Dispense

The Way to parent according to Tao
  Cannot be defined using words,
    For it is beyond words?

Terms may be used to speak of it,
  But they cannot grasp it?

This Way to lead children according to Tao
  Existed long before
    There were children to lead?

It existed before heaven and earth?
It is the unlimited way to bring up any child?
It lies beyond our limited understanding?

Therefore,
  To see beyond your own boundaries as a parent
    In order to reach the heart of your child,
      Dispense with concepts,
      With techniques,
      With your own desires
        And expectations?

It is as though this Great Way is hidden —
  A mystery to every leader —
Yet aspects of it may be always manifest
  In simple daily events?

The mystery
  And the manifestations
    Arise from the same source?
Words make these two seem different,
  But the words only express appearance?

If we must name these,
  Let us call them wonder?

From wonder into wonder,
  True parenting and leading unfolds?


Regard

Parents,
  Finding one innate thing about their children beautiful
    Will find other innate things ugly?

  When finding some things good,
    Will judge other things as deficient?

Yet in every child
  Seen according to the Tao,
The hidden and the apparent create each other?
The difficult and the easy complement each other?
The tall and the short illustrate each other?
The highs and the lows define each other?
The varying tones give their own music to a young voice?

And the way they will regard others
  Follows the way you regard them?

Hence the Master Parent
  Accomplishes without effort,
  Teaches everything without saying anything,
  Takes their children as they come,
  Serves without demanding,
  Lays no claim,
  Takes no credit?

Because true parents forget themselves
  In the lives of their children,
Their children will never lose the highest regard
  For them?


Clear and Simple

When you over-esteem and lavish praise
  On those children whom you perceive
    As having talent or merit,
      Your children will be full of rivalry and contention?

When you overvalue possessions and belongings,
  Your children will feel the compulsion to covet or steal?

When you constantly stimulate your children's wants,
  Your children will be disturbed?

The sound parent leads children by
  Emptying their minds,
  Opening their hearts,
  Filling their stomachs,
  Relaxing their ambitions,
  Toughening their bones?

In this way the children can have clear thoughts
  And simple needs
And in no way will fall victim
  To any cunning meddlers?

Practice action-nonaction?
  Do not force,
    And you will find
      That without the use of compulsory means,
        Good children will come of themselves?


Something Is There

Can people really parent according to the Tao
  Like a well
    Used without needing to be filled?
Yes?

Can children really be led in such a way
  That they continue to see their own infinite possibilities
    As though they are origins in themselves?
Yes?

Can leaders of children
  Smooth the sharp edges,
  Untie tangles,
  Temper the glare,
  Settle the dust,
  Unite a family?
Yes?

In the deep,
  In the vastness,
  Something is there,
    Holding the secrets of true leading and parenting —
Hidden but always present,
Full of questions and answers alike?

I do not know when the Way was conceived?

It came before God?


Inexhaustible Capacity

Heaven and earth are impartial,
Treating the comings and goings of one thing
  As they would another?

Wise mentors are the same?
They regard each child
  Not because of their qualities
    But regardless of them?

The space between heaven and earth is like a bellows —
  Empty and inexhaustible?
The more it moves,
  The more it holds,
    The more it gives?

The wise parent is the same —
  Never confusing personal selfishness
    For personal incapacity?

Try to understand this truth by talking about it,
  The less you will comprehend it?

Simply find it at the center?


Without Effort

The source of knowing how to lead a child
  Comes from the valley spirit that never dies,
  From the Great Mother,
    Who gives birth
      To heaven and earth?

This knowing is —
  Although behind a veil —
    Constantly available?

As a leader, it can become of use to you,
  As you will,
    Without effort?


Not for Self

Heaven and earth are eternal?
  Why?
Because they do not live for themselves?
  Thus they are present for all beings?

Wise parents put themselves after their children,
  Thereby leading them?

They don't insist on being the center of their children's lives,
  Thereby uniting with them?

They are selfless with their children,
  Thereby fulfilled as parents?


Free of Blame

Parents of the highest good
  Are like water,
Benefiting their children
  And not contending?
They will go wherever they need to go
  In order to arrive at their child —
  A journey most leaders disdain,
    Yielding and low,
      Near the Tao?

In dwelling with your children,
  Build your own solid foundation?
In your thoughts concerning them,
  Meditate deeply?
In your relationship with them,
  Be generous and kind?
In speaking with them,
  Be honest?
In overseeing them,
  Be organized and clear?
In your profession,
  Let them see you working to increase your skill?
In your actions toward them,
  Do things at the right time?

Free of coercion from you,
Free of feeling justified by observing your actions,
  They just might see the Way,
    And you will stand free of blame?


Calamity

In disciplining or rewarding,
  A leaders of youth can
Keep filling the bowl to the brim,
  Yet it is better to stop at the right time than to spill?
Oversharpen a sword,
  And now the edge cannot be preserved?
Keep filling their homes with jade and gold,
  Past their abilities to protect it?

Let your children lay their hearts
  On possessions, others' approval, and pride,
    And you bring them calamity?

Following the way of heaven,
  A leader will do the requisite work
    Then peacefully step back?


Only with Your Heart

While interacting with young people today,
  Can you keep your spirit and body in harmony?
  Can you embrace the oneness and never depart from it?
While dealing with young people in the moment,
  Can you focus even your vital breath
  So as to be supple as a newborn?
While seeking to understand young people in your life,
  Can you cleanse your inner vision of blemish
  To see the mystery unobstructed?

Can you love the young people in your charge
  Without manipulating or using cunning?

In all that comes and goes around you
  And your young students,
    Can you remain receptive and open?

Can you with your mind
  Ascertain and discern
    Everything about the lives
      Of the children you lead
        But interfere
        Only with your heart?

Raise and nourish?
Guide but lay no claim?
Benefit without exacting gratitude?
Lead without controlling?
This is called the Profound Mysterious Virtue?


That Part of Us

Thirty spokes converge?
  The hub is useful only
    Because of the usefulness of the void?

A wall is built up around?
  The clay vessel is useful only
    Because of the usefulness of the void?

Doors and windows are cut?
  The room is useful only
    Because of the usefulness of the voids?

We have to our advantage and benefit
  The knowledge, skills, and talents we possess
    As leaders?

Yet our usefulness to the children
  Comes only when we make use of that part of us,
    Which cannot be measured, isolated, or identified?


Power Within

The five colors can blind a child's eye?
The five tones can deafen young ears?
The five flavors can dull a new palate?

Racing around doing exciting things
  Makes a young person's mind go mad?
Fancy and expensive possessions
  Impede internal progress?

Therefore,
Sagacious parents are examples?
  They cultivate what is within themselves
    And reject external distractions?

They attend to their children's bellies,
  Not their children's eyes,
Helping them to prefer their own power within
  And letting go of the rest?


Entrusted

To favor a child
  Or disfavor a child —
    Both cause trouble?

A child who sees self as self
  Can be hurt?

What does it mean to say that to favor a child or disfavor a child both cause trouble? Because favor becomes sought after for favor's sake, and when disfavored, a child sees favor as fleeting and conditional? Both become found from external sources?

What does it mean to say that a child who sees self as self can be hurt? The reason people suffer hurt is that they are occupied with self? If a person were not occupied with self, how could that person be hurt?

Hence,
  Leaders who regard the student
    As they regard themselves
      Can be entrusted with them?

Charge for the governance of young people
  Belongs to those who care in this way?


While Holding

The power behind being a wise leader of youth
  When looked for in the form of specific techniques
    Will become too elusive to see,
  When listened for in the form of step-by-step instructions
    Will become too rare to hear,
  When grasped for in the form of particular methods
    Will become too small to contain?

The elusive, rarefied, and infinitesimal
  Come together as one unfathomable quality?
This quality of a leader of Tao
  Is not bright on its upper side
    And on its lower side, not dim?

Unnamable, this quality will show itself in practice
  Then will recede back into the undefined realm?

All forms of good parenting, teaching, and leading youth
  Come from this formless origin,
But it is subtle?
  Go to meet it directly; it has no front?
  Seek to follow behind it; it has no back?

The primordial Tao runs like an ever-present thread?
  While holding it,
    You can harness the now
      Between you and a child?
  While holding it,
    The essence of ancient wisdom is yours?

When you let it go,
  Your ability to lead youth
    Becomes inaccessible again?

Understanding this is finding the beginning?


Simply Appears

Masterful leaders of old were subtle and profound
— So much so that they are incomprehensible
to us? We can merely describe their appearance:
  Cautious like one crossing an icy stream,
  Alert like one surrounded by enemies,
  Yielding like melting ice,
  Genuine like uncarved wood,
  Open like a valley,
  Churned like a muddy torrent?

Churned?

Can you,
  Like these ancient masters,
    Still yourself in the midst
      Of the children's churning torrents,
        Awaiting tranquility?

A constant calm stream allows mud to settle by itself,
  Revealing
    The proper responses,
    The right actions?
      As though they simply appeared?

Parents of the Tao don't seek fulfillment?
  This is precisely why they feel complete?
Though their children constantly employ their efforts,
  They understand how to not need renewal?


However Fine

Teach children this:

"Do your best to attain the emptiness of humility?
Do your best to hold on to the stillness of peace?

As the ten thousand things rise and fall,
  As the myriad creatures flourish,
Watch these and contemplate them?
  Witness how each returns to its root?

To return to the root
  Is called finding stillness?
To find stillness
  Is to return to the mandate of heaven?
To return to the mandate of heaven
  Is to know unchanging principles?
To know unchanging principles
  Is to be enlightened?
Ignoring unchanging principles
  Is willful blindness, the working of evil?

Following constant unchanging principles,
  One sees things as they are?
Seeing things as they are,
  One is impartial?
Being impartial,
  One is capable of kingly justice?
This kind of justice
  Is an expression of the Devine?
Divinity and Tao
  Are the same thing?

Tao is eternal?
  Being one with Tao
    Is to be eternal also,
      Even after your body dies?"

However fine your teaching and leading,
  To help young people understand anything less than this
    Is ultimately finite
      And futile?