Taking Responsibility for Creating the Life You Desire

"We have the power of our thoughts and words. As we change our thinking and our words, our experiences also change. No matter where we came from, no matter how difficult our childhood was, we can make positive changes today." Louise Hay

Are you ready to have the life you desire? Did you know that YOU have the choice to live the life you desire and deserve? As we begin this journey together, it will be important that you make a commitment to yourself about taking responsibility to create the life you desire. Are you willing to do that?

You have the power to live the life you want. You are responsible for your life. Maybe until right now you have not been conscious that you had a say in how it could be. You might be like I was and just let life happen day to day, not thinking about how it was happening. I lived like I had seen with no idea that I was the creator and producer of my life. I did not know that I could edit and make changes and take out what I no longer wanted to create the life I desired.

To move forward with transformation, you have to assume 100 percent responsibility for your experiences. At first there will be a tendency to blame and keep the focus outside of yourself, but the healing within happens as you accept the accountability for your actions and reactions. Are you ready to take this on? The burden of what you have done wrong (or what has been done wrong to you) often has been so powerful that it dominates your past, your present, and your future. Some people can overcome their past and mistakes and move on to greater things. Unfortunately some people do not. It is your choice. Wayne Dyer strongly states, "Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It is not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument, or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make, period."

If you are blaming others, outside circumstances, or situations for how your life is, you are not taking responsibility for your life. If you are pointing your finger at others or are angry at others for how your life is, you are not taking responsibility for your life. Simply put, you are giving away your power. You are playing to others opinions rather than being in your own alignment. You are allowing others to control your life. You have lost your connection to your Higher Self, and it is time to get it back.

Accepting responsibility means examining the choices you make and becoming self-reflective about them. Use each moment as a new opportunity to choose, rather than react and repeat patterns that no longer serve you. A key to creating the life you want is controlling the direction of your thought and choices. Did you know you have around 60,000 thoughts a day and something like 80 or 90% of them are the same as the day before and 75% are often negative? Take time to pay attention to the dialogue or chatter in your head. Notice if your thoughts are in the direction you want your life to go. You know because you can examine your life right now. If it is like you want create more thoughts in that direction. If your life shows you something you do not want, you have more negative thoughts or more thoughts about what you are not wanting in your life. Make a shift in your thinking. You can create new thoughts and desires at any time. Use the feedback you are receiving, make those things in the direction you want. You are responsible. Your self-talk is powerful. Are you ready to pay attention and make the changes in the direction of your dreams? Changing your thinking is a BIG first step.

You can see how this works by paying attention to your choices and your thoughts in the specific area of your life that you have chosen for this work. Bringing awareness to your thoughts and choices, allows you to take charge of your life. Your choices either cause you to vibrate with low level energy (like blame, sadness, or chaos) or to vibrate with higher energy (like love, acceptance, and joy). You notice, and then you choose again. That is the fun. You are in charge; you are responsible for the type of life you plan to live. I want you to become conscious of what you are choosing. Take notice of what heightens your day, your feelings. Keep track of what rings your bell. The big "aha" here is to pay attention to what you think and how you feel about circumstances in your life. Know there is always another choice, even though it might not seem like it. Pay attention to choose ones that create the life you desire. This one step will make the greatest change in your life.

So right now, I ask that you commit to being willing to take responsibility and become awake to how you are handling responsibility. Awareness is the first step to changing your life. Be willing to acknowledge the situation (s), look into it, and make a plan to change it in the direction of your desires, beginning with your thoughts, words, and actions. As you hear that you are in charge of creating your life, there might be some resistance. You might say things like, "I couldn't have created that; I didn't want that." That is exactly why all this is important to know. You might not have realized how you "created" your life and how all the "little" decisions created an unwanted mess. When you blame or resist ownership of where your life is today, you miss opportunities to examine what is really happening, especially to take back your power. If you are willing to accept total and complete responsibility for every aspect of your life, you will make new choices for what is possible to live your best life.

Here is a beginning place to examine how you are on taking responsibility for your life. What excuses or lies do you make to yourself and others? Do you believe these to be truths? Are you doing what you say you will? If you do not, you build up lies allowing others and yourself to realize you cannot be trusted. You cannot even trust yourself. These lies and excuses then begin to control your life. They determine what you do and how you do it. They keep you on guard. They create layers of covering your Higher Self. You move away from your dreams. What are some of your common excuses: "I don't have time," "I'm too busy," "It's someone else's job." You make time for what you feel is important. If you are saying you are too busy, have you looked at what you really want? Where are your priorities? Are you living that or perpetuating the cycle of excuses? Take an honest look at your life. Where can you begin looking at your excuses? In my coaching, clients and I realized the power of this area. These excuses may seem so casual and not a big deal, but in reality, you are out of integrity when you make excuses. You are not being responsible for your life.

One of the areas in my life that so perfectly illustrates this is the issue around weight. I would have told you I was very responsible with managing my weight. I know the basics – calories that you eat versus the exercise you expend. For me, exercising has always been something so natural and fun for me. I would have to say at times in my life I have been obsessive with it. I always thought I could out exercise whatever I ate. So I never chose to understand nutrition or pay close attention to being concerned about the foods I ate. As life went on, I had to face the truth about my excuses with my weight because I could not control it in the same way. My excuses are almost like mantras: "my metabolism isn't working," "it's not fair I out exercise most people", or, "what I do in exercising should eliminate those calories". These excuses keep me from losing weight. There are people all around who are my age, who exercise like I do, and do not have weight problems. When I finally got honest with myself, I realized all the excuses I have made true for me, and I was not focused on what I wanted. So finally, I began chiseling away layers. I thought about the way I handle my exercise habits. I never even think about exercising, I just do it and love it. It is just part of me. Yet, when I became self-reflective about my weight and eating habits, I realized how many excuses and projections I was making with my weight. I had not taken responsibility for my own choices with my weight. I had to come clean, own up to all my excuses. I saw where I could use my exercise as a model of how to integrate nutritious food in my life. I could see how committed and focused I was on my exercise no matter what. I did not make excuses. I made the necessary adjustments to my exercise based on how my body was feeling and functioning at the time. It has taken me many years to get to this place. It has been a process from trying "to control" my weight to learning to make healthy choices for my body.

Telling the truth can be challenging. Start small. Pay attention to what excuses you are making and where they are in your life? Do you take responsibility or blame others? What is the underlying message you feel? Are you making excuses so you do not have to be responsible? Where is your power? Who or what is running your life?

As you grow up, you take on many responsibilities such as jobs, families, deadlines, and financial pressures. Remember just because you are a grown up does not mean you are acting like an adult. Are you acting like a child or an adult with your responsibilities? Adults take responsibility for their life. Adults understand the ups and downs of life. They are able to accept and own their part of life. Or, are you acting like a child with your responsibilities? Adults, acting like a child with their responsibilities, play victim and blame circumstances on others. They expect others to do their part. They fail to step up to their responsibilities in life. Where do you catch yourself blaming others for what is happening? Who do you blame for not having what you want? Are you hoping someone will save you, fix you, or take care of you? Is someone else running your life?

As long as you blame others for any circumstance in your life, you weaken your power to create the life you desire. You relinquish your power. You become a victim and at the whim of others, not you and your life. Yehuda Berg states, "It's tempting to blame our parents or children for our chaos. However, blaming others moves you in the wrong direction. Becoming accountable for everything is the essence of true transformation."

Thinking on this quote, what does taking responsibility for your life look like? What meaning have you given responsibility? Do you feel like a pressure cooker with all your stress and responsibility? Are you feeling trapped by all your responsibilities? Responsibility does not have to mean you are not free to live the life you desire. You are free to make choices. Can you remember when you were able to create moments of joy and happiness and not feel the burden of responsibilities? What was it that created those moments? How can you have those feelings and still be responsible? For this work, responsibility is owning your choices, thoughts, and words; and being in alignment with what you say is true for your life. It is freeing rather than being a burden because integrity returns to your life – you begin living your life based on your choices and desires.

Have you allowed life and its responsibility to take away all the fun in your life? I read where the average child laughs over 200 times a day, but average adult only laughs 4 times a day. What happened? Is your life like that? Where could you allow some fun back in your life? When I began this work, I had lost all the fun in my life. When I realized how heavy I felt from "responsibilities," I made a goal to add some fun to my life. One of my girlfriends laughed at me – she said, you have to make a goal to have fun. What a wake-up call for me. Life does not have to be serious even with your responsibilities. It can be lighthearted and carefree. It is just a shift in perspective of the way you handle it and view it.

Knowing and accepting full responsibility for your choices empowers you to live the life of your dreams, a gradual process to understand the depth of how you interact in the world. For our work together, you must have integrity with your thoughts, words, and actions to intentionally live your magnificence. Some areas will be easier and some areas may give resistance. The unraveling may feel uncomfortable.

Throughout this book, it is my hope you will be releasing the old stored up pain by following through with the actions steps in each chapter and answering the questions. Know you are worth all the time and energy it takes. You were meant to live an extraordinary life. When you align your life with your dreams, you can achieve anything you desire.

Are you willing to take 100% responsibility to live the life of your dreams? Are you willing to start today to take charge of your life? Your dream is needed and so is your commitment.

Affirmation: I am taking responsibility for all aspects of my life.

Making Your Dreams Come True Action Steps:

1. Make a list of all the people or circumstances you currently blame for the way your life is now. How could you shift the blame and take 100% responsibility for your life? Take each situation or person and write out how you are blaming them for the way your life is now. What is one step for each situation that you could take to shift your life?

2. Write out the excuses and lies you use. How do they benefit you? What are you willing to change? What is one action you can begin today to change the excuses, lies, and justifications in your life?

3. On a scale of 1-10, (10 being the highest), how responsible are you being with your finances, relationships, career, health, and physical well-being, spiritual, mental, and fun? Do each one and see your pattern. Is there one area where you are extremely responsible, or are there a number of areas in your life that you are very responsible? Is there one area where you are not being responsible, more than one? What could you do today to begin taking responsibility in those areas of your life? Make it a habit to ask every day, "What do I want to release that is not serving me?" as you take back your responsibility.

4. What aspects of your life would you want to be different one year from now? Do you want more peace, more financial security, or a better relationship? What is it for you? Where would you need to take responsibility to make that happen? What action do you need to take today to make that happen? Use the answers you receive to make a plan. Take at least one action today. Find someone to support and guide you through the process.

Knowing Your Desires, Passions, and Vision for Your Life

"Don't look for your dreams to come true; look to become true to your dreams." Michael Beckwith

It is important to know what you truly want for your life. Life will pass by if you are not willing to take the time to be clear, know your loves and passions, and make those happen for you.

How true are you to your dreams? Are you willing to commit to your dreams? What will it take to give the time and energy that is needed to make it happen? Understanding your passion, your dreams, and your vision is important to making your life meaningful. Tony Robbins shares that people say they are stressed out but what they call stressed today is simply an extension of being busy without meaning. How true is that for your life? What are your wants, needs, and desires? Do you know? Or is the busyness of life clouding them from your world? What would be meaningful for you? What do you need in order to be back in touch with your dreams?

You can hear the call of your soul's journey as you quiet yourself enough to listen to the whispers of your heart. Passion is energy. It will ignite you. It will galvanize you. It will speak truth to you, not what others expect or want for you. If it excites you or captures your heart, follow it knowing it is what you long for in your life. Your passion keeps you in action to complete all you intended to do. When you live with inspired passion, it easily connects you to desire. As you live in your passion, you elevate to your Higher Self feeling you can do anything.