CHAPTER 1
GOD, THE FATHER
1
THY GREATNESS, MY NOTHINGNESS
GOD in Heaven, let me really feel my nothingness, not in order to despair over it, but in order to feel the more powerfully the greatness of Thy goodness.
2
THINE IS THE POWER
FATHER in Heaven! In the external world one is stronger, another is weaker; the first is perhaps proud of his strength and the second perhaps sighs and feels jealous; but in our own inner world we are all weak in the light of Thy countenance, Thou the powerful one, Thou, the only strong one.
3
THOU ART INCOMPREHENSIBLE
FATHER in Heaven! Thou art incomprehensible in Thy creation; Thou livest afar off in a light which no one can penetrate and if we recognize Thee in Thy providence, our knowledge is feeble and veils Thy splendor, Thou who art incomprehensible in Thy splendor. But Thou art still more incomprehensible in Thy grace and in Thy mercy. What is man that Thou art mindful of him, Thou Infinite One — but even more, what is the son of a fallen race, that yea Thou wouldst visit him, Thou Holy One; yea what is the sinner that Thy Son wouldst come into the world because of him, not to judge but to save, not to make known His own dwelling place so that the lost might seek Him, but in order to seek out that which is lost, having no den such as wild beasts have, having no place on which to lay his head, knowing hunger in the desert, thirst on the Cross. Lord, Father of compassion! What is man able to do for such great benefits; he is not even able to give Thee thanks without Thee. Teach us then the humble discernment of true intelligence that, as a broken heart sighs under the weight of its guilt, saying in its sorrow: "It is impossible! it is impossible that God is able to show such compassion," so that the one who appropriates this assurance in faith must also say in his joy, "it is impossible." If death too seemed to separate those who love one another and again they were given to each other, their first cry at the moment of their reunion would be, "it is impossible." And this joyous message of Thy compassion, Father in Heaven, even if man has heard it since his tender infancy, is not for that the less incomprehensible! And even if man meditates on it day by day, it does not become for that less incomprehensible! Was then Thy incomprehensible mercy like that of a man, which disappeared on closer acquaintance, like the happiness of those who loved each other once in days of old incomprehensible (then) but not any more. O torpid human reason! O guileful earthly wisdom! O cold thought of slumbering faith! O miserable forgetfulness of the cold heart! No, Lord, keep Thou everyone who believes in Thee in the proper humble understanding and deliver him from evil.
4
THOU ART UNCHANGEABLE
O THOU who are unchangeable, whom nothing changes! Thou who art unchangeable in love, precisely for our welfare not submitting to any change: may we too will our welfare, submitting ourselves to the discipline of Thy unchangeableness, so that we may in unconditional obedience find our rest and remain at rest in Thy unchangeableness. Not art Thou like a man; if he is to preserve only some degree of constancy he must not permit himself too much to be moved, nor by too many things. Thou on the contrary art moved, and moved in infinite love, by all things. Even that which we human beings call an insignificant trifle, and pass by unmoved, the need of a sparrow, even this moves Thee; and what we so often scarcely notice, a human sigh, this moves Thee, O Infinite Love! But nothing changes Thee, O Thou who art unchangeable! O Thou who in infinite love dost submit to be moved, may this our prayer also move Thee to add Thy blessing, in order that there may be wrought such a change in him who prays as to bring him into conformity with Thy unchangeable will, Thou who are unchangeable!
5
THY WORD
FATHER in Heaven, what is man that Thou visitest him, and the son of man that Thou art mindful of him? — and in every way, in every respect! Verily, Thou didst never leave Thyself without a witness; and at last Thou didst give to man Thy Word. More Thou couldst not do; to compel him to make use of it, to hear it or read it, to compel him to act according to it, Thou couldst not wish. Ah, and yet Thou didst do more. For Thou art not like a man — rarely does he do anything for nothing, and if he does, he at least would not be put to inconvenience by it. Thou, on the contrary, O God, bestowest Thy Word as a gift — and we men have nothing to give in return. And if only Thou dost find some willingness on the part of the single individual, Thou art prompt to help, and first of all Thou art the one who with more than human, yea, with divine patience, dost sit and spell it out with the individual, that he may be able rightly to understand the Word; and next Thou art the one who, again with more than human, yea, with divine patience, dost take him as it were by the hand and help him when he strives to do accordingly — Thou our Father in Heaven.
6
THOU GOD OF LOVE
How could anything rightly be said about love if Thou wert forgotten, Thou God of love, from whom all love comes in heaven and on earth; Thou who didst hold nothing back but didst give everything in love; Thou who art love, so the lover is only what he is through being in Thee! How could anything rightly be said about love if Thou wert forgotten, Thou who didst make manifest what love is, Thou, our Savior and Redeemer, who gave Himself to save us all! How could anything rightly be said about love if Thou wert forgotten, Thou spirit of love, Thou who dost abate nothing of Thine own, but dost call to mind that sacrifice of love, dost remind the believer to love as he is loved, and his neighbor as himself! O eternal love! Thou who art everywhere present, and never without testimony in what may here be said about love, or about works of love. For it is certainly true that there are some acts which the human language particularly and narrow-mindedly calls acts of charity; but in heaven it is certainly true that no act can be pleasing unless it is an act of love: sincere in its self-abnegation, a necessity for love, and just because of this, without claim or merit.
7
O INFINITE LOVE
THOU loving Father, everything goes wrong for me and yet Thou art love. I have even failed in holding fast to this — that Thou art love, and yet Thou art love. Wherever I turn, the only thing that I cannot do without is that Thou art love, and that is why, even when I have not held fast to the faith that Thou art love, I believe that Thou dost permit through love that it should be so, O Infinite Love.
8
THOU HAST LOVED US FIRST
FATHER in Heaven! Thou hast loved us first, help us never to forget that Thou art love so that this sure conviction might triumph in our hearts over the seduction of the world, over the inquietude of the soul, over the anxiety for the future, over the fright of the past, over the distress of the moment. But grant also that this conviction might discipline our soul so that our heart might remain faithful and sincere in the love which we bear to all those whom Thou hast commanded us to love as we love ourselves.
9
THOU WHO HAST FIRST LOVED US
THOU who hast first loved us, O God, alas! We speak of it in terms of history as if Thou hast only loved us first but a single time, rather than that without ceasing Thou hast loved us first many times and everyday and our whole life through. When we wake up in the morning and turn our soul toward Thee — Thou art the first — Thou hast loved us first; if I rise at dawn and at the same second turn my soul toward Thee in prayer, Thou art there ahead of me, Thou hast loved me first. When I withdraw from the distractions of the day and turn my soul in thought toward Thee, Thou art the first and thus forever. And yet we always speak ungratefully as if Thou hast loved us first only once.
10
THOU HEAREST OUR CRY
FATHER in Heaven! Great is Thine infinite kingdom. Thou who bearest the weight of the stars and who governest the forces of the world through immense spaces; numberless as the sands are those who have life and being through Thee. And yet, Thou hearest the cry of all the creatures, and the cry of man whom Thou hast specially formed. Thou hearest the cry of all men without confusing their mixed voices and without distinguishing one from another in such a way as to play favorites. Thou hearest not only the voice of one who is responsible for many others and so prays to Thee in their name, as if his high function could bring him nearer to Thee; Thou hearest not only the voice of one who prays for dear ones, as if he could thereby attract Thine attention, he who is privileged in having the dear ones; no, Thou hearest also the most miserable, the most abandoned, and most solitary man — in the desert, in the multitude. And if the forgotten one has separated himself from all others; and if in the crowd he has become unknown — having ceased to be a man except as a number on a list — Thou knowest him. Thou has not forgotten him. Thou rememberest his name; Thou knowest him where he is, retired, hidden in the desert, unperceived in the crowd, in the multitude. And if in the thick shadows of dread, in the prey of terrible thoughts, he was abandoned by men, abandoned almost by the language men speak, still Thou wouldst not have forgotten him. Thou wouldst understand his language. Thou knowest also how quickly to find a way which leads to him, quick as sound, prompt as light; and if Thou shouldst wait it is not slowness, but wisdom; and if Thou dost wait, it is not slowness, but because Thou only knowest the speed of Thy help; if Thou dost wait, it is not stingy parsimony, but paternal economy which keepest the best things reserved for the child, in a secure place, for a favorable moment. Lord our Father! Man cries to Thee in the day of distress and he gives thanks to Thee in the day of joy. Oh how wonderful to give thanks when man understands so easily that Thou art the giver of good and perfect gifts, when even the earthly heart is at once ready to understand and when even earthly prudence speedily consents. More blessed though it is to give thanks when life becomes a darkened story; more blessed though to give thanks when the heart is oppressed and the soul darkened, when reason is a traitor in its ambiguity and memory is mistaken in its forgetting, when egoism recoils in fright, when human wisdom resists, if not in rebellion then in discouragement — more blessed then to thank God, for the one who thus is thankful truly loves God. He dares to say to Thee, Thou all knowing God: Lord, Thou knowest all things, Thou knowest I love Thee.
11
THY LOVING CARE
FATHER in Heaven! In the evening, when we prepare to go to sleep, we are consoled by the thought that Thou art the one who watches over us — and yet, when we awaken in the morning and when we remain awake during the day, what a desolation if Thou wert not the one watching over us! The difference that we establish between sleep and waking is then only a pleasantry — as if we needed Thy wakefulness only as long as we are asleep, but not when we ourselves are awake.
12
THY FATHERLY CARE
FATHER in Heaven! Thou who dost care for the sparrow without cruelly requiring that he be like Thee, no, Thou who dost concern Thyself for the sparrow in this way, Thou dost put Thyself in his place in Thy fatherly solicitude. Yea, also Thou dost so concern Thyself with man. If Thou requirest of him that he try to resemble Thee, an effort which Thou art not able to require of the sparrow, Thou dost not, however, require it cruelly. No, in Thy fatherly solicitude, Thou dost put Thyself in his place, and Thou art Thyself the one who givest him the strength for the task.
13
HAVE THEN A LITTLE PATIENCE
FATHER in Heaven! Show unto us a little patience; for we often intend in all sincerity to commune with Thee and yet we speak in such a foolish fashion. Sometimes, when we judge that what has come to us is good, we do not have enough words to thank Thee; just as a mistaken child is thankful for having gotten his own way. Sometimes things go so badly that we call upon Thee; we even complain and cry unto Thee; just as an unreasoning child fears what would do him good. Oh, but if we are so childish how far from being true children of Thine who art our true Father, ah, as if an animal would pretend to have man as a father. How childish we are and how little our proposals and our language resemble the language which we ought to use with Thee, we understand at least that it ought not to be thus and that we ought to be otherwise. Have then a little patience with us.
14
LET US NOT FORGET
AND if Thou dost permit us to know the many magnificent secrets of science, do not let us forget the one thing necessary; and if Thou dost desire to extinguish our vigor of mind or if Thou dost let us grow old on earth so that our soul gets weary, one thing there is that can never be forgotten, even if we forget all else, that we are saved by Thy son.
15
HOLD NOT OUR SINS
FATHER in Heaven! Hold not our sins up against us but hold us up against our sins, so that the thought of Thee when it wakens in our soul, and each time it wakens, should not remind us of what we have committed but of what Thou didst forgive, not of how we went astray but of how Thou didst save us!
16
SEEKING THEE IN THE CONFESSION OF SINS
FATHER in Heaven! We know indeed that seeking is never without its promise, how then could we fail to seek Thee, the author of all promises, and the giver of all good gifts! We know well that the seeker does not always have to wander far afield, since the more sacred the object of his search the nearer it is to him; and if he seeks Thee, O God, Thou art of all things most near! But we know also that that seeking is never without its pains and its temptation, how then would there not be fear in seeking Thee, who art mighty! Even he who trusts in thought to his kinship with Thee, does not venture forth without fear upon those crucial decisions of thought, where through doubt he seeks to trace Thy presence in the wise order of existence, or through despair he seeks to trace Thee in the obedience under providence of rebellious events. He, whom Thou dost call Thy friend, who walks in the light of Thy countenance, he, too, not without trembling, seeks the meeting of friendship with Thee, who alone art mighty. The man of prayer who loves with his whole heart — it is not without anxiety that he ventures into the conflict of prayer with his God. The dying man, for whom Thou dost shift the scene, does not relinquish the temporal without a shudder when Thou dost call him. Not even the child of woe, for whom the world has nothing but suffering, flees to Thee without fear, Thou who dost not merely alleviate, but art all in all! How then should the sinner dare to seek Thee, O God of righteousness! But therefore he seeks Thee, not as these others do, but he seeks Thee in the confession of sins.
17
AGAINST YOU HAVE I SINNED
O GOD, you have nothing but trouble with us men! Alas, when at the thought of all your kind actions to me I try to collect my thoughts in order to thank you properly — alas, I often find myself so distracted, the most varied thoughts rush through my head and it all ends with my praying to you to help me to thank you — yet this much a benefactor might ask, not to be caused still further trouble by being asked to help one to thank him!
Oh, and when for a moment sin gains power over me in new sin — then when my soul is inconsolable I do not know what to do but say to you: You must help me, you must console me, find something in which I can find consolation, so that my sin may even explain itself by helping me further than I should otherwise have come. How unashamed — It is you against whom I have sinned, and then to ask you to console me for it.
And yet I know that this does not displease your infinite love, for that is, in a sense, a sign of progress! If sin has complete power over a man, then he dare not think of you at all; if he fights against it, but not with all his strength, then at the most he only dares accuse himself before you and beg your forgiveness. But if he fights with all his strength, honestly — then only can it occur to him that you are in such a way party with him, or on his side, that it is you who will console him, that instead of merely accusing himself before you he almost dares to complain, as though it were something which had happened to him.
18
THOU ART ABLE TO HEAL
FATHER in Heaven! To Thee the congregation often makes its petition for all who are sick and sorrowful, and when someone amongst us lies ill, alas, of mortal sickness the congregation sometimes desires a special petition; grant that we may each one of us become in good time aware what sickness it is which is the sickness unto death, and aware that we are all of us suffering from this sickness. O Lord Jesus Christ, who didst come to earth to heal them that suffer from this sickness, from which, alas, we all suffer, but from which Thou art able to heal only those who are conscious that they are sick in this way; help Thou us in this sickness to hold fast to Thee, to the end that we may be healed of it. O God the Holy Ghost, who comest to help us in this sickness if we honestly desire to be healed; remain with us so that for no single instant we may to our own destruction shun the Physician, but may remain with Him — delivered from sickness. For to be with Him is to be delivered from our sickness, and when we are with Him we are saved from all sickness.
