CHAPTER 1
The Boy fromthe Northern Suburbs
I've always been the same. At my age,I'm not going to change much.
As Mr Smith stood behind Ms Jones, his erection inthe centre of her back, he stroked her cool arms. Onthe balmy night, moving slowly towards her magnificentbreasts, he engulfed her with erotic sensation. As he slowlyseduced and gently kissed her neck, touching and teasingher erogenous zones with his soft lips, the hair raised allover her body with goose bumps and magic striking herinsides. The sexual energy, which had been repressed inboth of them, had suddenly been awakened. The touch,the breath, the visualisation stimulated and intensified theneed to become a lot more familiar with their mysticalnature and explore their sexual boundaries
Jerry Alexander Smith was born on April 18, 1967, inNorthern England. At the age of two, he immigrated toSouth Australia with his parents, Robert and Grace, andhis older brother, Thomas.
The family of four moved to the northern suburbs ofAdelaide, "the city of churches." Like many people fromall over the world in the 1960s, his parents moved to theland of opportunity, the lucky country, for a better, richer,and healthier life for their children.
The northern suburbs were like a little Britain, whereimmigrants built and bought modest homes, worked inboom industries like manufacturing and trades, formedclubs and communities, built schools for their children,and most importantly, developed a sense of home awayfrom home.
The landscape was barren, but the roads and transportsystem carried a very similar resemblance to the townsin Britain. The difference was the dusty bush land withwide-open space unlike the terraced homes most of themcame from.
From an early age, Jerry was a likeable lad who enjoyeddoing boyish things like riding his bike and exploringthe neighbourhood. Along with his brother, Thomas,he made many friends with local children. He lovedstereotypes, name brands, and pop culture at its best, yeta little rebellious and naughty streak shone through hischeeky sense of humour.
At times, he was overshadowed by the natural talentof his brother, Thomas, whom he adored and admired,as Jerry beleived his brother was perfect in every way.Thomas was his role model and protector, but deep down,Jerry saw himself as the black sheep of his small andconventional nuclear family. He always felt the need toplease people and to be liked as much as his brother was.Little did he realise, however, people did like him, buthis low self-esteem and natural shyness caused him to feellike a bit of a loner.
Jerry felt incredibly close to his mother, who adoredboth of her sons, yet he envied the relationship his brotherhad with their dad.
Like most working-class families in the northernsuburbs, they owned a locally made Holden car. RobertSmith worked at the manufacturing plant, as did manynearby residents. The company supported local jobs andperipheral manufacturing and production industries, andit was also involved in many community projects andsocial gatherings for its employees and families.
They were incredibly proud people yet modest andfriendly, remembering their roots and the reasons they hadmade the journey to the lucky country half a world awayfrom their own families. Being loyal to their homeland,they displayed the Union Jack flag proudly on shopwindows, flagpoles, and bedroom walls, yet they couldnot display it bigger than they could in their own hearts.
This sense of community and loyalty saw many ofthese people become members of the local football club,Central Districts, whose nickname was the Dogs. Thisclub became the heart and soul of the community, andmany local lads became great players, role models, andlegends to the growing community. The club worethe colours of red, blue, and white, the colours of theUnion Jack.
Almost all of the population of the northern suburbsknew someone who worked at Holden's, drove a Holdencar, and supported the Dogs. These people created a classof their own in modern Australia.
Not only did they bring their own values andcommunity spirit, but they brought their own culture,including favourite family recipes of meat pies and sweetpuddings. They also brought the traditional baked beansand eggs, which was almost exclusive to the Celtic Anglo-Saxons.This staple diet was almost as common or popularas the surname Smith.
So Jerry had the culture, the values, the name, andthe love of the music of his heritage and his time. TheJam was his favourite band—and almost his obsession—yetthe Beatles, the Church, and the Sex Pistols allinfluenced the young Jerry Smith. His social conditioningwas picture-perfect to his community. He was a classicstereotype of his era, almost a replica of every likeablelarrikin around him.
Yet deep down inside, he had a yearning to performand let loose his cheeky, fun-loving nature. His desireto please people and make them laugh with his freshand fun sense of humour without being undignifiedwas challenging for him. His shyness made him feeluncomfortable and awkward being the centre of attention.He often wondered how he could blend in without offenceyet explore his natural talent of performance.
Although his brother, Thomas, and most of the localboys in their early teens were exploring their sportingtalents, Jerry's mum recognised his natural talent forperformance and took him to acting classes, where heentered the world of dramatic arts.
He was following his heart and love of performance,and being in character brought him confidence. Fromdressing up like a fairy to being an extra in a local TVminiseries, landing this role was his dream of performancecoming to fruition. At such a young, influential age, heenjoyed the experience for what it was with no plans ordirection for the choice of a career in the performanceindustry. Jerry was just a young lad with a friendly,soft, gentle, and fun nature, a person with an incredibleimagination. His positive, easy-going attitude made himvery popular. With his striking good looks, solid familyvalues, and cheeky sense of humour, he was the perfectcatch for a young woman to settle down with.
CHAPTER 2
Society Says So
Freedom lies within us all. Neither fear nor fight will see usfall. With vibe and essence around our hearts, with freedom,we will never part.
As Jerry gently caressed Jena in ways that blew heraway, smothering her with sensuality, he freedhimself from the charade society had forced on him. Hisdeep desire to find her sweet, hidden pleasure and herpassion to rid herself of her shy nature saw him lead herto a place of new euphoria.
* * *
Being such a good lad, Jerry had his head screwed on.His path and his future had been mapped out for him.Sure, performance was fun; however, he knew it wouldn'tbe his career.
His social conditioning saw him finish high schoolin his cool, brown, Californian jeans, suede desert boots,and brand-name jumper, just the same as every otherpopular kid wore. If you didn't have the latest, coolestfashion and trends, you didn't fit in with the rest. Thisstyle was extremely important for his self-esteem. If youdidn't have the natural good looks, you didn't fit in. Ifyou didn't have the perfect nuclear family, you didn't fitin. If you didn't drive a Holden, like meat pies, supportthe Dogs, like popular British music, and wear the latestfashion, you just didn't fit in. You couldn't be one of the"Joneses" unless your last name was Smith. Society saidso. You had fit into the way of life, or you'd get left outaltogether. Keeping up with friends and trends was thekey to being popular.
So society saw the young Jerry move away from hisacting and drama, as he left school and moved into theworkforce. With his sense of style along with his naturalcharisma and people-pleaser character, Jerry chose retailfashion as his industry.
Working in the local shoe shop of a national chain,he became a sales assistant, and he was soon recognisedfor his flair. He was quickly promoted to store manager.As a responsible young member of society, he impressedeveryone with his politeness, customer service, andintelligence.
With natural progression, society said it was time tomeet a girl. In his early twenties, society saw Jerry meetand marry Meredith, a nice girl who liked very muchto keep up with friends and trends. Once again, societydictated that the young newlyweds, Mr and Mrs Smith,buy a house in the northern suburbs not far from wherehe had grown up and start a family of their own. TheSmiths had become the Joneses, as expected. Happily everafter was happening in front of Jerry's eyes.
Before Jerry turned twenty-five, his first child, EwanJames, was born on September 11, 1991. Ewan James wasa little boy of his own to love, cherish, adore, and protectforever. He was the apple of his eye and the beginning ofa new generation of Smiths in the northern suburbs.
His life was happening as predicted by society, andhis love of performance and drama soon became distantmemories. No longer could he enjoy a sense of himself asan actor, as he was now a husband, a father, a homeowner,and a manager. The responsibilities of reality becamefirmly implanted in his everyday living.
With the added responsibility of a family, Jerry feltthat he needed a job more secure than the fickle retailindustry. He took up a basic role in the post office. Thenine-to-five weekday schedule suited family life morethan the fun and flexible pace of the retail environment.A responsible father and husband had to have mature,stable employment. After all, in the early '90s, postagewas always going to be a necessary part of living.
As Jerry watched his little Ewan James grow, he feltit was time to give him a sibling and create the nuclearfamily of Mum, Dad, and the two kids, as society hadmapped out for him. With the almost perfect timing ofbeing born nearly three years after Ewan James, Jerry'slittle cherub Kaitlyn Tyler entered the world on July 8,1994. His family was complete. A pigeon pair, Jerry wasextremely grateful for his children, and he loved themlike he had never loved anyone before. He began to workextra hard to support them as they grew.
On the outside, Jerry, Meredith, Ewan James, andKaitlyn Tyler Smith looked like the perfect little family.Once upon a time just as the society fairy tale had saidwhere he got a job, met a girl, got engaged, got married,bought a house, had two children, and lived happilyever after. It was no longer a fairy tale; it was reality. Hecould no longer pretend his life was not what it seemedto others.
As the family grew and the expectation of being oneof the Joneses (or Smiths) set in, cracks started to appearas pressure to keep up with friends and trends becameheavier and more stressful. Jerry felt he was falling shorton meeting Meredith's extravagant needs and constantdemands for more. His self-esteem, his energy, and hissense of fun dwindled as her disappointments increased.His efforts became exhausting as Meredith constantlywanted more than they could afford.
Society had said that this was his path, or so he hadbelieved; however, his wife had had other ideas.
CHAPTER 3
Going home
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone!
Standing in Jerry's room, they stood, touching eachother as they both took apprehensive yet yearningbreaths. Longing to touch, to feel, to embrace, and tostroke with voyeuristic intentions, they kissed andmentally undressed each other. Anticipation growingwith explosive intensity, Jerry felt the warmth of Jena'stongue tingling through his bloodstream to the tip of hisraging erection. He now had Jena in a place of comfort,ease, and soothing ambience.
* * *
While Mr Smith lived in his pressure-cooker life, hismother, Grace, became terminally ill. He was not only dealingwith the harsh reality of the demands society was putting onhim but also silently grieving his mother's illness.
Because he was so close to her when he was growingup, he felt helpless the sicker she became. The financialstress, the arguments, the expectations, intensified thetension within his marriage. The different upbringings ofhim and his wife caused Jerry to sink further and furtherinto indecision, depression, and grief.
During this tumultuous time, his mother lost hercourageous battle. As the black sheep of the family, Jerryhad never felt so alone. His confidence and self-esteem tooka dramatic turn for the worse and hit an all-time low.
He needed to make a decision, a decision thatwould change his life path forever. After all the years ofcelebrations, good times and bad, the decision lay purelyon his shoulders. Guilt consumed him, and he worriedabout facing judgement and criticism from everyone whoknew him.
He knew the dream was over. Society had taken itspersonal toll and the fairy tale of happily ever after hadended.
His eyes were wide open, his heart was crushed, hisdarling sweet mum had left his side, and he needed tochange it all. He had to walk away from the pressurecooker that life had become and step away from whathad been making him so unhappy. All the animosity,expectation, and disappointment, all the wrongs heseemed to have committed, according to his wife, had toend, so he needed to find a way.
So Jerry began to walk the path so bravely to a differentdisappointment. He walked down a path where no onein his family had walked before him, down the path ofseparation and divorce and back into the family home tolive with his dad, the man he felt he barely knew.
The emotional and mental torture of his married lifewas relieved, yet he questioned his decision over and overagain. He was exhausted and empty, and he had simplyfallen out of love, though how dare he seek peace andhappiness for himself without shame? Could he have stayedin an unhappy marriage forever? Although he knew theanswer to these questions was no, he found it incrediblyhard to live in his family home, where judgement sat andshame was all around him.
Jerry missed his children terribly but knew he couldnot stay with their mother in a very unhealthy marriage.It was best that he didn't put them through years of his andMeredith's differences. He felt like the home environmenthad become toxic to all of them.
Deep down, he knew he was living a lie. Jerry liveda life to please others. He just wanted breathing spacefrom the societal pedestal. His perfect life was not whatit seemed. His life of being second to his brother saw himfinally put himself and his needs first, but not for thegood reason he wanted. Although he adored his brother,Thomas, and he wanted to be just like him most of hislife, he realised he was not his brother and set out to be hisown man. His fondness of Thomas was clear as his energyglowed when he spoke of him and the bond they shared.Yet he could not bare his soul to him for fear that societywould mock his emotions and feelings. Society said realmen didn't cry and real men didn't hurt and certainlydidn't discuss or deal with their feelings.
Jerry believed people would see "a real man" as weakand that the man would lose his masculinity and strengthif he revealed his true emotions. However, Jerry hadbeen conditioned by society. He did not understand thatreal masculinity was actually in his own power to love,care, and deal with emotions. This myth had plaguedhis mind, his heart, and his soul for as long as he couldremember, and was an inner strength he had neitherdiscovered nor exposed.
However, when he left his marriage to move inwith his widowed dad, Robert, with little more thanthe clothes on his back, Jerry felt a little more at peace,especially because he was back in the home where he hadgrown up. He had nothing else but peace of mind, thoughhe knew had to rebuild his life now. He also knew he hada second chance to rebuild and re-establish a relationshipwith his dad.
He was home away from home, and divorce havingcome and gone made it a little easier being in the comfortof home. Jerry found resolve at work. Having somethingto do and somewhere to go made his life worthy andproductive. He was able to see his children, althoughEwan James was being heavily influenced by the natureof his own generation, made him rebel against his family,and steered his life in a very different direction from whatJerry had hoped for his son.
