CHAPTER 1
The Sacrifice
I grew up in a small city outside the walls of East. St. Louis, Illinois. I was blessed to have the warmth of a two parent home, and a great deal of siblings. Even in the early years of my life, I realized. I was different from my sisters and brothers. True enough, I loved my family with my whole heart. But, I began to drift into a small world of my own. At an early age, I began. What some would say was a peculiar relationship with a stranger? Bizarre as it may seem, I felt comfortable with the closeness; we shared. I was not ashamed to tell others: he was a true friend of mine. In fact, I spent many hours of the day building a relationship with him, which someday would be my only hope of survivor. Likewise, he was just attentive to me.
Although I loved the outdoors and looked forward to outdoor activities, the indoor was my idea of happiness. I knew the noise level from outside would break my concentration inside. It was not that I was all that different from other children. Without a doubt, I enjoyed the hobbies of jumping rope, playing basketball, and just everyday play. Yet, reading was my favorite hobby. Therefore, I looked forward to the inside chores. I would read stories after stories, memorizing as much material as my brain could absorb. This was one of the best moments of my life. Nevertheless, it was nothing like the time; I would spend with my savior. Oh! How I treasured the richness of his presence?
Day after day, I longed to be in the arms of the savior. Strange as it may seem, I know; he enjoyed my company too. It was like spending time with my best friend. Nonetheless, this friend was like no other. I could talk to him about anything my heart desired. There was never a time when; he ignored my plea. So, I spent the majority of my free time, gaining the knowledge to be a helpful individual to those that needed me.
As I began to mature in age and grow spiritually, the communication expanded even more. Many people would say; I was wise beyond my years. It was at that time; I realized. God was strengthening me, for the battle of my life. No doubt, I thought the battle was to run for Jesus. So I started the mission of building up a strong relationship with God, as the devil plotted pointlessly to bring me down to my knees. Rest assured, I never feared the Devil, or the plans he thought; he could use to sabotage my life. So I continued to reach to higher heights and deeper depth. It was not about the religion; some thought I had. I knew in my heart; it was about the relationship, which someday would test my faith.
Struggling to understand God's purpose, I prayed daily for answers to be revealed about his son, and how humble he was to his father. Many times, I wondered. Why God had chosen me? However, I knew the day would come, and my faith would be tried by the fire. Oh! How I wanted to prove. I was really ready. It was no doubt that I could conquer whatever came my way. So I constantly reminded God. I was ready for the battle. Moreover, I was armed for the war. Trusting that God would deliver, I asked him to place me in whatever setting. He saw fit. Quite often, I asked him to let his will be done. Yet many times, he reminded me; he was still working out things on my behalf. I believed. He was God, and I wanted more than anything to prove. I could be humble and obedient. But the more I surrendered, the more he reemphasized that my day was still to come.
In my heart, I knew. I was a missionary fighting for a good cause. So I longed even more to be just like Jesus. Although I was young, I had very little in common with my peers. It was no doubt that I was different from the way; they were. Not that I was abnormal. I just had a different outlook about the things, which was important to me. It was not about popularity, but getting acquainted with this stranger. My parents had befriended.
At that time, summers were very long, and hot. The sun appeared to literally burn the top layer of your skin. Sweat would pour from the body, giving the illusion. Our bodies were dissolving from the intense heat. Oh! But I enjoyed those hot summers. It was a time of recuperating from the bitter cold winters. Indeed, it was a time to warm up physically and spiritually, and let the fire flow through my soul. These were the days when; children were children. For the most part, they were mindful of their actions and had respect for one another. Likewise, parents were parents in those days. They were active in all aspects of their children's lives. In addition, neighbors were the eyes for the young. Church folks were involved in helping one another. In those days, school teachers worked beyond just teaching. They were self-motivated about the welfare of the children in their surrounding communities. Moreover, those were the days; families showed a true sign of togetherness.
Growing up in a very poor community, I took pleasure in the time. I spent at church. This was an event that allowed us, as a family to spend the day away from home. So every Saturday, our parents would prepare us to worship with fellow believers. This was a time, which. I could learn more about God, and the desires. He had for my life. For most of the young children in our congregation, Sabbath school was the most interesting part of the day. However, I enjoyed the moment of worship. This was my cue to find out even more about. The God I often prayed to.
As the preacher would bless the congregation with the word, I carefully took notes as he painted. His vision of; who God was? I was so moved by the sermons that I would play them back and forth, in my mind like a human tape recorder. It was an invitation for God himself to dwell in me. I wanted to be filled with as much of the Holy Spirit as God would allow. At this time, the only dream I had was to live for Jesus. Slowly the sun began to set; our day of worship was coming to a close. I can remember being so excited. I couldn't wait to share all the great news. I had learned with my friends. Often times, Saturday nights would slip away peaceful, because the majority of the day was spent in the house of worship. It was like a reunion, and I looked forward to it every week.
Bright and early on Sunday mornings, I would rise up, give thanks to God for all his blessings, and indeed. They were blessings. I knew that I had a long week ahead. But I had to hold on to the message to carry me through. I had to challenge myself to be strong, and trust God to deliver. Moreover, I knew the Devil would defy me also. Unsure of what each day would bring, I continued to embrace the God that I served. Eagerly waiting for the middle of the week, I knew; once again, we would be reunited as one. Prayer service for the foundation of the church, which I attended, was every Wednesday. But with limited gas and inadequate funds, our parents elected to have service at home in our living room. There was no such thing as missing in action. In addition, tardiness did not exist. There were no excuses outside of being sick. In other words, Wednesday night prayer service was a requirement, not a recommendation.
Giving a double dose of unity weekly, I was able to keep God close to my heart. I truly loved him, and his son Jesus. And I wanted more than anything to show him how much. I visualize; what he was like? Although his outer appearance was never part of my apparition, I wanted to have the characteristics of God, my father, and I prayed for him to show me favor. Unlike many children in my age group, I had no desire to be strapped down by the cares of the world. I wanted more than anything to be a witness to the best prosecutor, the world would ever know. So I pleaded my case before God, and he endorsed my decision. At last, it was evident that I was part of the team. Even though I was a little reserved, shyness was never part of my vocabulary. I was proud to be a soldier. Furthermore, I was enthused to stand up and be counted.
CHAPTER 2
Dreams And Premonitions
Then around the age of nine, life began to change for me. I was never a slothful, lazy individual, but I stayed tired all the time. It was at those times. God would reveal himself through dreams for my purpose. These times were important to me, because they allowed God to talk to me in private. These were the best moments of my life. I had been promoted; I was no longer a private in his army. My rank had been advance; my goodwill had been granted. At first, the dreams were mere images of small things, before they took place. Simple things such as family surprise visits. Even though, some people viewed this as intuition. It was not that simply. The dreams were coming too often. The visions were coming to pass. Then, things became more complex; it was no longer uncomplicated things; death had shown; it true colors.
Confused about what was taking place, I watched for signs hoping each event would be proven wrong. But time and time again, the dreams became a reality. The end result was assured. The revelation was revealed. It was then that it was indisputable. God was showing me true signs and wonders. He was using me to prepare the news of some of the things that would come to pass. I was content that God saw fit to trust me. But I was perplexed. As to how, I would convince others. I was a dreamer.
No doubt, I wanted to tread carefully across the pathway. I realized that it was easy for others to question my sanity. So I was cautious about exposing these dreams. Because often times, people are known to open packages, which should have been kept closed. Therefore, I concealed the things that were entrusted in me, for quite a while. Nevertheless, the dreams didn't go away. In fact, they began to increase in revelation. I am not saying ... I had a dream every day. Nonetheless, I know; they came as frequently as a good summer breeze. Likewise, sometimes, they would exit as quickly as they arrived. Though some may see dreams as strange or unusual, I knew God often used dreams or parables to get his point across. Consequently, I believed that this was his way of accomplishing his mission.
Motivated to aid God in every means possible, I was open -minded to let him have his way in my life. Yet, the dreams persisted. Powerful as the mind is, I knew. God was even more influential. So I never question his judgment. I never made an inquiry about his plans. I was only a small vessel used for the preparation of enlighten. Although some people proclaim to be psychics, palm readers, and practice witch craft, I knew these things were against the principles of God's teaching. Therefore, I never took credit for them. Nonetheless, there was no question. I was convinced. The dreams were real. These were not coincidence; neither were they dreams from a lack of sleep. Persuaded by something within, I had to at some point share this good news with others. But what would be my approach? Who could I trust? What would they think about me? For a moment, I battle with this decision. Aware that mentally illness was unacceptable, how could I disprove the judgment? What if my sanity came into play? Who would come to my rescue? These were the questions, which pondered me.
In my heart, I felt like. I had to find the only true person; I could confide in. Slowly as I approached the bedroom of my parents, the question wavered in the back of my mind. What would she think of this quiet, reserved daughter? Would questions arise about? What was going through my head? Or would she instantly run me for medical treatment, as she often did with all of her children? What would the end results be for our relationship? All these questions came into play, so I relented and return to my room.
Still the dreams were there, I had to get a grip on. What would be my next move? It was evident that I had to share, the episodes of these dreams at some point. But until then, I waited for further instructions. I waited on the next vision. I wanted to be mindful and not step outside of the will of God. Equally, I was careful not to step outside of the walls of protection. Meanwhile, I kept a prayer close to my heart. Even more, the dreams came. Once again, I gathered the nerves to trust my mother. I always knew. She had a strong belief that God was real, and his standards were genuine. Careful, I peeked around the corner of her bedroom. Our parent's bedroom was a unit, which separated the girls and boys rooms. Therefore, I didn't have any other rooms to crossover. It was at this time; I glared into the eyes of the most precious soul. God could have ever placed in my life. It was my mother, my best friend. I could see life through her eyes. The confirmation had been allowed. I knew. I could reveal my true self to her. The secret was no longer hush-hush. It was a relief to share. What I had been keeping from the rest of the world all this time?
Indeed, I could breathe a sigh of relief. The dreams were no longer only my secret. Mom was amazed about. What God had done, and the things he had disclosed? I was astonished that she never questioned my integrity. She never doubted the visions. It was like ... she had been warned of this moment. There was no surprise. Oh! I could truly tell you. Her heart appeared to have some knowledge of; what my secret was before hand?
From that day on, I continued to share my dreams with her. I would sit at the foot of her bed, and we would talk as much as. I needed it. She was never too busy, always attentive like a good mother should. God had given me a great mother and even a better friend. Many times, I would unveil my dreams to her, and we would search for interpretation. In the event, she was unsure. She would telephone her mother, which considered herself a dream interpreter.
No doubt, I listened; I have to be honest. I was not always sure her interpretation was correct. But, sometimes things did happen according to her revelation. Consequently I remained open-minded. Moreover, I considered her conclusion. But then the dreams were no longer dreams about others. I had received a premonition that hit home. This dream had moved into my comfort zone. I had always been taught from a young child not to question God. Therefore, I respected the wisdom, which had been shared with me, and entrusted his will be done. I was strong for a young child. Nevertheless, the dream was bothersome.
How would I respond to a revelation that would change the rest of my life? I had to consider. What was in the best interest for me? What would the family's future hold if the result from the dream was not in my favor? Unlike some people, I knew; this was selfish. I couldn't think of a time. I even deliberated about interfering with God's plan. So how could I not trust him now? At that point, I was able to move from the thought of even attempting to plead my case before God. Reality had set in. I knew that I was about to be a sacrifice. But what kind of sacrifice, I was still unaware? Based on the promises of Jesus, I had no reason to fear. I had to go on, because I trusted him. I had seen God in action too many times. So I had a guarantee that "If God was for me it shouldn't matter who was against me". There was no need to consider the foe.
I thought about Jesus and the broken heart of his father. Then, the picture was clear. What made me more important than anyone else? Just at the time, I realized. I was going to be tempted, and there was no turning back. Holiness was upon me, and I was building myself up spiritually. I knew at some point. Satan would have his way with me, but the victory wouldn't be in his favor. I utilized this time to view a few of the Bible stories. I always wanted to be like Jesus, and have the faith of Job. So the next twelve to nineteen hours, I prayed for help from on high. I knew my strength. Yet, I knew the skillful treats of old Satan. Wise as many thought, I was for my years. I couldn't explain the dream. This one was different. It was beyond. What my wisdom would permit?
The mathematician in me could not divide the number. No science lab could teach me how to breakdown this molecule. It wasn't a teacher on earth that could have taught me how to pass this exam. So I leaned closer to the instructor; who I knew could make me understand? The day was Wednesday morning. This was the day; I usually received my double dose of spiritual guidance, for the duration of the week. As I started my daily routine of praying and supplication, once again, my mind drifted off to the dream from last night. I pondered with the decision to reveal the dream to my mother, and decided against the matter. Then, I started out to school, which was my normal routine. This school day was just like any other day. There were no visible signs of trouble. In other words, I enjoyed the peaceful day with my peers. But the end of the school day was approaching; soon, it would be time to return home.
