CHAPTER 1
Regrets
My name is Benjamin Jason Taylor, but folks just call me Ben. I wastypical of most people, choosing to focus on the big things ... the thingsI felt were more important for me to succeed in life. I was addicted tomy work and never seemed to have time to see the little things aroundme. What was even worse, I never tried to take the time to see them.
I had always been a dedicated overachiever and took life veryseriously. I was a good student and excelled in sports, especially baseball.My friends rewarded my dedication and elected me to serve as thepresident of the student body for my senior year in high school. Thiswas when I started dating the girl of my dreams, Grace ElizabethJeffords. Her dimpled smile and warm personality lit up a room whenshe entered. Grace had long brown hair and the brightest blue eyes onecan imagine. I couldn't help myself and fell in love with her instantly.I knew she was my "keeper" and was the person I wanted to have inmy life forever. We dated steadily for two years and I eventually wonher heart.
Grace and I were married at a very young age ... too young actually.She was only eighteen years old and had recently graduated from highschool. I was twenty and had just completed my sophomore year atCarolina Southern University (CSU) when we became engaged. Wewere both still wet behind the ears and I was a naïve junior in collegewhen we actually tied the knot. Grace managed to get a secretarialjob at CSU and I worked part time in the evenings loading deliverytrucks. We were "dirt-floor" poor and obviously struggled financially.However, our love for each other seemed to conquer all of the hurdleswe encountered. The resiliency of youth and our willingness to sacrificehelped us prevail during our first two difficult years. Naturally, I wasstressed by my work and the countless hours of studying, but I managedto get my bachelor's degree in engineering.
After graduating from CSU, I secured a job with a small engineeringcompany in the low country of South Carolina, and we bought our firsthouse in the small town of Chapelton. Our first child, Daniel, was bornthree months later, and I hadn't even settled into my new job yet. I feltthe pressures of supporting our new addition very quickly because Gracewas no longer working. I was now the only breadwinner, and had to putmy nose to the grindstone in order to provide for my growing family.
Jason, our second son, was born a year and a half later and I felteven more weight on my shoulders. I threw myself into my work andwas putting in sixty to seventy hours a week, not counting the workI brought home. My hard work paid off professionally and I startedclimbing the proverbial "corporate ladder" in the company. I became themanager of the engineering department after four years, just before thelast of our three children, Beth, was born. The added pressure of havingfive mouths to feed forced me to become totally consumed by my job,which left very little spare time for Grace or the children.
I remember coming home from work mentally exhausted. Daniel,Jason, and Beth would run up to me and ask me to play with them,but I'd tell them I couldn't because I had more work to do, was just tootired, or any number of other work related reasons that came to mind.The few precious moments I did spend with them were usually on therare Saturdays when I didn't go to work, but it wasn't for very longperiods of time. Even then, our time together was while working in thebackyard, planting flowers, shrubs, or trees. They loved helping me digthe holes and water the new plants. I guess it was the only real bondingtime we ever shared when they were young. When the flowers bloomed,the children would get so excited and come up to me shouting, "Daddy,look what we made!" I'd look at their big smiles and tell them they'ddone a good job, and explained how they were helping God make ouryard a beautiful place.
I loved my family dearly but the job was my master, and eachrung on the corporate ladder pulled me further away from them. Mydedication to the corporation continued to propel me up through theranks, and I soon became the Vice President of Operations. The needto succeed overtook my drive to provide and the corporate goals wereparamount in my mind. My children were maturing rapidly, and I nevereven noticed the various stages of their development. I didn't realize allof the little things about each of them that I was missing. I was merelya slave, a workaholic, and I had lost sight of what should have been themost important things in my life.
Before I could blink, Grace and I had become empty nesters. Thepervasive stress in my life over the years had turned the light brown hairof my youth into the white of snow covered mountain peaks in the deadof winter. My neatly trimmed beard was equally as white, and the deepridges on my brow were a testament to a life of unrelenting pressure.
On the other hand, time had been kind to Grace. She looked as ifshe was still eighteen years old and her hair was the same color as whenwe first met. Her hair dresser may have helped a little, but regardless,I'm sure that folks who didn't know us thought I had robbed the cradle,or that she was my daughter. The only thing that hadn't changed forboth of us was our love for each other.
We, or should I say Grace, raised our three children, Daniel, Jason,and Beth and she did a remarkable job, despite my absence. Ourchildren grew into adulthood very rapidly and left home to be on theirown. Daniel moved to Los Angeles, Jason was in Phoenix, and our littleangel, Beth, lived in Denver. Except for Jason, they had children of theirown and had blessed us with five grandchildren. Unfortunately, with allof them living so far away from Chapelton, we weren't able to see themvery often. I had allowed my job and the fast pace of my life to preventme from enjoying the little things about each of my children. This wassomething I regretted more and more as each year passed.
I was fifty-five years old before I finally realized my erring ways, butit was too late. Our children were gone and a "do-over" wasn't possible.I stopped working those long hours and was spending more time withGrace and the flowers in my backyard. The days of feeling the pressurethat made me work those sixty or more hours a week to succeed hadended and I had plenty of time to spend with my children, but nochildren with which to spend my time. The old "catch 22" conundrumhad devoured me, and my mind was filled with self-imposed regrets andfeelings of culpability.
When my children and I planted those flowers in the backyardmany years ago, I never realized what that simple little activity wouldmean to me many years later. Although my kids had left, I continuedtending those flowers by myself and would smile as I remembered themtelling me to look at what they'd made. As each spring rolled aroundand the flowers bloomed, I reflected back to those times the childrenand I shared planting them. I had many fond memories that werefueled by the beautiful spring blossoms. I pictured their big smiles, butlamented all of the little things I had taken for granted about each ofthem long ago.
I regretted not coming to my senses long before I turned fifty-five. IfI could have been granted one wish, I would have wished that someonehad invented a time machine that allowed me to go back to beingtwenty years old again, while retaining the knowledge and wisdom ofthe older me. I would have done everything differently if I had thatsecond chance with my children and the numerous regrets would neverhave entered my mind.
I always enjoyed spending my Saturdays working in the yard andhad plenty of things to keep me busy. I loved the beautiful flowersand enjoyed watching the butterflies as they went about their businessof collecting the sweet nectar from the blossoms. I would becomemesmerized and those delicate little creatures of God allowed me toescape back to the few good times I had spent with my family.
Although I had become an absentee grandfather, I was fortunateto have a twelve year old boy, Andrew (Andy) Dobson, living behindme. I guess his presence was sort of like my wish for that time machineactually coming true. It was as if the Lord had provided me witha second chance. I subconsciously pretended Andy was one of mygrandchildren and I had been given the opportunity to deal with theregrets that I had concerning my own children.
Andy had bright red hair and appeared to be a very happy childbecause he was always wearing a smile. He was a little on the shy side,and like most young boys, loved playing outdoors. Andy was smallin stature but seemed to be very mature for his age. When I was outtending the flowers, he would occasionally peek over the four foot tall,wooden fence that separated our backyards, and I gladly stopped myyard work and talked to him. He didn't say very much at first, butstarted opening up to me as time passed. I enjoyed having him aroundas I worked in the backyard and he actually reminded me of Jason,except for his long, curly red hair. Jason had long, straight, blonde hairthat would blow in the wind when he ran around in the yard. I promisedmyself that I wasn't going to make the same mistake with Andy thatI had made with my own children. I planned to take advantage of mysecond chance and was going to take the time to notice him.
However, the regrets I had concerning my children weren't the onlyones I had been living with. Yes, I was responsible for allowing my workto consume me, but I wasn't really a bad person. In fact, I consideredmyself to be a good Christian. I read the Bible, attended church, listenedto the sermons, was active in my Sunday school class, and always triedto do the right thing. However, it wasn't until after my children hadmoved away and I stopped working the long hours that I recognizedhow misguided I had been. I wasn't a Christian at all. I was just a niceperson. I finally realized that merely carrying a Bible and reading thescriptures made me no more a Christian and follower of Christ thansomeone carrying and throwing a baseball on a baseball field madethem a professional baseball player. It didn't work that way, and I hadto change my life in many ways.
I didn't realize it when was happening, but Andy and I shared someexperiences that I never dreamed possible. They later proved to be lifechanging for both of us, and maybe, many others who also witnessedthe events. Could some, or possibly all, of the events we shared havebeen part of some master plan to bring people closer to God? Maybe,but I couldn't answer that question for others. People made choices andthey believed it or they didn't. It was no different from the events thattook place on earth over two thousand years ago, when some peoplechose to believe, but others refused.
Whether or not people actually accepted what happened to Andyand me was really controlled by how much faith they had at the time,and how willing they had been to think beyond that which could notbe easily explained. They had to free their minds from the chains thatbound them and had to be willing to soar with the eagles, or in ourcase, float with the butterflies.
Having realized my mistakes was the first step, but I knew thatactually making changes in my life would not be easy. It was justsomething that I had to do. I was willing and wanted to make ithappen.
CHAPTER 2
The Tigers
It was mid-spring and the flowers were in full bloom. It had been arough week at work and I was glad to see Saturday finally arrive. I satat the kitchen table admiring the different species of butterflies as theyfloated about from flower to flower. Their delicate wings carried themthrough the air in graceful flight paths and their bright colors added tothe beauty of the backyard.
While sipping my first cup of coffee that morning, I noticed Andypeering over the wooden fence that separated our backyards. He appearedto be watching the butterflies as if he was in a trance and had becomemesmerized by the splendor of the beauty that spread before him.However, his focus appeared to be just on the Tiger Swallowtails. As hewalked along the fence, I couldn't help noticing that some of the Tigerswere moving along with him. It was as if they were communicatingwith him. Andy would move a short distance, and as if obeying anunspoken command, the Tigers followed him to the flowers just belowhim. I stopped reading my paper and watched in awe as he walked theentire length of the fence with the Tigers following his every move.He started back toward the middle of the fence line and the Tigerscontinued to follow.
Andy certainly had good taste because the Tigers were also one ofmy favorites to watch. The colors and symmetry of these little creaturesfrom God are too beautiful to be overlooked, no matter the pace of one'slife. The flowers were pretty, but their beauty paled in comparison tothe brilliance and grace of the Tigers. Some butterflies fly in haphazardflight paths while vigorously flapping their wings, but not the Tigers.They float smoothly through the air in straight lines and rarely flap theirwings, like pelicans sailing above the ocean's surface.
In fact, on the top side of a Tiger's wings, there are black bordersoutlining the bright yellow color next to its body. The way the blackframes the yellow appears to be the wings of an angel. I refer to thisillusion as angel wings because that's what they look like, and I thinkTigers could also be referred to as Angels. They certainly float throughthe air with the grace and beauty expected of a heavenly angel.
I finished my cup of coffee, and as usual, headed into the backyardto tend the flowers. I noticed Andy ducking out of sight behind thefence as I opened the back door. I called his name but he didn't respondand the Tigers mysteriously dispersed throughout the yard. I didn'tthink much about it so I proceeded to gather my tools and startedworking while a few of the butterflies floated nearby. It was a peacefulday that seemed to carry me into a world of thoughtless bliss. Just mytools, the flowers, and the beautiful Tigers were all that existed for meat that moment.
As I continued working, I saw Andy peering over the fence andthe Tigers were gathering beneath him again. I eased closer and closerto them until Andy was right above me, but he and the Tigers seemedto ignore my presence. I looked up and said softly, "Good morning,Andy. How are you today?" I didn't want to startle the Tigers. He didn'trespond to my greeting so I asked, "Which butterfly is your favorite?"
"I like the yellow and black ones," he replied in a low voice.
"That's nice, so do I. They're called Tiger Swallowtails and I thinkthey're very pretty. They were named the state butterfly of SouthCarolina and that makes them extra special to me."
He said, "They sure are pretty. I like their name but I'll just callthem Tigers. I like the way they float through the air and I pretend I'mriding on them. It makes me happy and I feel good inside."
"I know what you mean. They make me feel good too."
We talked for a few minutes, and Karen, his mother, called for himto come inside. As Andy ran toward his house, I stood, looked over thefence, and said, "Good morning, Karen. It sure is a beautiful day."
"Sure is," she replied.
"Andy seems to be infatuated with these Tiger Swallowtailbutterflies," I said.
"I know. He talks about them all the time. Sorry to run, Ben, but Ihave to take Andy to the store with me. Have a nice day!"
"Thanks, you do the same!"
When I turned around, I saw the Tigers scattering around the yardagain. I started thinking about how strange they had been acting withAndy because I had never noticed them doing that before. All of themhad completely vanished from the yard a few minutes later and not asingle one remained to keep me company. I went inside and told Gracewhat had happened with Andy and the Tigers.
"The Tigers must like Andy. He's a real nice boy but hasn't eversaid much to me. I've tried talking to him but he acts as if I'm not eventhere. He just looks over the fence and smiles, but I've never noticed thebutterflies following him. I wonder why they did that." Grace said.
"I don't have a clue but he seemed to have a way with them."
"You should have caught one for him since he likes them somuch."
"Great idea! I think I'll do that and maybe I can get him to talk tome a little more."
Later in the afternoon, Andy was looking over the fence again andthe Tigers had returned to join him. I punched holes in the lid of a glassjar and went out to catch a Tiger for Andy. Yes, I was willing to bravethe dangers of nature and catch a mighty Tiger for my little friend.
Andy asked, "Whatcha doing, Mr. Ben?"
"I'm going to catch a Tiger for you so you can see it up close."
It was easy catching one since there were so many of them around. Ieased one into the jar and screwed the lid on. I handed the jar to Andysaying, "Here you go, Andy. You can take a good look at a Tiger."
"Thanks, Mr. Ben. They are even prettier up close. The blue is soshiny." Andy looked at the Tiger a few minutes and then said, "Mr. Ben,I'm done looking at him now so I'm gonna let him go."
Somewhat dismayed, I asked, "Don't you want to keep it in thejar?"
"No, sir, he wants to fly around with his friends," Andy quicklyreplied.
"What made you think that, Andy?"
"He told me he wanted to be with his buddies."
Andy took the lid off and held the jar out in front of him. The Tigerperched on the rim of the jar and flapped its wings a couple of times.Then it floated up and perched on Andy's head. The Tiger crawledaround on Andy's head for a few minutes as if it was saying, "Thank youfor letting me go." It looked like a bond had been formed between them.The Tiger lifted off Andy's head and floated right in front of his face.Andy smiled and the Tiger then joined the others around the flowers.
