Lessons

Mind not in the right place to complete thoughts
So I refused to put a pen to the pad if it
has the sense of being forced.
As a writer you should never want the reader to
fumble aimlessly through your work
You're supposed to always give a story that will thought provoke.
Never force a thing because you feel you have to.
Get the words out and express those thoughts
If the words don't drop the way you expect,
don't be afraid to take that loss.
It happens to the best of us
Writers have droughts
Writer's block is a bitch and some of us never make it out.
When the proper situation inspires us to get back on that grind
You know a masterpiece is in the making
and that's your time to shine.


Time

We all have it
It feels good to wake up another day
But when it runs out what will people say?
Did you waste your time on things that didn't matter
Did you let someone control your life while they lived theirs?
Time is very important and for most it's
"oh tomorrow I'll get it done",
But what happens when "tomorrow" never comes?
Today is the present therefore it's a gift
So why not make the most of it instead of fearing the risk?
Many people sit and think "if I can only
go back", to that instance
While you're living for the moment why wouldn't
you make the move consistent?
Time goes on even after our departure
You have to make the most out of what God set us apart for.


Following the Grain

If it wasn't for you and your dormant dreams
You'd realize you could conquer the world and have everything.
People have to learn to have more faith in themselves
Hell if you won't, then who will?
Why should you care about how others feel?
The fear of standing out overshadows greatness,
Mediocrity then becomes the maximum goal
You start to become like every other soul
You fall into the trap of the ones before you.
You then start thinking about what could've,
should've, would've been.
Things that never happened because you were afraid of failing.
Winners aren't afraid to lose, only losers are
What's the most that can happen besides
turning a role player to a superstar?
What's the point if you're afraid to make it happen?
Reality gives us ample time to make that run.
If you dream it, achieve it, why put it on the
back burner for another day?
If you have the drive you may as well strive on
And stare your fears in the face.


Reality Set In

When I'm down do I ever ask for help?
Even when people are around don't I always
keep my problems to myself?
I laugh and joke to cover the pain,
If you can relate you've been through the game.
The game is called life
The only promise is death
you want to make sure you leave something
mental once your physical has left.
Nobody cares until you're gone, most common phrase
Amazes me how short life is but people
choose to spend it in pain.
But even if it's not your choice be thankful and rejoice
Be happy for the air you breath
There's people living in conditions much worse.
You'll never know how good you have it until you
see children picking food from the dirt
Trash bag swag
Things you'd never thought you'd see
The realities that are being played out during
our minds worst dreams.
I say that to say never take for granted
what can easily be taken away
If you can relate to my pain that's saying a lot
Because if you have been through it you came out on top.


Progression

Progress is a slow process but who really has the time
That slow money better than no money
so you might as well grind.
People think that 9-5 life is good advice
It's just over broke just think about that twice
You want that career that guarantees a wellpaid
retirement in 25 years,
Something you'd probably hate to do but it's paying the bills.
Keeping that roof over your head, keeping
that food on your stove
What happens when you're overqualified for a
job and have nowhere else to go?
Bachelors or your Masters working for 30k
While Sallie Mae smiling
You're thinking this can't be the way.
I salute all my college graduates, go getters
with no jobs but still making it,
Can't knock their drive because some
people don't even have that.
How could you as a human sit up being broke?
Not having any ambition to get it, make money stack or work.
Never fails when you're on the outside looking in
And I'm far from one to judge because even
with a 9-5, I'm struggling.
Make due with what you have, eventually it'll make sense
Unless that talent that you have goes to waste and you
looking back on life like you didn't amount to shit.


Keep Going

When writers force it we have a tendency to believe they lost it,
Feeling like they've gotten complacent with their views
Becoming stagnant with your accomplishments
Becomes easy when there's no one else to push you.
But who am I to talk?
I'm just another writer like you.

Not here to preach or even give you any insight
But sometimes what you need is a certain
matter of looking deeper inside,
Figure out where it's wrong to make
everything that much more right
And hopefully you can keep up that
relentless and tenacious grind.

Sometimes I find myself lost in thoughts
that make no sense at all.
And even when put into perspective they still seem off.
But instead of posting something that you
can read and tell it's forced
I'd rather spare my readers a half ass me,
so I give them no me at all.


Game Time

Refused to never let it happen again
If the dividends aren't adding up count me out my friend.
I'm in a shady business simply trying to maintain
The only thing I have in it is my balls and my name.
So imagine me going to another man,
begging or pleading for help,
Because when it all falls down all I'll ever have is myself.
I guess when you're dependent for so long
you forget that sentiment
Then other people would look to you because
they're the ones that benefit.
At a loss for words while anticipating future success
Just hoping I remain level-headed while ducking all of the stress.
And no I'm not complaining about how
my mind is currently a mess
But in order for me to be great I have to go up against the best.


The Life

Something you'd never anticipate;
The fame
The chants of people knowing your name
Signing autographs, the laughs, who would've
thought you'd be so well known?
When coming from the bottom was your usual home
Famous now
Nothing has a limit
Anything you want is at your disposable
If you desire it, you can get it
I can't even say that I'm ready for that lifestyle
Still if I had it my way I wouldn't turn that life down.
I'd make sure my mother is straight
Help my brothers and sisters through school,
Look out for my immediate family and true friends
As it's only right thing to do,
Change my number for all the fakes that hated and
said I'd never amount to being great.
The ones that I told my dream to that still tried to stifle
I'd do it huge just for those that said I wouldn't relate
And make sure every girl that had their chance with me
Look in the mirror and just hate
But no on the real I'm going to keep it a buck
I just want to keep doing what I love and avoid the other stuff
The life, the life, the life is so exciting
But I've grown up with enough stress for the
headache of fame to invite more in
I wished more people thought like that
Get a little money and give some back
But money changes people
And if you claim it doesn't you haven't made enough
I just know once I make it to the top
I can't forget those that I trust.


Those Others

I kind of wish I was like those other writers
The ones that don't rhyme
The ones that tell stories and it blows your mind
The ones that have a way with words
And you just look at the page,
You just think
Damn, look at how they captivate.
I want to be one of those writers that uses figurative terms
Have a better use of metaphors and similes almost effortlessly
I somewhat envy that
Or do I?
At the end of the day I can't write like another soul
This is the one piece of me that is pure and whole.
I can easily portray pictures of dismay
But words without feeling
Without that presence of the artist emotion
Leaves the words hollow and pointless,
You just read it like a bunch of words but
what's really the purpose?
On second thought, I like those artists but would I ever part ways
With the essentials that made me the writer I am today?
Of course not,
This is who I am, so that thought is absurd
I artistically flow on an empty canvas and
paint pictures with words.
We all have our own style as long as the message
we want to convey comes across
Otherwise you're just writing for a cause that seems sort of lost.


Fate

"I feel like life was all written understand my math,
Got on my knees, told God I had a plan he laughed".
My favorite rapper actually quoted those true words,
I'm starting to believe that sentiment
You mean to tell me I'm a puppet in this
world so my flaws are imminent.
No matter how hard I go right, I'll always get left
So are we REALLY given free will, when HE
already knows our path from birth to death?
Something doesn't sit right about this alleged union,
Every action has a reaction;
Okay cool
But if it's foreseen already, that's confusing.
So we're led to do wrong not because we're
making the choice ourselves?
But because it was pre-destined let's put aside
the thoughts of everything else.
Let's put on our thinking caps and talk about logic
If we're living for heaven but living in hell,
no wonder it's so hard to find it.
If it's already written why go hard anyways?
All of us have our set appointment to meet Jesus anyways.
We get lost in our day to day trying to be perfect
Instead living life happy because perfect,
truthfully, isn't worth it.
I feel we should live life to the fullest and
when we meet our Maker say
"You knew the path I was going to take,
YOU designed it this way".
"I really didn't have a choice because by you it was all foreseen
I was simply playing my role in this ultimate grand scheme".


What Does It All Mean?

I'm inspired by the weirdest things
Visions of perfection, panning out my dreams
Trying to decipher what it all really means
But I take it a day at a time being a mere human being.
I've learned to never stress things that are out of my control
So I don't.
I urge the challenge of unknown by begging for more,
What does it all mean?
Why do I willingly play this hand?
I'm an adult, I wouldn't have it any other way, I'm a grown man
I control my own destiny; I'm the master of my own fate
No happy endings unless I make my karma
from my past and my future relate.
I'm ready to take on life and all of its many gripes
I may not make perfect choices but just because YOU say
I'm living wrong doesn't mean I'm not doing it right.


Don't kill my vibe

Oh man ...
Takes a sip of the drink
Take a hit of the L
I'm trying to zone out
As if you couldn't tell
I hope you don't come along
And kill my vibe
It's been a long day
So I need this high
I'm not an addict
I'm not a druggie
I just need to relax
So keep your judgment
I don't want to talk
I don't want to bicker
Just pass me the ash tray
And pour me another cup of some liquor
These are my vices
I chose these for me
Don't kill my vibe
Just let me be
I'm going to sit here and zone
Write my thoughts down
And act like I don't hear the vibrate of my phone
Not chasing any demons
Not running from anything
Just clearing mind
And not worrying about a thing
Don't kill my vibe.


Walk Through My Mind

Thoughts confused
Not the first time though
Been in these shoes before
A long time ago
Padded room mentality
No outlet in sight
House with no windows
As I sit in my abyss like Cudi, day and night.
You think I'm crazy?
Well right now you just might
But if you knew about the drugs and alcohol
You'd only be guessing right
I've shaped up pretty well if you ask me
To think I could've been under a sheet
Eyes closed facing the ceiling
Eulogy being about me
All because when life got hard
I chose to run
The alcohol took the pain away or
Had it just begun?
The hangovers were the beginning
The ending was the womanizing of women
See the cycle?
When I was lit I didn't care who I had to lie to
But now I look at my faults as I skim through the Bible.
Praying with false hope but hoping it'll all change
Until one day I hit rock bottom on my feet not my face.
I bounced back from the hard times
The mental scars, the liquor abuse, the little, white lies
Whatever you want to call them
Here I am now.

And I don't plan on going back
To when the times were hard
And no one had my back
Or maybe they did
And I was too high off my own lies to notice
And just when everything felt bogus
I outlasted and got focused
Realized if I took my life, I'd take away a gift
That was when writing got real and I finally noticed:
I guess it takes the downs to turn you around
Because if everything is coming easy is it worth the smile?


Skeletons In the Closet

Call me what you like, call me a monster if you see it,
But you weren't there while I was trying to ward off my demons.
Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore
The Lord showed me what he had in stored.
They say he'd never gives you more than you can endure
I didn't want that burden but had no choice but to keep on.
The faith of a mustard seed can move mountains
To be honest I didn't even have that, I forever doubted
My mom's raised me right or at least she tried
Even when she cried I just knew I'd be in
the streets dead before 25
Until things started to turn around
That frown, years of pain and heartache turned around
I started to see things clearly
If I wanted it, I had to go get it
My past, I couldn't forget it nor could resent it
I made it I lived it
I don't regret a thing
I learned from it all
I faced my fears and conquered them all
I know if my moms could see me now she'd be proud
My father being a man may feel the same
way it won't be said out loud.
I thank all my friends and associates that were there
Thank God I didn't slip back into the past
Where I would do whatever I had to
Until I got down to my last
Man time flies when that chapter is revisited
The alcohol, the smoking, the possible babies
that were lost in a minute.
Never to see their faces but maybe in heaven they'll recognize me
And maybe face to face I can apologize for
the demons I had inside me.
Damn this that part that's hard to discuss
The darkest part of my life that nobody knew but us
Forget it
Let me not revisit this moment
Only God can judge me and he knows
where my heart went dormant.