CHAPTER 1
Bereshith-In the Beginning
Bereshith means "In {the} Beginning" in Hebrew. Myjourney began the year I was born, 1967. God had a planand a purpose for me from the very moment I was born.Unfortunately, like the majority of us I had my own plan. Iknew what was best for me.
I look back at my life and ask myself how did I get fromthere to where I am today? Of course I know God deservesthe glory because I was incapable of rescuing myself. In thecourse of sharing with you it will never be my intention todishonor my mother or father in anyway. But with that saidto really relate to what I am saying you need to understand alittle bit about my upbringing.
The Bible was not a book readily available in our homeand God was never a conversation piece at the dinner tableor anywhere else around the house for that matter. The Biblewas thought to be too thick and it had too many Thou's andThou Shall Not's and beside that the text was too small.
Growing up we never went to church as a family. I wentto a few church functions when I was in junior high but itwasn't to hear the word. I went for the food. I am not proudto admit this but I could be persuaded to attend a nightlyevent when the word "potluck" was tossed out there.
I had heard about church potlucks and if they didn't careI was only there on those occasions when they were offeringfree food well why should I deprive these people of mycompany? Everything would be fine as long as they don't askme any questions, or expect me back for a regular Sundayservice.
I lived by two unwritten rules growing up. I only readSports Illustrated and the sports pages of the local paper. It isa miracle I can read.
My second rule was Sunday's were made for recoveringfrom the last six days and how better to do that then layingaround watching sports all day long. I believed church, Bible,and all that religious stuff was not for me, I thought I wouldleave that stuff for those other people.
The potlucks came to end the first time there was a shortservice prior (I was tricked) to eating and I saw a personflopping on the floor like a fish out of water. Hey, I like foodbut that was too much. I still don't know what that was allabout. Nobody seemed to be concerned or willing to help theperson so I determined it wasn't anything medical. But thatpretty much put an end to the potlucks for me and endedmy church attending days if that is what I can call it.
For the next sixteen or so years the only time I entereda church was if there were a wedding or a funeral. Neitherof which occurred very often. Oddly, there were times whenI felt I wanted to be somewhere where I could spend timewith this God I had heard mentioned a few times.
My college football coach always offered prayertime before each game on Saturday mornings. For somestrange reason I often felt this internal tugging to attendthose meetings. I never knew why I wanted to be at thosemeetings. Why, was I drawn to these gatherings? After all Iam not one of these people.
God is always working in our lives we just don't alwayssee what He is doing. Two significant events happen in mylife in February of 1991 that started me on the journey I amon today. February 10th, 1991 was the date when my dadpassed away and it was also the year and month when I hadmy very first date with Kelli.
I met Kelli that winter while going to college. Kellibecame a rock for me to lean on during this time of grieving,sadness, and anger. Kelli and I will be celebrating eighteenyears of marriage on our next anniversary.
I graduated from college in June of 1992 and moved backhome. I had been hired by the Forest Service as a wildlandfirefighter the two previous summers and I was going backfor another summer. Twenty plus years later I am still awildland firefighter and still employed by the United StatesForest Service (USFS).
Kelli had one more year of college before she wouldgraduate. We tried the long distance relationship for awhilebut eventually called it quits. It was not working out becauseof the distance. I don't recall there being a big ugly break upit just happen due to the distance and lack of seeing eachother. I believe we were both enjoying our freedom anyway.
After Kelli graduated she moved to Portland and founda job. After a few miscellaneous jobs Kelli landed a job witha home mortgage company. Prior to Thanksgiving in 1993Kelli and I started dating again and even making plans tohave Kelli move up to North Idaho in the fall.
Shortly after the new year Kelli saw a job opening inCoeur d' Alene, ID which is fifty miles west of Mullan, IDwhere I was raised and living at this time. It was a longshot and if she did get the job it would change our wholetime table for her moving up to North Idaho. I wasn't tooconcerned believing the odds were insurmountable with herbeing new to the profession. I wanted her to move up but Iwanted to stick with the time frame we had discussed andwait until the fall.
Kelli applied for the job and to our amazement she endedup getting the job. We moved her up from Portland in thespring of 1994 (Yes, living together is a sin but let's takebaby steps for now). Shortly after the move I realized I hadmade the mistake of my life. What was I thinking? I wasonly twenty-seven years old and tied down. I did not likethe situation I was in. I believed the problem was she wassmothering me. Can you imagine she wanted to spend timewith me whenever I wasn't working!
The fire season of 1994 was one of the worst fire seasonswe had ever experienced as a country. From the middleof June until early October I was pretty much gone on fireassignments. The trend was to go on a fire assignment forten to sixteen days come home for a day or two and then goon another assignment.
One or two days off did not give me a whole lot of time tosee what the buddies were doing, go fishing, and attempt toget in a game of golf. Kelli had these crazy expectations thatwe were to spend time together when I was home. How wasI going to work in some time for her? Talk about selfish ...what was she thinking?
Let me recap the situation. Kelli has moved up to be withme which was a big adjustment for her and I am gone allthe time. She left her friends and a good job, a sacrifice forsure. Add in the fact she didn't know anybody and you havethe ingredients for a lot of quarrelling to take place on thosevaluable days off I had desperately earned.
Kelli didn't seem to understand I had priorities I neededto get accomplished. My thinking was that I didn't have timeto waste squabbling with her since I had things to do thatdidn't necessarily include her.
We purchased our first home in the fall of 1994 makingit Kelli's third move in about seven months which can causea person to be a little stressed. We paid $19,600 for our firstone bath two bedroom home. It was a fixer upper but it wasan ok little home. Nothing permanent but it would work forawhile.
It became excruciating obvious this new lifestyle (singleto living together a definite lifestyle change) was notworking. We needed a new plan. We were both miserable.We talked about it and after a few hours of discussion wecame to the conclusion the best thing to do would be to ...get married!
We had our two dogs and now we were waiting for theday we would be happily married. Here we are two adultswith college degrees and the best solution we could come upwith was to buy a home and get married. Oh! Boy!
Marriage was going to be the cure for all this bickeringand fighting that was taking place between us. Being marriedwould create this new affection and love for each other. Wejust needed more of a commitment. A piece of paper sayingwe are Mr. & Mrs. Terry Zufelt. Yes, a piece of paper wouldbe the answer to all our problems. After all, life couldn't getany worse, could it?
Listen! If you are currently not getting along do youthink adding the stress of making wedding plans is theanswer? From experience let me tell you, no! We could notagree on anything. Who would be my best man, how manybridesmaid and groomsmen would we have? I probablydidn't really care I just didn't want her to have it her way.
Solution! There has to be a solution. Think! Got it! The nextbrain storm we came up with was to fly to Reno and getmarried. The situation was still intolerable but we wouldsoon be married.
So on March 25th, 1995 we were married in Reno, NV.Real small wedding only our immediate family memberswere there, it was over in ten minutes. Is anybody up for alittle Black Jack? We occasionally look back and laugh at thesituation. Kelli and I admit prior to our wedding we did notreally love each other and to tell you the truth I am not surewe even liked each other.
Come on, she was trying to convince me life was not allabout me and what I wanted. We even had a fight on theway to the airport when we were going to get married. Kelliwent as far as to try and kick me out of the car. First, why goif you kick me out of the car? Secondly, who was Kelli goingto marry? She definitely didn't think things through. Ha!
I can still remember what the fight was about. Wepurchased our flight tickets early and they were sittingon the counter for about a week. Somehow the tickets gotthrown away. I blamed her and she blamed me so on ourway to get married we both said some very hurtful thingsto each other. For the record I am positive Kelli made themistake and threw the tickets away (Not really we'll neverknow for sure). Ha!
The craziest thing happened after we were married. Westill fought like the Hatfield and the McCoy's. You didn'treally think things were going to get better just because wegot married did you? We had our reception about a monthlater in Mullan. Lots of family and friends showed up andwe all had a good time. Until Kelli suggested it was time togo home. Why call it an early night, I was having fun. It wasonly one or two o'clock in the morning. Yes, the night of ourwedding reception ended in a fight.
The weeks were just kind of going by and our lives prettymuch stayed on this course for the next few months. Therewere a few good times but they were nothing compared tothe bad times. We had good jobs, although we seemed to bebroke a lot, we fought a lot, and just sort of tolerated eachother.
The 1995 fire season went down in history as one of theworst (no fires) seasons ever. It was extremely slow. Thingsremained status quo between Kelli and me but we had totalk about something so we decided it was time to upgradeour living quarters.
God blessed us and we actually made a small profit onour house (we did not give God the glory at the time). Wemoved across town into a nice two bedroom home in Januaryof 1996. But can you believe our marriage remained on rockysoil even after buying a new home and moving? I am beingfacetious of course. We were both still miserable. Why? Wewere buying our second house; we had dogs, cats, good jobs,but something was still missing. What was wrong with us?
Another fire season had come and went and it was nowthe fall of 1996. The 1996 fire season was ok. It was one ofthose fire seasons where I was gone for awhile and thenhome for awhile. Life merely existed. I was trying to surviveand make the best of a bad situation. I was stumblingforward with some peaks but mainly valleys. Our marriagewas on life support. I didn't feel like I was living life the wayit was meant to be lived. I had this awful void that wasn'tbeing filled. It was like a big pit that nothing could fill. Awife couldn't fill it; dogs, cats, new homes, and cars couldn'tfill it. What was it going to take to fill this emptiness in mylife?
Something was beginning to blow in the wind and thetimes were about to change. My journey was about to shiftinto high gear, of course unannounced to me. I came homefrom work one day in the fall and Kelli was on the porch. Shesaid, "We need to talk." In reality she ended up giving me anultimatum. She said she wanted to start going to church orshe wanted a divorce (again not very scriptural) because shecould not live like this any longer.
An ultimatum, I had to make a decision. It wasn't a lifeor death choice but significant for sure. Do I take the bailoutright now and walk away or do I make a sacrifice and agreeto attend a church?
Kelli and I had already endured one marriage counselingsession and we both agreed one session was enough. After allwe could sit at home and talk to each other at a designatedtime and have more of a conversation than we did with thecounselor and that would be a lot less expensive.
Seriously, counseling sessions can be very beneficial. Kelliand I were not ready or committed to being counseled.
When I think back to the day Kelli gave me the ultimatumand knowing how I felt I am really surprised I didn't jumpon the opportunity to get divorced. I am thankful I agreedto go to church. I had no expectations of church it was justanother avenue to try.
I am being honest when I share with you it was my fullintent to go along with this absurd idea and when it failedI would be free. In my mind the catch was I could feel goodabout telling everybody we tried everything to make thismarriage work but we are too different, we are just notcompatible.
My view on marriage was that it was simply a process inwhich you received a piece of paper stating we were lawfullymarried. It wasn't sacred to me. I had no idea of marriage'sbiblical significance.
I was thinking two maybe three trips tops to churchthen when nothing changed she would bring up the subjectof divorce again and I would be free. What a plan! Herultimatum was my way out! I would be able to say with aclear conscience I tried everything to make my marriagework. I even tried going to church with all those perfectHolly Rollers. You know them folks, those who were bornwith a silver spoon in their mouth. I honestly believed I wasmaking the ultimate sacrifice.
Imagine! I am going to give up my time on a Sunday tomake my marriage work. Remember it is fall which meansfootball! Could there be a greater sacrifice then giving up amorning of football? I think not. The town folk will have pityon me. Some might even think of me as a hero. Surely theywill know I gave this marriage every opportunity to workbut it wasn't meant to be.
I figured Kelli would quit her job and move back toOregon. She would be out of my sight, mind, and life. I wantto make it clear I didn't hate Kelli; I just didn't like beingmarried and tied down. You know the old ball and chain(I really never have used that) as our single friends like toremind us.
I was unaware of some things that had been happeningat Kelli's work. Doors kept opening for Kelli and she wasonly working six miles from home. She had her own officeand was a loan consultant. Kelli was pretty busy and neededhelp at work so by the grace of God He delivered a coupleof Christian women into her life. There were many peopleto choose from but through work God brings two Christianladies into Kelli's life.
God placed two women who began to speak to Kelliabout His kingdom whenever the opportunity arose. Thereis no doubt in our minds Evon and Carolyn entered our livesthrough God's divine wisdom. We still refer to them as SaintEvon and Miss Carolyn. They are both very important in ourlives and we love them.
Evon began to subtly share what the Bible would sayabout situations in our lives. She was never pushy with Kelliand we now realize she was being directed by the Holy Spiriton what to share and when to share it. I have never askedEvon but I bet she prayed for our salvation many times.
Carolyn is a "Prayer Warrior!" Carolyn and her husbandGordon attend the same church we attend. The cry ofCarolyn's heart is to faithfully seek and hear what God issaying. We thank God so much for placing a strong Christiancouple like Gordon and Carolyn in our lives.
Like Evon, Carolyn began to seize opportunities to talk toKelli about God and how with God in her life she could havea better life. They assured her a positive change was possibleif she would begin to lean on God and trust His way. Theycaptured Kelli's attention and she began to imagine she couldhave a better life. Their subtle teachings were what finallyled Kelli to give me the ultimatum. Kelli, began to wonderwhy live in this hell if there was an opportunity or a way thatwould make life better, more livable?
The bait was on the hook. Kelli was nibbling but shewasn't quite convinced to take a bite. It was going to take alittle more bait before she was going to throw away her lifefor something she had no understanding. Something shebelieved would require her to make a drastic change in herlife, a life she wasn't even enjoying. Isn't it odd we can bemiserable, think life stinks, not have any answers, and still behesitant to make a change? We won't step out there in faithand take a chance there is something that will work. I knowit is not easy.
