Looking back with God

The first step in our journey is realization and acknowledgement. To realize and to accept, where we've been, where we are and where we're going to is essential. We need to look back over our shoulders as far as we can remember, to the influences and environment that have shaped our lives, beliefs and characters. It is imperative to take stock of the past, in order to go forward. At this point let me say that I don't mean dwell in the past, living in a state of regret and dragging around a whole lifetime of baggage. I mean reflect on what has happened, how have you ended up where you are now, and what has contributed to you being there?

Our pasts are as varied as we are, most have been filled with joy and fond memories, intertwined with painful experiences, growing pains and milestones. We have been shaped by socio-economic circumstances, either poverty, average income or wealth, whatever level of financial influence we were accustomed to, has determined to a large degree our environment. While most people can say that they have had an "average" or "normal" childhood, there are others who have not been so fortunate. Many people are coming from painful pasts. Dysfunctional homes, broken marriages, physical, sexual and emotional abuse, alcohol and drug abuse have all caused turmoil in the lives of so many people. Many issues lay unresolved, actively, negatively impacting people's lives. Cycles of pain and abuse, generational curses, peer pressure, gang culture, society's acceptance of violence and mayhem have all played a role in shaping people's lives.

Some people's issues, are so traumatic and deep seated that it takes years of therapy to uncover and attempt to deal with. This is one of the many ways in which the devil comes "to steal, and to kill, and to destroy......" (John 10:10). The devil and his demons have been wreaking havoc for generations, ruining people's lives. Added to this are the poor decisions people have made, based on impulse or poor judgment, external influence or pressure, that have led to unfavorable conditions. Some have had to suffer years of hardship over a foolish decision.

So there is a lot of anguish in people's lives, and there will continue to be unless the right steps are taken to rectify the situation. This is the first step, and since you can't go anywhere until you take that first step, the sooner you take it the sooner you can truly begin your journey.

When you look back, over your past, make a note of the decisions you have made that have brought you to this point in your life. Write them down if you have to. The Holy Spirit is wonderful at this as He is at all things. Prayerfully ask Him to help you to remember, things from your past, that are affecting you today. As He reveals them to you write them down, good and bad. This could take a while depending on how much you've been through, don't rush it, take your time and allow the Holy Spirit to lead you, but don't dwell or obsess over them, this is a rejuvenating work and He will reveal over time all you need to know and remember. Reflect honestly and critically, don't gloss over the unfavourable parts, remember this is for a new successful you and you want to be the best that you can be. It starts with true reflection and change for the better. This honest, critical view of yourself and your past is your critical first step towards permanent, positive change. Leaving this step out will guarantee failure, it will also ensure you making the same mistakes over again. Admission is the first step to recovery and when dealing with deep seated hurt and emotional trauma, a lot of the root causes are locked away in the mind's built-in defense mechanism, which is to block out and not remember, along with denial. Many physical and psychological symptoms have their strength and roots in traumatic experiences, which have often occurred in childhood, locked away in the mind and have to be dealt with for true and effective healing to take place. The good news is that once there is acceptance of a problem existing, then the Lord, who is the greatest Healer of all time, can step in and bring that permanent balm of healing.

Once you've got them written down, look over them and group them into good decisions that have positively influenced your life and can if need be repeated in the future, and bad ones that have negatively impacted on your life and which you regret making. The ones that have not really influenced your life either way can be filed away under information, for future reference.

Now the bad decisions or mistakes have value for only one purpose, and that is to teach you never to make them again. It is utter foolishness to think that you can say or do the same things, and achieve a different result. Learn from your mistakes, whether it be in relationships, finances, ministry, health or whatever else. If it didn't work for you the first time then there is an almost certain probability that it won't the second or even for some third time around. Some people spend years going around in circles, making the same mistakes, falling for the same kind of people, looking for a different result from doing the same thing. It's time you realize and acknowledge what is not working and next time don't make the same mistake.

Learn from your past experiences, if not you will end up making the same mistakes. That is why it is important to realize and acknowledge, that they are mistakes, write them down, admit they were mistakes, say to yourself that you won't make them again and then don't. That's most important, the doing part, many people say they are not going to and then do it again anyway, but don't you be one of those people. Mistakes are vital for learning, when you make them, don't sit and brood over them, feeling sorry for yourself, but pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn the lesson and don't do it again.

The guiding light to decision making is the word of God. It is ".... A lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." (Psalm 119:105). A quality decision based on the word of God is the best you will ever make. Obedience to the word of God is a definite guarantee of success. The next time you have to decide, ask God in prayer first, then read in His word and do what He says. Those decisions you made in the past, compare them to the word of God and see whether they were good or bad. The ones that are in accordance to the word of God will always be the right ones. They guarantee success, they bring reward. Make a quality decision to obey the word of God, not your or anyone else's opinion, trend or emotion, in every area of your life, as the bible says, "The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way."(Psalm 37:23). This means that he is happy with the direction his life is taking based on decisions taken in obedience to the word of God.

So learn to make good decisions based on the word of God, learn from past mistakes, and don't repeat them.

The same goes for your relationships. It is foolishness to trust too quickly. As for love at first sight, it doesn't exist, it's more like lust at first sight. At first glance all you can judge is a person's physical appearance, and whether you are physically attracted to them or not. Physical attraction is important, but no where nearly as important as a spiritual and emotional bond. Relationships based purely on physical attraction are short lived and end leaving you feeling guilty and empty, but those built on a foundation of spiritual and emotional bonding are the ones that last and that's what God wants for us, a strong spiritual, emotional connection that is destined to last a lifetime, the physical will also fall into place.

Learn from past failed relationships, don't rush into relationships, learn to see the patterns of people's behavior, telltale signs. Only when you have seen how a person responds or reacts to every type of situation can you say that you know them. This takes time, when something makes them angry, how do they express or give vent to that emotion? Do they tell the truth, do they lie, are they faithful, how do they treat family, how are they around children, how do they handle pressure or stressful situations? Only when you spend time with a person, to see them in all situations can you get to really know them, you can only start to love them once you really know them. So start to also evaluate your relationships, prayerfully asking God to lead you.

Take a honest, critical look at the people you allow to influence your life and decisions. Now I don't mean get all judgmental and pious, and go around looking down your nose at everyone, because each one of us has faults. I mean to look at the people in your life, how have they been advising you, has it been Godly advice. Has their influence caused you to make mistakes. Look at their lives, are they advising you in areas where they are struggling in their own lives. The bible is constantly telling us to get wise counsel. You will find people who have failed in any particular area in their lives, are quick to tell you how to achieve success in the same area in your life. You don't have to be taking financial advice from someone who is broke, or marriage advice from someone who is divorced several times, or health advice from someone who is permanently sick. The best person to take advice from in any particular area is the one who has achieved success in their own lives in the same area. You won't get any one person to do this, you may have to have several people in different areas, the book of Proverbs tells us, "For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in a multitude of counselors there is safety." (Prov 24:6). It's wise Godly counsel, and of cause the best counselor who does know everything, and is an expert in every area is the Holy Spirit. Trust God above everyone else, and take His advice over everyone else's.

So we going to take stock of our past, decisions, friends, relationships, change accordingly to the word of God. Making these adjustments now will greatly improve your future.

As important as this analysis and adjustment, this realization and acknowledgement of the past and present is, there is one vital component of dealing with past issues that is most important for progress, and that is forgiveness.

This is an absolutely critical component of moving forward. Especially for those painful pasts, that involved abuse and hurt, but for all past issues that have negatively impacted on us. The word of God commands us to forgive, Jesus spoke about forgiveness often because He realized the importance of it. That was the whole point of His death on the cross, to pay the price for our sins, so that we might receive forgiveness for our sins and be reconciled back to God, and to take our rightful place as His sons and daughters. God's righteous judgment for sin, which is death, was taken by Jesus and through the blood that He shed on the cross we have forgiveness for all our sins once and for all.

Jesus taught that as God has forgiven us of our sins, we are commanded of God to forgive others their sins against us. In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus tells us that when we pray, we must forgive others their sins so that the Father will forgive us of our sins and If we don't forgive others then the Father won't forgive us. "And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. (Mark 11:24-25)

This shows us that true forgiveness comes from God, only God has the power to forgive us of our sins. When we obey God and forgive from our hearts, then the power of forgiveness flows to us from God and through us to others. When we refuse to forgive, firstly that is disobedience to God's word, secondly that is unforgiveness, and God cannot forgive unforgiveness on your part. As long as you hold on to unforgiveness, God cannot forgive that unforgiveness in you. As soon as you forgive from your heart and repent then the power of God's forgiveness flows to you and through you.

When Jesus was teaching this to His disciples, He was talking about the power of faith and answers to prayer, He said that in order to receive your desires when you pray, you must firstly believe that you have received them (faith) and you have to forgive. This is what it takes to move mountains in our lives. A painful past full of hurt and suffering, especially when committed by the ones who were supposed to love and care for us, can stand over us like a mountain. Gigantic, hard as rock, immovable, towering over us, making us seem puny and defeated, but faith and true forgiveness from our hearts can move that mountain and throw it into the sea.

Those who have suffered truly heinous violation, especially as children, will find it really difficult to forgive those who are responsible. They need the forgiving power of God's love in order to do this, only God can enable us to truly forgive, and not only forgive but forget, to heal and get over what's been done to them. When we forgive by choice and obedience to Gods word then the redemptive, reconciling, rejuvenating power of God's love flows to us and through us, until such time as we do so the past will continue to dominate and destroy our present and future. Many are crying out to God to heal them from their past, to rescue them from the torturous scars and nightmares that still torment them. The truth of the matter is however, until they forgive and hand that burden over to God they will never truly get over it, this is why the devil wants you to stay in a constant state of unforgiveness and hurt, pre-occupied with it and eventually consumed by it. This hurt and unforgiveness, turns to bitterness, hate, anger and grows like a cancer. This iniquity in the heart affects the answers to prayer. "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:" (Psalm 66:18). So while they are praying for healing and deliverance from the bondage of the past, holding onto this heart condition of unforgiveness, will hinder these prayers from being answered.

So to begin on the road to truly being set free from a hurtful, horrible past, we have to start with forgiving from the heart, and allowing God to heal us and those who perpetrated the heinous crimes against us. This is a conscious decision we have to make. It has nothing to do with how we feel, or the heart condition of the other person or people involved. It is an act of obedience to God. You may not even feel like it, don't agree with it, but do it anyway. This heart condition will only hinder God's healing work in your life and keep you from fulfilling your destiny in the Kingdom of God.

I have to admit, that in the beginning it is difficult to bring yourself to saying you are sorry and to forgive, but as you make a habit of saying it and doing it, I mean really doing it, not just saying the words and holding on to the unforgiveness in your heart, but truly forgiving and releasing the offence and the person responsible, you will find it gets easier. It becomes normal to forgive and forget and walk in a constant state of forgiveness then the power of God flows through you. To forget requires you to behave as if the offence never occurred in the first place. Whenever the enemy brings the past up, tempting you to remember the details, play over all the incidents of abuse or offences against you, you have to resist him by saying to yourself, and to him that those things are forgiven, you have chosen to forgive. Resist the devil, don't entertain those thoughts, sometimes, especially in the beginning, when this process is still new to you, you will have to forcefully put these thoughts out of your mind. Giving in to them is a trap of the enemy to get you to live in unforgiveness. So whenever painful past issues come up, and you have forgiven them, you have the power to say to yourself, and the devil "That's the past, it's forgiven, I'm forgiven, it's all covered under the blood of Jesus, I will not remember them, I have released that part of my past and will not hold onto it." When you start to speak and act like this you will feel a tremendous weight lift of your mind. It's a truly liberating feeling to walk in forgiveness. It brings a peace to you, only God can give. This is one of the reasons the bible tells us to, "Submit yourselves therefore unto God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." (Jas 4:7). When you choose to obey the word of God, over what the devil is trying to get you to do, he loses all power over the situation. Notice the verse says he "will" flee, this means he has no choice, he has to. Interestingly enough the next verse of the same chapter of James talks to us about cleansing our hands and hearts, this once again reinforces the vital need for forgiveness and releasing or "cleansing" our souls (our minds, emotions, will) in order to be truly set free.