blows in my direction, forcing me to inhale the delicious smell of flowers. I am lying down, looking up at the sun that is smiling down on me, as I watch a dark blue butterfly fly by my head. I can feel a pair of eyes on me, so I slowly look down into his eyes. We just sit there staring at each other, not saying anything to interrupt this moment. I do not want anything to stop this, wanting this moment to go on forever. A meadow, him and me, and a scene that could not possibly be real. And the one thing making this moment perfect ... was the person sitting right next to me.
The Unsaid
Distended to die,
Left outside,
You were trying to hide,
The lies inside,
Love or hate,
A game that could not be played,
To much pain,
A world that was not sane,
A fight that could not be won,
A song that could be sung,
A bird that could not fly,
A soldier that could not fight,
People who could not be fed,
An army that could not be led,
A star that could not shine,
A girl who could not cry,
Eyes that could not be shown,
The truth could not be shed,
Words that could not be said,
Unsaid,
Or left dead,
Distended to die,
If you try to fight.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from When I Close My Eyesby Julia Danielle Murphy Copyright © 2012 by Julia Danielle Murphy. Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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