'BOYS TO MEN'

"MATURE MEN do not STAY the SAME! MATURE MEN are always expecting to ESCALATE and REFINE ourselves! Being BETTER is our GOAL!"

What is the number one ingredient that is so NECESSARY and MISSING at the same time in our MEN TODAY? Excellent question! Well ... it is something that comes over a period of time, little by little, at the most unnoticed and seemingly innocent and insignificant of times. It's applied from one soul to another soul, over long and short conversations. It's so POWERFUL and DYNAMIC because of the profound actions that CONFIRM its existence.

It is MATURITY! The great commodity that is laid on a person's HEART and MIND like another coat of fresh paint to redecorate our thinking to EXPAND greater dimensions! It's evident that WISDOM is received and LIVED! WISDOM without application is a SWOLLEN INTELLIGENCE blindly headed toward another DITCH!

When we find ourselves ALL ALONE in our favorite candy store! Mouths watering as we tingle with JOY over GIGANTIC ZOOM-ZOOMS and multi-flavored WHAM-WHAMS! With NO MATURITY we INDULGE! Then GORGE and stuff ourselves SICK with NO FORESIGHT to understand. Even TOO MUCH of a GOOD thing can and will make us SICK!

Wisdom says EAT some more now, until we are SATISFIED and then come back later, if the opportunity presents itself. Maybe even take a DOGGY-BAG! But once we've made MISTAKES, maturity says "That's enough, remember WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME!"

Having missed out on the AWESOME experience of having that FRIEND, MENTOR, CONFIDANT person called FATHER, I am thoroughly and totally convinced that the FATHER is the MOST CRUCIAL person and MISSING LINK in the lives of MEN and BOYS today meant to equip us with the GIFT of MATURITY!

Being a LIFETIME card-carrying MOMMA'S BOY, I appreciate every ounce of WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE, SACRIFICE and LOVE that our mothers gave and continue to give with their total UNRESTRAINED COMMITMENT. But it is that MALE-TESTOSTERONE figure that is irreplaceable Their PHYSICAL STATURE, VOICE TONE and VIBE stirs you to FEAR, RESPECT and LOVE just by his merely walking in the room. These MEN are the epitome of what all BOYS and IMMATURE MEN should aspire to be. They are our HEROES and Mt. RUSHMORES that we climb for wealth of KNOWLEDGE and IDENTITY and use to structure our own MALE-DNA. So ... WHAT HAPPENED to those ANCHORS that were GOD-given to keep US, our HOMES, NEIGHBORHOODS and SOCIETY from going SHIPWRECK?

In a hyphenated word ... SELF-CENTEREDNESS! I believe that is TRUE that a little LEAVEN can and does LEAVEN the WHOLE LUMP! Somehow, some way a SNAKE of EVEL THINKING crept into the gardens of our MALE MINDS and RUINED our HARVEST of REAL MEN! INTEGRITY was given a BAD RAP and labeled with a BAD NAME and obviously left a BAD TASTE in the mouth of many of our PATRIARCHS! SAD, but true! So ... what is the SOLUTION to such an IMMENSE PROBLEM and PRESENT SITUATION? Like Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. said ... "Where do we go from here?" We go forward with TRUTH! We MEN of TRUTH stand together side by side and proclaim HONESTY and INTEGRITY in the name of TRUE MANHOOD and re-establish the FRONTLINE! We address these crippling LIES of RESPONSIBILITY HEAD ON! And we dare not FLINCH or RETREAT because our need for MEN in our culture and world is in dire distress and we at an IMPASSE!

"ARE WE THERE YET?"

When we were little boys, we were always wondering "How BIG am I today"? Have I gotten any TALLER since the last time I asked? Which probably, it was YESTERDAY! We would run and go get the nearest CRAYON and find our favorite wall or door trim and turn our backs so that we could mark the wall at the TOP of our HEADS! We were so excited at the SLIGHTEST GROWTH! Even if we have to imagine it! What happened to the desire to GROW UP and be SOMEBODY, to SUCCEED and out do every other little BOY, and be the first one to be a MAN ... a REAL MAN? Well the question has to be asked, "How do you know a REAL MAN?" Humph! GOOD QUESTION! Here's a better answer! I was personally BLESSED to grow up in the 60's. I believe GOD placed me in that particular point in time so that I could be a witness to what I know now was the GOLDEN AGE of REAL MEN.

Every TIME has a period and a SEASON! This was a TIME when MEN bonded. They talked endlessly about WHAT REAL MEN DO! They were confirming that AGELESS WISDOM of being a MAN from the generations of REAL MEN before them! We need to understand our roots, where we come from and HOW the HARSHNESS of being a nation that endured, suffered and was ABUSED in every imaginable way as SLAVE DESCENDANTS! Men struggled, endured and encouraged each other side by side to not only survive ... but PROSPER in very DARK DAYS.

So what happened to those qualities of BROTHERHOOD that equipped and raised BOYS to MEN? FREEDOM! It seems the irony of freedom has encompassed many minds with personal, family and social AMNESIA! We no longer feel the inner unction that was BRED into boys and men as something, not only necessary, but VITALLY ESSENTIAL.

With the struggle to survive comes COMMITMENT and DEDICATION as part of our upbringing. As wonderful as FREEDOM is, what our forefathers and mothers LIVED, DREAMED, and PRAYED for, we often behave like the SPOILED BRAT child of the wealthy who did nothing more than be born into affluence. It can be taken as a GIVEN, with no sweat from OUR brow in the building of success. It can be assumed by thoughts and behavior that this is the way things ought to be and that everything in the universe is in order.

There must need to be a SLAMMING ON THE BRAKES of this laissez-faire mentality that leads to mental SLOTHFULNESS and PHYSICAL IDLENESS. This welfare state of mind has paralyzed many men into the SHADOW of what our FATHER PATRIARCHS ... LIVED, BREATHED and DIED with. If we ask any particular group of men today what was the last HARD COVER book they read, after minutes of a BLANK and puzzled look, a vast majority would probably hunch their shoulders as they try to remember the title of that AMERICAN HISTORY book from the 10th grade. Worst yet, they would probably refer to magazines, shrugging with self-delusion about SPORTS Illustrated, TV guide and Play Boy occupying their literary minds. There's an ACHE and longing for those dear brothers of mine to take an HONEST and OBJECTIVE look at their PRESENT lives and FUTURE potential. Before it is too late and OPPORTUNITY has changed to a more viable population group and is not taking any further calls.

Men are born to LEAD, GUIDE and set the MORAL, SPIRITUAL and SOCIAL examples. What happened to the voice that SAYS what they mean and MEANS what they say? If Mr. So-and-So shows up, then everything will work out. It takes a LIFE of educational build up and MUCH processing for this to happen. It won't just happen by praying alone and crossing our fingers, hoping for the best! It takes AFFIRMATIVE and AGGRESSIVE ACTIONS.

"STRENGTH"

The first lesson of BOYS to MEN is STRENGTH, reaching down inside to that ESSENCE of manhood soul, the CORE of who we are and where everything is built on! How so? A man's dominant characteristic is his ability to STAND and WITHSTAND no matter what the opposition, challenge or circumstances. Never GIVE IN! Never QUIT! Never say UNCLE or DIE! This does not rule our common sense. When there is an obvious OVERWHELMING presence ... a tactical RETREAT IS THE STRENGTH of WISDOM in those cases!

We are describing the CORE strength of MEN that ultimately exudes through the PHYSICAL, MENTAL and SPIRITUAL fibers of MEN. The challenge for manhood resides in the balancing of his STRENGTH!

Where there is no DISCRETION to appropriately distribute STRENGTH, EGO and pride of STRENGTH can delude reality and be like talking to that BRICK WALL that many sisters complain about. The well balanced man knows his CAPACITIES and ABILITIES! Therein is another dynamic of STRENGTH, Strength of MIND!

MENTAL STRENGTH

Where the MIND is the BODY will follow. The man's physical BODY, his FAMILY BODY, his Business, Financial, Social and Bodies of opportunities will follow. The man's MENTAL STATE is the first component that is touch by mentorship! Our fathers, uncles, cousins and brothers all cry out in the TENOR voice choir ever since that first RUN and FALL! Get UP! Wipe them tears and GET BACK UP!

They were making a MENTAL BOND and connection. That is the very first thing that we men do! When things get TOUGH, we get TOUGHER! Fear is never ignored! Fear is a HEALTHY human emotion that is given to live with observance and CAUTION, not to be held prisoner by. Not to take hold of the steering wheel of our DAILY DESTINY and leave us stranded on the side of some dark emotional highway, our soul is the furtile ground wherein our GOD created unique person lies. The MIND is the place where seed are sown. The collaboration of MIND and SOULD combines to MOLD and SHAPE each man into his own TRUE SELF.

That MENTAL connection must be NURTURED and maintained. No one FEEDS and CHANGES a baby and then walks away for long periods of time, leaving the infant to CARE for itself. The MIND of a boy is in CEREBRAL INFANCY, thirsty for NEW knowledge like a lost foreign legionnaire dehydrated and delusional from DESERT HEAT.

We men take our young MEN to be under our wings when we are doing repair work on the car and around the home. We break out the TOY TOOL set and let them BANG AWAY on scrap wood or a tire rim. They are thoroughly convinced, even at an innocent age, that WE could not have FIXED whatever was broken without them.

Understanding the DEEP significance of this MEN BUILDING project, we sometimes drag them along when their favorite super heroes are on television; or when their BEST-EST buddy is playing! Shoot! We'll drag little Jamal from down the street because he is in this BROTHERHOOD of MATURITY also. Kicking and screaming they may GO! But we know that dealing with FRUSTRATION and DISAPPOINTMENTS are all a very important part of this MENTAL UPLIFT in ACTION.

Maybe this is why so many FATHERS have abdicated the throne of FATHERHOOD! The daily DEDICATION that some may have mistaken as a GRIND may have been too much for the undisciplined man to CONCEIVE and as a result neglected to FATHER. Not realizing that the SAME effort that goes into the MAN-CHILD will be the same effort that the MAN-TO-BE will provide in our senior years, wheel chairing us around town to the grocery store, doctor and the park to feed the pigeons! Some of us have burned up or retirement plan by not mentoring the ones that will LOVE and care for us in our GOLDEN YEARS!

EMOTIONAL STRENGTH

This is the area that is so misunderstood, so ONE-SIDED in the minds of BOYS and MEN. The first thing we think of when we consider EMOTIONS is usually related to our FEMALE COUNTERPARTS! This thinking brings any further exploration to a disappointing HALT! Somewhere along the line we have been fed a POISON FRUIT of EMOTIONAL DISCRIMINATION. We have been robbed of that OTHER MALE SIDE; dare I say our FEMININE SIDE! Bam! Some poor brother just SLAMMED this book SHUT or passed out from being PISSED off! Yes my dear brothers, we have a FEMININE SIDE!

Not like 'QUEER EYE' on the STRAIGHT GUY! There is a part of MEN that have that same INTERNAL DNA that is common for HUMAN BEINGS! The GENTLER dynamics within us have been either dismissed as UNMANLY or UNNECCESSARY for the MAN PROJECT!

Many a young man has been LOST within himself, not knowing WHO he fully was inside, me included! The vast amount of young boys is in a dilemma wondering with TENSION and some DARKENING CLOUD of sadness that they may never cross the finish line of TESTOSTERONE! This has proven to be a very EMBARASSING time for adolescent boys to THINK about, with the added pressure of being ostracized for 'GIRLY STUFF'. All we really wanted was some inner understanding! Many women are struggling to this very day with MEN who remained TIGHT LIPPED, only available to give a slightly interested look when conversing due to being emotionally stuck in the eighth grade! Relationships are like taking a Jr. High BOY and sticking him in the local college Pre-Med class and telling him to "WING it ... and do the best you can!"

TRUST is major for men! We cannot go AWOL from our well-meaning, but misguided HALF TRUTHS that we got from POOKY and Ray-Ray! If there is going to be growth in MEN and relationships, there has got to be a bridge with a MAN and his EMOTIONAL INNER SELF. Getting permission that it is perfectly legit to CRY, feel lonely, guilty, have a conscience, be considerate and KIND among many other EMOTIONAL SENSATIONS without feeling 'LESS THAN' or a 'SELL OUT'!

SPIRITUAL STRENGTH

This is the part where the RUBBER meets the ROAD! Why are there so many women in churches that far outnumber the men? Wasn't MAN created before the WOMAN? Why do men FROWN-UP and make the most UGLIEST faces just at the mention of church? If we ASK THE MEN.. about going to church! The first thing they think is SOMEONE DIED! Getting MARRIED! Or go see if they can CHOOSE or get CHOSE! Like CHURCH is the HOOK-UP!

Spirituality runs in the same VEINS AS EMOTIONS! Just on a much higher plane! VIRTUE, MORALITY and SPIRITUAL DISCERNMENT brings a person to himself! A woman's emotions will ventilate and make room for FAITH, SPIRITUALITY and CHURCH! But that MALE PRIDE that was handed down by some UNSPIRITUAL SOUL led many BOYS and MEN down a DARK and SUFFOCATING place called 'EGO'! Many say that EGO means 'EASING GOD OUT! And YES I believe that is so TRUE!

There are parts of our inner person that dwells in elements unseen and unexplainable. The place a where a power greater than ourselves dwell. Where stories of GREATNESS are born and overcoming immense odds for unknown discoveries and VICTORIES reside!

The soul of MAN is the very CORE of who and eventually what he will be! It's the SEED of the soul that lies so deep within! Underneath the layers of HYPE, Identity-Conflict, Identity Discovery, Rumors, Lies, Misunderstandings, Traditions, Male Ego and Gender preferences lies the person inside waiting for attention, nurturing and development!

This part of the man is where our fore-fathers not only survived. But, THRIVED and SUCCEDED under the harshest and most deprived times of American history. The re was a SOUL BONDING! A reaching out of one man for another man's good and well being. Animosity or comparisons. Just one brother keeping his other brother. Where IRON sharpens IRON!

The understanding and belief that there are MALE limitations are indispensible. MIND, BODY and SPIRIT can only elevate so HIGH and so FAR on it's own! The TRUE realization that there is and must be a GREATER power and being than myself. It's that SOUL pull that longs and cries for bonding of an inner relationship. It's this relationship above all other relationships that build a man into his COMPLETENESS! His WHOLENES

Therein is the anxiety of the core of relationships! If there is no room for a higher belief than a man's own self, then he in essence makes himself his own GOD! The center of his word's attention inevitably revolves ... ALWAYS around HIM! His desires! His preferences! All his WANTS and NEEDS!

Many a sister can testify of the resistance and lack of forward momentum in the relationship due to his limited and ONE-SIDED VISION. How else can a man birth children into a world where he willingly chooses to abandon them and not be a part of his own birth right.

Without the knowledge and surrender to a spiritual life. A man is adrift in an ocean of FALSE SECURITY and LIMITED UNDERSTANDING. Caught up in a tide of PRIDE and headed for the island of ISOLATION, where there are no inhabitants and only BITTER FRUIT to eat!

PHYSICAL STRENGTH

Here it is! The great PRIDE and JOY of every BOY and MAN! From the time that we're able to RUN, LEAP and PLAY all day. We enjoy the growing strength that we see in FATHER, UNCLE, Big BROTHER and FRIENDS. Our favorite superheroes all had this wonderful gift of GREAT PHYSICAL STRENGTH that we so closely associate with being a MAN!

Like the mighty KING KONG beating on his chest as he stands over another vanquished foe. We beat our chest at an early age to enjoy the sound of the THUMPING that we hear and FEEL! We wake up as little boys and RUN to our favorite wall where we've marked with crayon our last GROWTH CHECK from yesterday. To see how many inches taller we have gotten since the day before. Leaping with JOY at the first sign of increase we would WORK and slowly begin to purpose. Through our frowns. Even if it's in our own imagination!

Our Fathers, Uncles and Male Mentors knew that through the development of our PHYSICAL SELVES they would one day be able to relate our PHYSICAL stature to the deeper male components within us! They would drag us from our favorite cartoon show and stick a rake or broom in our hands to show that our strength has a productive purpose. Through our frowns and grumblings we would WORK and slowly begin to pursue EXCELLENCE in our work. Longing for the approval of FATHER and others who are our REAL LIFE heroes. The ones who first showed us that MEN are to be STRONG!