Using real-life examples and anecdotes, this self-improvement handbook provides a guide for helping you find your true inner self and recognizing your true potential. Have you lost yourself in the day-to-day grind? In today's hectic and self-serving society, it's easy to do. It's difficult to gain a grasp on how to best understand who you really are and how to find yourself. In A Journey from Within, author Dr. Ram P. Ramcharran presents a guide to finding and discovering your inner self and identifying your true life objectives and desires. Using real-life examples from regular people, A Journey from Within helps you find ways to best learn about you and how to be a better person. Ramcharran defines "self" and the nature of human behavior and provides advice for how to: become more aware; discover your true being; find your inner courage; reflect and turn negatives to positive; fight your fears. In this self-improvement handbook, Ramcharran provides a guide to show you how to break the limitations of your mind, discover you, and build the framework needed to achieve your goals. The self becomes a symbol for life and you must live it, enjoy it, make it active, and discover it.
A Journey from Within
Ways to Understand the SelfBy Ram P. RamcharraniUniverse, Inc.
Copyright © 2011 Dr. Ram P. Ramcharran
All right reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4620-2515-2Contents
Acknowledgements........................................................................ixForeword................................................................................xiIntroduction............................................................................xiiiChapter 1 Background of the Author......................................................1Chapter 2 What Forms Your Belief System?................................................7Chapter 3 What You Believe Is More Important Than Just Believing........................13Chapter 4 Elements that Lead to Self-discovery and Awareness............................15Chapter 5 Understanding Your Personality and Knowing Your Behaviors.....................25Chapter 6 Subcategories of Personalities................................................33Chapter 7 Discover and Understand Your Awareness........................................35Chapter 8 Defining Fears................................................................38Chapter 9 Why Do You Avoid Fear?........................................................47Chapter 10 Why Do You Refuse to Accept Things You Cannot Control?.......................50Chapter 11 What Is the Self?............................................................52Chapter 12 The Truth about the Self.....................................................54Chapter 13 Questions That Help You Discover the Self....................................60Chapter 14 Tools to Learn to Help Identify the Self.....................................64Chapter 15 Goal Setting.................................................................69Chapter 16 Where Are You Now? Where Do You Want to Go or End Up?........................71Chapter 17 Systems, Processes, and Structure............................................77Chapter 18 Family Responsibilities......................................................80Chapter 19 Reflections..................................................................85Chapter 20 Hierarchy of Life............................................................87Chapter 21 Steps to Help You Discover and Understand the Self...........................91Chapter 22 Steps to Help You Make Improvement to the Self...............................95Epilogue................................................................................99
Chapter One
Background of the Author
The Change That Made Me the Person I Am Today
Be the change you want to see —Mohandas K. Gandhi
It was 6:00 p.m. in the evening on September 13, 2000. I was driving to the hospital after executing the most difficult thing up to that point in my short, and for the most part, happy spiritual life. I was returning from a 62-mile one-way journey after filing divorce papers against my former spouse.
I felt homeless and without any possessions because of the messy break up. I had been thrown out of my own house after working hard for many years to earn it. In a matter of a few moments, it was taken away from me. Until that moment, I thought I had been experiencing the worst days of my life. I felt empty, hopeless, useless, depressed, anxious, worthless, afraid, and powerless.
After filing my divorce documents, I drove to see my beloved father who was in the hospital for the fifth time that year. Dad was very ill. He had been fighting a severe virus for over 3 months. He had undergone two open-heart surgeries in ten years and a couple of other procedures to clean up his arteries. This was not a good thing at all. However, even with all those medical problems, his outlook on life was truly zestful—always!
I had spoken with Dad at the hospital the previous evening. He had said to me, "Son not to worry. You will get through the pain you are feeling and you will get past this situation in your life." He said, "This too shall pass, son." These were his ever-familiar words that I believed sincerely because no matter what, he always made me feel better about difficult situations. He always had a way with words that made people feel secure, special, loved, and appreciated. He assured me that life would always be okay.
On my way back to see him, I was traveling with his sister, my Aunt Savie, who was visiting from Canada. She was with me to offer some emotional support during my time of stress and difficulty. I was leaning on her and venting my frustrations about my divorce proceedings and this highly emotional time in my life. I did not believe anything could get worse, but it did.
As I was driving to the hospital, I missed the exit even though I had driven the route to and from the hospital hundreds of times. I had to alter my plan to visit earlier in the day. I had told dad that after finishing at the courthouse I would visit. He had said, "Don't worry. Finish what you have to do and then come see me later in the evening." He said this while trying to smile despite his pain.
With his support and guidance, I was able to make it through a difficult decision in my life. I had decided to do what I felt would be best for my life and get out of a destructive and failing marriage. He had said, "Do what you need to do and the rest will fall into place." This was a very difficult decision to make, especially with the social stigma associated with divorce in our community.
I missed the exit to the hospital because of the rush hour traffic congestion. I was not able to make a U-turn, so I decided to take another way that turned into a traffic nightmare. What should have been a ten- minute delay became a forty-five-minute detour. During the time in my car, I was joking and chatting with my Aunt Savie. We were reminiscing about our family vacation from the previous year when the entire family had visited Guyana, where I was born. It was my first trip back in over twenty-five years. We were talking about Dad's relationship with his own father. Things had been different when he was a young man. At this stage of life, our relationship was better than his had been with my grandfather, which made me feel great at that particular moment.
When we got to the hospital, Savie and I were still laughing and joking as we got off the elevator on Dad's floor. As I was passing by, I could feel all eyes on me. At first, I thought people were staring at us because we were laughing so much and making too much noise. As I went past the nursing station, I noticed the closed door to Dad's room. This was unusual because he never closed the door to his room. I pushed the door open. I saw my mom crying hysterically and noticed that my cousin was holding her trying to calm her down.
My worst fear hit me square in my face. My father had passed before I got there. It was just two months before his fifty-second birthday. My hero and best friend was gone. At that moment, I could see my life was never going to be the same ever again. I felt fear, pain, uncertainty, hopelessness, and anger. The thought that it was a dream and not happening, crossed my mind in a split second.
I was facing my lifelong fear—death! I always avoided death and funerals, but now there was no place for me to run. I felt trapped! The one person in my life that told me how he always felt whether it was good, bad, or indifferent was not going to be there anymore to be my best friend and father. The thought of being fatherless was agonizing and extremely painful.
I heard my heart beating faster and faster. The blood in my veins was racing and the room started spinning. I could not focus. Suddenly I realized I was standing over my father's lifeless body, slapping his face and shaking him vigorously. I was telling him to wake up. I screamed, "You can't leave me, us, your family, your wife, and grandkids." I was living my worst fear and nothing could have ever prepared me for all of the emotions that were taking place. I was standing in a cold hospital room with my mother crying uncontrollably and my life changed forever. I was powerless and experiencing my worst and deepest fear. Losing my dad was the most painful experience I have ever had to live through, but it was also the most life changing and inspirational experience I have ever had. Not a day goes by that I do not think about my dad. His passing and the experiences he shared with me before his death have helped me become the person I am today. He gave me the biggest gift: how to discover the Self. His death set the stage for me to start the journey. I want to share my experience with you because it was the turning point in my life. His passing was the catalyst that helped me understand my fear. It gave me awareness, and most importantly, it has made me understand the Self and put me in touch with my consciousness and inner being.
I will never forget the pain I felt while I had to deal with my father's passing and my own family breaking up simultaneously. It was as if everything around me was falling apart and I could do nothing to stop the pain. I was heartbroken! I was torn up inside! I knew that my life changed, but was it for the best or the worst. I would have to take control of my fears, emotions, mental state, and my Self to define who I would ultimately become. I needed to stand up. I needed to be strong for my family, my son. I had to take charge and control of my being for the rest of my life. I needed to turn my fears into power, take action, and take charge of my life.
Identifying my total being and making the decision to learn who I really am was not a difficult decision. I was forced to make it. If I had not, I would probably be like all the other divorced people who end up bitter and continue to blame the other party for their crappy marriage and difficult, empty, and unhappy state. The realization of where I was and where I wanted to be was miles apart. I always thought I had a good life. I had some loyal friends, a great career, a good work environment, a nice boss, a nice house, and I drove a nice luxury vehicle, but it all fell apart and I felt helpless. Even when situations were supposed to be happy, they were not joyous. Aside from the birth of my son, everything in my marriage seemed pointless and hopeless. When everything came to a boiling point, I felt as if I had no choice. I made a life-changing decision that has given me a life of peace, understanding, love, compassion, and the understanding of my Self. I now know me. The discovery of this state of being is refreshing, joyous, and peaceful. This was the beginning of my inner journey.
Life Changing Experiences
A man of character funds a special attractiveness in difficulty; since it is only by coming to grips with difficulty that he can realize his potentialities —Charles De Gaulle
One afternoon, I walked in from working out at the gym, when my ten- year-old step son, Rohan, unexpectedly asked me a question that triggered a deep thought and a hidden memory. It was about a life changing experience that had guided my path of life for fourteen years of my young adult life.
I had lived my life in a subconscious bliss, unaware of why I had the academic drive I did, while I was an adolescent, and as a young adult. You may be wondering what caused me to structure my life the way I have. I had forgotten about that experience until Rohan asked me, "Did you ever get left back while you were in elementary school?" I had to think about that question for a moment because I had shared the same grade with my younger sister all through my elementary school and high school years. My friends and teachers used to think my sister and I were twins. I use to say, "No, no, no!" I would ask angrily, "Do we look like twins?"
The truth was that my parents moved us to the United States from Guyana, South America when I was seven years old and my when sister was six. I was placed in the third grade and my sister in the second grade. After about two weeks, my third grade teacher, Mrs. Goldstein, called my parents and said I had a reading problem. She said that it would be best if they moved me to the second grade. In actuality, I was an extremely shy and passive child, who was afraid to read in front of my peers. This made it very difficult for me to function in front of others. I did not like to talk period. I remember thinking to myself that I would have to sit next to my sister all the time: at home, at school, on the playground, and do homework together and that would be too much for me. I was very shy and was I afraid to express myself. What I remember most from this experience, even at the age of eight, was that I was never going to fail at anything academically again in my life. That experience laid the foundation for my academic achievements today.
I remember my sister being far superior to me in all aspects of school. She never had to study as much as I did. She was a very gifted student, while I struggled just to keep up. I had to study and work twice as hard to get the same grades, but I always had the thought in the back of my mind that I was older and just as smart, so I was supposed to be better than her. Unfortunately, that did not always happen, but I was able to hold my own throughout high school. My sister and I were members of the Academic National Honor Society, but her grade point average seemed to always be better than my own. Upon graduation we both won several academic scholarships, I went on to Florida State University, a state school, and my sister headed off to the University of Miami, a private and respected academic institution.
I remember thinking of all the years I had to work so hard because I never wanted to be left behind academically. I had forced myself to work hard and to get ahead academically while my sister coasted. The experience of being put back a grade left a lasting impression in my life that helped me achieve higher education. I became aware of my Self and inner being very early in my life and I did not waste the academic opportunity. This experience is more than likely responsible for my thirst for knowledge and competition, when it comes to achieving, to this day. I am very aggressive in any learning because I honestly feel you can never know too much and that you owe it to yourself to learn and continually improve your life, especially if it makes you more aware.
The real test for me was when my sister and I went to separate schools. My parents used to say, "Vedo is not going to be there to push you any more." I am happy to say that I went on to earn an MBA and a doctorate; and my lovely sister earned her BA in Management and Accounting, got married, and became a wife and a mother of two beautiful girls. In the end, we both succeeded in our own right. I think my parents did a great job in raising us.
Chapter Two
What Forms Your Belief System?
It is our attitude at the beginning of a difficult undertaking, which, more than anything else, will determine it successful outcome. —William James
As you grow up in the early stages of life, you encounter and experience certain events and situations in your life that program your belief system. Growing up, I was fortunate to be surrounded by loving parents and family members who openly showed their affection. Hugs and kisses were never lacking in my household. I was placed in what most would call a protective and safe environment, but I was allowed to be myself and make my own mistakes.
Aside from the ten years that I lived in New York City, most of my experiences growing up were in extremely safe surroundings, which helped groom my behavior and attitude. Although I lived in New York for just ten years, it shaped the foundation for my independence. I was forced to be a self-starter and an independent child while I lived in the city. I had to take two city buses on my own to get to my magnet junior high school. There was no dropping off or picking up at the car circle like my friends had in Florida. I had to take a couple different trains to get from Queens to the Bronx to help my dad in his drugstore sometimes after school and during the summer because we were expected to work in the family business. These experiences helped me become self-sufficient while I was growing up.
Our earlier life experiences are paramount to forming beliefs and molding who we are. Our belief systems are formed by our values, which ultimately will lead our lives, and determine how we act, function, react, and behave. The belief system encompasses all these areas.
Values: Once you understand how values work, you will be able to understand the true purpose of your belief system. Values determine how you respond to all experiences in your life. When your perceived values are satisfied, you feel fulfilled, rewarded, and happy. When values are violated or unmet, you feel empty, burdened, and dissatisfied. When you do not have clear values, you experience conflicts and stress, and make us feel uncomfortable with the Self and you do not gain realization. When you do not have a clear understanding of these parts, it leads to fear. Values for everyone are different and carry different levels of importance. Some may value their families as their number one priority. For others it may be making money and what it could mean to their lives. Overall, most individuals possess values that are righteous and good natured.
Family Background: Your family background and upbringing play a very important part in forming your belief system. Some of your beliefs come from your immediate family like your grandparents, parents, and siblings are passed on to you through traditions and customs. Your parents shared stories about life when they were growing up or your grandparents shared their experiences, which indirectly helped you grow, and you formed your own beliefs. Without ever realizing what is happening, your beliefs are formed between ages six and thirteen.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from A Journey from Withinby Ram P. Ramcharran Copyright © 2011 by Dr. Ram P. Ramcharran. Excerpted by permission of iUniverse, Inc.. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
