Live, Learn, Love!
THE PATH TO YOUR PROWESSBy KOGI NAIDOOBALBOA PRESS
Copyright © 2012 Kogi Naidoo
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4525-0684-5Contents
Foreword...........................................................................xiPreface............................................................................xvAcknowledgements...................................................................xxiChapter 1: Live, Learn, Love – Our Legacy....................................3Chapter 2: Achieving Greatness.....................................................26Chapter 3: The Pain in Our Lives...................................................37Chapter 4: Is Life a Grand Plan or Choice?.........................................43Chapter 5: Life Is My Great Teacher................................................75Chapter 6: Three Simple Steps to Leave Your Legacy.................................129Chapter 7: Step 1 – LIVE.....................................................140Chapter 8: Step 2 – LEARN....................................................158Chapter 9: Step 3 – LOVE.....................................................170Chapter 10: Conclusion—The Path to Your Personal Prowess.....................183About the Author...................................................................203
Chapter One
Live, Learn, Love – Our Legacy
Self-leadership—a strategic solution to save our spirits and souls!
I am in a large, packed hall waiting my turn to be hugged, waiting for Amma's magical touch. There are slow, long, winding queues. Everyone is engaged in inconsequential chat, talking to each other to pass the time. It is hot and humid; the fans are whirring but not making much difference. Siva and I are visiting with our dear friends in Brisbane. We meet mutual friends we have not seen for many years. I find it strange that I suddenly hear myself talking to everyone around me, telling them about recent happenings in my life. I cannot stop myself. I am gushy and passionate. I share with them intimate details of what is most important to me, what I want to achieve in my life, and what I want to do to ensure I make a major difference as a result of the gift of my life. As we edge our way to the front of the queue, about to be hugged by Amma, I wake up with a jolt. I realise I had been dreaming. I also note with disappointment that I did not make it to the front of the queue in time to get my hug from Amma.
What did this mean? Why was I dreaming about Amma? I had never met her. Perhaps there was a message I had to take note of. The living Saint Amma is world-famous for her dedication to spreading her message of love and compassion, dedicating her life to her mission, travelling the world, and being available to physically embrace everyone she meets with a simple but profound gesture of the largeness of her human spirit. I believe, like her, that each of us possesses that same ability.
I had just had a dream about what my purpose was—my vision for how I wanted to spend the remaining days of my life. At first, I shrugged it off as just a dream and turned over, wanting to fall off to sleep again. But something happened to me after that dream. I was very deeply touched, perhaps at the soul level. In the quiet of the night, I reflected on my dream. What did it mean? For some inexplicable reason, I could not go back to sleep. I had to do something about that mystical experience.
I got out my notebook and put pen to paper. What I wrote in my notebook essentially became the outline and contents of this book. I believe I was touched physically, emotionally, and spiritually that night. My dream jolted me into a creative space—almost as if I was receiving my purpose from a divine channel. I was inspired by my dream.
Heritage: A Burden or Blessing?
I did not see being oppressed as adversity. Oppression was a lesson I needed to learn!
I was born in apartheid South Africa in the late '50s. I was born as a fifth-generation Indian out of India. I'm still an Indian in my body, mind, and spirit. My great-grandparents came as indentured farm labourers to work on the sugarcane plantations in South Africa in the 1860s. Cheap labour resulting in forced relocations was one of the effects of India being colonised by Britain at the time.
My family had the chance for a free passage back to India after five years of working as farm labourers. Life was tough. They got meagre rations of food and little money for their work. There was no access to formal education or social benefits. My grandfather, Thatha, was a fisherman who caught and sold fish for a living. My grandmother, Amma, cooked meals and made up packed lunches she sold to supplement the family income. There were eight children in the family (my uncles and aunts).
Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today. (Thich Nhat Hanh)
My father was a bus driver who left the farm and moved to the city to pursue a better life. He was taken in to live with my grandparents and the extended family. This is when he met my mother. She was pampered growing up, and before you knew it, she was a child bride, married at age fourteen. I was the eldest of five children, the first granddaughter, and was truly spoiled by my very large extended family.
We all lived in the same house as one big, happy family. There were at least twenty people, including two of my uncles, living there with their own families, too. I remember the house—a large wood and iron house with three bedrooms and a large sitting room that doubled as a sleeping area at night. I shared a studio couch with one of my aunts. When I look at the few photos I have of my early years, I see the pretty dresses my aunt stitched for me, made with much detail and deep love.
Despite the hardship and difficulties of living in such close quarters, I do not remember the real financial hardship that the family experienced. Perhaps I was still very young and was spared at the time. I was the focus of the family, made to feel special and loved. It was the triumph of spirit within my family—the spirit that allowed for love, happiness, and focus on hope beyond our current living conditions, circumstances, environment, and social position—that I so fondly remember.
All was about to change! My happy (although poor) life was short-lived when in the early sixties we were split from living together as one happy, extended family. The Group Areas Act was about to move people out! The Act was government legislation that evicted people from areas they lived in to areas allocated by race. The dwellings were small, and my grandparents were relocated to accommodation for the aged. I was five years old at the time.
I was the family's hope for the future. Huge expectations were placed on me, but more importantly, my family believed in me—even as I grew older when I didn't believe in myself. They talked about me being special and being the first one to be educated so the family could escape its past. I was the ticket to a better life for future generations. I felt I was carrying the responsibility for change for not only my generation, but also all the Indians who had moved to South Africa in the 1860s, 150 years before. This expectation was a huge burden. At the same time, it gave huge hope for the future. I felt the need to do something that would change the course of our lives and alter the effects of the last 150 years.
If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people. (Thich Nhat Hanh)
I have given you a glimpse of my early years. It was the time when most of us were cared for, adored, and nurtured by family and loved ones. For some, though, these are times we do not oft en recall and acknowledge, for whatever reason, depending on our experiences. We are sometimes affected by our memories. Sometimes we take our lives for granted, not thinking about the early years and their influence on our lives later on. In Chapter 4, I share with you more details of my life growing up.
My Dream
After my dream that night, I took on the challenge to take action—to do something about what had essentially been on my mind for a long time, what my spirit had been agitating about, and what I knew I had to do. At that precise moment, I did not know exactly what it was going to be or look like. What I knew deep down, however, was that I was ready and well placed to work out a simple yet effective way to enable my students, colleagues, or anyone I met to transform their lives and the lives of others. I was already doing this through my work by teaching and sharing my experiences, learning, and wisdom.
I believe we each have the unique ability to lead others through our self-leadership, inspiring others by making examples of the way we have lived and through our unique life experiences; through our wisdom (knowledge and learning from life experience and formal study); and by fulfilling our purpose (expression of love as a result of forgiveness, compassion, and divine inspiration), thereby making a difference and leaving our legacies.
Most of us are anxious to improve our circumstances, but are unwilling to improve ourselves—and we therefore remain bound. (James Allen)
It has taken me a very long time to come to the realisation of what my key message and contribution as a result of my life should be (my legacy). In this book, I share with you my life journey—experiences and stories of my pain and suffering; moments of joy and ecstasy; and poignant moments of wisdom as the three natural, almost magical steps of life have played out for me.
Every human being on earth is born with the innate potential for unique greatness.
Have you considered what your legacy is? We have been put on earth for a purpose; exactly what that purpose is, we are not told, but as we go through our lives, it slowly reveals itself. What do you believe will happen when your life ends? I believe that the day does come when we each stand at the pearly gates and are held accountable for the time we had on earth. No one can be sure of what happens after we die. Regardless of what we each believe will happen when we die, the one sure and true thing about our time on earth is that it will end. This simply means that our time is limited.
This is what I imagine will happen for me—I will stand in front of the pearly gates, in line, awaiting my turn to tell my tale of what I made of the gift of life, the story of my life on earth, how I lived (providing evidence of what I did), what l learned, and how I was loved and loved in return. These are the threemainelements—living,learning,andloving—theessenceofourlives. What difference have I made in the world?
Perhaps if you are in business, there is much talk about how you spend time working on your business rather than in your business. Can you in any way relate this to your life? Have you actually stepped out and worked on your life rather than in your life? Maybe—or maybe not!
Regardless of your focus in life or your beliefs about what happens at the end of your life; the one thing we all have in common is that we all die. We know what happens to our physical bodies. We choose to be buried or cremated. Reflect for a moment on what will happen to your spirit and soul afterwards. Perhaps you, like me, think it doesn't matter, as this is an unknown—something for us to ponder on but that is not important right now. Granted! In reflecting on my life, I realise that I have fluctuated, at times being so focused on the past or on the future, striving to achieve all my dreams and goals, that I was oblivious to the present—the here and now. Has it been the same for you?
My Oracle
When I shared with a close colleague and friend what I was busy working on thatday,itwasbroughtbacktomethatIhadbeenraisedtobeofservice—to be humble. My greatest role model and teacher was my grandmother, my Amma, the oracle in my life (like in the film The Matrix). She was able to lead, teach, manage, care, console, love, forgive, and most importantly, do all these things effortlessly with charm and grace. She commanded respect and conducted herself with dignity, regardless of the poor conditions and lack experienced in the large family. I have therefore found it really difficult to put myself forward, whether to lead others or to promote myself, not for self-interests, but for the greater good. It is not because I have trouble being assertive—on the contrary, really. I do not think that there is any need for a leader to be bolshy to be effective.
As a result, over the years, I have to a large extent done myself a disservice in that I have undersold my aptitude and success to lead and create innovative solutions to meet the challenges we face in our lives. I realise that people tend to make up their minds, hence having their own perceptions of who I am, what I have done, and what I am capable of—perceptions that are not necessarily true. Does it matter? I can say it doesn't to me; yet it certainly does to those in authority, who wield power and have the ability to take decisions which may or may not be the right ones, especially to ensure that focus or interest is on the greater good. I share my personal experiences and how I respond later in the book.
So how do I feel about this? While I am happy to be of service, with no ego attached to being recognised or acknowledged, I may be inaccurately perceived as being simple in mind and attitude with little or no leadership capability. I realise that I cannot continue in the way I have been my entire life. It has taken me a long time to realise that in holding back, I was also holding back on sharing my wisdom as a result of my life experience and learning. I could well have greater impact than I have had so far. In fact, I realise that I have been selfish, rather than selfless, regarding sharing my knowledge, leadership, and wisdom.
You may wonder why I suddenly changed and felt prompted to break out of my usual humility and service orientation in my personal and professional life. In fact, I didn't make a change at all. It simply is the timeliness of sharing my message to LIVE, LEARN, LOVE as prompted by various synchronous events leading up to the writing of this book, a few of which I share. Perhaps, I am becoming the Oracle, my Amma. I feel as if a switch was flicked, and there is no going back!
In my journey of life, I learned many lessons of living and loving, forgiveness and compassion. I have done it all—lived, learned and loved—in my many roles in life as a child, student, wife, mother, teacher, academic, and author. In the many lessons learned and the many moments of pure joy, exhilaration, happiness, and love, I have learned to take responsibility for who I am, what I think and feel, my relationships, and my role in society, the world, and the environment. I do my very best to take responsibility for my own behaviours, how I conduct myself, what I do, and what's not negotiable. As I reflect on what I will do relating to my work, for example, what I realise is that I am not prepared to compromise my values—that is, sell my soul for personal gain. I realise that I have lived my life by self-imposed principles with my personal integrity intact and therefore have not allowed myself to be swayed or enticed by the reward.
We each need to take responsibility for our own leadership in our lives. I learned very early in my life that we are first self-leaders before we can lead others. I, like my Amma, have made it my life's purpose to positively impact and inspire people I meet, personally and professionally, sharing her (now my) simple, three-step recipe for life—too. Everyone who reflects on these elements is able to focus, discover his or her true purpose, and achieve his or her unique greatness and leadership. We can stop thinking about all the great leaders and what they have achieved as only achievable by a select and talented few. I have come to realise that I can, and you can, too!
We can all be great like the leaders we are familiar with—Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther King, for example. They each had a purpose or cause they stood up for. We all therefore need to be acutely aware of our unique talents and special purpose or cause in life. There is one pre-requisite—we can all become inspired leaders of others once we have taken responsibility and become inspired leaders of our own lives. Simply said, we must partake in self-leadership before the leadership of others. We can achieve this through getting over our own limitations and pursuing our dreams and goals, which opens us up to infinite possibility.
In sharing and inspiring each other, we can live our lives optimally and purposefully until we all achieve a world of love as a result of the forgiveness and compassion we practice. This has already been made possible, as we have seen, by the great leaders in the world and is also within your grasp. Some of you may already be well on your path to personal power.
In the book, I share with you snapshots of my journey—moments of pain and suffering, joy and love, self-realisation, and wisdom. We each have different journeys—different choices we make and different people we meet who influence, mentor, and love us, and who teach us important lessons of life and living. We are all lifelong learners; we learn about life and the world, and we also learn about ourselves—our strengths, weaknesses, talents, and purposes—through our formal learning and our life experiences. We share common experiences of love, as we go through life experiencing varying states and levels of our emotions, which are very much, like the changes in the weather.
Whether we are happy depends on inner harmony, not on the controls we are able to exert over the great forces of the universe. Certainly, we should keep on learning how to master the external environment, because our physical survival may depend upon it. But such mastery is not going to add one jot to how we as individuals feel, or reduce the chaos of the world as we experience it. To do that we must learn to achieve mastery over consciousness itself. (Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi)
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Live, Learn, Love!by KOGI NAIDOO Copyright © 2012 by Kogi Naidoo. Excerpted by permission of BALBOA PRESS. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
