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KlappentextrnrnSmiley Anders s first book, Best of Smiley, published by AuthorHouse, presented humorous excerpts from his six-day-a-week newspaper columns in the Baton Rouge, La., Advocate published between 1979 and 1990. nThis book not only c.
Seller Inventory # 447861674
- Title
- Smiley!
- Author
- Anders, Smiley
- Publisher
- AuthorHouse
- Publication year
- 2012
- Condition
- New
- Binding
- Gebunden
- Language
- English
- ISBN 10
- 1468554050
- ISBN 13
- 9781468554052
"Synopsis" may belong to another edition of this title.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Smiley!
A laughing matterBy Smiley AndersAuthorHouse
Copyright © 2012 Smiley AndersAll right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4685-5405-2
Chapter One
Natchez DaysMy mother described the day of my birth, Nov. 20, 1937, as a terrible day, weather-wise. (I think that's all she meant by "terrible.")
She said, "It was sleeting something awful, and your daddy had to borrow his brother John's car to get me to the hospital, because we didn't have a car at that time."
Of course, we didn't really need one at that time, because we lived close to downtown Natchez, Miss., and we could walk everywhere.
My mom continued, "We were in John's new Plymouth. It was early in the morning; the sun wasn't even up yet. The streets were slick with ice and we were so afraid we were going to wreck it, and it was a borrowed car, you know. We lived with my mother on Washington Street; we had an apartment in the back of her house. She told me to dress warm and not to slip down on the ice ..." (My mom is inclined to wander a bit while telling a story ...)
She always stressed to me how much trouble I caused by being born on such a miserable day, and I felt a certain resentment towards me for being such a thoughtless son.
The only memories I have of my earliest years come from photos of me—a chubby, cherubic kid with curly hair, stomping around a downtown park in my snowsuit, and later in a sailor suit, looking at goldfish in the big brick fountain or grinning at the camera with an "ain't I adorable?" grin.
We shared my grandmother's house with her and my mother's brother and sister, who were in high school.
My grandfather had split and married a red-haired employee known in our household as "Hag." At that time any divorce was a big scandal, and Natchez was so small that the divorced parties and their families couldn't help running into each other. This made for a terribly sticky situation, as I discovered later.
Once I got old enough to talk, my uncle, a teenager, delighted in teaching me words that would get me in trouble.
My parents told me that after one of his coaching sessions, they took me to the park in my stroller. An elderly gentleman sitting on a bench offered me a cookie, and as I munched on it my mother said to me, "Now what do you say?"
I told the old gent, "Damn good—got another one?"
I must have been very young indeed, and I'm not sure that story is true, but it's one I've heard all my life.
School Days
When I turned 5, I could walk up the hill on Washington Street to kindergarten at Carpenter School No. 2 (No. 1 was on the other side of town).
I have only a few memories of those early school days:
When we talked about ourselves in kindergarten, I meant to inform my classmates that my birthday was three days after my parents' first anniversary. But it came out, "I was born three days after my mama and daddy got married." My teacher called my mama to tell her of the gaffe, and I recall them both laughing over it.
The school must have at one time been heated by coal (or maybe still was),because the playground was covered with tiny black cinders. Falling down on your knees was a painful and dirty business, and I used to come home covered in black grime. This was back when clothes were washed by hand. So much for "good ole days."
The school building was two stories high, and our fire escape was a huge black metal tube in which we were supposed to slide down to safety. I seem to remember that the round door of the tube, which came out on the playground, was kept locked to keep kids out of it. This would have defeated the purpose of the thing in an actual emergency. The entrance to the tube on the second floor was just outside the window of one of the classrooms, and bullies would threaten to put little kids in it. Although that door was probably locked too ...
There was also an unheated swimming pool in the building. There were small windows around the room it was in, but precious little light or warmth got in. I never saw anyone swim in it; that water much have been icy cold. It was a scary place, and figured in more than a few nightmares.
When I got to fourth grade, my teacher was a formidable lady who had also taught my mama. She was a stickler for "penmanship," and hated the fact that I was left-handed. Back then it was common for teachers to make left-handers write with their right hand. This is said to cause stuttering, but since I already stuttered and was never required to change hands it didn't apply to me.
I didn't have to change hands because my teacher had tried to make my left-handed mother write right-handed. My mom cried about it to my grandfather, who was still living with her and my grandmother at that time.
My grandfather, Prospero DeMarco, was a dignified, imposing man who owned a downtown drug store with his optometrist's office over it.
As my mom tells the story, he marched to the school and confronted the teacher.
Whatever he threatened her with, it worked. My mom remained a lefty, and the teacher, while expressing her distaste for southpaws, left me alone. My penmanship grades suffered, but this was probably because I had (and still have) a lousy handwriting, not because I used the wrong hand.
By the time I left the Natchez school in the middle of the fourth grade to move to Baton Rouge, I had suffered two defeats.
I could not for the life of me master the multiplication tables, and realized even at that early age that the life of a mathematician was not for me.
And I came within one word, salamander, of winning the school's fourth-grade spelling championship.
I spelled it "salamandar." To this day I hate those little lizards. Slimy bastards ...
In addition to living in the same house with a doting grandmother, I was fortunate to have a passel of great-aunts and great-uncles in Natchez.
The members of my grandmother's large Italian family had all stayed there, and many of them didn't have children of their own. So they took turns having me over, taking me out to such attractions as Natchez possessed for a child, showering me with gifts and feeding me royally. I was indeed treated like a prince.
I must have been an insufferable little twit ...
Not having any children of their own, my aunts and uncles (I didn't realize the "great" part until much later) had no idea what constituted a children's book.
So at the age of 5 or 6, I owned not only "Tom Sawyer" but the even more adult "Huckleberry Finn" and, most significantly, an illustrated version of "TheArabian Nights" by Sir Richard Burton. The illustrations were lush, exotic and very graphic. They taught me that women are constructed in a different manner from men. It was some time, however, before this knowledge was of any practical use to me ...
More Natchez Memories
I still find this hard to believe, but all the evidence I can gather points to the fact that around the time I entered kindergarten at 5 years of age I was walking a block up the hill on Washington Street to the library at Carpenter No. 2 School and checking out books. Having a good library so close to the house was a wonderful way for a child to learn to love and devour books.
The first book I remember reading was "Winnie the Pooh" by A.A. Milne. I was fascinated by the adventures of Pooh, Tigger, Christopher Robin, and the rest, and didn't realize until later that I had learned to read with a truly classic children's story.
And I also remember this from my Natchez childhood—from age 6 to age 8, when we left Natchez, I read "Huckleberry Finn" six times. I didn't know that many people consider it the great American novel—I just thought it was one whale of a story.
Long before I read Proust, I realized that certain tastes could trigger remembrances of things past.
My great-grandfather John Druetta owned a grocery store on Franklin Street, run by his sons John and David. A stout old gentleman, he dressed every day in suit, tie and vest and sat at the front of the store greeting customers. It was an old-fashioned store—he had a huge mirrored mahogany icebox for milk, cheese, eggs and the few items that had to be kept cool. And despite the urging of his sons, he refused to invest in an electric refrigerator, much less a freezer.
When I visited, he would reach in the big glass cookie jar on the counter and get out a couple of ginger snaps. With a pocketknife on the watch chain across his formidable stomach he would cut a thick slice from a huge wheel of Cheddar cheese, and present me with a ginger snap-and-cheese sandwich. Today that's still how I eat ginger snaps.
The other taste I recall from my Natchez days is the gentle sweetness of feather-light ladyfingers.
I could easily walk to downtown Natchez from our house, and by the time I was in second grade I was going to the movie houses by myself. The Ritz was the home of cowboy movies, while The Baker Grand, an upscale theater, leaned toward adventure movies—Sinbad, Robin Hood, etc. Both had multiple-movie kiddie matinees—two features, a cartoon, a live-action comedy short (Three Stooges were a favorite) and a newsreel (during the war years these were really scary for a little kid).
Between the Baker Grand and our home was a little bakery, where I'd get a small bag of delicate ladyfingers if I had any money left after the movie ticket and the popcorn and Coke. I'd stroll along past the antebellum mansions that I took for granted (figuring every town had houses like that) and rehash the adventures I'd enjoyed viewing in the theater. It was a good time to be a kid.
The only blemish on these idyllic years was a sizable one—World War II.
To us the war meant what it did to other Americans on the home front—victory gardens, scrap metal drives, ration books. But it was more personal, too.
My uncle Prospero Louis DeMarco, named for my grandfather, had joined the Royal Canadian Air Force to get in on the fighting before America entered the war. But he was with the U.S. Army Air Corps, navigating a B-17, when his plane was shot down and he became a prisoner of war in Germany.
My grandmother's brother John had built a house next door to hers, and his son, John Durden, was also shot down and imprisoned at about the same time. So we had two adjacent houses filled with tension and dread. Both returned safely, but it was a bad time for all of us. I picked up on the tension even though I was too young to think of the war as much more than a great adventure.
When I try to recall my early years in Natchez, a few visions jump out at me—the beauty of the bend in the Mississippi River from the high bluff; walks with my mom and dad to cowboy movies on Saturday night; my Aunt Nan's oyster dressing at Christmas time; the family headstones and crypts in the old cemetery overlooking the river; helping Uncle John Anders and Aunt Mollie Belle bottle honey from their hives on Franklin Street; the oily little native pecans from our backyard tree; the black kids singing "Blackberries, sweet blackberries" as they walked down the street on Saturday mornings; Ernest the vegetable man stopping his horse-drawn wagon in front of our house; the ice man handing out slivers of ice to the kids on a summer morning;my grandmother getting me up from my nap and sneaking me past my sleeping mother so she could buy me ice cream from a horse-drawn wagon.
My dad was drafted into the Army at a late stage in the war, and it was over before he went overseas.
A short time after he came back, we learned that the meat company he worked for (Swift & Co.) had an opening in Baton Rouge that he had accepted. So it was on to the (relatively) big city and new adventures ...
On To Baton Rouge
The move to Baton Rouge must have been a wrenching one for my parents: my dad, a country boy from Gloster, Miss., was taking over the job of superintendent of the Swift meat operation, with a dozen or more men under his supervision, and my mom, who had never lived outside Natchez, was moving to a bigger, strange new town with me and her newborn baby.
Yes, when I was 8 I became an older brother. Louis came along after Daddy returned from his stint in the service. I can't say I welcomed the squealing little bundle of joy. I enjoyed the life of an only child; I was born to be spoiled. I had as little to do with the baby as I could.
Later, though, Louis and I would grow to be great friends. As I recall, this occurred when I was around 30 ...
Our first home in Baton Rouge was an attic apartment on East Boulevard, walking distance to downtown.
I was impressed with the size of downtown Baton Rouge, with its bustling Third Street, several big movie houses and department stores that seemed to sell everything imaginable.
Two things stand out about my first days in Baton Rouge: telephone numbers there had five digits, compared to only three in Natchez (our number on Washington Street had been 619); and there were dark, mysterious places called "cocktail lounges" all over the place.
Natchez was officially dry, although bootleggers were numerous, and booze was ridiculously easy to obtain. My uncle Harry stocked bourbon by the case, and when he ran low he picked up the phone, gave the operator a number, said "Bill, this is Harry. We need a delivery." A short time later there would be a "thump" on the front porch and we would go out there to find a case of Early Times in front of the door.
Some of the cocktail lounges served food, and sometimes my folks would take me with them when they went out to eat and quaff a few brews.
At one of them, the Liberty Lounge, my mom ate her first boiled crab (yes, a single, lonesome crab). Natchez wasn't a big seafood town, and Mama loved all kinds of fish, so Daddy ordered her a crab and got a big kick out of watching her try to eat the hard-shelled crimson crustacean.
My folks soon learned that spending the summer in an un-air-conditioned attic apartment wasn't going to work, so Mama, baby Louis and I returned to Natchez while my dad worked and shopped for a house.
When we returned that fall, we had a pre-World War II asbestos-sided two-bedroom, one-bath home in North Baton Rouge, near the Esso refinery and petrochemical plants. My dad never tired of telling people the dimensions of the lot: 60 feet wide and 125 feet deep. I soon learned that all that lawn just meant a lot of grass to be mowed.
Back To School
I started fifth grade shortly after we moved into our house on Sherwood Drive. I had not had time to make friends, and my first few days in school did not go well. In Natchez, wearing blue jeans to school was, if not forbidden, at least frowned on. In North Baton Rouge, populated by industrial workers from rural Mississippi, the dress standards were considerably more relaxed. I quickly learned that corduroy knickers, common in Natchez, simply would not do in North Baton Rouge.
My school was Gilmer Wright Elementary, named for a former school superintendent. At that school I had my first experience with racial injustice.
Gilmer Wright had been built as a school for black students, and it was surrounded by the modest frame homes of black families. But after the war, as white families began to fill up the old and new homes in North Baton Rouge, Gilmer Wright was turned into a white school.
This meant that the black kids who lived across the street from the school had to be bused out to black schools several miles away, as they watched white kids going to "their" school.
Long before busing became a big issue, I saw it working not to bring the races together but to keep them apart.
At that age, I can't claim to have thought much about the segregated society I was in; everybody I knew accepted it, and did their best to justify it. But something told me the black kids who lived across the street from Gilmer Wright were getting screwed. As indeed they were ...
Two big things happened during my Gilmer Wright days. My folks got their first car and I got to be a Quiz Kid.
Living so near downtown Natchez, we walked everywhere we needed to go, and my great-uncles from my grandfather Druetta's store delivered our groceries, which we ordered daily by phone. But in the suburbs of North Baton Rouge, a car was a necessity. (My dad had a company car, a red '46 Plymouth coupe, but he wasn't supposed to use it for personal use, and was not happy when he had to haul us around in it.)
The shiny black '49 Plymouth he drove home in that historic day wasn't exactly a luxury car, and would be regarded as boxy today. But to us it was our chariot, our freedom machine. It meant trips to the stores, Sunday drives, and best of all, nights at the drive-in movies.
So what if summer heat and mosquitoes made the movie visits uncomfortable, and so what if the sound coming over the speakers you put in your car window was often fuzzy—by God, we were at the movies, munching Mom's homemade popcorn and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and drinking her homemade Kool-Aid out of plastic cups. It was heaven!
About the time we got the car, I found that my teacher had put me up for the Quiz Kids radio show on WJBO, which broadcast the show live before a sizable audience in its auditorium. It was sponsored by Jack's Cookies, which meant that even if I flamed out I would get a goodly supply of vanilla wafers.
But I surprised myself by winning Quiz Kid of the Week and Quiz Kid of the Month. I thought I was on my way to winning Quiz Kid of the Year and a trip to the national radio show in Chicago. But I lost for Quiz Kid of the Quarter.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Smiley!by Smiley Anders Copyright © 2012 by Smiley Anders. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
"About the title" may belong to another edition of this title.
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Moluna GmbH
Engberdingdamm 27
Greven, Germany 48268
About Us
Legal website operator identification:
Moluna GmbH
Represented by the general manager Helge Blischke
Engberdingdamm 27
48268 Greven
Germany
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(A ‘consumer’ is any natural person who concludes a legal transaction which, to an overwhelming extent, cannot be attributed to either his commercial or independent professional activities.)
Instructions for revocation
Revocation right
You have the right to revoke this contract within one month without specifying any reasons.
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Moluna GmbH
Engberdingdamm 275
48268 Greven
Germany
Telephone: 02571/5698933
E-Mail: abe@moluna.de
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last update: 01.01.2022
Data protection declaration
Unless stated otherwise below, the provision of your personal data is neither legally nor contractually obligatory, nor required for conclusion of a contract. You are not obliged to provide your data. Not providing it will have no consequences. This only applies as long as the processing procedures below do not state otherwise.
“Personal data” is any information relating to an identified or identifiable natural person.
Responsible person
Contact us at any time. The contact details of the person responsible for data processing can be found in our legal notice.
Collection, processing, and transfer of personal data in orders
When you submit an order we only collect and use your personal data insofar as this is necessary for the fulfilment and handling of your order as well as processing of your queries. The provision of data is necessary for conclusion of a contract. Failure to provide it will prevent the conclusion of any contract. The processing will occur on the basis of Article 6(1) b) GDPR and is required for the fulfilment of a contract with you.
Your data is transferred here for example to the shipping companies and dropshipping providers, payment service providers, service providers for handling the order and IT service providers that you have selected. We will comply strictly with legal requirements in every case. The scope of data transmission is restricted to a minimum.
Duration of storage
After contractual processing has been completed, the data is initially stored for the duration of the warranty period, then in accordance with the retention periods prescribed by law, especially tax and commercial law, and then deleted after the period has elapsed, unless you have agreed to further processing and use.
Rights of the affected person
If the legal requirements are fulfilled, you have the following rights according to art. 15 to 20 GDPR: Right to information, correction, deletion, restriction of processing, data portability. You also have a right of objection against processing based on art. 6 (1) GDPR, and to processing for the purposes of direct marketing, according to art. 21 (1) GDPR.
Right to complain to the regulatory authority
You have the right to complain to the regulatory authority according to art. 77 GDPR if you believe that your data is not being processed legally.
Right to object
If the data processing outlined here is based on our legitimate interests in accordance with Article 6(1)f) GDPR, you have the right for reasons arising from your particular situation to object at any time to the processing of your data with future effect.
If the objection is successful, we will no longer process the personal data, unless we can demonstrate compelling legitimate grounds for the processing that outweigh your interests or rights and freedoms, or the processing is intended for the assertion, exercise or defence of legal claims.
last update: 10.01.2022
Right of withdrawal
If you are a consumer you can withdraw from the contract in accordance with the following. Consumer means any natural person who is acting for purposes which are outside his trade, business, craft or profession.
Information regarding the right of withdrawal
Statutory right to withdraw
You have the right to withdraw from this contract within 14 days without giving any reason.
The withdrawal period will expire after 14 days from the day on which you acquire, or a third party other than the carrier and indicated by you acquires, physical possession of the last good or the last lot or piece.
To exercise the right of withdrawal, electronically fill in and submit a clear statement on our website, under "My Purchases" in "My Account". We will communicate to you an acknowledgement of receipt of such a withdrawal on a durable medium (e.g. by e-mail) without delay.
To meet the withdrawal deadline, it is sufficient for you to send your communication concerning your exercise of the right of withdrawal before the withdrawal period has expired.
Effects of withdrawal
If you withdraw from this contract, we will reimburse to you all payments received from you, including the costs of delivery (except for the supplementary costs arising if you chose a type of delivery other than the least expensive type of standard delivery offered by us).
We may make a deduction from the reimbursement for loss in value of any goods supplied, if the loss is the result of unnecessary handling by you.
We will make the reimbursement without undue delay, and not later than 14 days after the day on which we are informed about your decision to withdraw from this contract.
We will make the reimbursement using the same means of payment as you used for the initial transaction, unless you have expressly agreed otherwise; in any event, you will not incur any fees as a result of such reimbursement.
We may withhold reimbursement until we have received the goods back, or you have supplied evidence of having sent back the goods, whichever is the earliest.
You shall send back the goods or hand them over to moluna, Greven, Germany, without undue delay and in any event not later than 14 days from the day on which you communicate your withdrawal from this contract to us. The deadline is met if you send back the goods before the period of 14 days has expired. You will have to bear the direct cost of returning the goods. You are only liable for any diminished value of the goods resulting from the handling other than what is necessary to establish the nature, characteristics and functioning of the goods.
Exceptions to the right of withdrawal
The right of withdrawal does not apply to:
- The delivery of newspapers, journals or magazines with the exception of subscription contracts; and
- The supply of digital content which is not supplied on a tangible medium (e.g. on a CD or DVD) if you accepted when you placed your order that we could start to deliver it, and that you could not withdraw once delivery had started.
Privacy and security
Data protection declaration
Unless stated otherwise below, the provision of your personal data is neither legally nor contractually obligatory, nor required for conclusion of a contract. You are not obliged to provide your data. Not providing it will have no consequences. This only applies as long as the processing procedures below do not state otherwise.
“Personal data” is any information relating to an identified or identifiable natural person.
Responsible person
Contact us at any time. The contact details of the person responsible for data processing can be found in our legal notice.
Collection, processing, and transfer of personal data in orders
When you submit an order we only collect and use your personal data insofar as this is necessary for the fulfilment and handling of your order as well as processing of your queries. The provision of data is necessary for conclusion of a contract. Failure to provide it will prevent the conclusion of any contract. The processing will occur on the basis of Article 6(1) b) GDPR and is required for the fulfilment of a contract with you.
Your data is transferred here for example to the shipping companies and dropshipping providers, payment service providers, service providers for handling the order and IT service providers that you have selected. We will comply strictly with legal requirements in every case. The scope of data transmission is restricted to a minimum.
Duration of storage
After contractual processing has been completed, the data is initially stored for the duration of the warranty period, then in accordance with the retention periods prescribed by law, especially tax and commercial law, and then deleted after the period has elapsed, unless you have agreed to further processing and use.
Rights of the affected person
If the legal requirements are fulfilled, you have the following rights according to art. 15 to 20 GDPR: Right to information, correction, deletion, restriction of processing, data portability. You also have a right of objection against processing based on art. 6 (1) GDPR, and to processing for the purposes of direct marketing, according to art. 21 (1) GDPR.
Right to complain to the regulatory authority
You have the right to complain to the regulatory authority according to art. 77 GDPR if you believe that your data is not being processed legally.
Right to object
If the data processing outlined here is based on our legitimate interests in accordance with Article 6(1)f) GDPR, you have the right for reasons arising from your particular situation to object at any time to the processing of your data with future effect.
If the objection is successful, we will no longer process the personal data, unless we can demonstrate compelling legitimate grounds for the processing that outweigh your interests or rights and freedoms, or the processing is intended for the assertion, exercise or defence of legal claims.
last update: 10.01.2022