CHAPTER 1
Anthem of Sting and Ember
Him
He made summer in to song
He put laughter in my life
He led me from my silent nights
And yet the sun has set again
The world, I know must always turn
Leaves of autumn fall once more
If only time was circular
Gone
Where is my love?
Where is my loss?
The mirror I give a careless glance reflects nothing
Where is my joy?
What is my name?
When I stand in the sun, where's my shadow?
Where is my fear?
Where is my hate?
The eyes gazing through me seem luminous
Where is my sorrow?
Where is my song?
Though I walk through the waters they remain still
Where is my laughter?
Where is my life?
When I scream in the night, where's the sound?
The music in my words is gone
The sparkle in my eyes once strong
Has been blown out as if a candle
But even on this I'd've gained handle
If you too hadn't disappeared
With all of my mind memory and tears
You my friend my dear one my only
In the end you glared at me stonely
And that last look to me revealed
All the thoughts you'd ever congealed
You didn't care at all about me
I was an object to observe and see
You found me amusing, that's why you stayed
And in your death you needed my aid
That is when you truly ceased
Not when you fell to the ground beneath
Not when that thing called a body died
Not as it lay crumpled on its side
Not as I wiped the blood off my face
Not as I dragged it up to the dais
I was still following your careful instruction
I gave the body your requested destruction
The fire burned hard, deep, and strong
It wasn't surprising it took me along
Emptiness
Through long live night I watched
While watched back I silently suffered
Staring at opaque life, wondering, pondering
If possibly I exist somehow beneath the words
Or around them, rather than within
Images with immense illumination surround
But I am not there, or anywhere
My presence is not its self, only emptiness
A dead star, absorbing all but full of nothing
A substance of nonsubstance beyond reach
A gaping hole in the fabric of matters
Devoid of its own self and that which we call space
So I am that which I am not
Perhaps a test on this plane
But in the very depth of it, only emptiness
Gone (continued)
Now I am nothing neither dead nor alive
I am something only you would contrive
Of course you brought me too
I always went with you
Death when we were so entwined
Resulted in this paradigm
Dark insanity
Is all that is left to me
Velvet never ending night
Eternally holds on tight
Touch me and I cannot feel
If this is sickness, let me heal
Existence devoid of all
Please be a dream withal
Yet some part of me is here
'Cause I sense that life is near
A shard of me must be alive
A single piece must have survived
Maybe one day the wind will blow
And make this tiny ember grow
But then my only, my dear one, my friend
I would wonder why did you end?
Where is your laughter?
Where is your frown?
Why is your bed made the way you never left it?
Where is your guidance?
Where is your face?
Only in the pictures packed away
Where is your dancing?
Where is your dawn?
I will miss the love that you never felt
Where is your singing?
Where is your soul?
Did you have one in the first place?
Where is your mischief?
Where are your plans?
Despite what you did
Had I not had you at all
I would have been dead long ago
Mindless Inquisition
I look
And all the colors
Begin to fall
Around me softly
It seems
That life is
Slowly, surely
Melting into rain
I watch
The blood of
Today and tomorrow
Pooling in the stones
Is it
Sad or beautiful
The death
Of all these things
Why do
All the people
From this
Seek to gain an answer
Why are
There minds
Hungry
For what they cannot find
They'll keep
Plowing onward
Relentless
Till they're dying
Throwing
Life away
To find the
Meaning of it
Mindless inquisition
Once Upon December
My one, my only
Careless beside me
Beautiful were you
If you'd been true
Oh so many people died
And yet I never cried
Didn't shed a single tear
All because of you my dear
Do you know what you did that day?
Threw my childhood away
Took my only firm foundation
Welcomed death as a vacation
I hid behind the door
You looked and I was it once more
So innocent
That's my lament
My one my only
Where did you hide from me?
That mind I know was yours?
That chamber of horrors?
My one my only
Wretched beside me
All alone with out a care
All alone though I was there
Serpent underneath
The flower that you seemed
Thoughtlessly terrible
Mindlessly evil
So psychotic
So hypnotic
My one, my only
Where did you hide from me?
That mind I know was yours?
That chamber of horrors?
My one my only
Wretched beside me
All alone with out a care
All alone though I was there
Mindless Inquisition (continued)
Is there
Meaning in a
Foot print on the sand
That washed away?
As dust
We are no
Different
Vanishing into night
Yet still
They keep on climbing
Keep on trying
To fill the void
Is
Everything we do
A means to
Lie about the question?
I must
Admit that this
Is something
I don't know
Mindless Inquisition
Patch Work Quilt
Stranger, stranger by my side
From you I cannot hide
In my eyes that's your reflection
Those twisted thoughts your resurrection
Lurking in a darkened truth
You watched quiet through my youth
Till the day when awoken
Then my solitude was broken
In nights where foot steps echo in my mind I cannot
breathe
Stranger restless stranger can't you wander off and
leave?
Ebony insanity
My companion this deep canyon
In reality
Do I know you better than I'd ever care to say?
Are you staring at me in the mirror every day?
Inside the web you've sown
While stronger you have grown
Lost in incubus unfolding
Is there a shred of truth upholding?
I cry out so desperately
Yet only you answer me
So much havoc inside one head
Life has become different shades of red
Ebony insanity
My companion this deep canyon
In reality
Song of Sadness
A million little things
Use to make my spirit sing
But now in this silent night
There are dreams but there is no light
Time and time again
I wish this shadow life would end
Why does every mind
Long for something it can't find?
Is there a question I could ask?
To lay these things to rest at last?
Time and time again
I wish this shadow life would end
Untitled
I lived for you, my angel and demon,
Through nights blacker than sin it's self
I breathed for you, kindest and cruelest,
Though pain was almost all I knew
I laughed for you, my lovely and terrible
Sang for you, danced for you,
Cut for you, bled for you
Was your life so hopeless you had to take it?
From me?
What happened to the patience that you taught?
Could it have waited one more day?
For a time when my identity
Wasn't tied to yours the way it was?
No.
You had a careful plan
Had to jump when you did
That silhouette against the sky
Changed me into what I am
I knew it then
I know it now
Still I am ever wondering why
Couldn't you have lived for me?
The way I did for you those years?
Goodbye
Feather I must let you go
For too many lives I've held on tight
Carried you through sun and storm
Watching time fly over head
But the spider spins his web again
New mountains rise from the sea
The trickling spring finds renewal
You and I were just a dream
So I'm casting you away
Float on the brightened breeze
Visit me no more my feather
I release you here at last
Time to pick up scattered pieces
You left lying on the floor
Time to seek another puzzle
As this one will not be solved
You took too many pieces with you
The last time you tried to fly
Goodbye single feather
The time has come
And again I say goodbye
CHAPTER 2
Excerpts From 2002-2006
Wisdom
Life is nothing but a song
A smile, a laugh, a sigh
Take a walk through waters long
And fear, despair, and cry
Pace upon the third stone
Drink a cup of love
Knowing how the birds have flown
We think of things above
Thoughts are but a rock
That skims an effervescent pool
And what a marvelous shock
When we sink beneath the schools
Of the fish swimming 'round
Scales all agleam
Then we will know what's sound
And what can only seem
Look
In a dream I dreamt one night
I saw the crescent moon alight
On red roses on the snow
On the darkness down below
The streams of water song
The tide of life that ebbs along
The path ways to the ocean
Swept forward in this constant motion
And with every wave that breaks
With every scream a child makes
There are echoes everywhere
In the water and in the air
And if one decides to listen
In their eyes tears will glisten
So in this state of sadness
Some close their ears missing the gladness
At their finger tips
The truth that is on the lips
Of someone that they've ignored
All their lives, of their own accord
Therefore keep your mind open
For whosoever can know when
Light and wisdom will bloom above
And explain to us the mysteries of love
Truth
Softly velvet keys arranged
Like stair steps rising, though estranged
To night they travel onward
And to light the path a songbird
Flying high and swift above
Across the moon while memories of
The labyrinth behind the three
Reveals to them the mystery
That they must face together
That will change their lives forever
There is a lesson they must learn
Cruelty will take its turn
Beauty lies within destruction
Love, hate, fear, and corruption
Have their times, as do we all
Every person hears a call
And with whatever words they answer
May determine, but hope a dancer
In the hearts and minds of men
A burning ember pray thee then
Share with others this tiny spark
To keep it burning against the dark
Our Story
In the night I am alone
With memories not my own
Starlight and silver snow
Pale winter moon aglow
Mirrored in your brilliant eyes
So with this interlude I rise
To find the world a music note
In a song that someone wrote
Melodies of divine design
As the planets all align
A destiny unique to me
Reveals itself on stormy seas
After the tempests final fire
After those with one desire
Have perished in a single clash
Then vanished in a cloud of ash
Petals of the rose will scatter
But in the dark it will not matter
Remember what I used to say
You and I will fly someday
Untitled
Sunset sunrise life
Always ending and beginning
Circular and effervescent
This universe where
Death is life's renewal
Silently each cycle
Like the phases of the moon
Play out divine plans.
What will my destruction create?
Beautiful
Contained in circles of fire and ice
Of liquid embers immersed in night
Within pinpoints of infinite depth and darkness
Lies wildness that cannot be harnessed
Twin pools, two windows, into your life
Cut into a velvet sky with a knife
Framed by cascades of crimson and gold
Filled with stories never been told
A whirlwind of hair, an intense winter face
Eyes streaked with fire, and nonchalant grace
Why?
The mind, a restless tool, carelessly tossed
On a shelf, hidden, hopelessly lost
As the summer drains away
Sleep has taken night and day
How much longer will it take?
From your slumber to awake?
Wasting the gifts under the sun
Wasting, wasting, are you ever done?
A Death
It's silent now
The night has come
The laughter's gone
And I'm alone
Snow flakes fall
Cleansing the earth
A killing frost
Flowers are dying
The moon hangs
Deep in the sky
Cold and lidless
Silver in essence
Sakura falls
Just like the snow
Over and over
Like waves in my head
Once there were smiles
Once there were two
Though night is beautiful
There is no one to share it
Tragedy Repaired
Pictures scattered on the floor
Memories of thoughts no more
Innocence and a life shattered
No one thought it even mattered
A dark seedling took its hold
A dark meaning did unfold
Inside the eyes and mind
Of one by nature kind
But beside a broken truth
Looking back on tainted youth
The child becomes a demon
No one looked for the reason
Not one cared to share his pain
On himself he placed the blame
Lost in deepened devastation
Striving towards alienation
Till at last a little girl
Saw fit to invade this world
She made him recall who he was
He stopped hurting all because
Of simple uncomplicated love
Very much a gift from above
Though his horrors were never forgotten
From them new joys were begotten
So he lived out a life
Not totally devoid of strife
But neither was it missing pleasure
And he regards it as a treasure
A Mind Less Than Whole
Puzzle with pieces missing
Dances alone in the city of rain
The sad song she is singing
Is filled with otherworldly pain
Haunting and lyrical,
Beautiful and intricate,
It seems to be a miracle
That a song should have such life in it
Underneath the cherry tree
Petals fall in Puzzle's hair
She sings for you and me
With flowers falling everywhere
Between two worlds she walks the line
One is light the other dark
Back and forth all the time
In the ship she calls her ark
Seconds are like grains of sand
But they're turning into years
Decades slip through her hand
While the sky never clears
Still she is alone and friendless
In solitude she loves and hates
Her life is seeming all too endless
She can't wait till she escapes
Not With Out a Witness
My essence must be sadness
Sorrow is my simple song
Despair my melody
But the world is full
Of saddened dreamers
God, He sees each tear
That is what makes them matter
Ode to Lord of the Flies
Children sing of nothing, nothing
Children sing and fall away
Softly, softly voices mixing
Softly, softly all the day
Whispering they move the earth
Chanting cracks the drying ground
Their feet align but no one's first
Turning, turning all around
Children sing of never, never
Children sing and break away
Softly, softly faces mixing
Softly, softly every day
They vanish two into silence
Vanish in the ocean's tide
In an act of practiced violence
Gave them to the lord of flies
Not in Sight
A breath can change a life
The prick of a needle
A bump on the head
Anything can alter everything
Maybe there is no fate
Only cause and effect
All actions are preceded by others
As they are followed by more
Is there an end?
A conclusion?
Is there a finishing point?
To the results?
Do the things I have done evaporate
When I am gone?
If they did,
If the past ceased with the arrival of the future
Then there would be no causality
Nothing could make anything different
Actions would be pointless
Meaningless
I and the person I was five minutes ago
Exist together
My past shapes my now
In that sense my past is my now
Every second merges with the next
They become one
Every event becomes larger
It expands
Combining and multiplying
Stretching out like the branches of a tree
These paths overlap
If one tosses a pebble into a pond
The ripples add to each other
They become new things
Reactions always lead to another
There was a beginning
But an ending?
Never.
