PART I

Meet the Unstoppable Total Package Girl

Who Is the Total Package Girl?

Meet her. The #TotalPackageGirl. She has an aura, an essence, a charisma. She seems amazing in a friendly yet irresistible sort of way. Defining her is a bit of a mystery. Before you get to know her, you observe that everyone, including you, likes her and enjoys being near her, not in a "put her up on a pedestal and worship her" kind of way, but rather in a "want to be around her because she is awesome" way.

Is she perfectly perfect? Does she do everything exactly right? No. No one is and no one does. Does she make mistakes? Yes, of course. Everyone does. Yet she still seems to have it all going on. People like her — really like her — in spite of her imperfections. What a novel concept!

Unstoppable (adj.)

Amazing, invincible, awesome, on fire; feelin' it; a force to be reckoned with, incapable of being stopped.

#RightNow, you are becoming an amazing, savvy, unstoppable Total Package Girl.

Why all the love for this so-called Total Package Girl? On the outside, she exudes confidence. People are attracted to that energy, that smile, that package. Then when you actually talk to this Total Package Girl, you learn that she's approachable. She's nice and charismatic on the inside. One could describe the Total Package Girl as:

* Happy and confident

* Friendly, easy to talk to, genuine, and nice to everyone

* Not gossipy or someone who says bad words about another person; not two-faced

* Not boastful or trying to impress others with possessions or looks

* Hardworking, takes school seriously; a quiet leader

* Good at decision-making

* Not a stir-it-up, get-into-trouble kind of girl

For these reasons and more, she's the unstoppable Total Package Girl. She focuses on positive things like taking care of her Body, Brain, and Spirit, and she clearly has some secret weapons — things that she knows deep inside that others have yet to learn, sort of like a secret society of quietly amazing girls.

That Girl: A Story

She was a shy Midwestern girl. Perhaps attractive, but she didn't know it. Perhaps happy, but she wasn't sure. As a young girl, she often felt scared and insecure about how she looked, what she wore, what she said. Ah ... those thick glasses she'd worn since she was six didn't help; the hand-me-down clothes she often wore didn't help her confidence either. Early on, she didn't really know who she was, what she stood for, or who her true friends were.

That Girl was humble and modest. She rarely, if ever, used her voice to speak up. ("How do you speak up anyway?" she wondered.) She let others speak for her, telling her how she felt, making her decisions for her. She wished she knew how to take a stand, how to speak up, how to make friends more easily. Life was serious for That Girl.

That Girl wouldn't hurt a fly. If she did, it would devastate her; her intentions were pure. When she did speak, her words came out awkwardly, not how she wanted them to. Yet she spoke the truth. She didn't brag about her gifts, her academic and athletic achievements, her happy moments. She left them alone, never to be shared — just like the little victories she didn't share or the battles she fought inside. Most went unnoticed, unspoken, within her mind.

She watched the behaviors of others and learned. She heard mean girls say nasty words to those who were different than the rest. It made her sad. Mad even. She stayed away from mean girls; not her thing. Instead, she chose steady friends who also had been looking for true friends. She liked these friends for who they were, and vice versa. They made her feel good and confident about herself. They were true. It was refreshing.

She stayed quiet pretty much throughout her elementary-school years but continued watching, learning, and absorbing the behaviors and words of others, both kind and mean.

That Girl did her very best not to gossip, be rude, or exclude others. On the playground, she chose to play with those who had no one to play with rather than run with those who excluded others. ("Why are people mean?" she'd worry.) This choice felt better — more natural — to her.

Like clay being molded, That Girl was learning as she watched, as she experienced. She stayed away from trouble, stayed consistently nice. People were not always nice back, That Girl learned, nor were they always who they seemed to be. She was growing up, getting smarter, becoming savvier, making mistakes and learning from them most of the time. All the while, she was being molded into a uniquely beautiful piece of art, although she didn't know it.

Insight: The Total Package Girl isn't preoccupied with everyone else's status, what they're wearing, what activities they're going to join, whose house they're going to. Instead, she's running her own race and setting her own GPS in the direction of her dreams, interests, and feelings. She's real — a Total Package Girl with a focus on the positive things in life ... unlike the mean girl.

Who Is the Mean Girl?

Meet her. The Mean Girl. She is swarming with frenemies, unclear as to what a true friend is. Quantity of friends is more important than quality when it comes to the mean girl.

Like a bee, she has a stinger — in her words and in her relationships. She's an identity thief; when others follow her, they lose who they are, trying too hard to be like her. She stirs up controversy and hurts others with her sharp tongue, her bully tactics, and her hot-and-cold attitude. Who knows how she's going to act from one day to the next? Will she like you or will she be mean and ignore you? Will you be on her good side or her bad side?

The mean girl seeks to control those who may be too timid to stand up for themselves, or who are lost or directionless and follow the mean girl around in hopes of finding a leader. Instead, these girls go deeper into the dark forest, led astray by the mean girl.

The mean girl does not ooze qualities like friendship, love, loyalty or compassion for another human being. It's all about her own interests. After all, she's the head honcho, and she uses her attitude to judge others and to intimidate and inflict the feeling of "never good enough" upon those girls falling prey.

When you talk to the mean girl (if she'll let you), you'll likely learn the following:

* Trouble follows her.

* She isn't consistently nice.

* She may judge people on possessions, what they look like, what they wear ... nothing truly deep or relevant.

* She often holds "tryouts" for her friends to see who is "good enough." Those who fall in line with her way of thinking win her temporary friendship.

* She doesn't know who her "real" self is because she's so busy playing her stinging games.

* She gossips, starts rumors about others, and posts negative comments (but rarely makes them to others' faces).

* She gets mad easily, plays games with others' emotions, and is disrespectful to many.

* Ironically, she may be very nice at times — which is confusing to those who so desperately want to be her friend because the niceness is unpredictable and doesn't seem to last.

These mean-girl tactics get old and exhausting really fast to those who can see right through them. Confident girls quit this game and move on, but others who haven't yet learned the courageous Total Package Girl secret weapons may struggle to get out of the negative mean-girl cycle.

CAUTIONARY NOTE!

Attaching yourself to a mean girl may result in peer-pressure trouble in the future as you find yourself in a constant "follower" or "pack" mentality. You may also be endangered by a world that relies heavily on looks, possessions, quantity of friends, and bullying tactics. Mean-girl foundations are built on sand and can crumble at any time. Stay strong and build your own rock-solid friendships and Total Package Girl foundation.

[check] TOTAL PACKAGE GIRL ACTIVITY: Total Package Girls and Mean Girls

Do I know a mean girl? If yes, do I try to be her friend?

[] Yes [] No

If yes, why? ______________________________________

Do I know a person who likes me some days and doesn't like me other days?

[] Yes [] No

Do I consider her a true friend? [] Yes [] No

Do I know a Total Package Girl? [] Yes [] No

If yes, what qualities do I enjoy most about her? ___________________________________________________________

Do I consider her a true friend? [] Yes [] No

Why or why not? ___________________________________

Do I have Total Package Girl qualities? [] Yes [] No

If yes, what are they?

___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

TOTAL PACKAGE GIRL ACTION: Stay Strong, Be Brave

Hang out with people who are truly nice to you on a regular basis. Look for and see the differences between the Total Package Girl and the mean girl. When your eyes are open to these differences, have the courage to walk away from the mean girl. Choose to live a Total Package Girl life. Quality counts, not quantity.

Trying-Too-Hard Syndrome

Ever see someone who frequently changes her likes, interests, clothing, or even personality to be accepted by someone else? Perhaps it has happened to you. You may find yourself trying so very hard — even sacrificing your own beliefs, interests, and loves — just to fit in. If this happens to you, no worries. Just recognize it and realize that you may not yet have learned to stay true to yourself, which is a Total Package Girl secret weapon.

If you find yourself going to great lengths to create an artificial image of yourself just to impress others, remind yourself that this syndrome can be cured by understanding that true friends will love you for just who you are ... no need to change to fit in. #jbu

Pretty-Girl Syndrome

Pretty-Girl Syndrome may begin at a young age when you receive a lot of attention and repeated or excessive compliments on your looks — the physical part of you only. For example, "OMG, look how gorgeous you are" or "You are so beautiful — look at those legs" or "Your body is perfect." While it's nice to receive compliments for sure and to feel good about how you look, excessive emphasis on only the physical aspect can set up unattainable expectations of perfectionism, actually planting seeds for an unhealthy body image.

This syndrome also may offer a false sense of believing that because you are perceived as pretty, you can get whatever you want when you want it, simply by how you look. If and when actions become tied primarily to looks, it becomes difficult to learn that it's the total package of you — the combined Body, Brain, and Spirit — that leads to reaching your dreams, gaining success, and feeling happy within yourself. With Pretty-Girl Syndrome, you don't realize that being thought of only as physically pretty may lead down a lonely or troublesome path.

If you have Pretty-Girl Syndrome or know someone who does, know that compliments are nice and appreciated, but that you are more than just physical looks. Remember that the total package of you is what's important in life — and that is your Body, your Brain, and your Spirit. Receiving compliments can be tricky business and a double-edged sword. Thank people for the compliments they give you, but don't put emphasis solely on compliments of the physical. Recognize your smart brain and strong spirit too. More on this later in the book.

When the Total Package Girl shows up, people find it refreshing. She is comfortable being herself, and she draws people into her circle like a magnet by being kind, happy, positive, fun, and more. Everyone seems to be attracted to the Total Package Girl. Everyone, that is, but the mean girl, who oozes envy.

#TotalPackageGirl (n.)

A girl who is authentic (real), positive, loving, special, kind, and confident in what she does and who she is. Her total package is: her Body, her Brain, and her Spirit.

The Total Package Girl has it all going on in one complete package; she's "all that."

Why doesn't the mean girl like the Total Package Girl? Because there is no stopping the Total Package Girl. Why is she unstoppable? The Total Package Girl won't play nasty games. She is too strong, too confident, too secure within herself to let a mean girl in. She is unstoppable by staying true to herself. Whether someone is wearing the trendiest clothes or a circa-2002 pair of jeans, the Total Package Girl likes the true package of each person. She is who she says she is, and she's not afraid to be herself. She just is the Total Package.

[check] TOTAL PACKAGE GIRL ACTIVITY: Who Influences Me?

Have I ever done something so I could fit in, rather than doing what I deep-down really wanted to do?

[] Yes [] No

What was it? Who influenced me to do it? ___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

Are there negative influencers who I should begin to step away from because they are not healthy for me?

__________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

Have I ever avoided doing something negative even though someone tried to influence me? What was it and how did I stay strong? ___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

What positive influencers do I have in my life? ___________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________

Real (adj.)

Actual, authentic, true, genuine; not fake.

The Total Package Girl is real with herself and others; she is comfortable and centered in her Body, her Brain, and her Spirit.

Total Package Girl Research Revealed

In a Total Package Girl survey of four hundred girls ages ten to seventeen, when asked, "Describe the Total Package Girl," girls gave the following answers:

* Confident

* Great personality and looks in one (package)

* Happy and smiles a lot

* Nice (to everyone, not mean ever), fun to be around

* Low drama, stands up for others

* Smart

* Trustworthy

* Physically attractive, pretty in her own way

* Takes care of her body

A-ha Moment

In Total Package Global surveys, an overwhelming number of girls say they wished they were more like the Total Package Girl. Ironically, after self-analysis exercises (like the ones coming up in Part II and Part III of this book), the same girls realized that they already possessed the Total Package Girl attributes they'd listed but never knew it. They just needed to be made aware of their awesomeness!

Shine (v.)

To glow, sparkle, excel, be brilliant.

Let the real total package of you shine and be celebrated by the world. Be excited and happy to #jbu.