Perfect I'm Not: Boomer on Beer, Brawls, Backaches, and Baseball

Baseball’s most beloved bad-ass offers a smart, wildly entertaining, jaw-droppingly honest look at the game he knows, loves, and lived.

On May 17th 1998, David “Boomer” Wells became the 14th man in Major League Baseball History to ever throw a perfect game. He stands as the only man to accomplish the feat half-drunk and severely hung-over after partying all night with the cast of Saturday Night Live.

Blowing away the industry standard of sanitized memoirs and stifling retrospectives, his memoir throws baseball a hilariously nasty curve. There are no weepy/sleepy tales of substance abuse here, no pompous lectures on “playing hard” or “overcoming adversity,” and under no circumstances will readers find even one Vaseline-smeared, gauze-softened tale of some long-lost, fairy-tale boys of summer.

Written with unfiltered authenticity, and truckloads of locker-room humor, Perfect I'm Not sets loose the single most outspoken and entertaining player in the game at the time, allowing him to take both casual baseball fans and hardcore fanatics where they’ve never been allowed before: deep inside the real world of life as a major leaguer.

Forget the perfect game. Forget the World Series rings. Forget the legendary carousing, the barroom brawling, the heavy-metal head-banging, and the endless supply of uncensored, often havoc-wreaking quotes. Forget the feuds with dumb-assed fans, wrong-headed managers and the entire city of Cleveland. Even if Perfect, I'm Not was to blindly (and insanely) ignore all those amazing aspects of David Wells' life as a major leaguer, his story would still bounce off these pages as a wildly entertaining and jaw-droppingly honest look at the game of baseball. Nothing less would be possible. Wells simply isn't wired for spin-doctoring. He has no "delete" button. He pulls no punches. In a sport that's now largely populated by a bland collection of well-dressed, personality-free, cliché -- spouting Stepford jocks, Wells clearly holds the title of "baseball's most beloved bad-ass".

From rookie ball amid the beer-soaked, frozen tundra of the Great White North, through Winter Ball amid the easy women and explosive diarrhea of Venezuela, Perfect I'm Not explores Boomer's long, strange, often insane climb through the minors. And from the Siberia of the Blue Jays' bullpen, through intensive training with a brilliant little Yoda known as Sparky Anderson, the book also examines how Boomer grew from a mediocre reliever, into a solid, reliable, hugely successful starter. From there, after tortured dealings with Marge Schott in Cincinatti, and Pat Gillick in Baltimore, the book follows Boomer deep inside the New York Yankees' dugout, right through the teams' fairy-tale seasons of '97 and '98. It stands with David on the mound through his legendary perfect game.

It documents his high-profile love affair with the night-life of New York City, and then explores just how devastating it felt to be unceremoniously dumped for Roger Clemens. Perfect I'm Not also follows Boomer through his chronic back pain of 2001, then surgery, rehab, uncertainty, and one pinstriped Christmas miracle, courtesy of Boss Steinbrenner. And though the 2002 season may have enjoyed a less than perfect climax, it nonetheless rounds out the book with a Yankees reunion that kept Boomer smiling from February, right into October.

Perfect I'm Not gives readers an unprecedented, all-access pass to every major league stadium in the country, providing a first-person perspective of life on the diamond, as well as an uncensored, warts-and-all, insider's guide to life inside locker-rooms, hotel rooms, planes, dugouts, buses, bedrooms, restaurants, titty-bars, and more. It's great fun. It's real. It's as close as you're ever gonna get to making the show.