The Ugly Woman's Guide to Internet Dating: What I Learned From 70 First Dates

In her own words:

Life is very different for the woman who thinks of herself as physically unattractive and there are few places in the adult world where these differences manifest themselves in such sharp and bold relief as the world of internet dating.

My tender heart jumped up and down in excitement countless times when I was confident that I d found the man that d wear my wedding ring. Yet looking back, the predominant emotion I felt throughout this internet dating experience was frustration.

The two dozen internet-dating books I had read never mentioned the frustration factor. Looking at the authors bios on these internet dating books, it was evident that these books were written by and for the beautiful people. What could they know about the pain of being rejected (again and again), solely because of your looks?

The amount of rejection I experienced in the virtual world of the internet was massive. It eroded my self-worth and diminished my self-confidence to a point where I had to withdraw periodically and recharge.

The cycle was almost comical. Sign up at one of the online dating sites. Write a new profile. Read new profiles. Invest hours in finding suitable men, emailing men, phoning men and then, finally, a face-to-face meeting with The Man. Then a second date, a third and a fourth. And then become smitten with said man. And then get heart broken by man. Cry a lot. Eat a little. Lose some weight. Get happier. Get distracted with work. Get happy with life. And then the lonelies would start. And then I d tell myself, Well maybe if I just tried one more time.

My dogged persistence was fueled by a simple motive: I longed to be mired in romantic love. I wanted to know how it felt to be cherished and respected and adored and admired by a man. I wanted to have a man that I could cherish and respect and adore and admire. I wanted a man who d call me pet names like Peachblossom. I wanted to have someone to call with my happy news, and someone who d let me cry on his shoulder when there was bad news.

During this four-year period, I became disgusted with the overly simplistic, one-size-fits-all advice I found in the mainstream books on internet dating. When you re a woman of a certain age and a woman of a certain size and a woman with a certain look, much of the advice offered in these books is bad advice that will leave you with a heart that s been broken in too many pieces to count. If your heart does survive the experience intact, chances are your self-esteem won t be so lucky. Dating via a medium that judges you by nothing more than your profile picture is hard for everyone and it is emotional torture for women who feel that they re less than beautiful.

The so-called experts also claim that profiles with photos generate eight to 20 times more response than photo-less profiles.

My profile generated more responses and better responses without a photo.

Depressing? Yes. Look what I said about it in my journal: Feel rejected and dejected on every side. So many guys have looked at my photo and then rejected me. I wonder if I will ever find a man who loves me.

You need to know that my story had a good ending, because many parts were dark, depressing and heartbreaking.

And my good ending was what I learned about myself, and what I learned about real love, true beauty and thumbnail pictures. Come sit with me for a time, read my story, and let me tell you what I've learned.