CHAPTER 1
Who Am I?
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I am content
In a society that glorifies `more, faster, better', finding things that you are content with can seem difficult.You might be happy with the latest technology you've purchased until you find a new item that doesmore, goes faster or looks better.
Wanting more, faster and better is a symptom of being caught up in a materialistic culture. It can leaveyou feeling unfulfilled and exhausted from trying to reach a bar that is always being moved out of reach.
The way to break out of this cycle is to look for things that you are content with. You might becontent with your level of education, one or more of your relationships, or something as simple asreading a book or listening to music.
Quick Tip: What does the word `content' mean to you? For the purpose of this exercise, Iencourage you to view contentment as something you're satisfied, comfortable and happy withtoday. You may work toward something different in the future, but just for today, it's goodenough.
Take a look at the different areas of your life. Are you content in your job, your home, your hobbies?How about your relationships? Not just a romantic relationship with a significant other, but with yourfamily, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. Is there a place where you like to go that you feel peaceful andcontent? What activities do you like to participate in that you are content with?
Exercise
On the opposite page, make a list of everything you are content with in your life. Write down anythingthat you deem `good enough' just as it is. This is a brain-storming session to start thinking about beingcontent.
Mindful Living Worksheet
The first item on your Mindful Living Worksheet is "I am content with ...". Fill in this blank withsomething from your day that you see no need to change or improve. Check this item off of yourworksheet each day that you find something you're content with—at least for today.
I am content with ...
My Relationships (family, friends, neighbors, co-workers): _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My Personality Traits (compassionate, grounded, confident, loving): ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My Skills (fixing things, typing, leadership abilities, sales): __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My Physical Body (eyes, strong hands, hair, skin, smile): ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My Experiences (education/knowledge, travel): ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My Work (job, career, volunteering, source of income): ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My Hobbies (cooking, scuba diving, singing, target shooting, kayaking, dancing):____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My Environment (home, office, room): _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My Material Possessions (clothes, car, tools, electronics): ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I am proud of myself
Self-esteem is influenced by two things: what you think about yourself and what you believe others thinkabout you. These two factors fluctuate so sometimes your self-esteem is based more on your own opinion,and other times it's based more on the opinion of others.
Both of these ingredients make up your self-esteem, but you only have control over one: what you thinkabout yourself.
So, what do you think about yourself? Do you like yourself? Do you think you're a good person?Do you think you're valuable? No matter how you answered these questions, there is an easy way toimprove your self-esteem— give yourself credit for positive accomplishments and attributes.
Quick Tip: There is a simple formula for feeling like a super-hero. First, be completely honest(discussed in more detail on page 36). Second, do things that you're proud of and give yourselfcredit for them every day. If you practice either of these, your confidence and self-esteem willimprove. If you focus on both of these every day, you will soar!
Exercise
On the next page, make a list of everything you are proud of. This can be anything in your entire lifethat you consider a success. Write down all of your accomplishments, both large and small. Do you makea mean lasagna? Did you graduate high school? Get a job or a promotion? Take care of your children,sibling, parent or other family member? Learn how to swim? Complete a training program? Reach apersonal goal? Give yourself credit for all of your successes!
Also, start paying attention to your self-talk. Really listen to the thoughts that run through your mindduring the day. If you catch your self-talk being negative or condescending, change what you are thinkingto your accomplishments. Choose one thing you're proud of and remember how wonderful it felt! Or, seehow many successes you can count in your mind. You can also read over the list you've made here in yourworkbook and look back at previous entries on your Mindful Living Worksheet of things you're proud of.
Mindful Living Worksheet
Complete this item on your Mindful Living Worksheet by writing something you're proud of thathappened today or that was relevant today.
I am proud of ...
(Relationships, Personality Traits, Skills, Physical Body, Experiences, Work, Hobbies, Environment, MaterialPossessions)
Accomplishment: I am proud of this because:
________________________________ ________________________________
________________________________ ________________________________
________________________________ ________________________________
I am successful
You have now identified some things you're proud of. Congratulations! You've listed lifetimeaccomplishments and included daily accomplishments on your Mindful Living Worksheet.
We're going to take these one step further and create ways to energize yourself with success.
Exercise
Choose one or more of the projects below to organize your accomplishments. When choosing the successprojects you want to create, keep in mind that some are more portable than others. Choose the projectsthat are most realistic to incorporate into your lifestyle. Plan to spend about 15 minutes each day lookingat or listening to your successes.
Success Board: Gather pictures representing things you have accomplished. These can be photographs,copies of certificates or diplomas, ticket stubs and brochures. If you don't have these items, use theinternet and print pictures that represent your successes. You may even want to include hand-drawnpictures, cards or notes that were given to you by people you love. (Having good, positive, supportiverelationships is definitely an accomplishment to celebrate!) Then, tape or glue the pictures to a large pieceof poster board, cardboard or display board. You could also use a bulletin board or your refrigerator.
Success Box: Collect pictures and items as described above and put them in a box. Paint and/or decoratethe box any way that appeals to you.
Success Book: Collect pictures as described above. Put your pictures in a photo album where the plasticcover of the pages peal back so you can arrange the things you want anywhere on the page. If youscrapbook, create a book specifically of your accomplishments.
Success Photo Album: Collect pictures and items as described above. Take a close-up picture of each onewith your cell phone. If possible, store these in a separate folder or album on your phone for easy access.
Success Slide Show: Scan or take a picture of your success items and upload them to a folder on yourcomputer. Use them to create a slide show or to rotate as the background of your desktop.
Success Art: If you paint, sculpt or build models, create pieces that depict your successes.
Success Track: Collect pictures and items as described above. Make a voice recording describing theexperience of each picture and item. Talk in detail about how wonderful it felt to be in that moment andto have that experience. Elaborate on as many details as you possibly can, especially the senses. What didyou hear, smell, see, taste and feel (physically and emotionally)? Save the recording on your computer,tablet or cell phone so that you can listen to it on a regular basis.
Mindful Living Worksheet
Spend at least 15 minutes every day looking at or listening to your successes. When you do, checkthis item off of the Mindful Living Worksheet. The wonderful feeling you get when rememberingyour successes will be fuel for even more accomplishments and will give you an amazing boost inself-confidence and motivation!
I will create a ...
[] Success Board
[] Success Box
[] Success Book/Scrapbook
[] Success Photo Album (cell phone)
[] Success Slide Show
[] Success Art
[] Success Track
[] Other: ___________________________________________________________
I will review my success project ...
[] When I wake up in the morning
[] Before I go to sleep at night
[] On my lunch break
[] When I'm driving (Success Track)
[] While I eat breakfast/lunch/dinner
[] While I'm waiting for: ___________________________________________
[] Other: ___________________________________________________________
I am likeable and loveable
Say these statements out loud: "I like who I am." "I love myself!"
How difficult was that for you to say?
What if someone asked, "Why should I like you?" or "Why should I love you?" Could you answerthem with multiple reasons? By the end of this exercise you will be able to do just that.
Everyone wants to be liked and loved. Unfortunately, many of us don't like ourselves; so how couldanyone else love us? Even if someone else says they like you or shows you love, if you don't believe you'relikeable/loveable, then they must be lying.
It is now time to prove that you are likeable and loveable. And yes, it starts with yourself.
Exercise
Make a list of everything you like about yourself. It can be personality traits like, "I am funny. I am kind.I am considerate. I am hard-working." It can be things that you're good at like, "I am good at dancing. Iam good at math. I am good at showing people I care about them." Think of things you're committed tolike, "I am committed to personal growth and development. I am committed to providing for my family.I am committed to leading by example." Also include physical traits like, "I have beautiful eyes. I havestrong hands. I have thick hair."
List everything you can possibly think of. This is not a time to be modest and no one else's opinionmatters. Only yours.
Quick Tip: Try to come up with 101 things you like about yourself. If you can only find 5 or 10,that's okay. You can always add to this list and I hope you do!
Mindful Living Worksheet
The next item on the Mindful Living Worksheet is, "I love myself because ..." Each day you will findthings to love about you because of what you do. For example, if you hold a door open for someonethis proves that you are kind and considerate. So, you would write on your worksheet, "I am kind andconsiderate." If you call a friend who has been sick to see how they're feeling, you would write, "I showmy friends I love them and care about them." That's something to love about yourself!
You might notice that this is the only item on the Mindful Living Worksheet that has two check boxes.The first check box is for writing something you love about yourself based on something that happenedtoday.
The second task is to read the things you've written in this box for the last 5 to 10 days. Looking back atthe things you've written will show that you have so many reasons to love yourself. After all, each entrywasn't just an idea. You took action to prove that attribute is true. Check the second box showing that youhave reviewed the things you love about yourself from the last week or two.
CHAPTER 2
What am I looking for?
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I look for others to show me love, appreciation, support and kindness
Everyone wants love, support, appreciation and kindness from other people. It's human nature.
But we can't control other people's behavior, so we can't make other people love, support and appreciateus or show us kindness. So how do you get these basic needs met when you can't force others to do whatyou want?
The solution is simple and has three steps. First, you have to believe you deserve kindness and areworthy of being loved, supported and appreciated. (You have been working toward this first stepby completing the previous exercise and filling in the "I love myself because ..." section of yourMindful Living Worksheet.) Second, you have to be open to receiving these gifts. Third, you haveto be loving, supportive, appreciative and kind. In this section, we're going to focus on the secondstep.
If you feel that others are not treating you with love, support, appreciation and kindness, you haveblinders on. You are not open to receiving these gifts and are not paying attention when they are offeredto you.
Has anyone recently let you into traffic or smiled at you? That was a complete stranger being kind to you.
Has anyone said, "Thank you" for any reason? They were showing appreciation.
Has anyone helped you in any way, offered a word of encouragement or just listened to you? They weregiving you support.
Has anyone told you they love you or care about you, given you their time and attention, donesomething they knew you would like, or given you a gift? They were showing love.
Exercise
Make a list on the opposite page of every time someone has shown you love, support appreciation andkindness. List any gesture, both large and small that you can think of from any time in your life.
Quick Tip: If you want more love, support, appreciation and kindness, look for and be gratefulwhen these are offered to you. Don't ignore that smile. Don't take it for granted when a friendlistens to your concerns. Pay attention to what people are really doing and value what they'regiving you. Also realize that when someone does any of these for you, it is PROOF that you areworth it and deserve it, which goes back to the first step in bringing more of this into your life.
Mindful Living Worksheet
Make a point to go through the day looking for instances where people are loving, supportive, thankfuland kind to you. When you see these things happen, write them down on your Mindful LivingWorksheet. When you list at least four examples, check off this item.
Get ready to be pleasantly surprised at how much love, support, appreciation and kindness are coming toyou!
