INTERVIEWING IS EASY

We ask people questions all the time. We ask our kids questions about school or their art projects. We ask our significant other about her job promotion or his goals in life. We ask our grandparents about historical events. We ask someone we are dating about what she does in her spare time or what interests him.

So if the thought of interviewing your family seems as foreign to you as learning Greek, don't worry. You are already interviewing people all of the time.

In fact, interviewing someone can be so natural that often it isn't even planned. For instance, I was taking a tour of an old train station in the fall of 2013 with my grandpa when he started telling stories about growing up around that station. Knowing this was a precious moment, I pulled out my cell phone and hit the voice memo record button. To keep the conversation going — and to make sure I captured the entire story — I asked simple follow up questions just after my grandfather finished speaking, such as, "That is such a fun story, do you have any more stories that you can remember?" One of the easiest ways to keep the stories f lowing is to follow up each story with, "Tell me more about that ..." and include a piece of the story that was just told.

Then, before I left the station that day, I took lots of pictures. I knew I would want to make a collage of them to accompany the recording. Later, I created a memento of the afternoon. I downloaded the audio file to iMovie (an Apple application on my Mac) and added a collage of the photos I took.

To make the video even more compelling, I added other pictures I found online that illustrated the things my grandfather was talking about. For example, he mentioned that as a boy he would go to look at trains that had crashed or jumped the track, so I went online and found some pictures of vintage trains that had overturned. Then he told another story about collecting old metal slugs that he put in a gumball machine. I found some images of these and added them to the video. The project took about four hours but it was time well invested. The video turned out to be something that my family loves to watch over and over again.

Great stories get told during casual conversations all the time. They can be captured — or lost — within minutes. In many cases, you don't even need to ask a question — you just need to be present. In fact, the biggest skill you need to interview someone is recognizing a great story and trying to capture it as quickly as possible.

At one of my last family gatherings, I decided to set up a camera in the shade next to the outdoor patio table, where my family was sitting. I asked a couple of questions to get some stories f lowing. To my delight, people's curiosity took over very quickly and the entire table started asking questions of each other.

This led to a wonderful afternoon of stories and ref lections about how we all grew up. Nobody at that table was a professional interviewer, but we all loved to share — and when we were given the right circumstances, we all knew the right questions to ask.

It is natural to think ahead about what questions you want to ask next, or to anticipate what your family member is going to say. That can be an important part of planning. But interviewing is also about being present in the moment and actively listening to the person you are interviewing. That's where the magic happens — in the unplanned moments. With a supplied list of questions, like the ones I offer here, you can relax. The next questions are taken care of. When I interviewed my dad while he was ill, for example, having a list of prepared questions allowed me to focus completely on him and our time together. It allowed me to be present, even in an emotional moment.

This book will help you get the conversation started. It was my previous experience interviewing my family that allowed me to know what to ask at my family gathering, and to think ahead to set up the camera. But not to worry — here I share my experience with setting up an environment that makes people feel comfortable. I give you all the questions you need to start (at least, as a jumping off point — feel free to add on and keep going!), suggest where to begin, and give you tips on how to help put people at ease. So, all you have to do is follow the directions here — as if you were following a recipe. Anyone can use this book — even kids can be natural interviewers!

It is common for the person you are interviewing to be curious about how you would answer the same questions, so feel free to pass the book around. Let your grandparents, friends, partners and other family members interview you, too. This book is a tool to be shared and enjoyed by everyone.

HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

There are two ways to use this book: by asking the questions in no particular order to spark conversation at a family get-together or social gathering with friends, or by formally interviewing family members (or close friends) one-on-one. I encourage you to use this book both ways. I have found this leads to stronger and more enriching relationships.

Before you do either of these, however, it's best to go through the entire book and read through the different types of interviews and the many different questions I've provided. Simply mark the sections and questions that are the most the most interesting to you so that you can go back and find them quickly. You might also tag the pages with sticky notes so that you can turn to them easily.

I've provided extra space at the end of most sections for additional questions you might think of. They might come to you while you're reading through the book, or right before an interview, or even after an interview when you realize there's something more you want to know. Don't hesitate to record them and use them later!

In fact, my goal with this book is not to try and provide every possible question, but to give you a starting point for deeper conversations. To help encourage the continuation of your interviews with your loved ones and share the questions you have found most fruitful, I encourage you to email me the questions with some of your stories so I can include them in future updates of this book. In this way, An Interview With Your Family becomes a living project that — with your help — keeps changing and growing.

Whether you are using the book formally or informally there are different tools you can use to record the stories you are hearing.

Video Camera

Using a video camera is great for both formal and informal interviews. In an informal situation, you can set up a camera in the corner of the room to capture the stories that are taking place. In many formal interviews, you will use a video camera to record your family member one-on-one. In both cases, it can be very helpful to have a tripod or stand so that the camera doesn't shake during the recording.

Both types of interviews require a lot of videotape or disc space. The quality of the video camera is not that important. As long as it is reliable, with clear audio and video, it is a fine camera to use for this purpose.

Smart Phone

A smart phone works well for spontaneous recordings, often in informal situations. You never know when a loved one is going to share a meaningful moment, so when he or she starts a family story, don't hesitate to pull out your smart phone and start recording. I recommend using just audio to record in these situations, so as not to distract the person telling the story. As well, video can take up a lot of room on your phone, and may cause you to run out of memory quickly. That is why I try to use a video camera for formal or casual interviews that I know will be longer than a few minutes.

Digital Audio Recorder

A digital audio recorder is great for formal interviews with loved ones who might be a little camera shy. You will still capture the passion behind their stories and they will be comfortable enough to open up. I have used the Olympus Digital Voice Recorder VN-7000 and would recommend it as an easy-to-use option. Even the most technically challenged people I know have had an easy time using this device.

Journal

A journal is great for jotting down notes as the stories are being told. When I first started interviewing my grandparents, I would usually spend thirty minutes afterwards quickly writing down all the important details. With this method, however, I could never remember everything. My suggestion is to use a journal only when a recording device is not available, or to jot down any of the names, places of interest and other specifics of the stories you are recording on video and want to remember later. Be sure to take notes as soon as possible so that you don't forget the important facts.

How to Use the Book Informally

Using the questions in this book during casual family and friend gatherings can help you get comfortable starting conversations (see especially Chapter 6, pages 75-87). You can ask questions that will spark engaging discussions on subjects that you may not know the answers to. You will have fun finding out!

To make finding what questions to ask easier, I have organized the questions by different types of family gatherings and different overarching categories. For instance, there is a section specifically about Thanksgiving that can be used during the next gathering for that holiday. There are also questions for non-holiday events that can be used anytime you and your loved ones gather. Additionally, you can document family recipes to preserve favorite dishes for posterity. The questions in the "Fun questions for informal gatherings" or "Three is the magic number" are perfect not only for family gatherings, but friend gatherings as well.

You may or may not want to record these more casual conversations. For example, at a large dinner party with friends and family, I would suggest just asking questions from the Family Gathering section (see Page 59) and enjoying how the discussion unfolds without recording it. In a larger party, it is harder to capture everyone's answers without running around the room with the camera — which is very distracting.

However, if you are casually sharing stories with just your family — or a small group of friends who you consider your family — I would suggest setting up a video camera in the corner of the room or pulling out a smart phone to record the conversation. These casual conversations produce some fantastic stories that you will want to have documented for everyone to enjoy later.

A great way to get an informal interview started is to take a trip down memory lane. During my family's last holiday gathering, we brought out a video montage of my grandparents' lives. My uncle had put pictures from various stages of their lives to music to celebrate both of them turning 90. Going through the video with my 90 year old grandparents sparked a long night of stories and questions that lead to a fun opportunity to learn more about our family history. My grandfather was delighted tell the story behind one of the pictures where he was sitting in a goat cart (yes, I meant to say "goat") that and his brother built for the Livingston County fair. My grandmother also added a great story about working for United Airlines, based on the picture of her in her late 1930's stewardess uniform on the steps of the plane she worked on. We all decided it would be fun to watch the video for a second time that same night, allowing us to ask about other pictures inside the video montage. We had a memorable evening being entertained with family history and stories. It sure beat watching TV!

If you decide to take this collective trip down memory lane, it will most likely spark further stories and further details about your family history. Don't forget to set up a video camera or have an audio recording device ready to capture these additional stories and details. The night we reviewed my grandparents' 90th birthday celebration, I got so caught up in the stories I forgot to pull out my phone or quickly set up my video camera. This made me realize that it is important to have devices easily accessible just in case an informal interview should start to happen. I definitely don't want to miss out on another opportunity like that one.

Informal Group Interviews

Group interviews are great because everyone can be involved. The interview can become part of the special time together, whether it's a holiday, vacation, family reunion or Sunday dinner. At a recent family gathering for the holidays, I set up a camera in the corner of the room to capture everyone decorating a Christmas tree. Then I started asking them questions about what the holidays were like for them. Everyone took turns talking about toys they remember receiving, gifts they gave and funny stories around the holidays. It was also interesting to hear a story from different perspectives when two people give the narrative of the event.

So if you intend to use this book at your next family (or friend) gathering, I encourage you to highlight all of the questions you want to ask beforehand. What are some you don't know the answers to? That way, since you won't be doing structured interviews with people, you will be prepared when the opportunity to ask questions presents itself. For example, the question, "What was your favorite gift that you received growing up?" is a great place to start at a holiday gathering with your family, as well as, "Was there something that you always wanted but didn't get?" Have these prepared ahead of time. You may be surprised by what you learn!

I also suggest making the interview process fun — even joking about some of the questions. This helps to set everyone at ease. You might open with something like, "Hey, I just read this interesting book that had all these questions in it to ask family members. I actually didn't know a lot of the answers so I thought it would be fun to ask everyone a couple. Would you mind?" That easy question could be a doorway to fascinating new stories about your loved ones.

Once your group interview is done, download it from your camera, audio recorder, or smart phone to another place such as your computer, a thumb drive, or a back-up drive for safe-keeping. Label it with the date and a basic description of the content. For instance "Childhood stories, family reunion 4/19/2015," or in the last example, "Christmas stories, whole family December, 27, 2013."

From here, you can either leave the video as it is and upload it to a free online service such as You Tube or Drop Box, where family members can access it, or you can take a couple of hours to edit out all of the pauses and lulls in the conversation, add a title screen that says who was in the film and the date the conversation took place, and any pictures that help to illustrate the stories that were told. Then, upload the edited content for family members to access at their leisure. (For more information about saving, editing, and sharing material, see Chapter 2.)

How to Use the Book for Formal Interviews

The other way to use this book is to conduct formal interviews with your loved ones either with audio or video (see especially Chapter 4, pages 37-57). This may include chronicling the stages in a child's life, too. The formal interview sets aside uninterrupted time to completely focus on a loved one. It requires a little more work: you will need to plan when and where to conduct the interview, and prepare a comfortable space for your subject. But nothing expresses how much you care about someone more than making time to focus exclusively on them and their story.

And luckily, capturing your loved one's story has never been easier. We are fortunate to live in a time where we have access to many inexpensive recording devices and video cameras. And I provide lots of questions to get you started and keep the interview going (coming up in Chapter 5, pages 58-74).