CHAPTER 1
Who Am I?
"It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy."
— Lucille Ball
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
— Dr. Seuss
Your journey, to discovering your passion and purpose, begins with you taking a long, hard look at yourself. Never easy, but it is necessary as one of your steps to that ultimate authentic life.
The first tool that we will use is The Johari Window. This tool was designed by American psychologists, Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham. The technique is built around you understanding yourself in relation to the world around you. The "window" assists you in finding out how open you are to new experiences and how you can make changes that will eventually lead you to allowing yourself to be open to change and new options. It allows yourself to personally grow and reach that passion and purpose that you desire.
The Johari Window is comprised of four quadrants. These four quadrants are movable, perpendicular lines, which change as you develop an understanding of yourself, your willingness to share that new self with others and as you develop and grow. When you redo the Johari Window a few months later, you will find the entire structure would have changed. Sometimes it is a good idea to repeat this exercise over and over, during different stages of your life and journey. The results will surprise and excite you.
Have a look of the four quadrants here:
Aspects that you and others know about you
Aspects that only others know about you
Aspects that only you know about yourself
Aspects that no one, including yourself, know about you
Block 1 — Aspects That You and Others Know About You
This is where you will list the aspects of your life that you know very well about yourself and that others know as well. These could range from your favorite color, your particular style of clothing, your level of friendliness, your favorite food, your preferred genre of movie or book and also the way others see you. The list is endless, so you may find that you won't fit it all into that tiny block. I suggest that you use a separate piece of paper to list all of these aspects, as best as you can.
What do you know about yourself that others also know about you?
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Block 2 — Aspects That Only Others Know about You
This list would consist of aspects that others know about you, but which you may not be aware of. For this you will need to ask a trusted friend, group of friends and/or a few family members who can identify these areas. This may be a tough list to accept. Some people may be nice and tell you that you smile a lot. Others may not be so nice, telling you that you have a sharp temper. While you may be surprised by what you hear, try to not take offense, try to not hold it against the honest party. The truth is what you need and the truth, in those famous words, will set you free. The truth is there to help you learn about yourself and in the end grow. So, welcome these truths with open arms and embrace them for what they are, the real you.
What do others know about you that you don't know about yourself?
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Block 3 — Aspects That Only You Know About Yourself
This part of the exercise is where you will list all the aspects of yourself that only you know and are generally unwilling to share with others. As this is purely for your own use, you can keep this private. These could be deep, dark secrets that you have been nurturing for years, like that clandestine affair you had a few years back or when you stole something from the local grocer. They could be superficial something's, like that you pick your nose in private or don't wash your hands after using the toilet. Whatever they are, they will help you understand how you protect yourself and more importantly how protective you are of yourself.
What aspects about yourself do you hide from others?
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Block 4 — Aspects That No One, Including Yourself, Know About You
These are secrets that you withhold from yourself as well as from others. These are the secrets I wish you to reveal the most. They are, potentially, a gold mine field, and once we must dig deep to find. This area will produce the greatest gems of self-growth and self-discovery, taking you closer to your higher purpose. It may be hard to think of things that you are told but you don't know about yourself. It requires you to be super critical of yourself and open your mind up to all possibilities. To critically analyze your life is always tough and it means grappling with the aspects you do know about yourself and asking yourself the gut-wrenching question as to whether you do actually believe those aspects are the true you. Perhaps, once you delve deeper inside your psyche you will discover that those beliefs you had, that you thought were important, are, in fact, not. That if you look at the world in a different manner, that you will be that much closer to finding that authentic life you are meant to lead.
What aspects might you still have to discover about yourself?
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Now that you have listed all these aspects of yourself, what can we do with them?
Firstly, did anything surprise you that you've discovered while using the Johari Window? If yes, list all of them, right here!
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Which of the four quadrants of Johari Window, would you like to explore more deeply?
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How does it make you feel when you read the list of aspects your friends and family shared with you?
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Is there anything your friends told you about yourself that you would like to change?
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What about findings of your friends and family about you? Were you happy for what they have been observing about you?
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How do you think, having all this information from the Johari Window can help you?
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CHAPTER 2
ME Myself & I
Discover Who You Are
I must learn to love the fool in me — the one who feels too much, talks to much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. — Theodore Isaac Rubin
We must be our own before we can be another's. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are two huge challenges in life in relation to this journey. The first is figuring out who you are and the second is deciding what you want. Throughout our lives, we try on different outfits and different hats, the outfits being relationships, jobs, friends, journeys, experiences and more. Many people, out there, feel unsatisfied with their lot and surrender to it, deciding that this is all they will ever have. That this life that they lead is a mundane and meaningless existence and that this is all there is for them. How sad! What an awful way to live! It doesn't have to be that way. There is a better way to live. And it starts with your mindset.
As with any journey you embark on, the events, the people, the places and the experiences will be different for each person. How that person engages during that journey will be different from one to another. Your journey in life is just as unique. The road you will travel will tell a story, a unique story and that will be your story. So why don't you let that life journey be filled with passion? Find out what events, people, places and experiences speak to you. What calls to your heart and soul? What fills you with passion? Don't live someone else's life. Don't follow someone else's road or star. Find and then follow your own unique road and your own unique star.
In this next exercise, I am going to ask you a few simple questions to help you to uncover what's important to you. When answering the questions, imagine you have your own personal Genie and can be granted whatever you want without being limited by your age, finances or even time and space. Open your mind to new possibilities. No matter how ridiculous, no matter how far-fetched, no matter how impractical they may be. This list is yours and yours alone. There is no right or wrong answer here. Just new possibilities! Think of this as your life's bucket list, an endless list of all that you wish to do before you die. Are you ready?
What are all the things that you love?
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What excites you or makes your heart race when you think about it?
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Think back to when you were a child, what made you happy or excited?
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In those moments of boredom, listlessness and idleness, what do you long for the most?
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Take a long look back at the list you have created. These are what you love the most. These are the things you should be incorporating into your life. You may need to make changes to include them though. The changes will be difficult. They will tug at your very being and at times make you feel uncomfortable.
Take a step further and think about this list that you created. Are the items on this list that you want? Do you like the way they make you feel having them?
Now, take out a notebook or laptop and start to make notes on how you can incorporate these aspects into your life now. If you so feel, ask those trusted friends and family members if they have any ideas on how you can do this. Most times those close to you can look at a situation from a different angle and see what you cannot.
CHAPTER 3
What Is Your Personality Type?
Your type of personality is another gold mine of information we can use to working out how to structure your life into that life of authenticity. Many of us take on other personalities that we feel will be socially acceptable. Now, I don't mean you have a disorder like schizophrenia or that you have multiple personalities. What I mean by this is that you may be hiding your true self behind a more acceptable personality. A personality that others would prefer you portrayed to the world. Most times this personality isn't you, or at least the real you.
One of the most well-known and popular personality tests is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test, developed in the early twentieth century by Katherine Cook Briggs and her daughter Isabel Briggs Meyer. They based their theories on Carl Jung's works.
This test, which you can take online for free at www.humanmetrics. com/cgi-win/jtypesl.htm, will reveal how you approach life and how you operate in society. The test can give you a deeper understanding of yourself and where you will need to make changes in order to accommodate the lifestyle you want, that true authentic lifestyle that genuinely speaks to your soul.
Descriptions of the sixteen Myers-Briggs personality types are listed in the Appendix included here. You will find the descriptions online but it might be helpful to keep these for the future.
I urge you to take this test online and record the type of personality this test reveals.
Psychotherapist Alfred Adler believed that everyone has a challenge or challenges which they must overcome in order to be successful, whether it is an illness, an infirmity, neglect, abuse, and so on. He felt that if you were to overcome your particular challenge or challenges, you first had to accept them.
We may not know that we have a challenge in our lives that hinders us. We may not see it as a challenge or wall at all.
Think about this! From the moment we are born, we were given a life script. As we grew, we developed and expanded on this life script. Most times, it was our own family members and history that dictated how we should live in this life script. Sometimes with good intentions!
Society will always give us rules and regulations as to what is socially acceptable. What is expected of us and what we must say and do to fit in, is often wielded out by those around us.
Adler also believed that we have control over these life scripts that we can change the pattern and course of the life script to attract the outcome we desire. I believe he was correct, and this is part of what I will be teaching you when you explore making changes to your success.
CHAPTER 4
Defining Your Values
When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier. — Roy E. Disney
If you're an iconoclast (someone that doesn't follow the crowd) like me, it doesn't make sense to live a life that's too structured by society. By the same token, if you are someone who values security in his or her life, it doesn't make sense to live a life on the edge. Your values depict the type of life you will live. Understanding your core values is a whole other exercise. It can be tricky defining your core values.
In this chapter, I have included a value-sort to help you identify your own values. As it is not an exhaustive list, you are more than welcome to add to it, but work through the options I have provided, as a start. This will, at least, get the ball rolling. Figuring out what your values are, will lay the foundation for all your future work.
What Are Your Values?
Your values give you purpose. They are your core beliefs and make you, well, you.
Take a look at the list of values I've included here. Typically, one of them will stand out as being the most important to you. We all have one true core value that speaks to us and generally defines us, makes us who we are. But there will be three or four that will support that main value. While going through the list, keep asking yourself, "If I had to choose this value over that value, which would I choose?" Keep choosing one over another until you've filtered down the list.
When you've chosen your top four, go on to the next section of this chapter:
_____Accomplishments/Results_____Personal Power_____Achievement_____ Privacy/Solitude_____Adventure/Excitement_____Recognition_____Balance _____Risk Taking_____Clarity_____Romance/Magic_____Commitment _____Security_____Community_____Self-Expression_____Completion _____Learning_____Connecting/Bonding_____Service/Contribution_____ Compassion_____Spirituality_____Creativity_____Trust_____Emotional Health_____Vitality_____Leadership_____Loyalty_____Freedom_____ Openness_____Fulfillment_____Personal Growth_____Fun_____Mastery/ Excellence_____Honesty_____Orderliness/Accuracy_____Humor_____ Organization_____Health_____Nature_____Integrity_____Partnership_____ Intimacy_____Joy_____Independence
List the 4 Values From The Group Above That Are The Most Important To You! ___________ ___________ ___________ ___________
Again, there is no right or wrong answer here. Just what has meaning to you.
These are your core values. Your core values are what drive you. Your unconscious self will always follow these values and you will feel out of sorts when your actions are not in line with them. If you're still uncertain as to what your values are and want to work through another exercise, you can try the one I have included on the next few pages.
CHAPTER 5
Unearth Your Inner Passion
The most terrifying thing is to accept one's self completely. — Carl Jung
Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later. — Og Mandino
Changing the way you look at the world can be challenging. You will realize when you take off the blinders and look at the world with new eyes that you were, in fact, walking about blindly. Taking the time to examine your life and start to remember the aspects of your personality that may have been forgotten or lost over the years, can bring back some of the passion that has been missing from your life.
