Still Learning Lessons Even After Forty Still Learning Lessons Even After Forty

Still Learning Lessons Even After Forty

By Trudi M. Wray

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Trudi M. Wray
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-3189-7

Chapter One

Father

My dear father, you introduced me to the
Book of Proverbs; these words gave me the
gift of meaning—to live by, to accept lessons,
to accept courage to change things, and to
accept the growth and wisdom from you.
Thank you for your guidance and for always
being there and loving me so.
I love you so much.
Your loving daughter,
Trudi


Words

What I have learned is that words are
bonding. They define and shape who you
are. Your word is all you have, which means
you are only as good as your word.


Pride

The lesson I've learned is that authentic love
has no room for pride. Pride is a luxury you
cannot afford if you are in love.


Trust

It is amazing where you find your lessons if
you are open to receiving them. I heard this
lesson on the radio, and I thought, what a
great way to describe trust: Trust is like a
mirror; once it is broken, you never look at
it the same way again.


Truth and Honesty

The lesson I have learned about truth and
honesty is from a spiritual perspective. Some
people think that if they speak with honesty
and truth, that's acceptable. Sometime
honesty and truth without compassion can
be brutal, and that is abusive. In addition,
it can come off as self-righteous. When you
are dealing with someone who is devoted
to their truth or beliefs, they may have a
sincere but overly enthusiastic desire to share
the word, and this can cause a resistance.
When you are called to share the word, I
believe you are not responsible for someone's
acceptance or rejection of the word. It is not
your job to convict someone of sin. I believe
that's the Holy Spirit's responsibility, and I
also believe that's the honest and true answer
you should give someone.


Fear

I learned a lesson that came from one of
my pastor's sermons. He said fear can be
debilitating to the spirit. As a single parent,
I know this firsthand. When trying to
do everything and make it look like it's
working with little effort, you realize that
fear is always there, ready to leave you in
a state of confusion and depression. It can
leave you feeling stranded as you try to
figure out how to fit everything together.
Fear can cause stress. What I learned to do,
after hearing how fear can debilitate you,
is to replace that fear with perseverance, to
live and enjoy life with a purpose, to have
no regrets and no fear, and to remember
the slogan from the Marines, "semper fe,"
which means "always faithful."


Hurt People

The lesson I've learned about people who are
hurting and have never healed their wounds
is that their attitude is to get to you before
you get to them. This is because they get
lost in their own drama and then believe
they are healed—but, in reality, they never
sat still long enough to heal. They create an
environment that causes their hurt to then
hurt other people, and that's a recipe for a
dysfunctional and destructive relationship.


I love you means

The lesson I learned about "I love you"
is that people say it too much. They say
it because they have a need to be loved.
Sometime it just becomes words. What I've
learned about the words "I love you" is that
love has a one-way flow, going from you and
out of you. You give it because it makes you
feel good to give it. Also, when you give it,
it makes you strong. If it comes back, that's
extra, a bonus; you shouldn't need to receive
it. The true strength is in the giving of it.


Friendship

The lesson I have learned about friendship
is that when you have the privilege of a
friendship, it is the value of worth one
places on that friendship that determines
the longevity of that friendship.


Defeat

The lesson I have learned about defeat is that
it does not come from anyone except you. It
occurs from the inside, not the outside. It
the power of choices and the attitudes you
have within you that defeat you.


Dreams

The lesson I've learned about dreams is that
they inspire you to achieve anything you
want to obtain in life. Then, the beauty of
your dreams becomes a thought that then
lines up with your goals. After that what you
think about becomes the soul of your energy,
that flows into your reality. So, in essence,
you don't do anything worth doing unless
you dream.


Doubts in a relationship

The lesson I've learned about doubt in a
relationship has to do with someone making
self-deprecating comments. For example,
"You can have any person you want, why
me?" Or, "I am not good enough for you,"
or, "You deserve someone much better than
me, or, "I don't know how I got you." Believe
them, because in this type of relationship,
there can be fallacies, false pride, and low
self-esteem. That is something you cannot
change or fix in anyone. The best decision
you can make is to remove yourself, because
this type of relationship will only cause you
humiliation and heartache. If they do not
have self-love and a sense of self-worth, they
cannot have self-love and self-worth for you.


Clarity

The lesson I've learned about clarity is that
it allows you to see people as they are. It
strengthens your integrity and character to
stand in confidence on your convictions and
to share your compassion.


Purpose

What I've learned about purpose is that
it is a work in progress. It motivates you,
it keeps you determined, it constantly
develops who you are as a person. It is the
power that motivates the priorities you set
for yourself.


Counsel

One of the lessons I've learned about
counsel is from a spiritual perspective. I've
learned there are individuals who believe
in God but are not people of God. When
I was taking my walk to Christ, I traveled
to many different places of fellowship,
until I found my pastor. What I've learned
it that you can easily be misled in the
wrong circles. Therefore, if the leaders in
your place of fellowship are not giving you
strength, nourishment and, success with
understanding the word, then that may not
be the place for you. I believe fellowship is
people coming together to celebrate, and
the church is what you always carry inside
of you.


Blame

The lesson I've learned about blame is
to simply own it. That's the only way to
overcome and improve who you are. Take
the responsibility; don't assign blame,
because you never learn from the mistake.


Promises

What I've learned about promises is that
they can be hasty, empty, full of excuses,
and full of vanity. The multitude of words
you express from your mouth—words that
influence hopes and dreams—can destroy
and diminish people, so don't promise what
you cannot deliver.


Family

The lesson I've learned about family is that
it can give you an inner resource of love,
respect, and stability to deal with life's
issues.


Choosing

What I've learned about choice is from
Nikki Giovanni's poem called "I would not
be different." It says, "Every now and then
we fall in love with a totally inappropriate
person." You begin to think you are the
exception and not the rule, when in fact
you are the rule and not the exception, and
it does not work.


Pain

The lesson I've learned about pain is that any
process worth going though will get tougher
before it gets easier. That's what makes
receiving the lesson a gift, even if pain is
your teacher. The pain is only temporary.


Loving

What I've learned about loving is that it
has to stay open even if it is rejected or not
appreciated. It's not about anyone else, it's
about embracing the love within you so that
all of your blessings flow toward you.


Differences

What I've learned about differences is that
they deliver convictions, a perspective,
and an attitude. They are woven into a
personality that is distinctly, uniquely yours
and no one else's. Differences provide the
principles that define and guide your way
through life.


Change

What I've learned about change is that
change is inevitable. In order to grow, it
requires change, and before we can reach
our potential, we must first change and
grow within ourselves.


Power of Communication

What I've learned about the power of
communication is that it can be seductive
and intoxicating. If the environment is
comfortable, the power of communication
will flow freely without reservation and
without conflict. But, what I've also learned
is that foolish communication comes from a
loose lip with no knowledge to attach to it.


Relationship

What I've learned about being in a
relationship is that it is not a place where
you find yourself. It is a place where you
define and redefine who you are.


Falling down

What I've learned about falling down is that
it shows you two things. First, it forces you
into directions that you should have found
yourself. Second, it shows you how well you
can rise once you have fallen.


Attitude

What I've learned about attitudes is that
an individual or incident does not have the
power to upset you. But your attitude does;
it determines every facet of your life. From
career moves to relationships, your attitude
affects your approach to life.


Faith

What I've learned about faith is that faith
is the substance of things hoped for, and to
never underestimate its power.


Courage

What I've learned about courage is from
Martin Luther King, Jr. The ultimate
measure of a man is not where he stands in
moments of comfort and convenience, but
where he stands at times of challenges and
controversy. I believe courage is a battle.
It is about doing what is right and not just
trying to smooth things over for the sake of
perception.


Actions

What I've learned about our actions is that
they determine our thinking, our emotions,
and our discipline. It gives you control
regarding doing what is right or doing what
is wrong.


Achievement

The lesson I learned about achievement
comes from my favorite author, Dr. Maya
Angelou. She states: "What I represent
every time I set out to achieve something is
myself." What I know about setting goals
is that you have to have the discipline to
stay on target; this will ensure that you're
successful in all your endeavors, and it will
help you know where you are going through
life.


Commitment

What I've learned about commitment is
that it is about the quality of your character
and not your emotions. It's a choice, not a
condition or a situation, and it's based on
your values.


Gifts

What I learned about gifts is from a
spiritual perspective. Everyone is bestowed
with gifts in their own special way. But
sometimes we over-emphasize the spiritual
gifts instead of the true measure of one's
character. What a person gains in life is
from their credibility. I believe that's the
truest gift.


Life

What I learned about life came from my
twelve-year-old daughter. She was playing
her Wii and said, "Life is like a sword fight.
When you block up top, they hit you down
below. I know it stinks, but we cannot all be
Samurai Jack." Wow! Talk about out of the
mouth of babes.


Dependability

What I've learned about dependability is
that if a person shows you responsibility and
consistency, they are displaying the depth
of their character and the importance and
value they place on dependability.


Divorce

What I've learned about divorce is that you
must have the same values and similar goals,
and it's important to re-energize and be
independent of each other in order to feed
each other's growth. That is the essence of a
partnership in marriage.


Battles

What I've learned about battles is that
they come from within. One of the biggest
battles we fight is against ourselves through
our flaws, failures, and disappointments.
These battles limit us from our potential.
I've learned to embrace flaws, failures, and
disappointment because we are a work in
progress and we are still learning lessons and
still growing.


Self-respect

What I've learned about self-respect is that
it comes from within; no one can give you
dignity or pride. The success we gain from
our endeavors is the validation for self-
respect.


Mistakes

What I've learned about mistakes is that
how you look at them is important. Yes,
we fail ourselves and others. But mistakes
cannot be our companion. We must learn
the lesson and not make that mistake again.


Kindness

What I've learned about kindness is
that some people will take kindness as
a weakness and some people will take
advantage of kindness. Being kind feels good
to the soul and affirms our decency and
humanity.


Thinking

What I've learned about thinking is that it
creates the stretching of the mind. It creates
questioning, and through questioning we
create thought, and through thought we
create progress. Through progress we create
debate, and through debate we grow.


Strength

What I've learned about strength is that we
get stronger through success and adversity.
Strength cannot be diminished because of
failure. To get stronger, you must be willing
to do what is necessary.


Fulfillment

What I've learned about fulfillment is that
when you like who you are and persevere
in your endeavors, you are fulfilled—even
when you have setbacks along the way.


Balance

What I've learned about balance is how to
create meaningful relationships through
quality time and how to achieve happiness
through the journey of life.


Discovery

What I've learned about the voyage of
discovery is to see it with new eyes, because
all the landscape is the same. Just your
perspective will be different.


Journey

What I've learned about our journey in life
is that it's like playing the piano. The notes
are underneath your fingertips as you try to
strike the right key and create a successful
harmony. Life is like the piano; we just need
to find which notes to use in order to find
our own balance and success for this journey
of life.


Forgiveness

What I've learned about forgiveness takes
me back to when we are first born. We are
all innocent coming into this world. We
don't have the power to control the forces
that pick at the fiber of our innocence.
However, we do have the power to choose
how we handle those unforeseen forces; it is
up to us. Disappointment can fill you with
anger and resentment and last a lifetime.
It can cause you to be resentful and sink
low enough to inflict pain on others. But,
because of choice, there is another way.
Because of choice, you have the power to
choose—no matter what unforeseen forces
come your way, and no matter what pain
they cause you. The power of choice can lead
you toward forgiveness.


Stuck

What I've learned is that what we are born
to be can be covered in sand from the blow
by blow of life.
We can fall into the sandstorm of wondering
why this is happening to me. The sandstorm
becomes so strong and hurts the eyes, so we
keep them shut and keep reminiscing about
what has happened to us, never seeing new
landscapes and possibilities. The sandbox
can leave you stuck in a comfortable place,
safe from life's blows. But keep your eyes
open even if the sand causes your eyes to
sting. That's the only way you can see what
you were truly born to be.


Worth matters

What I've learned is to be encouraged and to
rely on yourself. Even if you don't know what
you are doing, you can learn it. We are not
beholden to anyone else's opinion. If you feel
you can accomplish something and everyone
is saying you can't, keep going. Open the
doors to your ideas, your innovations, your
work. Your ideas are no one's version but
your own. Be encouraged to reach your goals
in spite of the obstacles. Remember, your
worth matters.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from Still Learning Lessons Even After Fortyby Trudi M. Wray Copyright © 2010 by Trudi M. Wray. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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