This manuscript, "The Turning Point - When a Pleaser of Man Becomes a Servant of the Lord," is a call for believers to stand up to core values and teachings of Christianity in the face of challenges and not to submit to the ways of the world. In the book, I address the current state of affairs, where people have submitted to the demands and expectations of others to shape the way they live. Most often, they have chosen a path away from the virtues taught by Jesus Christ, paralleling the struggles of men and women of our biblical times. I address some of the issues we face on a daily basis such as stress, premarital sex, and the various life roles we must play. In the latter part of the manuscript, I share personal testimonies about my life struggles imparted by the work of the devil, and how I found peace and joy through the salvation of Jesus Christ. In closing, I exhort everyone to check their own lives and live up to the ways of righteousness.
The Turning Point
When a Pleaser of Man Becomes a Servant of the LordBy Katina S. AckerAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2009 Katina S. Acker
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4389-9677-6Contents
Introduction................................................................................ixChapter 1 Who Do They Say You Are?.........................................................1Chapter 2 Teenage People Pleasing Behavior.................................................31Chapter 3 High School and Mother-Hood, Who Said It Would Be Easy!..........................38Chapter 4 Adulthood and the Roles We Must Play.............................................41Chapter 5 Older Doesn't Always Mean Wiser..................................................52Chapter 6 A Prayer to Prepare the Hearts of the Readers....................................61Chapter 7 When You Don't Love Yourself It's Impossible to Love Another.....................67Chapter 8 Stop Listening to the Devil......................................................76Chapter 9 Domestic Violence It's More Serious than You Think...............................83Chapter 10 God Is Always Listening..........................................................89Chapter 11 Do You Know What an Angel Looks Like?............................................93Chapter 12 The Turning Point................................................................100Chapter 13 The Saint that Ain't Yet!........................................................108Chapter 14 Are You Ready for Your Boaz?.....................................................113Chapter 15 Deliverance or Exorcist Who Knew They Were True..................................123Chapter 16 Free to Be a 'God' Pleaser.......................................................130Chapter 17 A Call for All...................................................................144Endnotes....................................................................................149
Chapter One
Who Do They Say You Are?
You're probably asking yourself, who cares what people have to say about me? I'm here to tell you, you care! Many women and quite a few men spend a lot of time building their lives, dreams, careers, and family values around what they believe people are saying or thinking about them. The fact is, people are going to talk about you, and it could either build you up or tear you down. How you handle these comments will help you discover who you are attempting to please. Too often we think that this type of behavior only happens to celebrities, but I'm here to tell you that it could happen to anyone at some point in their life. We are all potential candidates for the people pleasing syndrome, regardless of our economic status, belief, race, gender, or where we live. The Oxford American Dictionary describes syndrome as a combination of opinions, behavior, etc. that are characteristic of a particular condition. So, when I speak of people pleasing syndrome, I'm gearing my concerns more toward people pleasing behavioral patterns. You can even behave like one and not even know it!
The author of the Battle Ground Of The Mind, gives an even deeper understanding of how we respond to what we believe people are saying or thinking about us. This author states, "Our souls, wrought with insecurities, and we are highly sensitive to the criticisms and compliments of others. In the search to find oneself, such words are poured into young hearts like molten steel which, as they cool, are fused into our natures." That nature could very well be the beginning of a people pleasing behavior pattern if not handled properly.
Here are a few characteristics of what I believe describes the behavior pattern of a person under the influence of the people pleasing syndrome. The following fictional scenarios depict statements that we often hear from people who are under the influence of the syndrome.
Example 1) My mom always told me that my body is the temple of the LORD. Because of that statement I've decided that I don't want to have sex until I'm married. Things are different now; I have a new boyfriend and I'm in love with him. We've been together for almost nine months and I don't want him to break up with me. He told me that he is going to marry me some day. No one has ever told me that before. I know he will as soon as we save up enough money for the wedding of our dreams. He told me that he feels it is a stupid request for a woman to make a man wait to have sex, suggesting that waiting could have bad consequences, especially if the man was not satisfied properly. He felt that is why our society has such a high divorce rate and that we should have sex at least once before the big day.
He reminded me that before I decided to purchase my car, I took it for a test drive. He said I did that because I wanted to get a feel for the car to see how it really drove. He also reminded me that even though the salesmen told us all there was to know about the car, I still wanted to see for myself if the car was going to live up to all that he said it would. He asked me why shouldn't I give him the same benefit? I know he was comparing sex to buying a car, but it was kind of the same thing if you really thought about it. I did take the car for a test drive before making my final decision to purchase it. Why shouldn't I allow him the same benefits? (Just hang in there; the answer to this question is coming up real soon.)
I know he loves me and considers me his wife and we will get married eventually. Having sex this once shouldn't be that bad. I know GOD will understand, since HE doesn't want us to end up in divorce court. Marriage is a very big step, so a person should weigh all his or her options before jumping into a big decision like this. I'll tell him if I do it this once, it will have to be enough until the big night. I'm sure he will understand, since I've proven my love for him by giving him my body before the LORD requires me to.
This scenario shows a young woman's desperate attempt to prove her love for a young man she believes will someday be her husband. You're probably asking yourself how this example fits with the people pleasing syndrome? Let me explain. The young lady was blinded by lust, not love, and she allowed her fianc's interpretation about sexual values to down play the true consequences of "fornication." You see, adultery and fornication come from the same Greek word; porneia. Porneia means all sexual activities outside of marriage including both adultery and homosexuality. Pretty deep isn't it? Let's go a little deeper, shall we. When a woman commits an adulterous act, the New Testament uses the Greek word, pornos. Pornos means prostitute; and since adultery and fornication bare the same Greek word, we can conclude that a woman that participates in fornication has prostituted herself. Wow! That's a pretty powerful statement. To be considered a prostitute in GOD's eyes doesn't mean you have to sell yourself for money. You can prostitute yourself to gain the heart of someone, romance with someone, for favors, goods, or financial gain. In GOD's eyes, any woman regardless of the reasons or excuses she tries to give, that falls into any sexual activity outside of marriage is considered a prostitute. Now that I have your undivided attention, I will give you a few Bible verses that also support my claim.
Galatians 5: 16 - 23, clearly spells out the difference between lust and love. Lust is of the devil and is manifested in our lives through works of the flesh, and Love is of GOD and is manifested in our lives through the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5: 16- 23 (KJV), "This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one of the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornications, .............. of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering .......... This passage clears up any notion about GOD being okay with your choice to have sex before marriage. It clearly shows that there is a difference between love and lust; when the choice is made to function by one, we all know which spirit is assisting you in your choice. If you recall, the young lady stated she understood what the Bible said about her body being her temple and that she should only give her body to her husband. 1 Corinthians 6:19 (KJV), "What? Know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?" 1 Corinthians 7: 2, 3 (KJV), "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." You notice there was nothing in the scripture that said render unto your own boyfriend or fianc. But I did find a scripture that speaks about those who have sex outside of marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:16 - 18 (KJV), "What? Know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? For two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committed fornication sinneth against his own body."
Even with all her wisdom, she still decided that she was going to throw it all out of the window to keep her man happy. She was more concerned with pleasing man than she was with GOD. She clearly allowed someone to change her mind about who she was, and allowed man to define what he felt should happen before a couple was joined together in marriage instead of what GOD told her. If that is not a clear cut example of people pleasing syndrome, I don't know what is! If GOD tells you to do something and man tells you to do something at the same time; and what man told you contradicted what GOD said, and you choose man's way, who do you think you're pleasing?
Just in case you're unable to relate to the example given above, I decided it would only be fair to give an example of the pressures young men also go through.
Example 2) It's Friday night, and Markus and few of his friends decided they were going to stop by their fellow classmate's open houses. It is about 10pm and they have already attended three parties. Markus tells Roy the driver that he could drop him off at home because he has a busy day planned tomorrow. But Roy decides that they should attend just one more party before taking him home. Markus agrees, but tells Roy that he wants to be out of there by 11pm. About 40 minutes into their stay, Roy notices a young lady dancing. She's not anyone he has ever seen before, so he thought this was a perfect opportunity to introduce himself. While talking with the young lady he notices that during their whole conversation she kept glancing at Markus. Markus really didn't care because he was focused on getting home and the fact that his open house was scheduled for noon the next day. He knew his mother had a busy day planned for him because all of his family was in town for the occasion. Cousins he hadn't seen in years were here, his mother would be able to spend some time with her sisters, and everybody knows what happens when you get a bunch of women together who haven't seen each other in over five years: talk, talk, talk, and talk some more! Markus knew it was going to be a long night and he needed to get as much rest as he could.
You see, Markus is what we call today, an All-American boy. He received a full ride to college on a basketball scholarship to any university he chooses to attend, and he could have easily received one because of his 3.84 GPA as well. His plan is to become a famous defense attorney and marry his high school sweetheart, whom he has been dating since sophomore year. And GOD be the Glory, he is a rededicated virgin, which is really rare in this day and time. Let me explain what it means to be a rededicated virgin. Markus lost his virginity back in his freshmen year of high school; popularity had taken its toll on him. But when he fell in love with his girlfriend Shay, she required him to make some commitments to her and her parents in order to continue dating. 1) He had to ask the LORD for forgiveness of his sins and rededicate his body to HIM. 2) Be an active member of the local church they both attended. 3) Promise not to speak to her about sex until they were married. 4) Maintain a 3.0 or better GPA. You see, Shay already knew what she wanted in life and she knew that whomever GOD saw fit to bless her with to be her husband would have to be equally favored and aware of what he wanted in life as well.
It almost seems like GOD used Shay to help turn Markus' life around and put him back on the right track. We must also note that when GOD begins the changing process in your life it will also include the friends you choose to hang out with. Markus' mother had been telling him for over a year that GOD showed her in a vision that if he didn't cut all ties with Roy, something bad was going to happen. Of course, Markus listened to his mother, but thought that if he could show her that Roy was trying to get his life on the right track and that all he needed was a second chance just like he received, that maybe the vision would change. How many of us know that if GOD said it, then it shall come to pass? Numbers 23:19 (KJV), "God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? Or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? Hebrews 13: 7, 8 (KJV), "Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation. Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever." Markus' mother was speaking the words of GOD and not her own, so she wasn't in any kind of position to make any changes. Markus wasn't listening to that, or what his friendship was about to cost him.
Markus did everything short of taking Roy's tests to help him graduate. Markus got Roy a job at the mall; encouraged him to help his mother out with the bills from time to time. On a few occasion Roy would even accept Markus invitation to come to church with him. All of Markus' deeds were done to change his mother's vision, with the hopes that she could somehow change GOD's mind. I'm not trying to imply that you can't change GOD's mind with a change of heart. Surely that's not the case. In the book of Jonah, there was a great city called Nineveh which had some very sinful people living there. Sin was so bad that GOD told Jonah to go tell the people that their city was going to be overthrown in forty days, Jonah 3: 1-4 (KJV). Jonah 3: 5 (KJV) states, "So the people of Nineveh believed God, and proclaimed a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them even to the least of them." And as a result GOD changed HIS mind about overthrowing them in forty days, Jonah 3:10 (KJV), "And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not." The key to their success was the fact that they repented and turn from their sinful ways. You notice that Markus did all the changing for Roy. If Roy wanted to make a real change in his life, he would have to take the first steps and then GOD would help him along the way. We must all willfully choose to make a change in order to be changed. The real problem was Markus was the one really doing the work but allowed Roy to receive the credit for it. You have to know that GOD sees and knows the heart of man so you can't fool HIM. Markus was trying to convince the wrong person. His mom told him that she saw all that he was trying to do, but GOD also says obedience is better than sacrifice, 1 Samuel 15: 22 (KJV), "And Samuel said, Hath the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams." Because Markus refused to listen to words of wisdom from his mother, he was going to learn why it's always better to obey than to sacrifice. Now that we understand how things work when GOD gives a command, allow me to complete my illustration about why it is always better to obey GOD even when you don't know what lies ahead for you. Remember, even if we don't know what's about to happen, GOD does, because HE knows the beginning and the end. HE is the beginning and the end. Revelation 1: 8 (KJV), "I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty."
(Continues...)
Excerpted from The Turning Pointby Katina S. Acker Copyright © 2009 by Katina S. Acker. Excerpted by permission.
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