Florence grew up in a small town on Long Island during the late sixties. Her father was an alcoholic, and, like many children of alcoholics, she learned at an early age to subjugate her own needs and feelings to keep peace in the household. From the time she was a young girl, she dreamed of someday getting married and having her own family. After a couple of tumultuous relationships, she marries someone from her past. Sheltered within the institution of marriage, it was a place to hide from the outside world. However, the outside world has a way of creeping in. Unable to find work, he persuades her to leave New York and her family behind. Florence struggles to balance the joy of motherhood with her homesickness. She registers at a community college and discovers an outlet for her unrest. Although she believed she wasn't college material, she manages to graduate after twelve years. Her hopes to pursue a career are thwarted when her husband, Edward quits his job and needs her to help start his own business. Overworked and exhausted, all she wants to do is retire and move to Florida. Edward puts a deposit on a townhouse, but before it is complete, they are getting divorced. Desperately trying to hold onto everything she had worked for, she must learn to let make it on her own.
Codependency! I had always rolled my eyes when someone said the word codependent. It wasn't until after being involved with a sociopath that the term codependency registered with me. I wanted to understand why I let him control my life for four years, even though I knew the relationship was a dead-end. Then I came across an article by Dr. Ross Rosenberg called The Codependency Dance. It explained the dynamics behind a relationship between givers and takers. For the first time, it all made sense. I had to take a closer look.
So what exactly is codependency? It's not easy to explain, and I'm still learning. Things like self-love and respect, which go hand in hand with boundaries, are something I've always had a hard time establishing. My first exposure to the concept other than hearing people use it as a crutch to explain the behavior was a video test by Toxic to Love. A series of personality tests. Out of curiosity, I decided to take it. The video began with nine signs of codependency.
At the end of the video, I scored a perfect nine. The result said, "The nature of your upbringing suggests codependency. Advice: take a good, hard look at your boundaries." My mouth dropped open, and I had my first aha moment.
For anyone who has ever wanted to understand codependency, this is a great book. Rather than reading something clinical on the subject, the reader "lives" the co-dependent's life through the book. The narrative unfolds naturally and flows well. The message about the care of self becomes very clear as the story progresses.... Karen Walpole for Readers' Favorite
Reviewed By Grant Leishman for Readers' Favorite
As someone who has lived a co-dependent relationship in the past, I found Searching for the Shire to be a clarion call to my psyche. Reading Florence St. John's words and deeds, I experienced many "Aha" moments as I was able to relate to her "need to be needed." I suspect this issue is felt more intensely by women, but as a man who has experienced these issues, I was very easily able to relate to her thought processes and decision making. At the end of the day, this book can give real hope and a path out of co-dependency for anyone suffering from this. The book is simply a summation of St. John's life that led her to the point of needing to find an answer to her continual problems. My biggest takes from this story were 1: It's okay to be alone and 2: How can you expect anyone else to love you unconditionally when you don't even love yourself? I think this book would prove very useful for those suffering from co-dependency or feelings of inadequacy.
Reviewed By Jack Magnus for Readers' Favorite
Florence St. John's Searching for the Shire takes a hard look at dysfunctional family relationships and the legacy of codependency passed on to those who've grown up under those conditions. The author's story is a compelling one, and her voice rings out with honesty, conviction and occasional ruefulness throughout. I found her drive and determination, as exemplified by her determination to build her dream house and her hard-won college degree in Accounting, to be inspirational indeed, and I found myself sighing as she briefly gives up her hard-won freedom, once again, to partner with Daniel. While quite supportive and understanding of many women's desires to be homemakers, St. John eloquently shows why it wasn't enough for her and discusses how the collapse of the soundest-seeming marriage can leave a woman with no working skills or experience to fend for herself in the outside world. While her memoir indicates that St. John's skills are numerical, her memoir is beautifully written and a joy to read. I hope she considers following this effort with a work of fiction next, as she's a gifted storyteller. Searching for the Shire is most highly recommended.
Reviewed By Karen Walpole for Readers' Favorite
For anyone who has ever wanted to understand codependency, this is a great book. Rather than reading something clinical on the subject, the reader "lives" the codependent's life through the book. The narrative unfolds naturally and flows well. Reading about the author's life enlightens the reader, but the message about care of self becomes very clear as the story progresses. I recommend Searching for the Shire by Florence St. John for anyone who suspects they are codependent and anyone with alcoholic family members or friends. Seeing how alcoholism changes the people around the alcoholic helps in understanding codependent people and relationships.
