CHAPTER 1

LESSONS REPEATED

If I had but one wish to be fulfilled, it would be that I could behappy always. Why people are not makes no apparent sense tome! Sure, we all have expectations to live up to, but does it reallytake such courage to take one look at your life and upon realisingit is not living up to your own expectations, actually do somethingabout it?

I no longer live like "other people"! That does not mean that Iam a hermit or an outcast, simply that I choose to do whateverit is I want to – and basically that boils down to what makes mehappy. Before you put this down in disgust or condemn me asbeing selfish in my beliefs, let me tell you that I am the least selfishperson in the universe – as all who know me will attest! I woulddo everything and anything to please those who I hold dear (andbelieve me when I say I have!) Let me ask you just one thing; Areyou really happy? If you truly are 100% of the time then it wouldbe a pleasure to meet you!

So what is TRUE happiness, and why is it so complicated thateveryone experiences it in different ways? Before you even thinkabout beginning to answer that, first of all spend some timethinking about Quality, what it is and how it can be defined. Thegreat American writer and philosopher, Robert Pirsig (along withmany others no doubt), explored many possibilities in his endearingphilosophical novels Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance:An Inquiry into Values (1974) and Lila: An Inquiry into Morals(1991), and ended up precisely where? Precisely nowhere – that'swhere! And shall I tell you why? Maybe it's because so manypeople spend so much time analysing, delving into, and exploringideas and possibilities that they end up going around in a circle!Or is it merely a fact that there is no single answer? Could it bethat quality of life creates or causes happiness?

There are so many questions I ask, and no one seems to have anyanswers! Why does the thought of alien life excite me? Why whensomeone of great importance dies, do I feel an urgent desire to goand fill her place and continue all the good causes she created inthe world, because that would make me feel good? Is it really allabout Love, or Money? I only ask because I really don't think Iknow!

Most people have this massive faith in a force or being, in the wayof a religion or a belief and all I've ever believed in is myself, infinitelove and my family who brought me up to think that way. Theyhave so much love for me and I am sure even they occasionally losefaith, thinking that maybe I am not the wonderful human beingthey created, raised and live for! I'm not religious as such, althoughI live my life with spiritualist values. Like many other children, Ialways believed that my Mum and Dad could do anything – andthey did! They made me believe in myself, and taught me to havethe strength to achieve all my hopes and make all my dreamscome true. And they do ... and they are ...

* * *

I'm up above the streets and houses – wish there were a rainbow ...there always was a rainbow in my garden! It was always there,brightening my life and my world. The healing colours; Red – Passion,Orange and Yellow – Fire and Sun, Green for Nature, Bluefor the skies and oceans, and my most favourite shades of purple;Indigo and Violet – deeply spiritual, sensual as velvet, smooth assilk, connecting us with those other realms!

Mum and Dad are able to recall fragments of a poem that as achild I read over and over.

"There's a Rainbow in my garden, for you and for me,In the garden of my cottage, beside the shining sea ...

Yellow are the daffodils, such a lovely hue,Indigo the pansy face, a kind of shiny blue ..."

I have always enjoyed poetry, and of course rainbows and allthe bright rainbow colours! Now I often create poetry, andmagic colours in my Yoga sessions! Perhaps that is why I loveteaching Yoga so much! It's not simply the soothing music, thedeep controlled relaxing breaths, or the stimulating positions – noreven the calming effect on my ever-hyperactive soul! It isall of these things, combined with the fact that I can share myknowledge of this wonderful experience with others and helpthem to understand the beauty and importance of colours in theirworld.

* * *

It is my desire to bring Love and Happiness to as many peopleas possible. I have never seen so much unconditional love asthat of the children in Lesotho where I spent a very rewardingfifteen months of my life. Although in their eyes they believedthemselves to have nothing, they were always so incredibly happyand cheerful, and it made my heart so sad when they thought thatwestern children are happier than they are because they have CocaCola, televisions, cars and computers. Materially they may alwayshave more, but spiritually and mentally no one could be happierthan the lively round-faced Basotho children, who never had acare in the world, and spent many hours laughing and singingjoyously. Although they may struggle to find enough food to goaround their entire rather large families, there are always waysand means, and survival was not about begging and stealing fromeach other, although it was perfectly usual from us "white's" whothey perceived as having so much more than them. The poorinnocent souls believed we were better off than they were, but wenever could be – no matter how hard we tried!

I remember a song from the early 1980's by Charlene called "NeverBeen to Me". No one ever knew what it was about when I wasat school, but I always loved it nonetheless. Now, I understand!You can spend your whole life being caught up in the high speed,high society Western lifestyle, just watching life pass steadily by,but never really achieve that pure and total feeling of inner andpersonal contentment. I suppose most people live with the thoughtthat you can't miss what you haven't had, but what happens if youdo have it for a brief period? Upon returning to the world aswe know it, values change, life becomes less fulfilling somehow,and you begin to wonder what you need to do to recreate thosefeelings ... to extend those memories of life more precious thanmany others could ever conceive.

I guess in my "search" for happiness, I have found it; in anothertime, another place, but how to find it here and now – for always?If I knew that, I would be a very rich lady – regardless of how muchor how little money I have.

People always associate being rich with having lots of money(unless talking about a fruit cake), but that really is not the case.

No matter how much money you have, if you don't have anyone toshare it with it is worthless. I'm sure many of you are thinking thatyou would be extremely happy if you just won a few million. Sadly,by the amount of people who tune into the lottery all around theworld, most of the population live with the delusion that moneywill solve every problem and bring about happiness. I supposethere must be some truth in that somewhere, but once the noveltyof being able to do whatever you wanted whenever you wantedwore off, what then?

Back then to my initial question – What constitutes TRUEhappiness???

Being happy is a lot like travelling. You move along quite steadilyat first, then you reach a really good part, then continue on a littlefurther, maybe even experiencing a rough stage for a little while,then you continue along the same road awhile. Life is all aboutreaching out for your goals and achieving them. My best adviceto you is "follow your heart"! So far, I have found it to be the mostrewarding method, although unless you're very tough you will endup with a very broken heart on occasions – and that hurts!

* * *

There was a great Bristish historian – Arnold Toynbee, (1889-1975)who presented history and philosophy of history, and formulateddefinite laws of development such as "challenge and response".His simple formula for all of history was:

Challenge Vs Response

We all live our life like this, some of us have harder challengesto respond to than others, and those of you who are like me, willnot be happy unless you are constantly faced with new excitingchallenges! The general population seems quite happy chuggingalong within their own securities, and learns to overcome theeveryday challenges they have in their life. Their "routine" lifestylewill still throw out challenges from time to time, but in general,these people are comfortable in their routine and will only dealwith new challenges when they have to.

Similarly there are people who live their life on the edge constantly,having to face new challenges regularly, and having to respond inwhichever way they deem appropriate at that particular time. Butwhat about the people who are constantly seeking new challenges?I definitely fall into this category, and I love my life to be filled withnew exciting challenges for me to deal with!

... And to what extent does our upbringing and culture influencethe way we form values and opinions of ourselves, others anddifferent circumstances? Does this have a direct influence on howwe handle the challenges we are faced with? I can assure you thatit does! From birth, where we are, how we are loved, who we livewith, the society we grow up in, and our interaction – or not – withothers around us, has a direct influence on our entire attitudetowards life as we blossom into our own individual characters.Does this mean that our "search" for happiness is relative to thisearly priming? Why is it that some people are happy to settle forthat comfortable routine path, but to others, that is simply notacceptable? More to the point – what can we do about it?

* * *

As I pensively pass through the majestically beautiful lakes andglowing trees, the sun bright and blinding begins to redden the sky– in competition with the leaves, and capturing every shade of thespectrum from red through to yellow. The backdrop of mountainsappearing hazy, as if dreamlike, and I wonder how long it willbe before they become invisible – blending into the landscapejust as the lakes and skies mingle. The last bright rays of the daygradually disappear. It has been a very rewarding day. I have leftthe life I had behind and now surge forwards eagerly, awaiting mynext challenges, growing, learning and eagerly challenging eachnew minute to come forth and create new opportunities for me. Iknow there is something out there waiting for me to find it! Theworld is not such a big place that I will never find it, although if Ihad but the slightest indication of what it was or where it may be,I could save an awful lot of time!

* * *

Choice and Response; - the two main principles in our life. Whenfaced with a challenge, the way we respond to it will determinethe outcome. The choices we make have a lot to do with fate. Ibelieve in touching as many people's lives as I can, and attemptto keep my personality open and ever radiating positive energiesand love in my quest to achieve this.

* * *

Beautiful houses reflecting the now orange sun, still bright, andyet fading slowly – not long now! The deep reds, yellows, andoranges of the passing trees have now taken on a more auburncolour. Almost mahogany! It is the colour my hair first wentwhen I attempted to dye it from blond to burgundy. A muckyshade of red with shiny pink bits! Another hair colour later and itwas the deep burgundy plum I had intended! But like the glorioussun of this afternoon, it faded, and is presently at a kind of reddishbrown stage ... oh to be blond again! I enjoyed the deep plum butit has faded drastically – although certainly not in twenty washes,as it stated!

The intensity of the sun's glow seems to have multiplied intensely,almost as if uttering one final protest before slowly sinking out ofsight. As we turn a corner, she dips down beneath the darkenedmountain tops and the outline of the trees, which border theyellow tinted sky. The lakes are still - a restful blue, no longerallowing the dancing beams of the sunshine to dazzle and delightall who care to look. Gone away, but unlike many things in life, wecan guarantee her return tomorrow. Even if she cannot be seen,she will still be there, waiting to present herself and fill our lifewith the warmth and love we desire and need. The beautiful raysseem to radiate deep in my soul, until I too dance with the energyit has created deep within me. This is the energy I pass on. I storeit up and distribute it as I deem fit to those in need – or merely asa symbol of my happiness and love. It is very rare my energy isdepleted, and I have no explanation other than I know what to giveto my body and keep it happy by refuelling it regularly with goodnourishment and lots of love. In return it has boundless suppliesof positive energies, which have many a time been mistaken forthe effects of pills or artificial drugs. At first I found this amusing,but now it irritates me that people cannot conceive the fact thatthere can be such a thing as abundant energy. I am living proof– as my family and all those ever to cross my path will more thanreadily confirm!

* * *

As we prepare for our final destination stop, I must leave thebeautiful images behind me of the now greying frame of mountainsagainst the magenta sky, and the dull blue-grey of the exhaustedlake. The fourteen inches of snow are long gone, having passedthrough some four hundred and fifty miles today. The memoriesof these images captured in my heart forever, and created in yourmind only as I have described!

* * *

Back amidst the hustle and bustle of American city life, can it onlybe thirty minutes ago that these images were real visions? Now themultitude of announcements over the loud speakers, and generalchatter fill my ears and I am thankful for the beautiful events Ihave captured in my memory. The comforting classical melodiesbreak through the hustle and bustle of mutters and mumblesaround me, and the voices merge and mingle transporting me toa place of my own; a place I have learnt to escape to at any giventime!

* * *

The colours return: the red plains, the orange sun, the yellow skies,the green grass under the sparkling snow, blue lakes, and still theshades of purple are hardest to see ... but they are there! Withoutpurple all sense of spirituality spirals away and is gone. Every daydifferent images fill my heart and deepen my soul by printing theirbright colourful shades on the very depths of my inner being; andwith these colours I am healed!

As the bright new day dawns, I see we are passing through gloriousforests, the leaves revealing the trees are alive and awake as thisbeautiful day begins. It is only as we pass through a clearing thatI realise there is a stream or river running beneath the trees, andas the trees clear, the bright sun's rays are temporarily blocked bythe low lying thick swirling mists rising up from the depths of thewaters. Each colour is here, hiding in the woods and yet somehowreaching out to me as I slowly awaken.

It was a very odd night. I attempted sleep from about 10pm andslept through until 7am waking at every hour, just on the houror five minutes past! I wonder what caused that – and to be soprecisely accurate that I should wake at sixty or sixty-five minuteintervals! I guess some things just aren't meant to be explained!Like why did Russ get put next to me out of all the other seats onthe train? I must explain about Russ! He is "escaping" a girlfriendfor his own reasons, and cannot wait to get as far away from NewYork as possible. He is a lager loving, cigarette smoking, friendlykind of chap, and last night he ended up crashing out on the floorat my feet due to the large amount of Budweiser consumed! Iwasn't bothered so much, except for the fact that he may havethrown up on my shoes, or worse still, squashed my banana andmuffin breakfast. With another eighteen or so hours to go, neitherwould have been a very pleasant experience!

Thankfully there appears to be no snow here, so hopefully I haveseen the last of that for a week or so. The ground frost states thatthere is still a chill outside.

A brief wander outside whilst passengers disembark and newtravellers arrive, inform me of the warmth of the sun. The air stillfeels a little nippy, although it is still only mid-morning, and thereare about another three hundred miles to travel before reachingOrlando. The sun is high up in the sky though, and creates astrobe effect as we pass through these glorious trees. I wonder ifeveryone else is as awed by their magnificence as I?

* * *

My mind recalls the time I visited the Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe – SouthernAfrica. Just prior to going, we visited nineteen differentwaterfalls in the space of three days. We hiked, climbed andphotographed each one, standing in it, on it, behind it, with arainbow, one of us, both of us or just the waterfall. Stopping offin Swaziland, we met some tourists who swore that the VictoriaFalls are the greatest miracle, and professed to how their lives hadchanged since viewing the tremendous sight. Upon arriving atthe Falls, I was disappointed that I did not experience the sameintensity of emotions, although they were truly amazing! Fabulousrainbows emerged from all directions as the spray was caught inthe rays of sunlight.