CHAPTER 1

COMPLETE AND FULLY FREE

The Main Point

Kingdom singles are already complete and able to fully maximize that completeness by willingly placing themselves under the rule of God and living within His boundaries of freedom.

The Gathering

To find out more about the kingdom single's completeness, read the following excerpt from Kingdom Single. If you have time, answer the questions that appear at the end of the selection. Or you can finish the section at home.

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He Completes You

If you're looking for a romantic partner to complete you as a kingdom single, you really don't understand what Jesus Christ has already done. Because in Him, you are as complete as complete comes. Now, you may not realize that truth. You may not identify with that truth. And if you don't, you're not living out the full benefits of that truth. But none of those things makes the truth any less true. Colossians 2:10 tells us, "In Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority." To think otherwise is to make the institution of marriage, and your desire for a marriage partner, an idol. And idolatry is sin.

Friend, Jesus Christ completes you. That's the truth. Thus, what a romantic partner can provide must remain outside of that, in addition to it, or alongside it. He or she cannot complete you because Jesus already has. If you are not aware or mindful of this reality, there's a danger that you will be expecting too much of another human being, asking him or her to be or do something that only God Himself can be and do.

Far too often, we try to transfer what we see in movies to our real lives. But that places pressure on us and the other people in our lives to live up to a standard we were never designed to fulfill.

As you grow in your understanding, discovery, and acceptance of your completeness in Jesus Christ, you will experience the victory, authority, and intimacy He has already secured for you in Him. You will then be freed up to experience other relationships at a level they were designed for....

Relational issues arise when the focus of either person (or both) shifts from God to each other as the deciding factor, influencer, or even source of completion. That's exactly what happened in the Garden of Eden, after all, which led to the Fall.

Only when you understand and embrace the truth that Christ Himself completes you will you be able to view any current or potential relationship for what it can actually provide — a companion to come alongside you. You'll be amazed at how fulfilling and satisfying a relationship can be when expectations are normalized, the benefit of the doubt (coupled with grace) becomes natural, and you both look to God to lead, fill, satisfy, and complete you.

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If someone were to ask you to define "being single," what would you say? In what ways has our culture influenced your definition of singleness? Why does singleness seem to be a negative to many people? Why do so many single Christians consider themselves incomplete?

Show Time!

In session 1 of the Kingdom Single Group Video Experience, Dr. Tony Evans lays out the first principle in our study: As a kingdom single, you are already complete.

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After viewing Tony Evans' presentation "Complete and Fully Free," use the following questions to help you think through what you saw and heard.

1. Dr. Evans referred to Colossians 2:10 to emphasize our completeness in Christ: "In Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority." What does it mean to be complete in Christ?

Describe the connection between completeness in Christ and alignment under His rule.

What consequences could Christians face when they choose to make decisions outside of His overarching rule?

2. Dr. Evans said that as long as you continue to view yourself as "incomplete" as a single, you will cause yourself to constantly focus on what you lack — rather than on all you have. Describe what can happen when two "incomplete" people wind up together in a dating or marriage relationship.

Tony Evans said that one reason many marriages break up is that there are too many singles getting married who didn't first learn what it means to be "completely single." What does it mean to be "completely single"?

3. Which of the following areas have caused you to feel the most "incomplete" as a single? Check the boxes that apply or write in your own.

[] financial freedom

[] lack of pure sexual engagement

[] social life

[] church events or church groups organized by marital status

[] life chores (fixing things, mowing the lawn, etc.)

[] companionship needs

[] conversations about marriage or spouses

[] household responsibilities handled yourself

[] vacations

[] long-term planning

[] attending events (even at church) or dining alone

[] movies, songs, or other forms of entertainment that emphasize couples

[] other __________________________________________________

[] other __________________________________________________

[] other __________________________________________________

While each of these areas can prove to be a challenge, God promises to supply your every need when you look to Him. Have you ever experienced God's provision in any of the areas listed above through someone other than a spouse? Describe that experience.

Do you thank God for meeting your needs as a single even when He does so in unconventional ways, or do you take it for granted? Explain your answer.

4. Dr. Evans shared Adam's call to "cultivate" the Garden (Genesis 2:15). He used this as an example of freely maximizing your life (time, talents, and treasures) within the context of relationship with God. In what ways was Adam's life in the Garden a life of freedom?

God gave Adam one restriction: He must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. According to Dr. Evans, how did that restriction affect Adam's freedom?

What "garden" has God given you to "cultivate"? Are you fully faithful in doing so or are there ways you can do more?

5. List some of the things singles often tell themselves that keep them from freely engaging their time, talents, and treasures for the purposes of God.

Have you ever fallen prey to any of these thoughts? Describe the result.

10. Dr. Evans says that kingdom singles are unmarried believers who have committed themselves to fully and freely maximizing their completeness under the rule of God. Look at the following list and check the boxes of some of the ways a person can maximize his or her completeness. Also write in your own responses.

[] traveling

[] binge-watching Netflix

[] shopping

[] taking personal development courses

[] volunteering to help the disadvantaged

[] learning new skills

[] studying Scripture

[] sulking

[] browsing on social media for extended periods of time

[] praying and meditating

[] socializing

[] teaching Sunday school

[] receiving career development training

[] other __________________________________________________

[] other __________________________________________________

[] other __________________________________________________

Explain why you checked some boxes and left other boxes unchecked.

7. What would change in your life — at your work, with your immediate or extended family, or in your circle of influence — if you committed yourself to maximizing your freedom within the boundaries of Christ's overarching rule?

8. Read the following excerpt from Kingdom Single and reflect on the questions at the end.

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He Completes You

Far too many couples are married and yet still feel alone because they never fully knew what it meant to be fully single. So they are grasping for something both in and from their spouse that their spouse often lacks the capacity to provide. The nature of marriage is not merely what you're getting from someone else, but also what you're giving to someone else. And what you should be giving your spouse is a completely whole single Christian, not half of one who is incomplete. Friend, you are not fully ready to be married until you're a fully functioning kingdom single. Otherwise, like most people, all you're doing is bringing your incompleteness into a relationship, expecting that relationship to accomplish what it is unable to do. All the marriage will do is reveal that you never fully learned what it meant to be single. To put it succinctly, you are complete in Christ with or without marriage. ... Imagine the strain and drain a relationship suffers when one or both people look to the other as their source of completion. Modern psychiatry might call that codependency, not love. Keep in mind, no human being is equipped to offer you what it cost the God of the universe — His own Son's life — to both win and secure. So the first step in living with a kingdom mind-set is understanding that by Christ's sitting next to the Father on the throne, Christ has declared both His ability and His right to complete you.

What does it mean to live as a complete single?

Our English word single comes from the joining of the Latin word singulus and the Old French word simplus. Together, they become more than what most people understand the cultural, contemporary term single to mean. Rather than "alone," "unattached," "unmarried," or "by oneself," a more literal translation of these two original words would be "simply unique" or "uniquely simple." Both of those better illustrate the biblical concept of singleness. Other defining terms attached to the original words are "singular," "complete," and "whole."

God never established singleness to be a burdensome, lonesome, pointless, and frustrating existence, as so many have falsely labeled it today. Rather, it is the very "simplicity" of the single life (which we will go into more deeply in Scripture later) that frees a person to fully live out his or her own "uniqueness" and "completeness."

Singleness positions people to become their best version of themselves as no other relational role can. God does not want singles to look to marriage as a way to stop being single. People are always to maintain their wholeness, completeness, and uniqueness as individuals, even (and especially) when they get married....

The apostle Paul personally understood the strengths and successes of the single lifestyle far better than do the social commentators of our day. His inspired words in the New Testament present us with a challenge that cuts across the grain of our society. According to Paul:

Being single is a very good thing (see 1 Corinthians 7:26).

Yes, there's a good deal of controversy surrounding that concept, even though it's every bit as biblical as John 3:16. But make no mistake about what Paul is saying: If you are single, you're in the best possible spiritual position.

Now, this may be contrary to what you've heard about singleness or even what you feel about it, but God's Word often runs contrary to popular opinion. God never set out to be popular. He set out to be God. And God says it is highly beneficial for a person to be single. God is not opposed to marriage; He created it, and it has its own purposes. But when comparing the two for which state allows for the understanding and fulfilling of one's purpose, being single wins.

Whether you want to be single or married, let that truth sink in for a moment. Let the high value God places on your status assure you that your life is not a mistake and this season does not have to be disappointing.

Singleness is not a second-class status. It's not to be a perpetual waiting period. Singleness is a unique platform and position provided to you for great enjoyment, accomplishment, discovery, exploration, freedom, and meaning. To not maximize your season of singleness because you're so focused on waiting for marriage or disappointed in the present is to waste your God-given gift. Never miss out on today's open doors for those you are hoping will open tomorrow.

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What strategies does Satan use to negatively affect your concept of being single? In what way does even the Christian culture contribute to these attacks? First Corinthians 7:26 calls singleness a very good thing. Describe some "very good" aspects of the single life both from a biblical standpoint and also from a contemporary standpoint.

Transformation Moments

Read the following passage from the book of Ephesians. Answer the questions that follow. If you run out of time, finish this section at home.

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But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

EPHESIANS 2:4-10

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The phrase "surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us" describes God's heart toward you. In what ways, as a single, has God shown you kindness? In what ways can singleness give you the freedom to do more good works for the kingdom than if you were married? Are you maximizing these moments or wasting them in a "spirit of waiting"? What can you do this week to maximize your status of singleness for God's kingdom?