"SUCCESS"

Before I share my journey of success with you, I would like for you to take at least a few moments to think about what success means to you and for you. When you think of success, what five words come to mind for you?

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3. _______________________________________________________________________

4. _______________________________________________________________________

5. _______________________________________________________________________

I hope that you were able to come up with 5 words that came to mind when you thought of success. If you were not really able to come up with 5 words, see if you can complete this sentence:

"I measure my success by

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_______________________________________________________________________"

How did you do? Were you able to come up with five words or a complete sentence? If you weren't able to, you are not alone in this struggle. All of us at some point have had (and still have) issues on what success is. Even more so, many are struggling to know if they would consider themselves a success. How about you?

For a long time, I'd always thought success was having the best of everything. Success was no longer being poor, making sure that when I grew up, I would complete my educational path, the employment path, and making sure that I made more than enough money to take care of my family, parents, brothers, sisters, and those who couldn't help themselves. I would imagine success to be living in that mansion on top of the hill and having that home in the Hamptons and a winter vacation home to get away whenever I wanted to. Success was not having to work anymore. Having the luxuries of the world that I couldn't afford when I was a child growing up into the adolescent phase was all I wanted. I wanted all the clothes and shoes that I could fit in the biggest closet I could build. I would imagine success (at the time) being on the cover of GQ or Esquire and meeting the status of richness that I longed for in fashion. It wasn't just being comfortable ... it was about having it all. I measured success by what I saw on television, watching shows that would fill my head up with so many dreams and wishes I couldn't even hold it all in. I would imagine being one of the Carringtons in "Dynasty."' I would imagine playing the part of Dominique Devereaux's missing son. I would even dream while watching television at being a rich oil tycoon like the Ewings in the show "Dallas." Anything that television deemed as success, that is what I wanted.

The funny thing about that type of success was that it didn't work for me. My eyes were on the wrong prize. Everything I knew about success was not in the right context. Everything about success (at that time), focused on the material things that I knew I couldn't have at the time and the dreams I couldn't fulfill because I would daydream so much, I missed the most important times of my life and let those moments I really needed to make those possibilities happen in my life pass me by.

I would take the wrong opportunities thinking that if I did the quick, get rich opportunities, I wouldn't have to work another day. It seemed as though that I had done everything in order to make my life richer. I had thought of becoming an undercover drug dealer because they made the fast, easy money that wasn't taxed. I had even thought of becoming a stripper because of the great tips and the fast money that was being made by some of my friends that were doing it. All through these thoughts I was having, I kept asking myself ... "What am I doing wrong?" "What am I missing in my life that I can't make this money and become a success?" The biggest question that I finally asked myself was, "Why is God punishing me for doing the right things that don't seem to work?" I thought I was doing everything right and by the book. I would go to church and follow the teachings of the "Word." I would say to myself that maybe this was just a phase ... feeling sorry for myself and would get through it and God would bless me with the riches I desired to be a success.

Wanting to be a success almost killed me. I kept saying to myself that if I worked enough jobs that I would make the money I would need to be a success. I would do the noble thing and just work. I found myself working three to four jobs trying to make the money I needed to be a success. I ended up in the hospital with a bad case of ulcers in my twenties. Had migraine headaches so bad that I couldn't lift my head off of the pillow in my thirties. Now, even though I never thought of suicide as an option, I thought of giving up and walking away from the little bit that I did have.

It was at that moment where I got a break from God (or what I thought was a break from God), where I was going to become the success I desired to be. I was offered a job in Houston, Texas where I worked my butt off. I'd finally made the money I truly wanted to make and I had a great home and everything I thought I needed to be a success. Then, the stocks crashed. It was during the time of the big stock crash that it seemed that most of the workers in Houston lost their jobs. I happened to have been one of them that lost that great job. I didn't think at the time that this could happen to me. This was success for me. Things were going really well and I had finally found the success that I truly wanted and needed in my life. At least I thought I did.

As time went on, I couldn't find any jobs and times were getting tough. I couldn't go back home to New Jersey. I wouldn't go back home to New Jersey. My parents were really proud of me at that time and telling them that I had lost my job and telling them of the struggles that I was going through would have been seen to me as being a failure. My parents had already lost a son to drugs and they went through enough struggles in their own lives and I didn't want to put any additional burdens on them to ask for help. So, I stayed in Houston, sold most of the things that I had to survive, lost the place where I was living, and found myself homeless. I was living from day to day, not knowing where to go, and most of the time I was hungry, but too proud to beg for food to eat. I would look for jobs, but there were none. In spite of it all, I lost the success that I thought was the "be all to end all." At that time, everything I lived for and worked for seemed to had gone downhill for me and I really just wanted to have someplace to rest my head and a place to eat. I had forgotten all about success. All I knew was that at the time, success was nowhere to be found.

This is the point where I truly believed that God had given up on me. Even though I thought my intentions were good by doing the "right" things in my life, I thought God left me alone in the world to fend for myself because I had turned my back on Him and went my own way and did my own thing. No matter how much I kept praying, I felt that God was not listening at all to me. The funny part of all of this (and there is a funny part to this) is that God was listening all along. I come to realize that I wasn't listening to Him.

It was a Sunday afternoon where I was passing a church. I was not sure what time of day it was. I couldn't tell the time as far as minutes, hours or seconds that passed. All I knew was while people were coming out of the church, a brother was coming out and saw me passing the church. I must have really been looking bad, or really malnourished because he stopped me and asked me my name. As I told him my name, he seemed to have had a sense of my struggles. At that time, it was as if he knew something about me. He prophesied to me and told me that I did not belong out here in these streets. It was as if he knew as I was struggling and needed the help. He told me who he was and he offered me something to eat. We went out to eat and we talked for a couple of hours. Without hesitation, he offered me a room in his house to stay until I was able to get on my feet. I did not know this brother. I didn't know what his motive were. At this point in time, I didn't care. All I knew was that someone cared enough to take me in. I was smelling bad. I was hungry. I was alone. I needed help. Once I got there, I finally realized why he took me in. He took me in because of his own personal story. I was hesitant at first because I wasn't sure of his motives. When we sat down to talk, he told me that he used to be homeless also. Someone took him in, fed and clothed him and in return, he did the same. I started crying and laughing at the same time because I was so grateful and appreciative for his kindness and generosity. All he asked of me was when I'd get back on my feet and able to reach my goals again, it was the hope that I would pass this same kindness on to someone else who would need it.

Another thing I didn't know at the time was that God was shaping and molding me all along, teaching me on this journey that success was not about the riches of the world, but the riches of your heart and what you can do to serve Him and others.

When I was a child growing up, we were always taught Hebrews 13:5.

Hebrews 13:5 – Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

I never forgot this verse as a child. However, I must have put it away somewhere in my sub-conscious and forgot the meaning of this passage. Everywhere I go (now), I carry it with me in my heart and soul. This is my true success in life today. I just didn't think about it back then and how this verse would shape me into learning about what true success really was. I also never forgot the kindness of this stranger. I never forgot what this stranger requested of me to do once I'd got back on my feet. I'd believe that he would be proud of me. To God be the glory.

As you can see now from reading this book, that I have come a long way from this journey and have found true success. I have come to learn that success is being thankful and grateful for this moment (and every moment) in time that we are living in the now (the present). Success is knowing that the wealth of the world means nothing because all of this can be taken away in a split second ... in the blinking of an eye. I have learned that my past experience was only preparation for my true understanding of what was about to become the true meaning of success for my life.

What I am giving to the world as far as what knowledge I have gained, I am passing this knowledge on. I have true success in being thankful for what I have and cherishing the present. I am not rich in material wealth. However, I am rich in knowledge, and the spirit to be of help to others. Success for me is now measured by my worth and meaning in life. In my journey towards becoming a doctor, I had to become a human being all over again. I had to trust in someone other than myself. Trusting in myself was not working. I had to trust fully in God and not my own understanding. I had to go through my own personal journey and ask myself questions such as:

1. Now that I know what success is, what should now be my matter of concern?

2. Now that success is not about wealth, what should my priority be?

3. Now that success no longer concerns the wealth of the world, what will be my true measure of success?

I have come to learn that the true measure of success is passing on what I have learned and making sure that I do it with compassion, love, empowerment, and with the love of God supporting me all the way. I know that my lesson on success did not just happen by accident. It was planned by God for me to pass this way. My purpose from here on end was to empower others and realize that this gift that was given to me was not mine alone ... but through lessons learned it was to be passed on so that others will not necessarily have to struggle as I did.

Do you find yourself struggling with success? Do you ever wonder if you value success more than your own self-worth? Let's see if you are on the right track. Take a moment to answer a total of six (6) short questions. Try to be as honest and true to yourself as possible.

1. Are you a goal setter or a wishful thinker? __________________________________________________________________________

2. Have you set a goal for yourself within the past month? __________________________________________________________________________

3. Did you meet that goal? _______________________________________________

4. If you met that goal, did you feel success? ___________________________

5. Describe in a few words what success felt like: __________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________

6. If you didn't meet that goal you set for yourself, what stopped you from meeting that goal? __________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________

I know at this point, there are some things that you are thinking about and nodding your head in disbelief because you probably can identify with most of your failures instead of your successes. Did it take you longer to think of a goal that you completed with success? Did it take you a while to even think of a goal that you set for yourself and succeeded completely?

I would like for you to now consider some of the reasons why we get stuck on the word, "success." I hold many life coaching sessions and many seminars on how to be the best "YOU" and discovering your success through loving and embracing your self-worth. In these sessions I've conducted, many of those who struggled with the word and idea of success. Most of those seeking a better life, measured success by their revenue and finances, their influence they were making on their family, friends and peers and by the things that they have completed (and not completed) in their journey to what they thought was success by material growth.

What I would like for you to start considering now is that many of us have our own ideas and definitions about success. Your ideas and thoughts about success seems to be focused around your accomplishments and measuring your life by your work, what you have done so far and how much you have gained (instead of accomplished).

Here are four more questions that I would like for you to complete to see how you measure success. Remember to answer as honestly and truthfully as possible. It's all about you.

7. Do you see success as immediate or a process? __________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________

8. Do you consider yourself successful? __________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________

9. If you consider yourself successful, name some of the ways you've reached that point. __________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________

10. If you do not consider yourself successful, what is holding you back from considering yourself successful? __________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________

If you have completed this section with all honesty and truth, you will find that success had nothing to do with finances, influences, status or material growth. Now, don't misunderstand what I am saying. Finances, influences or status can be considered as a result of the success. However, that is not success for you. Let me repeat that statement for you ..." Finances, influences or status can be considered as a result of the success ... that is not success for you."