After 9/11 many americans began to stress about security, stability,and their future. Just as many were beginning to put things back together, the greatest economic recession in recent history hit. With so many changes occuring over the last decade, millions of Americans have struggled to keep up. The level of stress has risen to levels that have become threatening to us physically and emotionally. Recently the American Psychological Association CEO, Norman B. Anderson concluded that, "Stress could easily become our next public crisis." How do we avoid this from happening? Stressing the Importance of Balance will help you get started! When most people talk about stress or stress management, they focus on stress management techniques such as deep breathing or yoga. While those techniques are essential to coping with stress, they don't reduce stress at its core. Stressing the Importance of Balance teaches you to grab control of your life, set a course that works for you, and reduce stress so that obstacles are removed. In this beginners guide to reaching your potential, you will be introduced to simple and effective ways to live the life you deserve. From learning how to find your element, to understanding how the stress response affects you everyday. Stressing the Importance of balance gives you the tools to become the best you! In this book you will find simple information and expert advice that will help you in the areas of health, finances, time management, finding balance, and anxiety. Stressing the Importance of balance is a great tool for anyone dealing with stress, lacking balance, or looking to improve their overall quality of life.
Stressing the Importance of Balance
A Beginners Guide to Stress Management, Finding Balance, and Reaching your PotentialBy Bennie S. CovingtonAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2011 Bennie S. Covington
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4567-2253-1Contents
Preface......................................................................................viiIntroduction.................................................................................3Chapter 1. Passion + Talent = Your Element...................................................7Chapter 2. Knowing When It's Time to Make a Change in Your Life..............................11Chapter 3. Freeing Ourselves from the Distractions of Stress.................................15Chapter 4. Stressed Out? You're Not Alone....................................................19Chapter 5. Don't Get Too Comfortable with Extremes...........................................21Chapter 6. Core Areas of Balance.............................................................23Chapter 7. There Is More to Money Than Spending It...........................................29Chapter 8. There Is Still Enough Time........................................................37Chapter 9. What Your Body Wants from You.....................................................43Chapter 10. Some Battles Are Not Yours.......................................................49Chapter 11. Eight Steps to Regaining Control Over Your Finances and Time.....................55Chapter 12. Eight Steps to Regaining Your Health.............................................63Chapter 13. The Science Behind Potential.....................................................69Chapter 14. The Unselfish Act of Selfishness.................................................71Chapter 15. Learning to Love Who You See in the Mirror.......................................75Chapter 16. Sometimes We All Need a Little Help..............................................79Chapter 17. You're Getting Close.............................................................83Chapter 18. The Big Picture..................................................................85Additional Resources.........................................................................91Stress Tips..................................................................................93Workplace Stress Advice......................................................................95Terms........................................................................................97Index........................................................................................99Acknowledgments..............................................................................101
Chapter One
Passion + Talent = Your Element
"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world - that is the myth of the atomic age - as in being able to remake ourselves." -Mohandas Gandhi
Think of who your heroes are. Think about all of the people who have inspired you throughout your life. We all have had someone we looked up to for inspiration at some point. This person could be a family member, celebrity, friend or a fictional character. Whoever it is, we have a tendency to admire people who have reached greatness. Often times, when we admire someone who has reached personal greatness we have a tendency to assume that everything about them must be just as great. However, when we do this, we sometimes create an image of someone that is too perfect. It makes it harder for us to truly be motivated by them because we feel that they are better or different than us.
Of course, it is perfectly natural to assume that someone who is so great in one area of their life must be just as great in the other parts. It would be hard to believe that our favorite athletes, who we watch on a regular basis dominate the competition with grace, confidence, and coordination, might be clumsy off the field. It is equally as hard to believe that our favorite singer may stutter or seem awkward in an interview. But even though we assume that their greatness transcends all aspects of their lives, our heroes are just like us.
The only difference between our heroes and ourselves is that they are in their element. When a person has found their element they go from being a regular Joe/Jane to a commandant of their craft. For example, take Michael Jackson; he was one of the most socially awkward celebrities of our time. Chances are you could name five people you personally know who have a more commanding voice and presence. If you ever watched an interview with the King of Pop, it was evident that he was very shy. He spoke so lightly that he almost sounded as if he was whispering. Physically, Michael Jackson had such a thin physique that he barely had a presence. However, when he stepped on stage or in a music video, he was one of the most commanding presences we have ever witnessed in entertainment. This is what it means to be in your element. When you are in your element, you go from being a regular Joe, to being someone extraordinary.
If you ever want to reach greatness you will need to find your element. If you don't know what your element is, think about the one thing that you do well, something you do naturally, without a great deal of effort. That thing is your element. In addition, you must have some type of passion that can make use of your natural gift. Once passion and natural talent are paired together, purpose is found!
For some people it's being a parent. My mom is a natural nurturer and very passionate about her children. So naturally, when she took on her motherly duties, all things fell into place for her. She was motivated and energized everyday by the responsibility of motherhood.
There is almost a supernatural phenomenon that occurs when a person is put in their element. Anytime you attempt to reach greatness or become skilled at something, it takes so much time, hard work, and dedication, that people often give up. Make no mistake about it, excellence is hard work and it takes a level of commitment that is sometimes so taxing, that if it does not fit your strengths, you will most likely not carry through with it.
Therefore, greatness cannot be easily obtained if you're not in your element. It doesn't matter how competitive you are, or how hard of a worker you tend to be. If you are not in a position that uses your natural gifts and if you have no passion for what you do, you cannot be great in it.
I witnessed the greatest example of how regular people can become great when they are in their element. I was at home one day watching an episode of the Oprah Winfrey show. Her guest for the day was rapper and entrepreneur, Jay-Z. If you don't know who Jay-Z is, he is on the Forbes list of most influential celebrities and top 20 richest African Americans. He has sold over 40 million records, has eleven #1 albums, and owns his own clothing line with annual sales of $700 million. Needless to say, he is pretty accomplished. If you still don't know who I'm talking about, then perhaps you may know his wife, pop star Beyonce Knowles.
As a rapper he is one of the fiercest and most intimidating figures in music. But watching him sitting there with Oprah talking about his cologne, I realized that there was a disconnect between the fierce rapper on the radio/TV, and the guy that I was watching. I thought to myself, "I'm not intimidated by this guy at all right now." He just seemed like a regular Joe. Then it clicked! He is a regular Joe! The only difference between me and him is that when he is in the music booth recording an album or in the boardroom making business decisions, he is in his element. In those areas where his talents sync up with his passions, he becomes Jay-Z, one of the most intimidating rap artists in the world. However on the sofa with Oprah, he is just Shawn Carter from Brooklyn, New York.
I realized then that if I find my element, that place where my passions meet my strengths, I too can go from the average Joe from Detroit, to something greater. I realized that reaching my potential is limitless if I'm in my element.
Finding your element can be difficult. The truth is there are a lot of barriers in our lives that become obstacles. Although, we can still find our element through all of the distractions, it is important to eliminate as many obstacles as possible.
Chapter Two
Knowing When It's Time to Make a Change in Your Life
"Hope sustains life, but misplaced hope prolongs recessions." -Jim Grant
Unfortunately for us, there is only one of two places we can be at any given time, in our element or not. Whether we are in a position to sync our passions with our natural gifts to reach our potential, or we are not using our natural gifts and we have no passion; the latter leads down the road to mediocrity or worse. Think for a moment about where you are.
I've been in a position where I had no passion and my strengths were not being utilized. I remember the feeling of discomfort, stress and unhappiness. I didn't know why I was so unhappy. Was it my attitude? Was I ungrateful? These questions ran through my head as I tried to figure out why I couldn't find my place. To make matters worse, people around me were thriving. As you can imagine, I started to lose a little self esteem, I just could not make the situation that I was in right.
I felt like a screw driver in a room full of nails while everyone around me was a hammer. Imagine the level of discomfort. Think of how you have felt or perhaps are feeling now. This feeling is a sign that you are in the wrong place, thus you will need to find where you can best contribute to the world. There is nothing more disheartening than to see a person living their life with no passion, letting their gifts go to waste, and letting life live them.
The problem is we don't know ourselves! We don't know our passions! We don't know our gifts! Trying to figure out your passions and strengths with the paper, rock, and scissors method can be exhausting and it rarely helps us to reach our element. You may have made up your mind to try something that aligned with your talents and passions better, but you didn't know what they were. Many of us end up guessing only to find out that what we have chosen still lacks fulfillment.
We are a lot like automobiles: Some of us are SUV's and some of us are Corvettes. Everybody else falls somewhere in between. Many people want to be the corvette because we see that it's appealing to the eye, it's fast, and it represents prestige and wealth. But a corvette has rear wheel drive, limited seating space, and no real ability to haul things from one place to another. In certain environments you cannot even drive a corvette. So what would be the best environment for a corvette to reach its potential?
A corvette would most likely thrive in a warm place, because hind wheel drive does not work well in the snow. A corvette is better suited in a place with open roads or expressways to make use of its speed. An ideal situation for a corvette would be with an owner who does not have a large family or children. If we put a corvette in this environment where it can drive fast in mild weather, and with an owner that its seating can accommodate, then we have essentially put the Corvette in its element. It can reach its potential because it can do the things it does best. When we put the Corvette in its element we essentially alleviate all of the unnecessary barriers to becoming what it was meant to be. We allow it to be a corvette!
Conversely, what about the SUV? Does the SUV thrive in the same environment that a Corvette does? No, an SUV becomes very valuable in a place where there is snow. It is designed cut through snow. It is not a speedy car, so I wouldn't plan on winning any races with one, but they work really well on a regular street. It has hinges on the back to haul material. SUV's can be used to accommodate owners with large families.
The problem is that we do not know what make and model we are. There isn't a tag on us when we are born. Unfortunately, there are some of us who have spent our entire lives as a corvette in snowy areas wondering why we are struggling just to get down the road. Then there are the SUV's with the single owner, feeling unfulfilled inside because there is never anyone riding in their empty backseats.
The most important thing you should get from this chapter is that you need to find out who you are in order to find your element and reach your potential.
Chapter Three
Freeing Ourselves from the Distractions of Stress
"Our greatest happiness does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of a good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits." -Thomas Jefferson
First of all I should let you know that I believe everybody has a purpose on this earth. I just believe 99% of us never reach it. There are so many barriers in our lives today preventing us from reaching our potential. If you recall from the introduction of this book, I once worked with Kathy, a woman who was so distraught and disenfranchised, her entire life seemed to be falling apart. Once we helped her to remove the stress of her finances and find a balance in that area, she was free from it. She began to see herself clearly again. It was only then that she was able to work her way back to the person she was before the financial hardship started.
In order to reach our potential, we need to get rid of the distractions in our lives so that we can see ourselves clearly. There are so many things blocking us from who we are. We need to see our naked selves again. What is the biggest distraction in our lives? The answer is simple, it is stress. The woman I had talked with on the phone that day was highly stressed and it was prohibiting her from being herself. She was trapped in it and could not get out. Wherever you are feeling stressed, i.e. finances, health, relationships, or your career, this is the area that is preventing you from being the best you. We work best when we have reached a balance in our lives. Stress is a major signal that we are imbalanced.
So, how do you eliminate stress? You must find a balance. When you're not balanced, stress will let you know. You may think you are balanced in your work life or your love life, but if it stresses you, then it needs to be readjusted. Once the stress is removed, you can be you again, or in some cases, you for the first time.
Stress, or as it is sometimes called in science, fight or flight, is a psychological and physiological response necessary for survival. It actually protects us and gives us the necessary resources to survive in a threatening world. In the wild, a gazelle feels stressed when it senses that it is in danger. Let's say that he senses a lion lurking in the distance. Automatically, stress allows the gazelle to have a heightened sense of alertness, hearing, smell, and energy.
The body of the gazelle begins shutting down certain vital areas to help it survive immediately. All of the energy from its long term vital areas is then transferred to its short term vital areas to help it survive in the now. For example, the stress response shuts down the gazelle's immune system because the body recognizes that there is no need to worry about protecting the animal from disease if it's in immediate danger of death. Stress also shuts down the animal's reproductive system, because there is no need to be concerned with procreation if the animal is about to be eaten. Finally, stress shuts down the fatigue factor and pumps the gazelle full of adrenaline to stay alert.
After these vital places are shut down temporarily, then the animal's body transfers all of this energy to the muscles, lungs, and senses so that it can have the tools to escape immediate danger. This form of survival is so taxing on the gazelle that it is only designed to last for a short period of time. Afterwards, if the gazelle escapes and is not eaten, it will be exhausted and need to rest in order to recuperate from the trauma that stress leaves the body in.
This is the same thing that happens to you and me. Only we are not being attacked by a lion, we're just wondering how we are going to pay bills, or deal with negative people in our lives, or try to find the right career or whatever else stresses us.
So let's break down what the stress response looks like in our lives.
1) It shuts down our immune system so we are more likely to be sick. 2) It shuts our sexual drive down so it is much harder to be intimate with our spouses or partner, or form close relationships with others. 3) It makes it difficult for you to rest and sleep. Since we are more advanced than the gazelle, we have longer term problems and this causes us to be stressed or in fight or flight for several weeks, months or even years. This type of stress over long periods of time can lead to strokes, heart attack, and death. Furthermore, it can become an insurmountable obstacle in living the quality of life many of us desire. It can make your life a living hell. I think it becomes easy to see how sickness, a lack of intimacy, and inability to reenergize, can cause barriers to reaching our potential.
Chapter Four
Stressed Out? You're Not Alone
"Everybody's going through a lot of stress these days, no matter how well off you are and how many advantages you have, it's a stressful time in everybody's lives." -Chris Frantz
Thirty years ago, there wasn't a whole lot of information about stress available. As a society, we hadn't figured out how stress affected us and how to measure it. As we have taken on more responsibility and been forced to compete in a global economy, we have felt the effects of stress in many different ways.
Fortunately, within the last thirty years, there has been plenty of research conducted on how stress affects us in our daily lives. We now understand it better and are able to help people cope with it. It is with good timing, because more people than ever are feeling the effects of it.
According to the National Health Interview Survey, 75% of people reported experiencing at least "some stress" every two weeks. In addition, nearly half of those people also experienced "moderate to high levels" of stress during the same time.
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Excerpted from Stressing the Importance of Balanceby Bennie S. Covington Copyright © 2011 by Bennie S. Covington. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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