CHAPTER 1
The Path of the Feather
In 1994, I had the opportunity to invite High Star, a well-respected spiritual leader of the Rosebud, Lakota Indian Nation, to speak and do a blessing for our spiritual community. People dressed like wannabe Indians gathered outside to participate in the ground blessing before High Star's talk. One man dressed in a leather jacket with beads and held a wooden staff. I saw others point and say, "I bet that's him!"
Five minutes before the blessing began, a lovely lady skidded a car with High Star inside into the parking lot. High Star, wearing jeans, a ribbon shirt, and Nike tennis shoes, stepped from the car. His long hair distinguished him as a joy-filled Native American leader; this man was full of charisma and presence. He taught Taoism around the world because he had discovered the ancient wisdom gave him patterns of nature. These were the same patterns in nature that his grandfathers had taught him. They were the magical messages of the ancient people.
After his presentation, I asked if I could study Taoism with him. He paused and then asked me to go away for the summer and pray about this. If it was right for me to study with him, I'd receive a sign. I said I'd be glad to pray about it. I took him back to the airport and thanked him.
During my drive back home, I found my rational mind on tilt while trying to figure out what the sign might be — or what he even meant by a sign. Every day I took it into my spiritual practice, praying for my highest path to be revealed to me.
That summer, I defied my husband's wishes and purchased a beautiful aspen grove on some mountain property. I felt I had purchased a piece of heaven. The land became my sanctuary, and during the summer, I traveled there every week on my day off. I called this sacred place Tall Trees. There was the fragrance of aspen bark, the sweetness of wild flowers. The aspens stood as white candles erected to the heavens.
I usually went late at night after teaching a class, and I drove by myself in my old, yellow Toyota pickup. I would carefully walk up the road and enter my tepee, which I had placed on the land; it was my castle in the woods. I remember how magical the tepee was during a full moon, and the tall aspens quaking in the night became a kaleidoscope, reflecting the flow of the full moon onto the tepee. The mountain meadows, aspens, and snow-topped mountains were my salvation, my place of retreat.
There was no cabin at Tall Trees, just an old porch someone had attempted to build. While I was removing a pile of fallen aspen leaves from the half-built porch, I uncovered a perfect, beautiful raven feather. I was in awe at the discovery. My rational mind said, How in the world could this raven feather be tucked away so perfectly under moldy leaves? I felt a shiver down my spine, and I could hear in my mind, "If you receive a sign, contact me."
Wow! Could this be the sign that I was supposed to study with High Star?
I held up the feather and saw the light touching the majestic alignment of each fiber on the feather. The feather was inviting me to trust the flight that my soul was about to experience. I didn't realize there would be a day in the future when I'd be called to dance with eagle feathers attached to my arms, giving thanks to creation for its magic!
Tom Cowan wrote,
Some people know from their earliest days that they are called to lead a more intense spiritual life than their peers. This inner knowing may come from dreams or from an abiding sense that helping spirits are present and active in one's life, or from a strong desire to serve the community as a healer or wise one.
I carefully placed the raven feather on the dashboard of my faithful, yellow Toyota pickup and traveled back to the city. My mind was still filled with awe. I knew I could humbly behold the path of the feather within my heart. I placed the feather carefully on my personal altar when I got home and continued to contemplate the enormity of the invitation to study with High Star.
The next morning, I placed a phone call to High Star to arrange a date to meet with him.
There wasn't a lot of logic to explain my five-hour drive to New Mexico. I crested a mountain pass and drove down into the rust-colored rolling hills, trusting every turn was a letting go and a sense of adventure. I soon understood that the rational mind played tricks on us, and I had to trust a deeper mind.
High Star's home was warm and inviting, just like his smile and corny sense of humor. Friends familiar with Native American traditions told me to offer tobacco to High Star as I approached him. I offered him my package of Prince Albert tobacco. He sat and loaded his prayer pipe with tobacco. The smoke spiraled upward as he softly sang and prayed. The smoke from his pipe was the visible breath of the Creator. I found this to be sacred and amazing. I sat beside him and thought, What if he doesn't accept me as a student? My ego was intimidated by the stillness that seemed to last forever. This wasn't like the world I was accustomed to where I'd sign on the dotted line in five minutes or less and receive a ticket.
Piercing the silence, he said, "I want you to fast for a week, and I'll take you as one of my students of Taoism." He looked into my eyes and continued. "I'm inviting you to attend this summer's Sun Dance as a supporter."
He gave to me the name of a lady who would teach me what I needed to know about how a woman entered the Sun Dance experience. I thanked him, popped back into my old truck, and headed home. In future moments of contemplation, I had no idea of the enormity of the invitation. High Star's invitation to be a prayer supporter at Sun Dance came as a surprise. How did he know I held a sincere interest in the ancient ways of the Native Americans?
When I arrived home, I went into the bedroom, laid my head on my pillow, and gave thanks for the magic appearance of the raven feather and the special invitation I had received. I was glowing with gratefulness, knowing the presence of the holy, wise, and great teacher. I couldn't possibly explain to my family how I was feeling. I sensed they would see it as one of my crazy fantasies. I was known for sitting out on a limb of a tree, staring at the stars, and trying to connect the stars together like a big connect-the-dot puzzle. Now something bigger was happening to me.
The following years with High Star and the Lakota people would be the greatest test of faith and trust for me, but they built a platform of commitment that I'd never known before in my life.
Life's Reflections
1. Do I resist connecting the dots because I doubt? Because I fear myself?
2. Do I resist connecting the dots because it asks me to detach from my selfish ways of perception?
3. Do I resist connecting the dots because it's simple, and I learned to work hard and have things be heavy and burdensome?
Prayer
Holy, divine presence that is breathing me, I accept that magic moments are the spontaneous alignment and synthesis of intentions. Life is one big design. Everywhere I look, I see the perfection of God. I let this inner knowing be my compass this day and every day. Today I'm guided and directed, and I accept the good of life that is all around me.
CHAPTER 2
The Soft Down of Your Belly
He who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
— Carl Jung
"We have walked together in the shadow of a rainbow and danced the beams of light within our dreams."
Life seems to be one big puzzle, and it is our job to put the pieces together to connect the symbols. It's up to us to see our bigger purposes and the themes of our lives.
I had always dreamed in color, and sometimes my dreams would be like a Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer production. But I had never experienced a lucid dream. Lucid dreaming is where you cross the crack between the worlds. Quantum science may refer to it as being in a parallel universe; it illumines beyond time and space.
The bear has always been a symbol of healing strength for me. Shortly after meeting with High Star, the bear came to me to offer greater spiritual awareness. This was when I met my most respectful friend, the bear. Did I know I'd be asked to bare my soul through the open portals of bear wisdom?
That evening, I drifted from a conscious, awakened state to a vivid space within the dream world with the bear. I closed my eyes, and there was bear. I opened my eyes, and there was bear. I journeyed within that experience and recorded the chapter titles that the bear gave me that night.
Within my dream time and awake time, I smelled the bear and felt its coarse, black fur. I went beyond the coarseness of his hair to find myself leaning into the softness of its belly; it was like being on a soft dream pillow. Then our noses touched, and I could hear its jaws clicking as we stared into each other's eyes. The raw, earthy smell was intoxicating and almost hallucinatory. It opened my nostrils, cleared my sinuses, and opened me to a place of great visions.
I consulted with High Star regarding this powerful dream. High Star said, "What will you do if a physical bear appears to you? You'll become one with it." His question was something I had thought about a hundred times on the mountain. High Star also said, "The physical bear can turn furious if it's ill or placed in a defensive situation. Be careful on your journeys to the mountaintop."
Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Let my dreams be bigger than my fears. And my actions louder than my words. — Chi Miiguich
Mayto Akapa (Big Bear) was my teacher in the dream time and on the mountain top. All I had to do was to still myself and address the bear as Dear, Most Respectful Friend, and the bear would speak to me.
Trusting in this greater dimension of mystery and magic has assisted me in understanding how life's fibers are woven together. In her book Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, "To find the balance you want, this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs instead of two. That way, you stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God."
The bear has taught me to listen with my feet, salute my instinctual abilities, trust my intuitive nature, and look through my heart.
Life's Reflections
1. What is dreaming me?
2. What does dreaming with the moon mean to me?
Prayer
This day, I accept my instinctual and intuitive nature. I open in heart to listen to harmonious celestial choirs, singing and dancing creation. I'm intoxicated with the love of the Creator. I give thanks for what has dreamt me.
I reflect upon my respect for all of life, and I give thanks for tall trees, mountains, and the sea of Love-Intelligence.
"You must go through the forest of your mind, trust the mystery of the night and bask in the warmth of the sun of day. In your world, the word scary means dangerous. I observe you are having an outrageous and wild fun time too! Now, what does scary, dangerous, outrageous, courageous, and fun have to do with the wilderness? The wilderness is constantly asking you to go the distance, and it gives to you the realization of your inner space in order to be present in the outer space of your reality. Your reality is no longer separated from the existing environment; your breath is the wind, and your feet connect you to a cosmic field that is magnetic in nature. You will walk on dry leaves until they turn to rose petals. Never forget that you lead with your heart as I do. Your senses of smell and sight in the night are your radiating rays of inner sight."
CHAPTER 3
Tall Trees
Being present at Tall Trees in the fall was a display of a pallet of nature's burnt umber, gold, yellow, and oranges. I could feel the unfolding of the warm colors around me. Tall Trees was my secret garden, and I continued to find many feathers, especially hawk feathers.
The magic continued, especially on the day I took my meditation teacher and his wife for a picnic to Tall Trees. We entered my small tepee dwelling. All of a sudden, a huge shadow covered the tepee. I looked up and saw, without equivocation, a big white bird not of this physical world. After the fact, High Star assured me that my friends and I had experienced a visit from the thunder beings.
What was a thunder being? I had heard about them in mythic tales and read about them in Indian lore. Would my path reveal the meaning of a thunder being to me? A teacher in graduate school said, "Patty, sometimes it is okay to leave something a mystery." I choose to be with it as a mystery. Once again, I danced between the cracks between the worlds.
The magic continued. I always closed the tepee's smoke flaps when I left for the city, so that rain or snow wouldn't enter the tepee. One weekend, I arrived at the little tepee. With the morning sunshine warming my back, I opened the flaps, tied them off, and entered the tepee. In the center of the fire pit, directly under the opening of the apex (which had been closed), was a beautiful hawk feather. How did it enter the structure — or did it simply manifest?
The bear was my teacher in dream time, and it was teaching me to trust the magical manifestation of feathers, stones, and the deep voice that continued to speak to me.
Life's Reflections
1. How do I define mystery?
2. How can I mine the gold of mystery?
Prayer
Today, I stand tall and reach for the heavens. I'm rooted in divine love, and I'm as flexible as a willow in the wind. I'm the living presence of beauty strengthened, and the majesty of divine magic is the radiance and the color of my being. I'm rooted in gratitude, glory, and grace.
CHAPTER 4
What Is the Wilderness?
"What is wilderness? All of life is the wilderness. The wilderness is vast and truly unknown by the frailties of man. Only the stout-hearted enter to feel the gentle strength of what has been unknown to humanity. It is my home. The high tundra, the snow fields of diamond glee. The smell of earth is like the smell of a living grandmother's bosom as she rocks you to sleep. There is an eternal beat or drone that is like the bass drum. The orchestration of sound, the songs of birds, and the roar of the drone of the earth makes up the scene. It is the synthesis of vibration and the degrees of color as the hues light my day. I sleep under the galactic sky, and I never ask why."
I now had two tepees on the Tall Trees property. It was a safe residential mountain property and was the perfect place for me to stretch my wings of independence. I was respectful with the placement of my tepees on my four acres of property, but my neighbor must have complained about the horse tail that acted as a wind shock flying from the tallest pole of the large tepee. I received a form letter from the homeowner association that stated the tepees were not a sound architectural structure. I found this letter amusing because tepees withstand tremendous storms and have been the homes of Native Americans for hundreds of years.
I quieted my mind from the chatter of sensing that Tall Trees did not feel safe. The quaking aspens were like a hundred little voices saying I needed to be free. I chose to vision and pray, and stayed open to greater possibilities. I set my intention and affirmed there would be a place for me on the mountain where I would be able to be free, have my tepees, and experience spiritual ceremonies.
Within a couple of weeks, I saw a for sale sign on the dirt road leading into Tall Trees. It read, "Ten acres, national forest and mineral rights." Within a month I sold Tall Trees for cash and purchased the ten acres on the national forest land. How fun it was to own a mining claim with a mining deed that had been inscribed with a quill pen in 1887!
Margaret Tobin Brown, the unsinkable Molly Brown, wanted her own silver mine. The Molly in me smiled to think I would have my own silver mine. The Unsinkable Molly Brown was a great inspiration for me as I grew up. Unsinkable Molly Brown would say, "I ain't down yet." How many times did I become the Unsinkable Molly Brown? My Molly attitude kept me out of summer school when I was a child so that I could play on the mountain during the summers with my brother and cousins. I liked Molly's determination to make it in life; this gave to me true grit to step forward on my path as a child during difficult times. Now, the Molly who lived inside of me would have her very own mine and mountain to care for.
