The Phone Poem Book

AuthorHouse

Contents

Value................................................1Mystery..............................................1Answering Machine....................................2My Teddy Bear........................................2Hamlet...............................................3Forty................................................3Perplexity...........................................4My Secret Drawer.....................................4Light................................................5Meadow Muffins.......................................5Definition...........................................6The Dance............................................6The Sun..............................................727 Sisters...........................................7Stairs...............................................8Sun #2...............................................8Time.................................................9Wisdom?..............................................9Toenails.............................................10Phone (a) Head.......................................10More Bugs............................................11The Dachshund........................................11Hell.................................................12Late Snow............................................12Elephant.............................................13Moon.................................................13Water................................................14Trees................................................14The Dog..............................................15Grapes & Apes........................................15Metaphysics..........................................16Snowfall.............................................16A Week of Dogs.......................................17Poetry of Sorts......................................17The Jealous Bird.....................................18He Gave Me the Eye...................................18Spinner..............................................19Spider...............................................19Weeks & Months.......................................20Hysteria.............................................20The Bible............................................21Hair Today...........................................21Dog Nap..............................................22R.I.P. #1............................................22R.I.P. #2............................................23Glowworm.............................................23The Super Model......................................24The Birthmark........................................24Bugged!..............................................25Visitation...........................................25Angelic Laws of Motion...............................26Awe..................................................26No Matter............................................27Babel................................................27My Shadow............................................28A Rose...............................................28Snowman..............................................29Buttercup............................................29Shadow #2............................................30Riddle...............................................30The Blues............................................31Hummingbird Power....................................31Useful Comparisons...................................32Woman................................................32The Spider #1........................................33The Spider #2........................................33The Spider #3........................................34Little Flea: Question................................34Little Flea: Answer..................................35Little Flea: Wondering...............................35Eve, Our Mother #1...................................36Eve, Our Mother #2...................................36Eve..................................................37Ode to the Bugs......................................37The First Pun Is the Worst Pun.......................38More Spider Spider...................................38Even More Spider Spider..............................39Where................................................39Doggone!.............................................40The Angel on the Christmas Tree......................40Who Who?.............................................41Locked Out...........................................41Who's Calling?.......................................42The Owl: Version Two.................................42Turtle Walk..........................................43The Slug.............................................43To the Slug: a Response..............................44The Aphid............................................44The Bat..............................................45A Bug................................................45Blossoms.............................................46Squirrel.............................................46Pond Scum............................................47Reflections..........................................47Little Guppy.........................................48Pookie at the Window.................................48Rain.................................................49Maple Seeds..........................................49Chiaroscuro..........................................50Comfort Zone.........................................50Little Sparrow.......................................51Turtle Love..........................................51Good Night-Lite......................................52Clouds: Yes..........................................52Clouds: No...........................................53One Unpleasant Feature...............................53Dermot the Hermit's Bugs.............................54Blue Jays............................................54Camouflage...........................................55Who Needs It?........................................55Turtle Trot..........................................56What to Do in the Dark...............................56Hell's Gate..........................................57Flower Power.........................................57A Summer's Nap.......................................58Exposed..............................................58Wisdom...............................................59Lightning Bolts......................................59Cherry Pie...........................................60Verse................................................60The Blinker..........................................61Cactus...............................................61Mars.................................................62Venus: July 1999.....................................62Pollinated...........................................63Morning Sky, Summer 1999.............................63Separation!..........................................64Re-verse.............................................64Star-Shine...........................................65Evening Sky-June 1999................................65Pookie...............................................66Juice................................................66Feet.................................................67In Our Backyard I Know a Place.......................67Everydayness.........................................68Pain.................................................68Palmolive............................................69What Dew Worms Do....................................69Counting.............................................70Pookie!..............................................70Pookie's Prayer......................................71Chance or Dance?.....................................71The Frightened Spider................................72Another Reflection...................................72Arachne's Thread.....................................73Spider's Delight.....................................73Dream State..........................................74Blackbird Doom.......................................74Autumn Rose..........................................75Blackbird Heaven.....................................75Vanished.............................................76Cleaning Gutters.....................................76A Grave Verse........................................77Fast Ride............................................77Dog World............................................78Christmas............................................78Fear Not.............................................79Pookie Business......................................79Food Flight..........................................80Hounded..............................................80Two Hush Puppies.....................................81Possum Hound.........................................81Connections..........................................82Love's Gravity.......................................82Love's Levity........................................83To Be Looked After...................................83Again the Spider.....................................84Dermatology 101......................................84Amanda...............................................85Eve, After...........................................85Turning 60: 8 June 2000..............................86Adam in Eden.........................................86Nuthatch Walking.....................................87Ora Pro Nobis........................................87Moonlight............................................88The Weight of Glory..................................88Seven Hills..........................................89Moses Moon...........................................89My Life..............................................90Winter Light.........................................90To Be or Not.........................................91Strange Behavior #1..................................91Strange Behavior #2..................................9216 Sleds!............................................92Under the Rock.......................................93Black Gold...........................................93Finished.............................................94Forsythia............................................94The Hidden...........................................95Mellow Yellow........................................95Building Woes........................................96Zeus.................................................96New Song.............................................97Dogwood..............................................97Oh, to a Dying Fish..................................98Fish.................................................98Treeness.............................................99Little Things........................................99Light Behavior.......................................100Vanished.............................................100Variegated Leaves....................................101Angelic Functions....................................101Telemarketers........................................102Orchard Oriole.......................................102Dust.................................................103Dumb Bugs............................................103Wren Song............................................104Knock, Knock! #1.....................................104Light Speed..........................................105Knock, Knock! #2.....................................105Hibiscus.............................................106Motorcycle Helmet....................................106Red-wing Blackbird...................................107Angelic Swiftness....................................107Angelic Being........................................108Kudzu................................................108Leviathan............................................109Payback..............................................109Comic Connection.....................................110The Good Neighbor....................................110Bad Birds............................................111The Language of Flowers?.............................111Flower Talk..........................................112The Chicken Rock.....................................112Values...............................................113Pleasures............................................113Wings................................................114The Runner...........................................114Possibly the Possum..................................115Googled..............................................115The Killers..........................................116A Cemetery Rush......................................116Monsters.............................................117Energizer Wrens......................................117Clematis.............................................118Blog.................................................118Anger................................................119Gargoyle: 2009.......................................119A Nebulous Matter....................................120The Itch.............................................120TV Virtue............................................121Subtraction..........................................121Correspondence.......................................122The Wall.............................................122A Creature Feature...................................123Kohinoor.............................................123Snowman..............................................124Snowman's Demise.....................................124Migraine.............................................125Trifid...............................................125Birthday.............................................126NPR: Not Speaking of Faith...........................126The B & O............................................127Friendship...........................................127Prehistoric Clubs....................................128Tibi Silentium Laus..................................128Crazy................................................1298 June 2009..........................................129Lickety-split........................................130The Library..........................................131Donkey Woes..........................................131Pastoral.............................................132Zen..................................................132The Pharisee.........................................133Traveler.............................................133Simon Among the Plants...............................134Space, the Final Frontier............................134Nosy Neighbor........................................135Psych Ward...........................................135Pedestrian Woes......................................136Tentatively, He Said:................................136Holy Brightness......................................137Once.................................................138Throne...............................................138Noah's Ark: a Beginning..............................139Pinkie, the Mystery Cat..............................139NC-17: the Tattoo....................................140Choo Choo............................................140Demon in the Smoke...................................141The Perseids.........................................141Food Chain...........................................142Unrequited...........................................142In the Desert........................................143Holy Grail...........................................143Eleventh Plague......................................144Use Your Head!.......................................144Isaiah's Horse!......................................145Shepherd.............................................145Marriage Woes........................................146Security: More Pookie Business.......................147Proverbs.............................................147Horoscope: Gemini....................................148Wrestling Demons: Inside and Out.....................149Simon................................................149Pantheism............................................150Simon, the Lap Dog...................................150Desires, Seriously...................................151Excogitation.........................................152NPR: Performance Today...............................152"Ornametal"..........................................153Wings of Desire......................................153A Little Knowledge...................................154Lab Work.............................................154Disability...........................................155Mathematical Motion..................................155The Garden Thief.....................................156A Tragic Loss, or Not................................156Turtleness...........................................157The Rattled Wren.....................................157Winter Dreams........................................158Night Visitor........................................158The Sensitive Soul...................................159Green Trolls.........................................159The Dog's Mind.......................................160She Is Katherine.....................................160The Fountain in Winter...............................161Phone Poem Christmas Greetings.......................162The Angel as Cosmic Juggler..........................162Spider's Frustration.................................163A Passing Thought....................................163Gluttony.............................................164Separation Anxieties.................................164Angel's Dreams.......................................165Blackbird Treasure...................................165Blackbird Spring.....................................166Navigation...........................................166The Blackbird Dance..................................167Sun Gray Bark........................................167Shoot!...............................................168The Tale of My Tail..................................168The Pookie Disability................................169Treasure Hunt........................................169Oh, to Be ...........................................170A Cautious Acquaintance..............................170A Concrete Garden Fixture............................171My Husband...........................................171Crock Pot............................................172Simon's Tail.........................................173Simon's Behind.......................................174Changing Times.......................................174Visions..............................................175My Poverty...........................................176Fidgety Cat..........................................177Interior Silence.....................................177Presence: Laurel Lake................................178Presence: Jerusalem..................................178Psalm #1.............................................179Psalm #2.............................................180Psalm #3.............................................181Psalm #4.............................................182Psalm #5.............................................183#i: Chaste and Fair..................................185#ii: Distant Kin.....................................186#iii: Clouds at Sunset...............................187

Chapter One

A weed in everybody's thought Is less than nothing, worse than naught. But if we take the larger view, Even a weed may see us through.

#2 Mystery

A world of mystery and delight Presents itself to my weak sight; Even though I stare and stare The mystery is always there!

#3 Answering Machine

The answering machine is a hellish device; In spite of that, I think it's nice! The answering machine is a government plot; Too bad, I say, I like it a lot!

#4 My Teddy Bear

My Teddy Bear is old but true; He sits in my closet each year through. He's almost 70, if he's a day, And so am I, I'm sorry to say.

#5 Hamlet

Hamlet had a thought one time; He spelled it out in perfect rhyme. "To be or not to be," he said, "For no one is when he is dead!"

#6 Forty

It's rained for 27 days; It's supposed to rain for 13 more; The wet is all around us now, And shooting for a perfect score.

#7 Perplexity

Is it night or is it day, I wondered once but could not say; I wondered once but could not say, If it was night or it was day!

#8 My Secret Drawer

My secret drawer is full of stuff, But no one knows and that's enough. If someone found my secret drawer, It wouldn't be secret anymore.

#9 Light

When light is bent, or so they say, It separates and tries to stay In a rainbow sort of way. When light is bent, in airy space, A rainbow is its natural face.

#10 Meadow Muffins

Meadow muffins are my demise; Especially ones of a very small size. They hide in the grass right under my feet, And stick to my shoe for about a week.

#11 Definition

A phone-poem is a bit of verse That's clipped, precise, unusually terse; It always ends with a kind of twist, Like a gin and tonic you can't resist.

#12 The Dance

The galaxy dances deep in space, Not here, nor there, nor any place. Deep in space the galaxies dance, As people do in Paris, France.

#13 The Sun

The sun is round and burning hot! I find it in the sky a lot. I wish it would stay out much more, For grey is such an awful bore.

#14 27 Sisters

27 sisters sitting on a sill, See them sitting there sitting there still. 27 sisters running for their lives, All were caught and now they're wives.

#15 Stairs

Stairs go up and stairs go down, And sometimes stairs just circle round. If you get stuck up in the air, What you need is a get-down stair.

#16 Sun #2

The sun is round and very hot; It sits up there like a burning pot; It sits up there like Cyclops' eye, And looks at us through clear blue sky.

#17 Time

Time is such a hurry-up thing; First it's winter, then it's spring; Then it's summer, then it's fall; And then there is no time at all.

#18 Wisdom?

Solomon was the wisest King, And yet he did a foolish thing. 300 wives is pretty sad, When one's enough to drive you mad!

#19 Toenails

Toenails grow on the ends of your toes, Usually not on the end of your nose. All things considered, that's just as well, For a toenail there would not look swell!

#20 Phone (a) Head

Last night confirmed our deepest fear; The phone got stuck to our daughter's ear! Now she's having a terrible hissy, For the phone on her head is making her dizzy!

#21 More Bugs

Most bugs live a narrow life, Filled with eating, sex, and strife; Most bugs' lives are fairly fleeting, And hardly ever worth repeating.

#22 The Dachshund

The dachshund is a dandy dog; Here's its basic catalogue: Its body's long; its legs are short; Its tail's the end of this report.

#23 Hell

Hell is like a slippery funnel, Or a dark unending tunnel; In any case it keeps descending, Always down and never ending.

#24 Late Snow

The snow is falling very fast; We pray to God it will not last; For spring is clearly pushing through, And birds are doing what birds do!

#25 Elephant

An elephant is a lump of grey That feeds on 'nanas, nuts, and hay. Its nose is like a hose in front; Its feet are large and really blunt. If you should see one in your bed, Just blink three times and hide your head!

#26 Moon

The moon is round and very bright; I'd say it's really full tonight- But full of what I will not say, For it might hear and go away!

#27 Water

Water wears a changing face, And ever moves at a willful pace. Water is the stuff of streams, The stuff of seas and sailors' dreams.

#28 Trees

Trees are made to leaf and grow; The leaves come quick but the grow is slow! The trunk ascends at glacial speeds, While leaves spring forth like wingd steeds.

#29 The Dog

The dog, they say, is man's best friend; One wonders, then, what that portends: A hairy beast with legs and tail Has the only love that will not fail?

#30 Grapes & Apes

Grapes hang out with fellow grapes, As apes hang out with fellow apes; The only difference I can tell Is grapes smell good and apes just smell!

#31 Metaphysics

Earth is doing really well Sitting on a turtle's shell. If you're worried about the ground, It's turtles turtles all the way down.

#32 Snowfall

The snow is falling light as dust, Fall it will, and fall it must; For snow is water after all- Once it's up, down it must fall!

#33 A Week of Dogs

A week of dogs, a month of cats, And still our basement's full of rats! A week of possums, a month of moles, And now our basement's full of holes!

#34 Poetry of Sorts

I'm taken with a rhyming fit, Though blessed with very little wit; Still out I spit these bits of verse, Which just keep getting worse and worse!

#35 The Jealous Bird

Blackbird sitting on a swaying limb, Saying, "Dear, you choose! It's me or him!" "Him!" she said in blackbird talk, "For all you do is sit and squawk!"

#36 He Gave Me the Eye

Blackbird has a yellow eye; One looked at me; I thought I'd die! The yellow eye was fierce and bold, An alien yellow, fierce and cold!

#37 Spinner

The spider spins a gossamer strand From land to limb, from limb to land. I saw a sunbeam play on one, A flick of bright, a flash of sun.

#38 Spider

A spider's legs seem weak and frail, In high places, sure to fail, And yet I saw one late last night, Descending from a frightful height; His legs were carefully threading air, As if some thing were really there.

#39 Weeks & Months

A week of snails, a month of slugs, A week of damned elusive bugs! A month of snakes, a month of blizzards, And now our basement's full of lizards!

#40 Hysteria

A week of sounds that hurt my ears, A month of shadow-causing fears! A week of voices whispering still: That's why the doctors think I'm ill!

#41 The Bible

The Bible is an antique book; I read it once, it never took! Some say I'm in a desperate state; They wonder what will be my fate.

#42 Hair Today

Last night my daughter dyed her hair; It gave me such an awful scare! For now her hair is oddly red, And hangs there, oddly, on her head.

#43 Dog Nap

When Pookie naps, she curls up small, Tucks herself into a ball- Ear on top, foot along side, Nose tucked in, and sleepy-eyed.

#44 R.I.P. #1

Last night a mouse met his demise; He was a beast of little size. His neck got broke in a kitchen trap, And thus he had a mouse mishap.

#45 R.I.P. #2

There were a dozen, but one died, A member of the finny tribe. Now he's gone to goldfish heaven, Leaving us with just eleven.

#46 Glowworm

The firefly gives a fairy light, A wink of nothing in the night, A subtle glow that's not quite bright, And then the dark reclaims our sight.

#47 The Super Model

This is a model kind of verse, For all those girls you love to curse: Linda, Heidi, Heather, Elle- Who grace the pages of Mademoiselle. Cindy, Christie, Karen, Kate- All those girls I love, you hate!

#48 The Birthmark

Now Cindy has a model face That ought to be a means of grace. Yet on her face there is a mole; That flaw could cost a man his soul.

#49 Bugged!

I must exude a certain smell That calls forth every Bug from Hell! They bite my face and chew my hair; They infiltrate my underwear!

#50 Visitation

An Angel visits us at night In fire and flame and candle light- Wings and eyes and streaming hair, As Earth moves with it hov'ring there.

#51 Angelic Laws of Motion

An Angel moves through space impeded Only by the will of God. Gravity does not affect it; Only man would find that odd.

#52 Awe

An Angel once appeared to me Enormous as the crashing sea! Its head was like the flaming sun; I thought for sure I was undone!

#53 No Matter

An Angel's flight is swift as thought; Its eyes behold our world as naught. For Angels flow through rock and stone, Flesh and blood, and skin and bone.

#54 Babel

The world is filled with constant chatter About all things that do not matter: Stocks and bonds and clothes and hair, And whether she went here or there.

#55 My Shadow

My Shadow follows me around And never ever makes a sound. Even when tears fall like rain, My Shadow never tells the pain.

#56 A Rose

A Rose embodies mystery; Its beauty's there for all to see-Elusive, it awakens longing To jolt us out of false belonging.

#57 Snowman

Once to my astonished eyes I saw a snowman's quick demise! All its features were a muddle, As it resolved into a puddle.

#58 Buttercup

Here's a thought to cheer you up: Life is like a buttercup! Here today and gone tomorrow- Is that cause for joy or sorrow?

#59 Shadow #2

My Shadow is my other self, Stealthy as a warrior elf; It dissolves into the night, Reappears with morning light.

#60 Riddle

I live in a pond, and out of it too! Eat tons of bugs, brown, green, and blue. Sometimes I croak, but I'm really not dead, For croak is a noise that comes from my head!

#61 The Blues

Are you down and feelin' blue? Well so am I; it's sad but true! You leave your troubles on the line; I'll call you back and tell you mine.

#62 Hummingbird Power

Hummingbird runs on hummingbird power Hovering o'er the gay bright flower; He sticks his tongue down the flower's throat, Then zips away like an airborne boat!

#63 Useful Comparisons

The hummingbird has a bright red throat, Nothing like the throat of a goat. The hummingbird's throat is red and bright; The throat of a goat is different quite!

#64 Woman

On the earth with all its features, Women are exotic creatures: Who can tell it in a rhyme- A woman's face is most sublime!

#65 The Spider #1 [after Wm Blake]

Spider! Spider! hanging tight In the darkness of the night To a web of glistening silk! Who then could have framed your ilk?

#66 The Spider #2 [still pursuing Wm Blake]

Spider! Spider! eating bugs, Even those that live in rugs! If anyone should ever ask, I applaud your yucky task!

#67 The Spider #3 [passing Wm Blake]

Spider! Spider! eyes aflame, Whose bite the strongest bug will tame, What with wings would dare aspire To test your web with its desire?

#68 Little Flea: Question [still on Blake]

Little Flea, who made thee? Dost thou know who made thee, Gave thee life and bid thee feed On human blood, thy precious mead?

#69 Little Flea: Answer [still Blaking it]

Little Flea, I'll tell thee! God it was who made thee! He put the leap into thy feet, Gave thee blood to be thy treat!

#70 Little Flea: Wondering [well beyond Blake]

Little Flea, sometimes I wonder If God has made a mighty blunder, In giving thee my blood to drink! Tell me now, what dost thou think?

#71 Eve, Our Mother #1

Eve, our Mother, had a need. With her the serpent did succeed, While Adam stood there like a post, Dreaming of his morning toast.

#72 Eve, Our Mother #2

Eve, our Mother, in her hunger, Knew she wasn't getting younger. When the snake told her the lie, She bought it, bit it, learned to cry.

#73 Eve

Eve was naked, tall, and fair; Light reflected from her hair. Her eyes were dark and very deep; One glance and Adam's heart would leap!

#74 Ode to the Bugs

To all the bugs that feed on me, Especially those I cannot see, Who feed and feed without remorse, Why must I be your favorite course?

#75 The First Pun Is the Worst Pun

When the beasts fell fast asleep, Adam's thought just wouldn't keep: "Eve," he said, "Upon reflection I find we've made a grave defection."

#76 More Spider Spider

There is a spider black and yellow, A backyard country kind of fellow; He's long and lean and kind of odd; Eats tons of bugs, thanks be to God!

#77 Even More Spider Spider

There is a spider yellow and black, Who, when you touch him on the back, Shakes his web like a trampoline, Up and down on his web machine.

#78 Where

My daughter's neither here nor there; It cannot be that she's nowhere! If she's somewhere, where can she be? If you know where she is, tell me!

#79 Doggone!

I don't know what I see in her, That doggie dappled bit of fur! Perhaps the mischief in her eye Unlocks that damned elusive why.

#80 The Angel on the Christmas Tree

The Angel on the Christmas Tree Is not the thing it seems to be- Instead of plastic, cloth, and wire Are earth and air and tempered fire.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from The Phone Poem Bookby L. Eugene Startzman Copyright © 2009 by L. Eugene Startzman . Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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